Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Supernatural. I'm just a lame fanfiction writer.
Note: Takes place before 6x01
She's never been one to kid herself. With men coming in and out of her life like a revolving door, she's always remained a healthy dose of skepticism towards the "L" word, especially when it's shouted out during climax or whispered wrapped around an apology like a hook, luring her back in to some long, tumultuous piece of crap that'll waste another 7 months of her life. No, Lisa has learned to be the cautious one.
She wasn't always that way though, throwing herself into relationship after relationship in college, determined to find 'the right one', convinced that any man who made her heart flutter had to be the man for her. Especially if they were the mysterious, dangerous type. She wanted to be the one who would tame them. Who's eyes would be the one they would meet over a beer bottle in some dive, who's smile would soften their hearts and they would dance and kiss and fuck and then they'd stay. She'd have caught some wild creature by the horns and they'd stay like some horrific 80s movie.
But, then she wound up pregnant and alone and learned to cut that nonsense.
Now, she's all about the realism. Which is why she's still so skeptical of Dean when he walks back into her life. When he arrives on her door step bruised and sore and in that tarnished jacket that just smells so good, when he burries his face into her neck and weeps, she steels herself against the feelings that wash over her and reminds herself that this is practically a business relationship. In a strange way, he's good for Ben, and Dean can't take care of himself and she just happens to be the negotiator between the two. Even when they kiss and make love she convinces herself this isn't it, he isn't the one, that he'll leave like all the others.
But sometimes, she thinks she can feel it. When his hands brush hers across the dinner table, in the way he subconsciously noses her temple in a silent almost-Eskimo kiss when they stand next to each other. The way he reaches for her in his nightmares and groans so helplessly it used to pull tears from her eyes. In the way he would reach up upon waking and kiss the tears away, teasing her, and then pulling her down to him, worshiping her body for hours on end.
Something in this chaos and need wants to be love. Something in Lisa needs this to be love. Needs him to stay. Thinks... prays... he might.
And then, Sam comes back.
A.N. Hey guys, remember the good ol' fashioned days when I was able to write dialogue? No? Me either. I've always liked Lisa as a character, so I just wanted to play with her a bit more. In my headcannon, Lisa loves Dean, but just spends a lot of time trying to convince herself she doesn't because she's afraid. Dean wants to love her, but can't feel much of anything. And so they wind up in this limbo area that they never get to get past.