A Gintama/Bleach Crossover

Rating: M (To be safe—cursing etc)

Genre: Comedy/Adventure/Action/Randomness/Pina colada

Disclaimer: Bleach and Gintama are copyrighted property of their respected manga-ka. I am in no way claiming anything nor am I profiting from this… This is fan-based and fan-made for the enjoyment of fans everywhere. Enjoy!

Ladies and gentlemen sit tight. I will tell you a tale of a Jack-of-all-trades, Sakata Gintoki. A man so lazy, so sarcastic, a sugar-addict-prankster-who-only-cares-about-his-own-XXX!

And Gintoki says: Hey! You're saying some pretty awful things about me Narrator-san!

Oh shut up, you know that's the truth.

And Gintoki says: I fire you, you hear me—I want my lawyer! Oi—oi! I need a narrator! A narrator!

Alright fine. I suppose I'll just leave…

THE END

And Gintoki says: Eh? Uh…no! Wait! This can't end like this! I'm the main character damnit!

AND THE STORY REOPENS (does this count as a sequel?!)

And Gintoki says: Thank you… oi… why is "And Gintoki says" there always right before I speak—I think people know who I am…

Maybe they don't maybe they are ardent Bleach fans who curiously enough want to read a crossover they've never heard of before.

And Gintoki says: Whaa, never heard of?!

Yes, I believe I am writing the first Gintama/Bleach crossover, so yeah… Uh—wait, wait hold on, hold on… there are three Gintama/Bleach crossovers… they just haven't listed their story in the "crossover" section. So mine would be the fourth (I'm not counting the short skit I wrote)

And Gintoki says: Three? Only three?! I should sue you! Shame! Shame on you for not writing this sooner—shame on all your readers who thought of writing one but never did, shame!

And so, our hero continues on with his selfish ranti—

And Gintoki says: Take off this bold faced print! And don't forget the colon! Arrgh, you're just making me out to be the bad guy, I know it—you write to say that I'm in a pastry shop. Or better yet—I'm a multimillionaire surrounded by thousands of lollipops…. Strawberry milk cartons stacked to the sky… ehehehehehehhh...

Hey, I'm the narrator, why in the world are you telling me what to do?

Because I am a copyrighted character and you have no power over me. Now write!

Okay… *writes something totally different*

BEING OUT OF SOBER STATE IS,

BEING OUT OF REALITY

Chapter one : It's all your fault!

The rain pelted mercilessly on the window panes as Shinpachi and Kagura watched the television. A moment of unusual silence rested in the room maybe because Gintoki wasn't there…

The thunder crashed and the door to the Yorozuya slid open. A man with a white natural perm and dead fish-eyes stood, his mouth drooling his arms dangling.

Shinpachi's eyes widened in horror rendered completely speechless.

"Michael J. Foxx!" screamed Kagura during the second crash of thunder. Gintoki's eyes rolled back as his body crashed to the ground, his face flushed in drunken stupor.

"Gin-san!" shouted Shinpachi.

Gin-san

Gin-san

Gin-sa

Gin

Gi

Giiiiiii

Eh? Huh? Wha? The hell? Where am I? Yeah—I'm back home right? No? Yes? What's going on? Maybe I shouldn't have done that shot drinking contest against the Madao. Tch. Tch, tch. I swear that will be the last time I'll ever drink—or by Jump comics—wait don't I say that all the time? (What does Jump have to with this situation anyways?!)

Giiiii

Gi

Gin

~two faced bastard~

Gin-san

~la-lalas~

Gin-san!

~cheeseburgersssss~

"Hello?!"

Gintoki opened his eyes to find himself in a small upstairs room—in a bed not a futon. There were posters on the wall, a desk with music and CDs, a guitar against the wall unused, but most significantly a little girl was calling out to him.

"Are you okay, mister?"

"Huh, who the fuck are you?"

"Hey, watch what you say to Yuzu, buster!" Karin Kurosaki walked in with a scowl on her face and a soccer ball tucked under her arm.

Gintoki sat up and blinked his eyes in bewilderment.

"Shinpachi—Kagura?"

Wait hold on. This could be three logical reasons behind this. (1) That I've been teleported to an alternate universe in the alcoholic's space-time continuum, or, (2) Shinpachi geekness changed him into a girl who absorbed all of Kagura's toughness changing her into a kind-hearted little girl… (3) Maybe Narrator-san has no proper reason for putting me into this predicament—just for the hell of it?

Ay, ay, ay… those are the given most obvious logical explanations… what's unconceivable, what cannot be, the most impossible possibility is that all this could be a dream. No, it's not a dream. No, of course not. There's no way.

"Would you like something to drink?" Yuzu asked.

Gintoki in all seriousness turned his face so that his red eyes can look into hers.

"Strawberry milk."

"Huh? Why'd you act so serious just to say that?! It just makes no sense," shouted Karin.

"Shinpachi—I knew it wa—,"

Karin slammed the soccer ball into his face.

"The name's Karin, ya freak," and with that, she turned and walked away down the steps following after Yuzu.

Tch, that hurts—huh? Pain? See, I knew it wasn't a dream.

Gintoki picked at his nose as he glanced about the room.

"I know this place."

He dug into his kosode and pulled out a Shounen Jump comic and turned to the page that painted the same exact room matching exactly with what was around him.

Oh. Shit. This is Kurosaki-san's room.

He got off the bed and walked towards the closet. Sliding it open he saw Yuzu's pj's and some of her dresses.

And this is the closet where Rukia-san sleeps.

He hit himself over the head with the palm of his hand.

"Ah damn! Course! They were the Kurosaki twins—Yuzu and Karin… they haven't showed up in the manga in the longest. I was beginning to forget about them………Uh?"

Out of the corner of his eyes Gintoki spotted something very familiar to him. Deep within the closet mixed up with the messy futon sheets—was something small, cute, frilly—white. Did I mention frilly? He opened his mouth a bit, but the mind spoke for him.

Panties.

No. not just any panty—the panty of Kuchiki Rukia from Tite Kubo's Bleach—panty.

His body struggled to resist the urge from taking them.

"Must…have…NO!"

He used his hand to slap himself. Gin stumbled back in recoil.

No! You mustn't stoop so low—you're not that type of person, are you? Aw fuck! It's Rukia-chan's panties—how are you going to push down an offer like this?"

He slapped himself again, harder this time.

No! If I take them, I'd be no different than that underwear thief!

Blood dribbled down from his mouth.

Damnit, I hit pretty hard don't I?

He wiped the blood off from his lip and closed his eyes in thought.

Relax all you gotta do is just close the close—

Ehhhhh?! Where am I?

When he opened his eyes, he found himself in outside in Karakura town (the fake one) standing next to Hitsugaya Toushiro, who crashed to the ground right next to him. Hitsugaya recovering from Halibel's last attack forced herself to his feet.

"This is a captain's strength?" she spoke blankly, "Apache and the others…Lost to this?"

In one furious swing she brought out her blade and presented it in front of them.

"I'll finish this now—Attack. Tiburon."

Hitsugaya's eyes as two large waves of water burst from behind her and clapped shut around her body, encapsulating her.

Her sword pieced the closed waves slicing it in half revealing her resurrection form.

Hitsugaya heard a high-pitched squeal and turned his head to the right, to find some random guy just standing there, with silver hair, red eyes, wearing dark clothes with a white/blue kosode over them.

He grinned like mad and pointed a finger towards the 10th captain and declared with confidence,

"I know what you're thinking."

"Huh?"

"That's her resurreccion. She hasn't changed as much outwardly as I expected," he cooed in a voice that mocked Hitsugaya's.

Hitsugaya gasped.

"...but it would be fatal to underestimate her…" Gin finished.

"Y—you! You read my thoughts—," Hitsugaya pointed his blade at him, "Who are you—whose side are you on?"

"Peace my friend, I'm just an innocent bystander. I don't read minds. I read Jump!" He presented his trusty magazine in front of the boggled captain.

"See? It's right here. Chapter 355 pgs 13 through 17…" he calmly flipped to page 18, "And here is when you—,"

Halibel dashed with freakish speed slashing his right arm off his body.

"Ahh!!!"

Gintoki screamed. He looked down at the page and back at the scene.

"It's not my fault! Oi, I swear! It's in the manga! Look see?! It's not my fault!"

Why do I feel like it's my fault?!

END CHAPTER

And so folks that's why Hitsugaya's arm got lopped off in chapter 355 of Bleach—he was distracted by Gintoki's sudden arrival! Tsk, tsk, tsk… shame, shame Sakata-san.

Shut up! I told you it's not my fault, you bastard.

Chapter two, coming sooooon….

Oi. That rhymes.

(If you wanna check out the reference I used for this chapter go to— onemanga(dot)com--click on 'bleach'—chapter 355—pgs 13-18. Hope I made you laugh XD)