Author's Notes:- This is quite a angsty story but once I thought of it I couldn't let it go.
Thanks to Stonedtoad for betaing.
Jack leaned back in his chair waiting to hear what the Tok'ra wanted. Jacob Carter and Anise had arrived unexpectedly ten minutes ago.
Next to him sat Daniel and Teal'c while Sam sat next to her father. Hammond took his seat at the head of the table and nodded to Anise.
"Recently we have been studying the Goa'uld ribbon device," Anise told them, "And we have discovered something interesting."
"Like what?" Jack asked.
"Dr. Jackson," she continued ignoring him, "You were in the grip of the Goa'uld Ammonet's hand device?"
Daniel nodded slowly.
"The host sent you a message?"
"She told me about the Harcesis child," Daniel said quietly.
"We believe that through this contact you now possess the host's memories," Anise told him, "We were hoping you would let us access them."
Jack looked around seeing his own horrified look mirrored on both Sam and Hammond's faces. Even Teal'c's expression had shifted subtly to what Jack knew was shock.
"That can't be. I've never had any flashes like Sam does," Daniel's voice held more questions; his interest had been aroused.
"It will be buried deeply within your sub-conscious," Anise explained, "Even in dreams it cannot be accessed without technology."
"And the Tok'ra have the technology," Jack stated coldly.
"If Dr. Jackson agrees we would like to access the information in the hopes of discovering more about Apophis."
"Not a chance…" Jack started.
"I'll do it," Daniel stated softly.
"…in hell." Jack turned on Daniel, "What?"
"If this is a way to get at Apophis then I'll do it," Daniel replied simply, his clear blue eyes never wavered from Jack's brown ones.
"We shall return with the equipment in two days," Anise said, "Dr. Jackson you must use this time to prepare yourself."
Jack was mad.
He stood fuming in Hammond's office waiting for the General to finish his phone conversation.
He couldn't believe this was happening. The moment the Tok'ra had set foot through the Gate he knew something was going to make him crazy.
"Sir, I don't agree with this," Jack snapped, "We're not seriously considering letting Daniel do this?"
Hammond frowned at him, "It's Dr. Jackson's own choice. I've been ordered that as long as he agrees I can't do anything to stop it."
Jack smacked a hand against the wall, "I'm not letting this happen," he said before marching out, "Not a chance in hell."
x
"What do you mean, he's ASKED for me not to be let in?" Jack yelled at the guard who was standing outside Daniel's quarters.
"I'm sorry sir," the poor young man said nervously, "But Dr. Jackson specifically asked that you not be allowed in."
Silently fuming Jack turned on his heel and headed towards Sam's lab.
"Come on," he grabbed her by the arm, "We're having a meeting."
Sam was so shocked they were halfway towards Teal'c's quarters before she managed to get her footing.
"Sir," she called, "What's going on?"
"I'll tell you when we talk to Teal'c. I don't want to repeat myself."
x
"O'Neill?" Teal'c looked up surprised as the door to his quarters burst open.
"We interrupting?" Jack asked as he slammed the door behind Sam.
"Yes, but I believe for a good cause."
"What's wrong Colonel?" Sam asked in an even, 'we're listening' tone.
"Daniel specifically asked that I not be let in to see him as he prepares for this Tok'ra thing," Jack told them angrily.
"You believe he should not be attempting this," Teal'c astutely pointed out.
"There is no way in hell Daniel should even consider this," Jack grimaced.
"What's your plan?" Sam turned to him expectantly.
"I'm taking Daniel out of here so I can talk some sense into him," Jack told them, "Just him and me."
"Sir, shouldn't we all…"
"Not this time Sam," he told her, "I can get him to talk better than if we gang up on him. But I'll need you two to help with the kidnapping."
Teal'c stood next to Sam; they looked at one another in silent conference.
"What do you wish us to do?"
"Teal'c," Daniel greeted his friend, "Why are you here?"
"I believe your preparations would benefit greatly from Kel-no-reem," Teal'c stated, "I thought you would like to join me."
Daniel smiled; he had been worried Jack had sent Teal'c to talk him out of this, "Of course."
They sat across from one another on the floor.
"Close your eyes and slow your breathing," Teal'c told him.
Daniel obeyed and relaxed listening to Teal'c's voice. Suddenly he felt a sharp pain in his arm.
Opening his eyes he saw Teal'c holding a now empty syringe. He opened his mouth to call out but collapsed as the sedative quickly took effect.
"Sergeant," Teal'c snapped opening the door, "He has collapsed. I am taking him to Dr. Fraiser."
The young guard barely had time to register it as Teal'c carried Daniel's unconscious form along to the elevator. Standing waiting was Jack who took a hold of Daniel and nodded to Teal'c.
x
Daniel felt consciousness return and instantly wished it hadn't. He groaned as he opened his eyes properly.
Sitting next to him was Jack.
"Thought you were gonna sleep all day," Jack handed him some water, "Doc says this should make you feel better."
Gratefully Daniel gulped it down before realising how strange this was.
"Where are we?" he asked his friend.
"An old haunt of Carter's," Jack told him.
"Teal'c drugged me," Daniel remembered with horror.
"Best way to get you out of the base," Jack stated flatly, "The windows and doors are locked so you can't leave."
"What?" Daniel yelled horrified as he jumped up, "Are you telling me I'm a prisoner?"
"Basically…well…yeah."
"Why?"
"I don't think you're being entirely honest about the whole Tok'ra deal, "Jack said, "So, we're staying here till you are."
"How dare you," Daniel turned on him fuming.
Jack stopped him at arms length with a hand on his shoulder, "Daniel I could beat ten kinds of crap out of you. Don't even try it."
"You're going to keep me here?"
"Yep."
"Until WHAT?" Daniel screamed, "I'm doing this for the right reasons. We could find something to stop Apophis. To help the Tok'ra."
"Screw the Tok'ra," Jack snapped back, "This is about you."
"What about me?" Daniel glared at him, "This is MY choice Jack. I still have that ability."
"Sit down Daniel," Jack said softly.
Daniel stood his ground until Jack forcefully pushed him to a seat.
"You are going to listen to me," Jack told him, "And for once you're going to actually take in what I'm saying."
Daniel crossed his arms protectively across his chest, his face set like stone.
Jack took the cold silence as his cue, "I talked to Jacob about this and I was told what's gonna happen."
Silence still met him.
"They're going to stick that memory thing on you and you're going to see everything Sha're saw," Jack continued.
"So?"
"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD," he yelled, "Daniel, you will see everything that happened to her. Everything that…" he trailed off staring horrified at the younger man.
Daniel squirmed under Jack's scrutiny.
"You actually want to know that," Jack's voice filled with disgust, "Why? Do you think it'll change anything?"
"I want to know."
Jack shook his head in disbelief, "Do you honestly think that if things had been different she would have told you everything?"
Daniel stared at him.
"Daniel," Jack said softly, "If you do this you're going to feel the pain she felt when the Gould entered her, everything it did while in her, when she conceived the child."
Daniel's mask crumbled slightly, "She would have told me," he whispered.
"No Daniel, she would have protected you from that," Jack gently placed a hand on his friends shoulder, "She was possessed, forced to kill, to attack you, raped and had a child by the man who did all that to her. I knew her well enough to be certain she'd never want you to know that pain."
"Besides," Jack went on, "They're not using the image thing. Could you describe that to a room full of people? People who are only seeing Ammonet or the host and not your wife, the woman who started a rebellion against a God; who originally died defending us."
A single tear slid down Daniel's cheek.
"Sha're would not want you to do this," Jack said, suddenly noticing Daniel flinch at the mention of his wife's name.
Something clicked.
"That's why you didn't want to see me," Jack said in realisation, "Sha're is somehow in there telling you not to do this. You didn't want us double-teaming you."
Daniel nodded.
"Then listen to her," Jack pleaded, "Listen to both of us. You can't punish yourself for things that were out of your control. Trust me I know."
"Jack…I…I miss her," Daniel's voice was quiet, "I…I just wanted some good to come from losing her."
"You're only going to hurt yourself more and she wouldn't want that."
Daniel suddenly stood up, "I've listened. Can I go?"
Jack sighed knowing he couldn't do anymore, "I'll drive you back."
Jack sat nervously waiting with Sam, Teal'c, Hammond, Jacob and Anise.
The moment they had arrived back at the base Daniel had disappeared.
"Sorry I'm late," Daniel apologised as he walked in.
"Are you ready?" Anise asked brusquely.
"N…No," Daniel stammered slightly, "I can't do it. I'm sorry."
"But the information gained from your contact with Ammonet's host mind could be very valuable," Anise urged.
"Her name was Sha're and she was my WIFE," Daniel snapped at her, "I can't watch much less describe what she was put through and I know she wouldn't want me to. My answer is no."
"His answer is no," Jacob barked as Anise opened her mouth to complain.
Jack watched as Daniel turned his back on them to stare at the Stargate.
"Hey," Jack said nervously as he joined him half hearing the others leaving.
"You know sometimes I wish I'd never taken Catherine's offer," Daniel said, "Can you believe that?"
"I can understand," Jack said, "It's given you a lot of pain."
"But it gave me a year of such love and joy," Daniel cried anguished, "How can I wish that away?"
"Because you're human," Jack told him before trying a peace offering, "Want to go get something to eat?"
Daniel turned to him, "Can I say no?"
"Sure."
Daniel nodded, "Let's get out of here."
As they left Jack smiled fondly at his friend and hoped to hell there was nothing worse heading for the younger man. He couldn't take much more.