[Forman's basement. Eric and Donna sitting on couch next to each other writing applications. Hyde is in his chair reading his magazine. Jackie is reading a magazine in the opposite side chair. FEZ is sitting on top of the head of the couch reading whatever Eric is writing.]
ERIC: Okay guys. Here's a question. What have I done for the community?
HYDE: You're doing them a favor by not being in it
FEZ: Oh Eric. You can be in my community. It's so lonely here.
ERIC: Kay... [to the group] I'm serious! Doing college applications is hard stuff.
DONNA: Eric's right. We really need to concentrate on this. College is important.
JACKIE: Yeah Donna. It's not like any idiot can get into college.
[Kelso comes in.]
KELSO: Hey you guys! I need help picking which college to apply to.
HYDE: Well what do you know. There's always a first time for everything.
KELSO: I have the papers from each college here and I want to go to this one! [points at a picture of a girl]
ERIC: Uhh... Kelso, do you even know what college that is?
KELSO: YEAH ER-IC! I know which one it is. It's the one with the hot chick riding her bicycle!
[Jackie puts her magazine down and goes over to Hyde]
JACKIE: Steven, have you considered-
HYDE: No.
JACKIE: You didn't let me finish. What I was trying to say is-
HYDE: No. [puts down magazine] Jackie. We've been through this. I am not going to college. College is not for me.
JACKIE: You don't know what is for you, Steven. You have a lot of potential to go to college, become rich and marry me. Don't you want that most in the world?
KELSO: Jackie, I have a lot of potential.
[Jackie turns to face Kelso.]
JACKIE: Michael. Seeing who can spit-wad the farthest is not a potential.
KELSO: It takes a lot of mind energy to spit those babies far!
ERIC: Wow, your mind must be exhausted... like at two feet.
KELSO: Yeah. It took a lot out of me.
[Kelso goes back to girl in brochure. Jackie turns to Hyde]
JACKIE: Steven. I am serious. Just imagine us together. Everything we ever wanted!
*Fantasy Sequence*
[Jackie and Hyde are strolling around in expensive clothes. Eric and Donna are wearing poorish clothes and staring at Jackie and Hyde. Jackie walks up to Donna and has a HUGE diamond rock on her finger.]
JACKIE: Donna! Look at my wedding ring Steven bought for me.
DONNA: Oh Jackie! It's beautiful! Oh you are so lucky to have someone smart and went to college. Oh you are so lucky to be beautiful, rich and oh so smart! I am so jealous.
JACKIE: Oh stop Donna! Look at my other ring! [brings up other arm with huge diamond rock on it]
[Hyde comes to Jackie and puts an arm around her waist]
HYDE: Ha ha ha. Isn't my wife so beautiful and smart? I am so lucky to have gone to college and become successful and rich. Oh Jackie! You convinced me to go to college! Now I owe you everything. Let's go honey on to our big mansion! Ta ta!
[Jackie and Hyde leave, leaving Eric and Donna alone]
ERIC: Oh darn. I should of gone to college.
DONNA: I am so jealous! I wish I was Jackie...[drowns 'wish I was Jackie, wish I was Jackie']
*Fantasy ends*
ERIC: Okay, was it me or was that scary?
DONNA: What the hell Jackie?
HYDE: Jackie. Would you stop it?
[Hyde goes to his room]
JACKIE: [to everyone] You guys got to help me convince him college is the right path for him. He's missing a great chance! Wait... I have an idea! I'm going to do his application for him! [runs upstairs]
KELSO: [staring at picture of girl] I'm not missing a great chance. My right path is here! [points to girl]
ERIC: [grabs magazine] Let me see that. [looks] Oh my God. That looks like Jackie!
DONNA: [takes a look] HAHAHA... It does!
KELSO: No it doesn't!
FEZ: [looks] Kelso is in love with someone he can't have, so he finds someone who looks like her to replace the one he lost.
KELSO: No I don't. [grabs magazine] It does not look like Jackie.
DONNA: Kelso. This girl looks exactly like Jackie!
FEZ: Look at her hair. Her face. Her eyes. Her make-up. Just like Jackie.
ERIC: Oh God. Another Jackie. God help us all.
[Credits]
******************************************************************
[Eric and Donna in Forman kitchen sitting on the table, looking at papers. Eric loses concentration and stares at Donna.]
DONNA: Quit it. [hits him]
ERIC: Okay. For reals. Let's work on this.
[Eric looks at papers and then turn slowly to stare at Donna]
DONNA: Eric. Quit it. We seriously need to work on this.
ERIC: Oh Right! Yes. Working on applications.
DONNA: Finally! Done with my applications. [leans back and relaxes]
ERIC: That's good Donna. Let me see. [Eric takes her paper]
DONNA: [unsure] Eric it's okay! Really!
ERIC: Donna. What's this? New York University? You want to go to New York?
DONNA: No Eric. I'm just applying there. [takes her paper] It's not like I'm actually going there.
ERIC: What if you get in?
DONNA: Then I'll see my options of what's good for me. For us.
ERIC: But New York? Couldn't it be someplace closer. Like I dunno. Here?
DONNA: Quit being such an ass. I'm just applying. It won't hurt me to apply.
ERIC: Donna. I thought we were going to go to school together.
DONNA: We are. It's just New York has a great journalism program and I just wanted to apply. It's no harm Eric.
ERIC: [gets up] Fine. If you want to apply some place far and away. Go ahead. I don't see what's stopping you. [walks out of kitchen into living room]
DONNA: Eric.
***************************************************************
[Forman Living room. Red is sitting on his seat reading a newspaper. Kitty is fixing the pillows on the couch. Jackie comes in thru the kitchen with papers in her hands.]
JACKIE: Hi Mrs. Forman. Can I speak with you?
KITTY: Hold on dear. [she positions the pillows exactly right]
JACKIE: Mrs. Forman.
KITTY: Wait...[still positioning the pillows]
RED: Ah hell Kitty. The girl is waiting. The pillows look fine.
KITTY: [turns around] Well! I'm sorry if my pillows aren't good enough for you! [runs upstairs]
RED: Kitty! I'm sorry Kitty! [Kitty out of sight] Dammit!
JACKIE: Mr. Forman. What's going on with Mrs. Forman?
RED: Just some problems... well.. it's lady problems... meno- [hesitates] What do you want Jackie?
JACKIE: [sits on the couch] Well Mr. Forman. You know how I want Steven to go to college. I have here applications for Steven to fill out! [sets the papers on the table]
RED: Oh. Steven is going to fill these out?
JACKIE: Not exactly. Steven doesn't know and I need yours or Mrs. Forman's help filling these out. So will you help me?
RED: Jackie I don't think-
JACKIE: [gets up with papers] THANK YOU MR. FORMAN! You're the best! Here! [hands him one sheet of paper] Try to find out what what activities he has done in the community! THANK YOU! and don't forget to tell Mrs. Forman! [leaves through kitchen]
RED: Ah Damn. [puts paper down and continues reading newspaper]
***************************************************************
[Foreman's basement. The circle.]
HYDE: There's something going on with Jackie man. She's been asking me all these questions. [imitating Jackie] 'Steven, what do you want to be when you grow up?' 'Steven, what have you done for the school?' 'Steven, what inspires you?' It's like I'm stuck on Donahue man.
ERIC: Okay. I found Donna applying to New York University! I mean! We just got back together and now she wants to go and leave me! Doesn't she want to be together? I mean! Come on!
FEZ: I don't know. New York sounds so much fun. Is there a lot of whores in New York?
ERIC: [stares at FEZ then back] I don't know what to do.
KELSO: You know I'm going to go to this college and find this chick in this magazine! First I got to find out where this college is. [chuckles] I'm going to college!!!
FEZ: I would like to go to the college with you to help you find the Jackie look-a-like.
HYDE: [hits FEZ and stares at Foreman] Donna is your girlfriend and you should be with her. Although, she is an excellent writer and would go to an amazing college and meet other exciting people and then have to come home to you.
KELSO: Yeah. She'd be going to college without you with her. heh heh. Oh man you're screwed!
ERIC: I am not! I got to deal with this!
FEZ: Oh Eric. Donna loves you. She won't leave you to become rich and successful in New York. Wait. What was my point?
ERIC: [quietly] DAMN!
[commercial]
*************************************************************
[A college. Kelso and FEZ are walking down a hall.]
KELSO: So where do you think we should start looking for her?
FEZ: Well. They picture of her is with a bicycle. Maybe outside.
[Two girls pass by holding bags and books and wave at FEZ and Kelso]
FEZ: Oh this is too good to be true! Did you see that?
KELSO: Yeah. They were hot.
FEZ: No! They had candy in their hands. That means they have candy here!
KELSO: FEZ, do you have anything that you like better than candy? I mean candy isn't everything.
[FEZ slaps Kelso]
FEZ: You son of a bitch! Don't you ever say that again!
*************************************************************
[Foreman's basement. Hyde is on his chair watching TV with a popsicle. Jackie is siting on the couch. She gets up and sits on the arm of Hyde's seat]
JACKIE: Steven, where do you see yourself in ten years?
HYDE: With Beer.
JACKIE: You're so funny Steven. So a businessman in the alcohol distribution. I see! [writes] Large firm of businessmen.
HYDE: Jackie. What are you doing?
JACKIE: Nothing. Just want to know your aspirations. You do have aspirations, don't you Steven?
HYDE: Yeah. And you know... I do
JACKIE: Really?
HYDE: I feel one coming on right now. [smiles]
JACKIE: Steven! [she gets up] Can't you be serious?
HYDE: Jackie! We've discussed this already.
JACKIE: We did? I don't remember us discussing this. Oh I know why. We didn't Steven!
HYDE: Can you please try to understand what I am saying?
JACKIE: I do try! I can see you are crying for help. You want to attend college.
HYDE: I do?
JACKIE: Yes Steven. I see it in you. [kisses him]
HYDE: [pushes Jackie] Jackie. Please just stop. I don't want to go to college and that's final.
JACKIE: Oh what do you know what's good for you? [kisses him]
*************************************************************
[Forman's Kitchen. Red is at the table reading the newspaper. Eric comes in through living room. Opens the fridge and grabs a soda and sits at the table]
ERIC: You know Donna. She really makes me mad.
RED: [still reading] Damn. [looks at Eric] You feel like in those talking moods, huh son? [puts paper down and starts to get up] I'll be in the garage.
ERIC: I mean she's applying to another college. We both might not go to college together. She's being selfish.
RED: [stops, puts one hand on the table and points at Eric] Selfish? If someone is being selfish, it's you!
ERIC: M- M- Me? She's the one applying far away!
RED: She's doing what is best for her future. She can just apply everywhere without you. She's applying to where her talent is noticed. She doesn't need to go to college with a 80 pound luggage on her back. [starts to leave] Dumbass [leaves through screen door]
ERIC: [shouts as he gets up to leave] It's 130 pounds of luggage!!! and... DAMN! [leaves to kitchen]
*************************************************************
[Forman's driveway. Red just gets out from kitchen Hyde walks from basement. Red sees Hyde]
RED: Steven. Hold on for a moment.
HYDE: Yeah Red?
RED: Look. I was wondering if we could talk for a moment.
HYDE: Sure Red. Whatever it is. Eric did it.
RED: I know. Listen. I was wondering about you and what came in mind was the community. What have you done for the community?
HYDE: [pauses and thinks] I didn't destroy it.
RED: That is a good point. Ah screw it. Steven do your college applications that the Burkhart girl wanted you to do.
HYDE: No.
RED: What?
HYDE: No. I don't want to. Mr. Forman, college isn't for me. I am not college material.
RED: What if I told you if you don't fill out those applications and correctly, you won't get my foot in your ass.
HYDE: Fair enough. [starts walking into the kitchen. Stopped by Kitty and Jackie coming out of the kitchen]
KITTY: Oh Steven! I'm so glad I caught you! I was wondering. I was in my room knitting and I thought to myself. [laughs] What inspires Steven? [She looks at Jackie and Jackie nodds and smiles]
HYDE: Well Mrs. Forman. I don't know really, but I'm going to work on my college applications and then I'll tell you after I'm done. [smiles at them and then walks into kitchen]
JACKIE: Oh my gosh Mrs. Forman! That was great! How did you do that?
KITTY: [laughs] Oh Jackie. It's a little thing I do.
[Red rolls his eyes and Jackie is hugging Kitty]
[commercial]
*************************************************************
[Pinciotti's kitchen. Donna is sitting with envelopes in her hand. Mug next to her. Knocks on the door. Eric comes in]
ERIC: Hey Donna.
DONNA: Eric.
ERIC: Donna. Listen, I'm sorry.
DONNA: No Eric. I'm sorry. I should of told you I was applying to other places. I shouldn't had kept that a secret.
ERIC: No Donna. I was selfish. Wait. You're sorry? Yeah. You should of told me. Bad Donna! [Donna hits Eric]
DONNA: But you didn't have to be an ass about it.
ERIC: Sorry. Look. You're an amazing writer and you need something better. Better than all the colleges we've both applied to. New York is a great school and the journalism program is great. You should not not attend this school for me. We love each other and I know no matter where we go we'll always love each other and be there for each other. That's why I called New York myself and sent a story you wrote to them.
DONNA: [shocked] You what?
ERIC: Yup! Who's the greatest boyfriend in the world? [points to himself] ME!
DONNA: Eric.
ERIC: Donna. I know I know. You love me and will thank me with kisses and hugs and praise me forever.
[Donna laughs and Eric notices it]
ERIC: Whu- what?
DONNA: [gets up and puts arms around Eric] That was sweet. Thank you. [they kiss]
*************************************************************
[College. Kelso and FEZ walked back to the hall.]
Kelso: Dammit! I looked everywhere! I can't find her.
FEZ: That is so sad for you. Your girl who looks like Jackie cannot be found. I, on the other hand, have found my candy. [Fez walks with a bag and turns and hits into a girl] I'm so sorry.
Candy: It's okay. Oh wow. Candy! I love that!
FEZ: Really? I love candy too. My name is FEZ. Who are you?
Candy: My name is Candy. Isn't that funny? I'm Candy and I love candy!
FEZ: Candy?
[Light shines above Candy. Kelso grabs FEZ.]
Kelso: Let's go. I can't find her anywhere!
[FEZ hits Kelso to let him go.]
FEZ: Let me go! Let me go! I see my destiny. [goes to Candy] Candy, so you are a college girl and you love candy?
Candy: Yes I do. [laughs]
*************************************************************
[Forman's basement. Hyde is writing applications. Jackie is staring longingly at him.]
JACKIE: Steven. This is going to be great. I can visit you at college. You can come home to me during the weekends! Oh this is going to be so great.
HYDE: Yeah. Great.
JACKIE: [puts his pencil down and kisses him] You are an amazing boyfriend! I'm so glad you decided to apply.
HYDE: [picks up pencil and continues writing] This would work better if you didn't talk.
JACKIE: Oh right! Okay. [quiet for a few seconds] OH Steven! This is so exciting!
[FEZ and Kelso comes in from the door. Kelso looks tired. FEZ is smiling with a bag of candy]
HYDE: Where have you guys been?
KELSO: [falls on the chair opposite of Hyde and slams brochure down] I spent all day looking for this girl.
[Jackie looks at the brochure and smiles]
JACKIE: Hey! That's my picture! My cousin took that picture of me when I went to visit her there. Wow! They must of thought I was in this school! Wow! Don't I look great!
KELSO: [shocked] WHAT?
FEZ: [sighs] Poor Kelso. He has fallen for the girl he cannot have.
HYDE: Man you fell in love with the picture of Jackie and didn't even know it was her. Pathetic man.
JACKIE: Kelso. Listen. That's flattering. Well... it's me, so it's a given. But get over it already.
FEZ: I am happy from today. I am going to become a man... with Candy! [Everyone stares at him] Yes I know you want some of this. I have found THE ONE.
HYDE: It better not be that lady who works at the candy store that gives out free samples. She's like old, man.
FEZ: She is a nice lady with big bossoms and candy. But no. I met a college girl name Candy and tonight she has invited me to her dorm. She said I might be interested in something she is planning! I shall finally become a man.
*************************************************************
[Later on. Forman's basement. Hyde and Eric are working on applications.]
HYDE: Damn I can't think straight. This is taking a lot out of me.
ERIC: Hyde, what is really bothering you about college?
HYDE: College is part of the government. Why must we pay them to educate us when high school it is free education? That's messed up Forman.
ERIC: Just think. College is a get away from here and hey! It'll take you away from Jackie. heh heh
HYDE: Shut your piehole Forman.
ERIC: Oh come on, it's not like you love her.
[Hyde remains quiet]
ERIC: Oh my GOD! You love her?!?!
*************************************************************
[Credits]
[College. FEZ looks at paper and then at door. Knocks on the door. Candy opens it with a tank top and short shorts]
CANDY: Hey FEZ. I'm glad you could make it!
[Voice from behind, 'who is it?' Another girl comes up next to Candy wearing tank top and short shorts]
CANDY: FEZ, this is my roommate, Brownie.
[FEZ smiles and turns around. He looks up]
FEZ: Thank you. [points up] You are the man. [turns back] Well Ladies. I think she should get started.
CANDY: Great! You can be the first to do the reading!
FEZ: Reading? What freaking reading?
CANDY: From the bible silly!
FEZ: Wait. No No. I thought we were going to do it?
[Candy and Brownie laughs]
BROWNIE: I'm sorry FEZ. We aren't like that.
CANDY: Yes. God is good, God is great. God says, Sex can wait.
FEZ: What? [turns around and looks up] Damn you! Not again! [turns around and smiles] Okay ladies. Let's read. [walks in]
ERIC: Okay guys. Here's a question. What have I done for the community?
HYDE: You're doing them a favor by not being in it
FEZ: Oh Eric. You can be in my community. It's so lonely here.
ERIC: Kay... [to the group] I'm serious! Doing college applications is hard stuff.
DONNA: Eric's right. We really need to concentrate on this. College is important.
JACKIE: Yeah Donna. It's not like any idiot can get into college.
[Kelso comes in.]
KELSO: Hey you guys! I need help picking which college to apply to.
HYDE: Well what do you know. There's always a first time for everything.
KELSO: I have the papers from each college here and I want to go to this one! [points at a picture of a girl]
ERIC: Uhh... Kelso, do you even know what college that is?
KELSO: YEAH ER-IC! I know which one it is. It's the one with the hot chick riding her bicycle!
[Jackie puts her magazine down and goes over to Hyde]
JACKIE: Steven, have you considered-
HYDE: No.
JACKIE: You didn't let me finish. What I was trying to say is-
HYDE: No. [puts down magazine] Jackie. We've been through this. I am not going to college. College is not for me.
JACKIE: You don't know what is for you, Steven. You have a lot of potential to go to college, become rich and marry me. Don't you want that most in the world?
KELSO: Jackie, I have a lot of potential.
[Jackie turns to face Kelso.]
JACKIE: Michael. Seeing who can spit-wad the farthest is not a potential.
KELSO: It takes a lot of mind energy to spit those babies far!
ERIC: Wow, your mind must be exhausted... like at two feet.
KELSO: Yeah. It took a lot out of me.
[Kelso goes back to girl in brochure. Jackie turns to Hyde]
JACKIE: Steven. I am serious. Just imagine us together. Everything we ever wanted!
*Fantasy Sequence*
[Jackie and Hyde are strolling around in expensive clothes. Eric and Donna are wearing poorish clothes and staring at Jackie and Hyde. Jackie walks up to Donna and has a HUGE diamond rock on her finger.]
JACKIE: Donna! Look at my wedding ring Steven bought for me.
DONNA: Oh Jackie! It's beautiful! Oh you are so lucky to have someone smart and went to college. Oh you are so lucky to be beautiful, rich and oh so smart! I am so jealous.
JACKIE: Oh stop Donna! Look at my other ring! [brings up other arm with huge diamond rock on it]
[Hyde comes to Jackie and puts an arm around her waist]
HYDE: Ha ha ha. Isn't my wife so beautiful and smart? I am so lucky to have gone to college and become successful and rich. Oh Jackie! You convinced me to go to college! Now I owe you everything. Let's go honey on to our big mansion! Ta ta!
[Jackie and Hyde leave, leaving Eric and Donna alone]
ERIC: Oh darn. I should of gone to college.
DONNA: I am so jealous! I wish I was Jackie...[drowns 'wish I was Jackie, wish I was Jackie']
*Fantasy ends*
ERIC: Okay, was it me or was that scary?
DONNA: What the hell Jackie?
HYDE: Jackie. Would you stop it?
[Hyde goes to his room]
JACKIE: [to everyone] You guys got to help me convince him college is the right path for him. He's missing a great chance! Wait... I have an idea! I'm going to do his application for him! [runs upstairs]
KELSO: [staring at picture of girl] I'm not missing a great chance. My right path is here! [points to girl]
ERIC: [grabs magazine] Let me see that. [looks] Oh my God. That looks like Jackie!
DONNA: [takes a look] HAHAHA... It does!
KELSO: No it doesn't!
FEZ: [looks] Kelso is in love with someone he can't have, so he finds someone who looks like her to replace the one he lost.
KELSO: No I don't. [grabs magazine] It does not look like Jackie.
DONNA: Kelso. This girl looks exactly like Jackie!
FEZ: Look at her hair. Her face. Her eyes. Her make-up. Just like Jackie.
ERIC: Oh God. Another Jackie. God help us all.
[Credits]
******************************************************************
[Eric and Donna in Forman kitchen sitting on the table, looking at papers. Eric loses concentration and stares at Donna.]
DONNA: Quit it. [hits him]
ERIC: Okay. For reals. Let's work on this.
[Eric looks at papers and then turn slowly to stare at Donna]
DONNA: Eric. Quit it. We seriously need to work on this.
ERIC: Oh Right! Yes. Working on applications.
DONNA: Finally! Done with my applications. [leans back and relaxes]
ERIC: That's good Donna. Let me see. [Eric takes her paper]
DONNA: [unsure] Eric it's okay! Really!
ERIC: Donna. What's this? New York University? You want to go to New York?
DONNA: No Eric. I'm just applying there. [takes her paper] It's not like I'm actually going there.
ERIC: What if you get in?
DONNA: Then I'll see my options of what's good for me. For us.
ERIC: But New York? Couldn't it be someplace closer. Like I dunno. Here?
DONNA: Quit being such an ass. I'm just applying. It won't hurt me to apply.
ERIC: Donna. I thought we were going to go to school together.
DONNA: We are. It's just New York has a great journalism program and I just wanted to apply. It's no harm Eric.
ERIC: [gets up] Fine. If you want to apply some place far and away. Go ahead. I don't see what's stopping you. [walks out of kitchen into living room]
DONNA: Eric.
***************************************************************
[Forman Living room. Red is sitting on his seat reading a newspaper. Kitty is fixing the pillows on the couch. Jackie comes in thru the kitchen with papers in her hands.]
JACKIE: Hi Mrs. Forman. Can I speak with you?
KITTY: Hold on dear. [she positions the pillows exactly right]
JACKIE: Mrs. Forman.
KITTY: Wait...[still positioning the pillows]
RED: Ah hell Kitty. The girl is waiting. The pillows look fine.
KITTY: [turns around] Well! I'm sorry if my pillows aren't good enough for you! [runs upstairs]
RED: Kitty! I'm sorry Kitty! [Kitty out of sight] Dammit!
JACKIE: Mr. Forman. What's going on with Mrs. Forman?
RED: Just some problems... well.. it's lady problems... meno- [hesitates] What do you want Jackie?
JACKIE: [sits on the couch] Well Mr. Forman. You know how I want Steven to go to college. I have here applications for Steven to fill out! [sets the papers on the table]
RED: Oh. Steven is going to fill these out?
JACKIE: Not exactly. Steven doesn't know and I need yours or Mrs. Forman's help filling these out. So will you help me?
RED: Jackie I don't think-
JACKIE: [gets up with papers] THANK YOU MR. FORMAN! You're the best! Here! [hands him one sheet of paper] Try to find out what what activities he has done in the community! THANK YOU! and don't forget to tell Mrs. Forman! [leaves through kitchen]
RED: Ah Damn. [puts paper down and continues reading newspaper]
***************************************************************
[Foreman's basement. The circle.]
HYDE: There's something going on with Jackie man. She's been asking me all these questions. [imitating Jackie] 'Steven, what do you want to be when you grow up?' 'Steven, what have you done for the school?' 'Steven, what inspires you?' It's like I'm stuck on Donahue man.
ERIC: Okay. I found Donna applying to New York University! I mean! We just got back together and now she wants to go and leave me! Doesn't she want to be together? I mean! Come on!
FEZ: I don't know. New York sounds so much fun. Is there a lot of whores in New York?
ERIC: [stares at FEZ then back] I don't know what to do.
KELSO: You know I'm going to go to this college and find this chick in this magazine! First I got to find out where this college is. [chuckles] I'm going to college!!!
FEZ: I would like to go to the college with you to help you find the Jackie look-a-like.
HYDE: [hits FEZ and stares at Foreman] Donna is your girlfriend and you should be with her. Although, she is an excellent writer and would go to an amazing college and meet other exciting people and then have to come home to you.
KELSO: Yeah. She'd be going to college without you with her. heh heh. Oh man you're screwed!
ERIC: I am not! I got to deal with this!
FEZ: Oh Eric. Donna loves you. She won't leave you to become rich and successful in New York. Wait. What was my point?
ERIC: [quietly] DAMN!
[commercial]
*************************************************************
[A college. Kelso and FEZ are walking down a hall.]
KELSO: So where do you think we should start looking for her?
FEZ: Well. They picture of her is with a bicycle. Maybe outside.
[Two girls pass by holding bags and books and wave at FEZ and Kelso]
FEZ: Oh this is too good to be true! Did you see that?
KELSO: Yeah. They were hot.
FEZ: No! They had candy in their hands. That means they have candy here!
KELSO: FEZ, do you have anything that you like better than candy? I mean candy isn't everything.
[FEZ slaps Kelso]
FEZ: You son of a bitch! Don't you ever say that again!
*************************************************************
[Foreman's basement. Hyde is on his chair watching TV with a popsicle. Jackie is siting on the couch. She gets up and sits on the arm of Hyde's seat]
JACKIE: Steven, where do you see yourself in ten years?
HYDE: With Beer.
JACKIE: You're so funny Steven. So a businessman in the alcohol distribution. I see! [writes] Large firm of businessmen.
HYDE: Jackie. What are you doing?
JACKIE: Nothing. Just want to know your aspirations. You do have aspirations, don't you Steven?
HYDE: Yeah. And you know... I do
JACKIE: Really?
HYDE: I feel one coming on right now. [smiles]
JACKIE: Steven! [she gets up] Can't you be serious?
HYDE: Jackie! We've discussed this already.
JACKIE: We did? I don't remember us discussing this. Oh I know why. We didn't Steven!
HYDE: Can you please try to understand what I am saying?
JACKIE: I do try! I can see you are crying for help. You want to attend college.
HYDE: I do?
JACKIE: Yes Steven. I see it in you. [kisses him]
HYDE: [pushes Jackie] Jackie. Please just stop. I don't want to go to college and that's final.
JACKIE: Oh what do you know what's good for you? [kisses him]
*************************************************************
[Forman's Kitchen. Red is at the table reading the newspaper. Eric comes in through living room. Opens the fridge and grabs a soda and sits at the table]
ERIC: You know Donna. She really makes me mad.
RED: [still reading] Damn. [looks at Eric] You feel like in those talking moods, huh son? [puts paper down and starts to get up] I'll be in the garage.
ERIC: I mean she's applying to another college. We both might not go to college together. She's being selfish.
RED: [stops, puts one hand on the table and points at Eric] Selfish? If someone is being selfish, it's you!
ERIC: M- M- Me? She's the one applying far away!
RED: She's doing what is best for her future. She can just apply everywhere without you. She's applying to where her talent is noticed. She doesn't need to go to college with a 80 pound luggage on her back. [starts to leave] Dumbass [leaves through screen door]
ERIC: [shouts as he gets up to leave] It's 130 pounds of luggage!!! and... DAMN! [leaves to kitchen]
*************************************************************
[Forman's driveway. Red just gets out from kitchen Hyde walks from basement. Red sees Hyde]
RED: Steven. Hold on for a moment.
HYDE: Yeah Red?
RED: Look. I was wondering if we could talk for a moment.
HYDE: Sure Red. Whatever it is. Eric did it.
RED: I know. Listen. I was wondering about you and what came in mind was the community. What have you done for the community?
HYDE: [pauses and thinks] I didn't destroy it.
RED: That is a good point. Ah screw it. Steven do your college applications that the Burkhart girl wanted you to do.
HYDE: No.
RED: What?
HYDE: No. I don't want to. Mr. Forman, college isn't for me. I am not college material.
RED: What if I told you if you don't fill out those applications and correctly, you won't get my foot in your ass.
HYDE: Fair enough. [starts walking into the kitchen. Stopped by Kitty and Jackie coming out of the kitchen]
KITTY: Oh Steven! I'm so glad I caught you! I was wondering. I was in my room knitting and I thought to myself. [laughs] What inspires Steven? [She looks at Jackie and Jackie nodds and smiles]
HYDE: Well Mrs. Forman. I don't know really, but I'm going to work on my college applications and then I'll tell you after I'm done. [smiles at them and then walks into kitchen]
JACKIE: Oh my gosh Mrs. Forman! That was great! How did you do that?
KITTY: [laughs] Oh Jackie. It's a little thing I do.
[Red rolls his eyes and Jackie is hugging Kitty]
[commercial]
*************************************************************
[Pinciotti's kitchen. Donna is sitting with envelopes in her hand. Mug next to her. Knocks on the door. Eric comes in]
ERIC: Hey Donna.
DONNA: Eric.
ERIC: Donna. Listen, I'm sorry.
DONNA: No Eric. I'm sorry. I should of told you I was applying to other places. I shouldn't had kept that a secret.
ERIC: No Donna. I was selfish. Wait. You're sorry? Yeah. You should of told me. Bad Donna! [Donna hits Eric]
DONNA: But you didn't have to be an ass about it.
ERIC: Sorry. Look. You're an amazing writer and you need something better. Better than all the colleges we've both applied to. New York is a great school and the journalism program is great. You should not not attend this school for me. We love each other and I know no matter where we go we'll always love each other and be there for each other. That's why I called New York myself and sent a story you wrote to them.
DONNA: [shocked] You what?
ERIC: Yup! Who's the greatest boyfriend in the world? [points to himself] ME!
DONNA: Eric.
ERIC: Donna. I know I know. You love me and will thank me with kisses and hugs and praise me forever.
[Donna laughs and Eric notices it]
ERIC: Whu- what?
DONNA: [gets up and puts arms around Eric] That was sweet. Thank you. [they kiss]
*************************************************************
[College. Kelso and FEZ walked back to the hall.]
Kelso: Dammit! I looked everywhere! I can't find her.
FEZ: That is so sad for you. Your girl who looks like Jackie cannot be found. I, on the other hand, have found my candy. [Fez walks with a bag and turns and hits into a girl] I'm so sorry.
Candy: It's okay. Oh wow. Candy! I love that!
FEZ: Really? I love candy too. My name is FEZ. Who are you?
Candy: My name is Candy. Isn't that funny? I'm Candy and I love candy!
FEZ: Candy?
[Light shines above Candy. Kelso grabs FEZ.]
Kelso: Let's go. I can't find her anywhere!
[FEZ hits Kelso to let him go.]
FEZ: Let me go! Let me go! I see my destiny. [goes to Candy] Candy, so you are a college girl and you love candy?
Candy: Yes I do. [laughs]
*************************************************************
[Forman's basement. Hyde is writing applications. Jackie is staring longingly at him.]
JACKIE: Steven. This is going to be great. I can visit you at college. You can come home to me during the weekends! Oh this is going to be so great.
HYDE: Yeah. Great.
JACKIE: [puts his pencil down and kisses him] You are an amazing boyfriend! I'm so glad you decided to apply.
HYDE: [picks up pencil and continues writing] This would work better if you didn't talk.
JACKIE: Oh right! Okay. [quiet for a few seconds] OH Steven! This is so exciting!
[FEZ and Kelso comes in from the door. Kelso looks tired. FEZ is smiling with a bag of candy]
HYDE: Where have you guys been?
KELSO: [falls on the chair opposite of Hyde and slams brochure down] I spent all day looking for this girl.
[Jackie looks at the brochure and smiles]
JACKIE: Hey! That's my picture! My cousin took that picture of me when I went to visit her there. Wow! They must of thought I was in this school! Wow! Don't I look great!
KELSO: [shocked] WHAT?
FEZ: [sighs] Poor Kelso. He has fallen for the girl he cannot have.
HYDE: Man you fell in love with the picture of Jackie and didn't even know it was her. Pathetic man.
JACKIE: Kelso. Listen. That's flattering. Well... it's me, so it's a given. But get over it already.
FEZ: I am happy from today. I am going to become a man... with Candy! [Everyone stares at him] Yes I know you want some of this. I have found THE ONE.
HYDE: It better not be that lady who works at the candy store that gives out free samples. She's like old, man.
FEZ: She is a nice lady with big bossoms and candy. But no. I met a college girl name Candy and tonight she has invited me to her dorm. She said I might be interested in something she is planning! I shall finally become a man.
*************************************************************
[Later on. Forman's basement. Hyde and Eric are working on applications.]
HYDE: Damn I can't think straight. This is taking a lot out of me.
ERIC: Hyde, what is really bothering you about college?
HYDE: College is part of the government. Why must we pay them to educate us when high school it is free education? That's messed up Forman.
ERIC: Just think. College is a get away from here and hey! It'll take you away from Jackie. heh heh
HYDE: Shut your piehole Forman.
ERIC: Oh come on, it's not like you love her.
[Hyde remains quiet]
ERIC: Oh my GOD! You love her?!?!
*************************************************************
[Credits]
[College. FEZ looks at paper and then at door. Knocks on the door. Candy opens it with a tank top and short shorts]
CANDY: Hey FEZ. I'm glad you could make it!
[Voice from behind, 'who is it?' Another girl comes up next to Candy wearing tank top and short shorts]
CANDY: FEZ, this is my roommate, Brownie.
[FEZ smiles and turns around. He looks up]
FEZ: Thank you. [points up] You are the man. [turns back] Well Ladies. I think she should get started.
CANDY: Great! You can be the first to do the reading!
FEZ: Reading? What freaking reading?
CANDY: From the bible silly!
FEZ: Wait. No No. I thought we were going to do it?
[Candy and Brownie laughs]
BROWNIE: I'm sorry FEZ. We aren't like that.
CANDY: Yes. God is good, God is great. God says, Sex can wait.
FEZ: What? [turns around and looks up] Damn you! Not again! [turns around and smiles] Okay ladies. Let's read. [walks in]