As the title mentions this is an update on the status of the last poll,
Here goes
Abillities-5
Fortunate son-2
Coma-5
Snapped-2
That's the votes so far, they're tied, so that means I cant update until the tie is broken, or If I'm feeling good, I might just update them both.
Also here's a story I wrote while being bored, WARNING, Blood, Violence, Language, Sexual References/Innuendo-Enjoy!
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE COMEDIC SO IF THE CHARACTERS SEEM OC, NOT MY FUALT!
Summary- It's the year 2015, the undead plaque has finally beginning to lose, humanity has taking back most of the world, luckily Canada wasn't hit so bad, the Story follow Humphrey as he journeys into the last Quarantine Zone, Jasper City, Hell bent on finding Kate because of a pre-war promise she made.
Year- 2012
Date- June 1st
Time 7:00 am
Location- Humphrey's Piece of shit apartment.
He was beginning his usual morning routine, wake up, stare at the clock, drag himself out of bed, realize the flap on his boxers is open, button the flap closed, look out his bared and cracked windows to the projects of downtown Jasper City, wish to witness a murder or something cool, Wish granted,
"WAIT? WHAT?"
Humphrey screamed aloud, as he peered through the window, there seemed to be a homeless man surrounded by the Westerners; they're basically a gang of brown wolves that terrorize the town, unable to hear what they're saying he guessed they were just pestering him for money, that was until, the homeless man bit a gang member on the arm, causing him to drop his gun, Humphrey was silently rooting for him, although he knew the hobo didn't stand a chance -BANG- I mean come on, did you not see that coming or something? But this time instead of slumping onto the ground in a heap of disgusting hobo mess and fluids, that some poor kid would have to clean up, that dude didn't even flinch, stumbling up the hobo lunged at the gunman, resulting in you guessed it –BANG– but that didn't even stop him!
"Shit man this guy must be packing something"
Humphrey thought while trying to grab his cellphone on the dresser beside him, the whole time eyes glued to the scene in front of him. Humphrey readied himself for what was going to happen next –BANG- -BANG- -BANG—BANG-BANG—BANG-BANG- the whole gang just unloaded on him, and when the dust settled the man was just a bloody spot on the ground, miraculously he was still alive, well, sort of, he must have been paralyzed from the waist down, cause he was still snapping at them, that was until the bitten gang member just finished him off with a shot to the head, which thusly ended the entertainment for today and entered the part where he was supposed to go to work.
Year-2012
Date- June 1st
Time-8:00 am
Location-At his less than minimum wage job at the Chicken Basket
"my job totally blows"
Humphrey thought as he stared at Kate Winslow from across the grill fantasizing and just checking her out
"man, you know, if I could stop time, just for a minute, I would do dirty things to he-"
he was thinking until he was interrupted by his manager
"Humphrey you're leaning on the grill!"
Humphrey looked down at his arm, sure enough, instead of the sizzling of the burgers, it was his arm, and also the burgers were burnt, double whammy
"SHIIIT!"
he screamed as he tore his arm from the grill, tearing off whatever flesh that was still left on his arm, stumbling backwards he managed to tip a vat of freaking hot grease, but with the grace of an elephant he somehow dodged the spill, mostly, till this day he doesn't know what tripped him, but instead of having only a fleshless arm, he also got 3rd degree burns over 65% of his body, GREAT! Now instead of doing what he should of done and just got up, he rolled around in it a like a pig in fucking mud!
Year-2012
Date- June 1st
Time- 1:00 pm
Location- E.R
"well he's in a stable condition, so I guess you can visit him for five minutes and five minutes only"
said a wolf in green medical mask and outfit, Kate nodded and pushed the door open
"Humphrey, you in there?"
she called out softly, he slowly sat up
"who's there?"
he asked, she walked out from behind the door
'Kate?"
he questioned, she nodded and sat down at the foot of his bed
"what are you doing here?"
she bit her lip
"well, I wanted to visit you because of you know the incident earlier, I felt that since I was there and I knew you, kind of, that I should stop by"
Humphrey tried to smile, but the bandages wrapped tightly around his head made that hard to
"well that's nice, I mean we had that one class together, you know math, with Mr. Bernard"
she giggled a bit, and placed her hand in-between his sprawled legs to brace herself as she put her wait on that arm she replied to what he said
"remember when he was making fun of you and he said you had a big snout, big hands, big mouth, and then you said, Mr. Barnard, I'm pretty sure you're forgetting another big thing about me and then you winked and he was so pissed that he gave you a two hour detention"
she smiled at the memory, Humphrey tried to tell that was a great time, but was unable to reply, because if the reader can understand any sort of context clues at all you should understand why, but if you can't, here goes nothing, Kate just started at the whimpering wolf in front of her
"what's wrong?'
she asked, and with extreme effort he pointed at where her hand was placed, with a gasp her hand shot back and she fell of the bed, normally Humphrey would do the chivalrous thing and help her, but this time his boy's needed more help than she did, instantly grabbing his love gun, he held it in a protective grip, Kate shot back up
"I am so sorry Humphrey, I didn't know, And…..are you crying?"
she asked with a puzzled look, he nodded and spoke
"Kate"
he whimpered
"I need your help"
she walked over to him
"how can I help…..that?"
she said motioning to Humphrey's critically injured comrades
"Kate i-i-I need you to kiss it!"
Kate jumped back
"WHAT, who do you think I am!"
she yelled, Humphrey groaned and rolled over to face her
"but, Kate it's the only way"
he whined, she shook her head
"nice try, how about this to cheer you up, the only time I would do anything like that, is if the dead walk the earth to eat the living"
he looked at her hopefully
"promise?"
he weakly asked, she laughed
" I promise"
she got up and left, and on her way out Humphrey just grinned
Year-2012
Date- June 15
Time- 6:45 am
Location- E.R
"is he awake?"
an E.R staff member asked her partner while peering over the sleeping form of a wolf
"I don't know"
the other one replied, groaning Humphrey opened his eyes and said
"well now I am, can you guys get any louder?"
the two staff members looked at each other and decided to tell him
"we need to get you out of here, you as well as the other patients will be leaving by a helicopter soon "but!"
the wolf put her finger to his lips
"no buts, you're going"
they pushed him out the door, quickly wheeling him past the soldiers in hazmat suits and the patients who are going in the opposite direction of them, ignoring the gunshots and the sounds of chaos, things were going smoothly until the cart that Humphrey was being pushed on hit something and sent him plummeting to the ground, and knocking him out cold, he wakes to find hands grabbing his shoulders and dragging him across the ground, opening his eyes he sees what caused the accident, a dead body of a man with most of his skull pushed in and brain matter spread apart everywhere, soon he was on a helicopter and he looked up to his saviors and down to the view below him, jasper city, apart from all the smoke and fire, gunshots were heard as well as sirens and alarms, but around the outskirts of town, there was a large group of people with large bulldozers and other large trucks
"what are they doing?"
Humphrey shakily asks, the soldier above replies in a gravelly voice, probably from his gasmask
"they're building a wall across the northern half of Canada"
Humphrey just shrugged and tried to sleep.
Year- 2013
Date- Dec 21st
Time- 2:00 pm
Location- 3 miles into the quarantine zone.
"alright, the last zed is down, call up the engineers, its time to retake this town"
Humphrey said into his radio
"sending them now ETA 10 minutes, over and out"
Command replied, Humphrey tucked the radio back into his pocket
"alright boys the engies will be here in about 10, I want a full perimeter sweep, Johnson get you and your spotters ass up on the Roof I want full coverage of this town radio me if anything that shambles appears!"
he yelled pointing at people and the directions where they're supposed to cover, he ran over to a group of his men who were heading towards the church, which had a message spewed across the door in bad hand writing ALL DEAD INSIDE!
It read, he looked at his men and nodded his head, removing the boards, he pushed the huge swinging doors open, bad idea, a torrent of the undead spewed out, shambling and limping towards them
"shit, fire!"
he yelled while placing the white dot at the tip of his rifle on the first zombie that came into view –BANG- one down, more to go –BANG- another dropped, eventually the chorus of moans and gunshots died down, and the last ghoul dropped
"YEAH!"
the men yelled in unison,
"Johnson what's the status?"
he radioed to his team member
"well, that event caught the attention of a few zeds half mile from here, judging by their speed I'll give you about ten minutes"
"great"
looking at the horizon, a jeep appears, then another, and then a few bulldozers arrive and now civilian vehicles
"looks like the cavalry arrived!"
Year-2013
Date- Nov 3rd
Time 9:00 pm
Location- Recently Captured Town
"hey Humphrey, what are you going to do when all of this is over?"
a soldier asked while taking a swig of "Liberated" brandy, Humphrey looks of into the distance, his eyes searching for something
"The meaning of my life"
he said quietly, his men looked at him in silence
"damn, that deep"
he looks at him and smiles
"nah I'm just fucking with you, what I'm really going to do when this is over, well, I got a promise that needs to be fulfilled"
reaching for the brandy he swipes it from its recent "liberator" and takes a swig.
Year- 2013
Date- July 4th
Time 7:25 pm
Location- Outside of a Checkpoint into The Quarantine Zone
"why cant we go in?"
Humphrey asked the soldier operating the gate
"because you're drunk"
"ppphhhs, I aint drunk, I'm jus-jus little intoxicated"
he slurred, the man just looked at him
"please leave"
he dead panned,
"I *Hic* didn't want to go in anyways"
he murmered motioning for the rest of the soldiers behind him to leave
"I guess we gotta find another place to test out these fier-fire workzz"
he said stumbling into his group of men.
Year-2014
Date- May 3rd
Time-12:15 pm
Location- two towns and a city away from jasper
"hey sarge?"
Humphrey looked up from wrapping bandages around his arm
"yes soldier?"
he pointed at the role of bandages
"why do you always wrap yourself up in bandages?"
Humphrey groaned and sat down
"come son I'll tell you the story behind these bandages"
the wolf he sat down but not before adding
"uh sir, your only 21"
he glared at him
"boy, do you want to hear the story or not?"
he gulped
"uh, yes, but sir I'm older than you"
that comment got him a boot to the chest
"alright, lemme continue my story"
after at least 10 minutes of storytelling, a whole group of people were huddled around Humphrey, listening intensively
"so anyways, that's why I have to wear these bandages"
he finally finished, a hand rose up
"yes?"
he said
"well uh, sir, you mean you got the bandages for a vat of boiling hot grease being dumped on you?"
Humphrey looked at him puzzled
"yeah, and?"
the soldier opened his mouth as to speak, but closed it suddenly, It probably was best to keep his mouth shut anyways.
Year-2015
Date- June 1st
Time- 6:23 am
Location- Inside of Jasper City
"One shot one kill, don't waste any ammo!"
Humphrey yelled as he and his fifty men went down the main highway, cutting through the undead like a knife through hot butter, Humphrey's Company of men, The 1st Canadian infantry Division, have suffered the most casualties throughout the war, as well as the highest suicide rates, but those who survived, less than half they started with, but the survivors are the most hardened elite soldiers there are, inching their way up the highway only the occasional gunshot, ever 30 seconds or so, okay maybe not so "occasional" but the undead were pouring out like there was a faucet somewhere
"check your ammo!"
a lieutenant hollered, aiming his rifle at the nearest ghoul he blew its brains out, Humphrey grabbing his radio called for reinforcements
"where the hell are they?"
he asked the radio operator
"well it seems they are pinned down directly to the east of you, they are at the Winslow Mansion, can you go and help them?"
Humphrey stopped for a second, Winslow mansion?, Kate? BlowJobs? Hell yes,
"alright boys change of schedule we're heading east!'
mantling over cars and the dividers they take the road heading towards the Winslow mansion
"hey sarge isn't this the place where that girl offered to suck yer d-"
a soldier started but was interrupted
"not now kevin"
Humphrey said completely ignoring him,
"alright one more mile, I'm sure you can handle this!
He yelled while centering his sights on an undead that got to close for comfort , upon reaching their destination, they were met by an undead siege, of at least a few hundred zeds
"fuck"
they all probably thought
"well what are you waiting for, kill 'em, kill 'em all! Throw grenades if you got any!"
Humphrey yelled while unloading on the horde in front of him
"watch your flanks"
he added, while he took out a ghoul about to sneak a bit of one of his guys, the defenders of the mansion saw the reinforcements and they too started to fight back, it was all over in a half an hour, Casualties, five, zeds, two hundred fifty nine, the look on Kate's face when she sees him priceless,
"Humphrey?"
she called out in surprise, he walked in the compound
"in the flesh, or what's left of it"
she ran down the stairs and hugged him,
"I'm so glad your okay"
she said
"me too, because we got a deal remember"
her face went pale
'y-you still remember that?"
Humphrey nodded his head
"so is there like a specific time, or anything you want me to do or wear?"
she took a step back, into her mother, Eve
"ah Mrs. Winslow, might I say you are looking as beautiful as ever"
Humphrey said charismatically, eve stepped in front of her child
"who are you and how do you know us"
she growled, Humphrey laughed
"a naïve as ever Ms. Winslow, remember me, Humphrey? Ring any bells?"
she stopped growling
"well its surely is a surprise to see you"
she bends over and whispers something in Kate's ear, she nods
"well I'll leave you two now, oh and Humphrey tell your men they can stay here, for awhile"
eve walks up the steps hip swaying with every stride and what the hell are you looking at Humphrey pay attention to Kate,
"so when is this deal thing going to go down?"
"what deal?"
a wolf asked, startled, Humphrey looked behind him
"Mr. Winslow?'
he nodded, Humphrey stuck out a hand
"it's nice to see you again"
mr. Winslow squinted at him and then asked
"Humphrey is that you?"
he just nodded
"well, my its been awhile why don't you have dinner with us"
" ahh, how can I refuse"
Humphrey said sincerely, following Mr. Winslow up the stairs he whispers to Kate as he wakes past
"we can talk about this later".
Year-2015
Date- June 1st
Time-6:00 pm
Location- Winslow mansion eating diner
"so anyways Humphrey how'd you get here?"
Eve asked, setting down his fork and wiping his mouth he replied
" w'll if you really want to hear it"
Lilly stares at him
"please do tell us!"
she says, he looks around
"well, okay here goes….."
he begins to tell his story
"so right we open up the churches door…..Well the winter of 2013 sucked, it was the coldest one in years, you see me and my men clear towns out of cold days….so right I turn the corner and I'm tackled by this zombie, or so I thought…..well I did meet this one girl, she was real pretty….so it's the fourth of july right me and my buds were drunk….long story short we accidently blew up a bulldozer…..my best friend was killed right before my eyes….i was one out of the thirteen remaining original members since the start of this…..then we get this radio message saying you guys were in trouble….and now I'm eating diner with you"
after Humphreys epic (epic means long story basically) the Winslow family were all staring at Kate, Eve was on the verge of exploding
"You promised him you'd do what?"
Kate looked away, Winston was silent and Lilly was full of questions
"so have you done it yet Kate?"
she would ask, while Humphrey just sat there eating his food allowing the Winslow family to work it out
"would you give us a minute"
eve asked politely
"as long as you'll need"
Humphrey replied taking a sip of his drink, after what seemed like an hour the Winslow's finally got a decision
"well Kate's a grown woman now so no matter how much I disaproove of this a promise is a promise"
eve said almost crying, Winston just nodded his head
"Can I join too mom?"
Lilly asked and was immediately met with a No from both her parents, Kate got up from the table and walked over to Humphrey
"get up"
she said and he complied, grabbing his hand she lead him to the master bedroom, once they were out of sight Kate smiled and practically tackled him onto the bed
"I've been waiting for this for a long time"
THE END!
Well howd you like it, I know its not my best work, but while waiting for the poll to be done in voting I wrote this up after talking with a few of my buds about the zombie apocalapse and what would really suck about it and one of them said "know what would really suck, that one hot chick who said would bang you when the dead rised was actually lying about that" so I had to write a story about that, take care!
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