My first story. I would really like if you reviewed.

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Well, I could always ask it as my New Year's wish, maybe I'll get lucky.

Very Special Agent Antony DiNozzo wasn't feeling so special at the moment. To tell the truth, he was quite upset and he didn't know why. Oh, sure there was the whole Brenda Bittner thing, but it couldn't be entirely his fault, right? Yes, he didn't notice anything. Yes, he had been an ass with her, a TOTAL ass, but still, her problems weren't his fault. Not completely at least. So, why the hell he couldn't sleep? It was pretty damn late, and here he was, sitting on his couch, with a lukewarm beer in his hand and too many thoughts in his head.

"What is wrong with me?" he sighed.

"Nothing."

"Holy…" He jumped, spilling beer on his pants "Jesus, Ziva!"

Ziva was standing a few feet away looking at him with serious eyes. She had clearly been there for a while.

Gee, DiNozzo what a great cop you're!

He stood up and walked to his bedroom without saying another word; he put clean pants on and came back in the living-room, finding Ziva sitting on his couch.

"Why are you here?"

This simple and innocent question brought unwelcomed memories back. Tony, WHY are you here?

She brushed them off and simply answered "I thought you were not so fine like you wanted us to believe, and I…I just wanted to check on you."

"Well, thank you, but as you see, I'm fine. And it's past midnight, I would like to go to bed, so you can go home- or you could always join me, after all, a night with the Big D doesn't happen every day!"

But it was a lame joke, and they both knew it.

"You see? You are NOT fine. That joke was pathetic!"

"What do you want from me Ziva? Because it seems I can't get it" he was raising his voice, quite pissed, "You said you wanted the clown, here he is!" He closed his eyes, with a tired sigh. He suddenly seemed older. "What do you want from me, Zeevah?" He repeated, lowering his voice.

Ziva quietly watched him for a while, than after taking a deep breath, she whispered "I-I want you back. MY Tony back. I want whatever is bothering you gone."

Tony didn't know how to explain what was happening to him, so he went for the first thing he thought of:

"The family man. Have you ever seen it Ziva?"

She only shook her head.

"2000, by Brett Ratner, Nicolas Cage is a Wall Street shark, he has a Ferrari and tons of girls. He thinks he's perfectly happy, until he can see how his life could have been if he had done a different choice. He wakes one morning and finds he's a tire salesman, married with kids, a dog and a mini-van. And THAT makes him truly happy. Not Nicolas Cage's best movie, but this isn't the point".

Now Ziva was quite worried. "You do not want to leave NCIS, do you?"

He had to smile at that "No Zeevah. I love being a cop, and I love even more working with you. All of you. It's just…I'm forty Ziva and I'm not becoming any younger. Most guys my age have kids and live in a suburban house and-"

She cut him off "I did not know you wanted a family." Normally, she'd tease him about that: Tony DiNozzo, kids, suburban house. In the same sentence. Hell must be freezing. But now was not the time.

He shrugged "I don't know if I want one, I never seriously thought about it, either. I guess I was too stupid, or I thought I'd have forever to think about it. And now I'm forty and forever is no more a possibility. It's not that I want a family at any cost, it's that I could've missed my chance. And where does that leave me? A commitment-phobic, old frat-boy, who have dated thousands of girls and cared for only one. And that one was only a big lie". He sighed and tiredly rubbed his eyes. "I don't even know if I'm making any sense. Maybe I'm really mid-life crazy."

They had been quiet for a while, then Ziva spoke, carefully choosing her words "I once asked you if you believed in soul-mates- at this, Tony wanted to say something, but she stopped him- and McGee told me something you said about a Pah..." He smiled at that. "And I don't think I have truly understood what this Pah is, but this is not the point." She breathed deeply "I don't know if I believe in either of them, if our better half, or whatever you want to call it, exists, but I believe there are some people we click with. And among these people, there is one who is righter for us than the others. You simply have yet to meet your righter woman."

"What if she was Jeanne?"

"No. Jeanne was the one for Antony DiNardo, Antony DiNozzo is another man."

"We're the same person Ziva."

"Trust me Tony, I have spent six years of my life undercover. I know what I am talking about. Yes, you can be Tony DiNardo, but he is not you, at least not all of you. And yes, you got along with Jeanne. But you had to. I am sure there were times when you wanted to fight with her, to snap at her, but you couldn't. And maybe you two wouldn't have got along in a REAL relationship."

Her words stung, but he knew she was right.

She continued with a smile, stroking his cheek "I am sure your princess is somewhere waiting for her knight in sparkling armour".

He chuckled "Shining, Zee, shining armour" then he saw her smile "But you knew it".

She shrugged and stood up, affectionately smiling at him, "Well, I should leave now" and she went to get her coat.

""Ziva, do you want a family?"

At that she froze. She turned towards him with a sad smile "This is not the time to talk about it. Goodnight."

"Why? You have been here all night to help me. You fixed me. Let me fix you, or at least try!"

"You could be fixed, Tony." I cannot.

And with that she was gone.

"