Pairing: RyuukenxIsshin
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Well, if you dont know who Ryuuken or Isshin are... this won't tell you anything, but it might seem pointless and random. More than it already is, I mean.
Word count: 634
A/n: A story quite like this was one of the ones I lost on Valentines day TT
So, you know how I can't really see IshidaxIchigo happening, but I enjoy it anyway? Well, I don't have the same reservations with IsshiRyuu. I love the crack this inevitably leads to more than I love IchiIshi crack, and I can see it as more "canon" simply because Isshin happens to be crazier than his son, so it all sort of makes sense and yeah. Oh, and Ryuuken/IsshinxPrevious spouse is sweet.

Ryuuken opened his eyes to a brand new day and knew that he was doomed.

Resigned to his fate, he got out of bed, his feet bare against the coldness of his floor.

He felt well rested and energetic, which he thought would probably turn out to be a good thing.

His choice of clothes is limited. He does not need nor particularly want variety. His clothes were all clean and neat, but he carefully looked them over before choosing. Something that didn't require dry cleaning, wass relatively sturdy, and worst come to worst would not be TOO expensive to replace. He doesn't own any cheap suits.

He opened the door of his bedroom carefully, inching it forward and peeking out cautiously. Nothing happened. Letting out a breath he hadn't noticed he'd been holding, he quietly stepped into the kitchen to make himself some coffee.

The early morning was quiet and peaceful, and he had maybe five minutes in which to relax and enjoy the book he was in the middle of before he had to go to work. He sighed and relaxed and wished he had nice leisurely days like these more often.

After three minutes he put his book down and his coat on, and walked briskly towards the door. He would miss all the traffic and enjoy a productive day at work-

He didn't even get the chance to step out of his apartment.

As he wheezed and gasped, trying to regain the breath that had been knocked out of him by the force of a full-grown man barreling into him in the sort of immature and ridiculous fashion associated with squealing teenage girls, Kurosaki Isshin waved his finger in his face and gave him a reprimanding look.

"You were thinking of going to work, weren't you, on today of all days?"

Ryuuken decided that the man's immaturity is not even worthy of a response, so he simply glared.

"And I had to camp out outside your door for HOURS, and I was hungry, and I couldn't eat the chocolates I brought you, and then I decided that you were being a big fat meanie-face and I was going to eat them to spite you, and-"

As if remembering something, he thrust a heart-shaped box of candy into Ryuuken's face. The cover had been replaced sloppily, so Ryuuken could see that less than half of the chocolates remained.

"On today of all days," He said, coldly, "I would think you would have private words to exchange with your wife or something."

It was a low blow, as Ryuuken knew, but Isshin didn't even seem to notice.

"I talk to her every day, she knows she's my true love and so she's not going to keep me from neglecting my other true love, just like I'm sure if you died you wouldn't mind, even if you would pretend to mind because it suits your icicle-up-my-ass image. If someone truly loves you, they won't mind you loving people other than themselves"

Isshin grinned at him, and Ryuuken wanted to punch him in the face for a thousand things including how Isshin managed to resolve issues that Ryuuken tossed and turned at night over.

"Oh right, I had something else," Isshin said, and his smile made Ryuuken feel very afraid. What he proffered seemed harmless enough, another red heart-shaped box. Why was he giving Ryuuken another box of candy?

The box opened to reveal a pack of condoms and a super-sized tube of lubricant that Isshin had probably been saving for just such an occasion.

"By the way," Isshin said, and he kicked the door shut with his foot while leaning his head in to Ryuuken's ear, "You do realize that there is not the slightest possibility of you going to work today, right?"