Altered States: dueling circle challenge - submitted to KFM
This is a hastily deleted scene from 'A Mandalorian's Promise'. Not as hastily deleted as some of the other deleted scenes but this one was quick to go yes indeedy. It's all fun and games till the Cathar licks a gizka.
Licking gizka
Juhani's meditations were broken by the chirrup of a gizka. It looked up at her imploringly begging for attention. "Ve must haf missed ju" lilted the Cathar as she picked up the little creature up. With it squirming in her paws Juhani padded down to the cargo hold bearing the beast.
She wedged open the sub-storage compartment with her boot and placed the gizka inside. "Oh dear," she said with rolling r's as she examined the silvery trail of gizka secretion upon her hands, "I haf got gizka slime on my paws."
She instinctively bought them to her mouth. Her coarse pink tongue, met them tentatively. "It is not so bad." She said as she cleared the chemical deposit from her claws. When her hands were clean Juhani looked cautiously about the cargo hold. Satisfied that no one was present, to see her grooming she swiped the back of her hand across her jaw line and brow. "Vy vaste a vet hand as they say on Cathar," she purred as she wiped either side of her mouth with the damp paw. "Zat is better," she announced.
Her pupils dilated obscuring the golden glow of her iris. The Ebon Hawk shuddered suddenly and the walls began to pulsate rhythmically. She decided that the throbbing walls were worthy of investigation.Juhani made her way to the cockpit with a drunken swagger, listing slightly against what she believed to be turbulence. "Carth vill know."
Cold sparks flew like jilted lovers from the navicomputer as T3 welded himself to it. "Deet Beep wee dee pip beep frotz. – Ebbie my dear, ours is the love that cannot be encoded in binary. Frotz blat weeee dwoo frotz squee barp. – but now we are as one, and never shall be parted." He chimed to the Hawk's mainframe and disengaged his soldering iron. T3's photoreceptive lens swiveled to Juhani as she sauntered into the cockpit.
"Vat are ju doink droid!" Juhani growled at the possessive little droid.
T3 shook his lid and charged his neural scrambler menacingly. "Beep frotz blat – Rack off Juhani this girl's mine!"
"Ju just vait till I tell Carth." Juhani made good on her threat and wandered off to find the pilot. Her passage was hampered by mysterious hay bales that blocked the walkways of the Ebon Hawk. She disregarded them squeezing past where necessary and tottered towards the fragrant air that slipped out of the med bay.
Carth was in the lab surrounded by reams of plastic wrapping paper smattered tastefully with little pink hearts. In his hands he held a posy of Violets that had seen better millennia. He lay out a spray of long stemmed Dantooine Mauves upon the paper and nestled the petite Violets sweetly within. "There," he said with satisfaction. He reached for the spools of colored curling ribbon and chewed his nails thoughtfully a as he deliberated which one to secure the foil wrapping with.
Hk-47 stood at his elbow, red photoreceptors glowing with dismay. "Outraged aesthetic protestation: You cannot put Violets with Mauves dear human!"
Carth looked to his shoes. With one foot slightly before the other he drew a sad little line back and forward on the floor with the toe of his sparkle-encrusted sneaker. "But HK you said you could never have too much love, or too much purple…" Carth's bottom lip drooped sadly and his brow furrowed completing the mournful posture.
"Condescending explanation: You compromise the floral composition with the difference in height. The Violets are too small for the arrangement; they are overpowered by elegance of the Dantooine Mauves. To be fair to the wee Violets use Pansies of a contrasting color to compliment them."
Realization dawned in the Republic pilot's eyes as he considered his mechanical mentor's advice and the bouquet. Juhani tilted her head, the beads on her braids tinkled together with the movement and began to sing a song in homage to the flowers. Preety preety they chimed as she examined the scene. "Carth, vot are ju doink?" Juhani asked vaguely, distracted by the song of her hair ornaments. Carth made no reply as he continued to pinch petals into potpourri.
Juhani left the enchantingly beautiful scene and its splendid scent. She trod the deep lime shag-pile carpet towards the galley. "I am tinking I am needing a refreshment." She said to herself, and indeed her mouth had gone quite dry. There was sand in it. She spat out half a dune and felt better. The sand cried, it had been happy in her mouth. Juhani ignored its whine and pressed on.
She watched her boots as they sank into the plush carpet. With each step they seemed to plunge deeper until at last she waded up to her knees in the fibers of it. The lengthy shag ended abruptly. It abutted the swarming paisley that played rabidly across the linoleum flooring of the Hawks garish galley. "I knew Davik's ship vos tasteless, but I had not noticed it vos zis gaudy before." She commented thickly.
She pressed her palms against the new floor and pulled herself up on to it, out of her now waist deep carpet mire. Juhani's boots crackled loudly as they paced the sticky linoleum. Bastila was standing by the serving bench. She had her lightsaber out; it blazed a mottled pinkish-green then glowed a dappled bluish-yellow.
"Oh hello Juhani!" Bastila cried heartily as she readied her saber. She lowered it over the loaf of bread slowly. "I'm making toast! Mother said I couldn't cook. Ha-ha ha if only she could see me now! Do you want some? I've made quite a lot I'm afraid. Took me several goes to get the Force setting right. I think Force three is ideal. Two is just like…well… scared bread really! Force four is too brown and no one likes charcoal burns on their toast now do they? Have some Ju? Oh do!"
Juhani's eyes flitted spasmodically towards the far wall of the Kitchen. The trash receptacle was overflowing with rejected toast. The trial rejects of Bastila's cooking spree filled the entire corner of the room. Just as Juhani began to accept the idea that the toast was definitely there and not just a trick of the eye the mound of grilled bread erupted.
She gasped and her heart missed a beat and then spoke to her with a Rodese accent, 'Sorry dear, forgot where I was up to,' it said, before it resumed it usual feline patter and spoke no more.
The crumbs fell away from Zaalbar's shaggy shoulders as he stood like a furry baby giant amid the over burned bread. Picoseconds later a blue Twi'lek emerged. Mission spat a slice of toast from her mouth. "Pwah!" She said.
Damnit. Zaalbar said as he shoved a new piece into her mouth.
"Pwah again!" Mission said extruding the second baked bread biscuit, "Big Z! Z? Zee Zee?" Zaalbar shook in vain trying to de-crumb his fur and ignore Mission at the same time.
"Zee Zoo, Zee Bee, Zee Zee Mop?" Mission continued listing alternatives to the Wookiee's name. When it became apparent to the Wookiee that she wouldn't stop he spoke up roaring so loud that Juhani had to cover her ears, which had inexplicably grown wings. She fiddled with the little wings pondering their existence as Zaalbar spoke.
That's it! I'm changing my name to Hershybaar. He announced.
"Aww don't be such a Baby-Ruth!" Mission teased, "Wanna play make-overs?"
Ok. He replied with a gentle but eager woofle, I need a new style to go with my new name.
Juhani toyed with the wings that had sprouted on her ears as she watched the toast dwellers leave their yeasty abode. Juhani tried to follow but her shadow entranced her. A long line protruded from her rump. "Vot is zat?" She asked herself reaching for her backside. "Vot are ju?" She asked the protrusion as it evaded her paw.
"I am Tail," it said enigmatically, "you can't catch me!"
"Vell ve shall see von't ve?" The Cathar hissed as she tried to pounce behind herself. Rolling and curling like a wave she clawed at 'tail' seizing it finally between her paws. She sank her teeth into it. "Yowch." She yowled. "Ju are part of me."
"Yes and I have a bell." Said Tail twinkling the musical decoration that now graced its tip. "Do you like my bell?" Tail asked her.
"No," said Juhani she was not fond of bells and she did not like Tail because Tail had tricked her.
"It is a very shiny bell, come play with it?" Tail asked cutely.
"I von't fall for zat tvice," Juhani ignored Tail and it went away. "Goot, it vos a silly thing," Juhani said aloud as she patted her tailless behind. Recalling her destination she staggered to the refresher.
Hershybaar was sporting a bouffant poodle hair do. Mission brandished a razor; both were smiling happily at the result of their makeover. I love it, I love it. I feel like a holovid star! The Wookiee crooned.
Juhani felt a pull at the elbow of her Jedi robes. Courteously the room turned for Juhani so that she didn't have to. It shifted until she was facing Bastila, who had applied the tug. The Jedi had crooked a tray between one hand and her elbow; it bore an array of appetizing condiments and a kilometer of toast. Bastila proffered the display, "Marmalade or Nutella?" She asked with a dopey smile, "and would you like a cup of tea dear?"
None of the options appealed to Juhani who was agonizing over the loss of the wings from her ears. She liked those. "Do ju haf sardines?" She asked the toast-crazy Jedi.
The Jedi made a regretful 'tch' noise with her tongue, "No sorry love, Nutella then? Marmalade really is too breakfasty for this time of day isn't it? Don't know what I was thinking…" Bastila departed the way she had come, spilling slices of toast as she went.
Juhani was lured by the sounds of a heated argument towards the swoop garage. The floor became a runway for her suddenly bare and indescribably liberated feet. Speeding down the hall like a wisp of smoke escaping the lips of an emphysema victim she arrived in the garage. She clung to a wall to hold it still. Her bust of speed ended, and she felt unnaturally slowed as she watched the lovers spat.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Pol was fending off Canderous's advances with a plasma torch.
"But pumpkin," he trilled melodiously reaching out to her with adoring arms.
"DON'T YOU PUMPKIN ME YOU BARBARIC, CHEST-POUNDING… APE-MAN!" Pol yelled stabbing the air before the Mandalorian as though poking a Tarisian sausage.
"Sock puppet please, calm yourself, you are scaring poor Juhani." Canderous pointed at her and Juhani studied the grime under his fingernails with a chemical compulsion, as the gizka juice pounded through her digestive stream. He continued his appeal in a soothing baritone, "Kitten, we can work this out with love, come here give us a cuddle."
"NARK OFF" Pol ducked out of the doting Mandalorians path, still wielding her makeshift weapon.
"By the downy lint of Mandalore's pink navel I know you love me!" he gave a winsome smile, but the scars on his face stood out ruining the effect.
Pol had calmed a little, "You killed innocents." She accused.
"I only did it because Davik paid me a lot of credits." Canderous shook his head; Juhani noticed for the first time that it was mounted on a spring. It wobbled queerly as he excused his actions. The movement hypnotized the former Sith lord, and Canderous lulled her with the warmth of his voice.
"If I pay you a lot of credits will you leave me alone?" Pol asked eying the man suspiciously.
"Do you have a lot of credits?" He asked head bobbing foolishly.
Pol raised a reptilian hand to her temple and massaged the side of her head as she answered, "No…" she admitted weakly.
"Then don't ask cupid, just kiss me stupid!" Spring-necked Canderous rushed his reptilian love who braced herself for the onslaught; ready to gouge out his eyes with the plasma torch if need be.
"Zis is getting veird." Juhani said to herself as Jolee entered the garage wearing a blue pinstriped suit, topped with a charcoal grey fedora. He was puffing steadily on a cigarra.
"Whoa Pol… Canderous don't fight. Think of the children." Jolee pointed to the flock that had arrived with him as he dropped ash from his cigarra on the garage floor. Ten small replicas of the fighting couple stood solemnly behind their Great Uncle Jolee. They looked identical to the Mandalorian and the former Sith Lord, but vaguely gizka shaped. They frightened Juhani.
Bastila interrupted the peace treaty and stood before Pol with a datapad in her hands, "Sorry pet, just a couple of questions for you. How long does toast actually keep once it has been cooked?" She looked back at the datapad for a moment and adjusted the spectacles that had fallen down her nose, "and Toast Cancer, is it really an incurable disease?"
Juhani let go of the wall and headed to the cockpit again, deeply disturbed by the Mandalorian's offspring. When she arrived noticed that Tail had returned. "Vot do ju von't now?" she asked it.
"Wag me."
"Vot?"
"Go on! It's fun, wag me," said Tail.
"Go avay, foolish Tail." She commanded and tail fled once more with a disappointed huff. Juhani looked at T3. He was still intimately interfaced with the navicomputer and bleeping merrily about their union.
HK-47 placed a lei of Selkath Hibiscus about T3's lid, and gave him the droid equivalent of a kiss. The astromech device chastised him, "bleep frotz! – don't flirt!"
Carth entered with wreaths of laurel and began placing them about the dashboard of the Hawk. "For the happy couple," he said with a grin for the newly-welds. Juhani blinked. It was a very long blink. A very very long blink…
Then suddenly she felt floor cold and hard, a savage snap back to reality. The feel of engine grease clogging her facial fur and the fumy smell of aviation gasoline. A noise reached her ears. She processed it, and recognized the sound of her own yowling, and talk. It was Jolee and Pol. When she opened her eyes, her lashes were hard up against the corrugated durasteel floor of the cargo hold. I do not recall returnink to zis place, perhaps I did not moof.
"Definitely a gizka high," Jolee said from somewhere above her. Juhani sat up slowly her head throbbing from the come-down.
"How are you feeling Juyou alright?" Pol asked with a wince.
Juhani yawned her pink tongue curling backwards as her mouth broadened. She wiped her eyes and said "Zat vas strange."
Jolee chuckled, "I'll bet!"
Pol joked as she helped the Cathar to her feet "We're just lucky you didn't find the Catnip amongst the contraband!"
Juhani's face lit up, as though a neon brand of glee had been stamped across her features, "Ju haf Catnip?" She asked with a wicked grin.
End