Heart's A Mess

Summary: It makes no sense but I'm desperate to connect. And you can't live like this. I don't know what to feel anymore.

Artemis' POV

I was fine – No. I AM fine. I'm fine. Arty – ARTEMIS is fine. I'm good. Great. Perfect, even!

Who am I kidding? I'm not perfect. I'm not great. I'm not good. I'm not fine. I'm no where near any of those things. So yes, I was fine…until lunch time.

He just walked into the kitchen, went to the fridge, and made some wack-o sandwich again. And I HAD to be there to see it. And I just HAD to make some snide remark about his eating habits. And he just HAD to "insult" me on how I eat too little (it wasn't really an insult, trust me). And I said, "Me? Eat too little? This isn't eating too little. You just eat waaay too much. Even people who join those pie-eating competitions don't eat like that." He glared. Ooh, that glare is just KILLING me. Ugh.

"You're just jealous that my metabolism is the fastest thing in the world, Arty" he told me.

I smirked. "Yeah, WAY faster than your running speed, Wallman." Good one, Artemis. It felt good to give myself an invisible pat on the back.

He glared at me again. I can't believe he did that again. I mean, it definitely didn't do anything to me the first time, what more would it do the second time?

"I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU," he semi-shouted, probably not wanting to disturb the others (which is very strange of him to do so because we always fought like this and not once did we ever consider the others hearing our quarrels).

I rolled my eyes. "Oh really?"

"Yes, really!" He yelled at me this time. Definitely NOT thinking about the others hearing anymore. I kind of winced when he said that – emphasis on the "kind of". I also kind of got annoyed because he was just causing all this drama – emphasis on the "got annoyed" part – and I did not understand why he was being such a drama king.

He grabbed his plate with the humungous sandwich on top (strangely not falling to the ground) and started to storm out of the kitchen. "Will you stop being such a drama freak? Hey! Come back here!" I was calling out to him. He stopped in his tracks for a few seconds.

"Why should I come back? All I ever get are these little side comments on every little thing I do. I'm sorry for HAVING FEELINGS. Is it so wrong for a dude like me to get hungry and make myself a sandwich?"

"Yes, ac-"

"NO. It is not wrong for someone to come into the kitchen and get a snack. I'm sorry that I can't be Mr. Perfect but I'm hungry, I have needs – deal with it!" And he was gone.

For a second, I considered laughing. It kind of sounded funny at first but for some reason, I was hurt. It was really odd that I felt that way. That's just Wally being Wally, I told myself. But no. It wasn't. If it were just Wally being Wally then he wouldn't storm out like that. He wouldn't do or say any of those things.

I'm sorry for HAVING FEELINGS, he said. Was he actually hurt by my little comment? He's never reacted that way about anything that I've said before. Maybe insulting a speedster about their speed was a wrong move. (I get it, okay. I understand that if someone said my archery skills sucked, I'd be angry too but come on. I wouldn't react like that…okay, maybe I would.)

I walked to his room. Knock knock knock. "Yeah?" He sure sounds happy. I knocked again, afraid that if I said anything, he'd just tell me to go away.

He finally opened the door and was about to say "What's up?" but then I think he saw that it was me so he just looked at me, deadpanned. "What do you want?" he said, with one eyebrow raised.

I mumbled, "Sorry." He looked at me like I was saying a foreign language. I guess it did sound like a foreign language.

"Sorry," I said louder. He opened his mouth. I stopped him. "Wait. Don't talk. I'm sorry. For everything, I guess. I just thought you knew I was joking. Like we always do, you know? I didn't mean it. The whole 'your metabolism is faster than your running speed' thing. That was honestly nothing. Everything is always honestly nothing. Just a mere joke. And don't go on and tell me how jokes are half meant because I don't care. Just – I…don't know what to say. Ugh. I'm sorry. Again."

He looked at me, still deadpanned. I was inwardly waiting for some sort of forgiveness speech or even just a little (but genuine) smile.

We looked at each other like that for a few seconds. Just me staring at him, hopeful for his forgiveness and just him staring at me, thinking, I think. (That sounded weird but you get it.)

He broke out a small smile. "I forgive you, Arty."

At first, I was happy. He forgives me! Glad that's over.

But then I saw his face again. That small smile was not genuine at all. No, it wasn't an evil little smirk that would make him look like a little devil. No, it wasn't even a "we're enemies" kind of small smile (if there's such a thing).

It was that kind of small smile you give a stranger because you feel forced to do so.

He didn't forgive me.

But I smiled back anyway. A real one. I didn't want him to know how hurt I was by his tiny action. I didn't want him to see me sad. Show no weaknesses. It wasn't really a weakness but it was close to one.

I didn't know what to feel afterwards. Should I feel good that he wouldn't be bothering me anymore? Should I feel worried that I may have jeopardized a really "great" friendship just because of some fight we had? Should I feel angry at him for not feeling anything for me anymore – HOLD UP. What am I saying? "Not feeling anything for me anymore"? What is wrong with me? Why should I be so angry at him for that? It's not like I had/have feelings for him anyway. Psssh. No way…I sighed.

Yes, I did.

Yes, I do. At least, I think so.