She had pushed him away for a reason. Every sign she ran into in her mind told her it was for the best. And she ran straight into many signs, knocking her flat. If you love someone, let them go, right? Even if that person doesn't know an inch of your feelings, but just a mile of your mistakes. Why try to expect someone to back pedal for you when you know in your aching heart he would be better striving forward without you. Does this boil down to her believing she doesn't deserve truth and happiness, love and devotion?
Possibly.
To her, feelings go very much deeper than whether you want it or not and deserve it or not. So much goes into being close with someone and allowing them along with you to not worry about consequences. When you delve deep, you find emotions run thick. One step and you're swallowed by the waves. And that big part of you, doesn't want to see a person falling into those waves and getting lost, just because you may have feelings for them. Caring about him enough to save him from that torture, that's what she told herself to do. That's what she had to do. She had to save him. And in this process within her mind, came the blind spot.
He loved her too.
.-.
He watched her sink herself into the shadows, with complete regret. The desperate hope caving and lodging in his throat caused him to shudder. He knew she was her own worst enemy. She put any and all blame upon herself. Pity wasn't what he felt. Not even close. But he wanted to save her. He needed to pull her out of the dark. She had to see. He required her to see. There was a fear inside of him, quickly edging every attempt to explode. The fire was alive and was growing and he couldn't watch her break. That fear turned into determination. He couldn't fail her. They weren't going to burn alone.
It was like she was walking off the worn trail and a new opening in the woods appears. Happiness floods his veins when he realizes she has finally found him in the clearing. He just had to show her everything she was missing. Things were possible for her and for him. Together they could explore these new sensations. She just had to get out of the dark. She had to find that clearing. He needed to pull her off of that damn trail. He must be her distraction. He had to do this before another tragic event throws them farther down the worn path.
He couldn't fail.
.-.
She had grasped his arm as the elevator doors opened and she passed by. The touch hadn't been deliberate. She didn't even think about what she was doing. His arm was just there and the motion felt natural. He had his suit jacket on and so the small, quick embrace was muffled. Every finger wrapped around the fabric nevertheless and in that little effort he felt something transfer from her to him.
A spark ran up his arm.
If she had meant anything by it, nothing showed upon her face. Her body was carried well and she continued forward until she was completely inside the elevator. Turning to face him, she is surprised to see him still standing there, watching her in a very compelling way. His eyes are steel and warmth and suddenly the heat in the small box is turned up a notch. She blinks and her hand flexes then relaxes at her side. She lifts said hand, looking confused and almost reluctantly presses the button that has the doors closing again to take her down to the ground floor. Just before they do close he breathes deeply, slightly nodding at her. Their eyes never lose contact until the cold, metal doors block their visions of each other, closing off whatever was forming in the air between them.
.-.
Signing her name in the last case folder on her desk, she sighs heavily, dropping the pen that had occupied her hand for far too long. Reaching up, she runs her fingers through her hair, a chill making its' way down her spine as the cold November night seemed to seep into the building. As she leans back in her chair, ready to call it a day, she feels eyes on her. Looking around, finding no one else in the bullpen she gazes up at the second level and he is standing there staring out his office window. She sees his eyes in between the blinds and he doesn't even try to hide the fact that he'd been caught. In fact he welcomes her stare, a small smile forming along his tightly closed lips. He was waiting for the moment she would lift her lashes towards him. Now that he has fixed her attention, he tells himself that this could work. The thoughts no longer going back and forth inside his head, he knows the possibilities. She licks the corner of her lip, blinking up at him and wondering why they were letting this happen. Things were definitely changing and she was slipping in her act.
So much for that distance, she sighs.
.-.
He couldn't explain the sharp bursts of heat coursing down through his body. And yet, he was a man and they were human and she was there, standing beside him breathing the same air. The way she flicks her hair back out of her face, the strands flying and falling along her elegant shoulder had him turning more in her direction. The color of her sweater was a deep, deep red and the garment hugged her body in such an enticing way. Her voice lifted the room; all eyes were upon her, hanging on her every word. He was aware of every part of her and every part of him wanted her. He noticed she seemed to be getting better, healing within herself. The darkness that haunted her was fading. She was involved in everything and always came near him to talk. They would sit by each other more often than usual. The brief touches continued. A brush of arms here, a grasp of hands there; they knew the need and the light contact barely breeched the surface of that need. Things between them appeared to be growing stronger. He was well aware and she was coming to terms of it all.
That clearing was so close.
Soon, he tells himself. Very soon.
.-.
She was falling. Be damned her rules and the control she had set for herself. Those waves were going to swallow them whole and suddenly she didn't care. He had shown his sides of this dance between them, making her realize at second glance, that blind spot can be seen. Those feelings can be reciprocated and continue to bloom, renewed. The path was clear and new.
Despite the thick, heavy tragedies they were surrounded by, they found in one another a sense of comfort.
She allowed his look to penetrate hers for longer periods of time. His hand would press gently, quietly along the small of her back to guide her through the elevator doors. Their smiles were slow and soft from across the table. They were letting this dance continue, waltzing them from one perception to another. And the results were exhilarating.
...
'Through perils of both wind and limb, through thick and thin she followed him.' – Samuel Butler
Just a few little something's for you. Thank you.
lilylynn