Hi! This is a rant. Yes folks, I am ranting. SOMEONE needs to say something. Transformers 3 has just been announced and I have some plot ideas that I ENCOURAGE Micheal Bay to use, because obviously he isn't paying any attention to his fans... As was seen in the second movie, which was a plot-less soft porn pile of SCRAP. One. DO NOT tell fans a Transformers movie will have twins in it, then put in two characters no one has ever heard of, who are annoying, stupid and racist.

ESPECIALLY after using the word SIDESWIPE.

Second. DO NOT use a character as freaking awesome as Sideswipe was in the beginning of the film, use him for all of three minutes and then have him somehow disappear, not to be seen or heard again. I kept waiting for him to continue to show off how "Bad" he was, as consolation for the mindless crap you wrote for Mudflap and Skidz and was sorely disappointed when low and behold, there wasn't bolt or nut of him for the rest of the film. WTF dude?

The first movie was AWESOME. The second movie was sad. SINCE WHEN WAS JETFIRE A GEREATRIC MORON? Come on! You had so many chances to make number two even better then number one and you totally dropped the ball. Shame buddy. SHAME.

Bouncing boobies and big explosions are awesome, don't get me wrong... But come on, at least TRY to stick a decent plot in there. Those of us that have been following the Transformers since we were kids are getting pissy.

DO include Wheelie, because he was the cutest little decepticon EVER. I liked him more then Frenzy.

DO include Sideswipe and for fuck sake, GIVE HIM HIS TWIN. Main character's please, not cameo appearances.

DO bring Barricade back as Prowl. That would rock so hard.

DO have Ironhide get pissed at Mudflap and Skidz and blow them to kingdom come.

DO Have Sam's mom die in a horrible accident of some sort... And get some therapy. If that's how you view mothers? You obviously have mommy issues. That woman is asinine.

DO Bring in Unicron. To the reply "How is Sam going to fight a robot as big as a planet?" I offer a DUH solution. Two words. VECTOR. PRIME. I also suggest he be voiced by Anthony Hopkins. Do this and I will love you forever.

DO. NOT. Kill Optimus Prime again. I swear to god, I will sue you for emotional damages.

(( Though that fight scene was freaking awesome...))

END RANT.

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. I do not actually have any plans to sue Michael Bay. I do however own the original character's in this, Parcheesi, Merlot, Sunshine and Steel Shadow.

I do not own ANY of the music used here. Music belongs to the world and the music mentioned was written by someone far more talented then me.

Rated: Not for little kids. Rusty is a grumpy old mech. Swearing happens. So does violence and all manner of other grown up things. Can't handle it, don't read.

Yes folks, Steel is a motor home. He didn't use to be. YOU'LL SEE! Yes folks Merlot is a Southern black woman. After the disgraceful racism in the second movie, I decided to write about a black character that wasn't an illiterate retard with an IQ of 5.

Cue Fanfiction-

The ancient motor home shivered out of recharge to the sweet sound of Cecilia Bartoli and Renee Flemming's rendition of Mozart's Sull'aria. With a happy mumble, he carefully stretched his struts as the smell of burning toast filled his sensors.

"Bought time. Parcheesi and I been up for almost twenty minutes!"

If he wasn't in alt form, he would have smirked as the young black woman as bustled around his tiny kitchen. "Morning kiddo, sleep well?"

She waddled slowly to his front seat, which he had warmed for her and slowly sat herself down, toast and coffee in hand. Parcheesi glanced up from his spot in the other seat and yawned. After a moment of petting, the fluffy cat began to purr.

"Fo'sho sug. You?"

"Fantastic. Other then being a bit nippy out, it's been a beautiful night. "

The very pregnant teenager who had made him her home seven months ago patted his dashboard.

"Thas good, cause we dun slept in. We goin' ta have to book it if we wanna hit Los Angelos befo' rush hour."

He let out a dramatic groan that he didn't really mean.

"Get yo'self warmed up, I'mma go change."

Obligingly, he started up, wincing as his engine backfired. The hoot of laughter from the back made him grin.

"Boy we betta' get you some prunes!"

He snickered.

"I hate to think what organic fiber would do to my fuel line."

Still laughing, she returned to the driver seat, now wearing a teeshirt and sweatpants. As he slowly putted towards the highway, a feeling of contentment filled his spark.

Thirty eight miles later-

CLUNK.

Merlot frowned. "You ok sug?"

If he could have narrowed his optics he would have. This couldn't be happening. Not now. Inwardly struggling with his malfunctioning engine, he worked on keeping his voice cheerful.

"Yes ma'am."

CLUNK.

She quirked a brow as he shuddered involuntarily and backfired. "You lyin, ain't you."

"It's just a small glitch, kiddo. I'm fine."

BANG!

"Scrap..."

Both brows went up, her frown deepening as with a wheeze he slowed to a halt, his engine sputtering loudly, before shutting itself off with a pained shudder.

"Oh sug..."

Swearing, he struggled to restart, shuddering again as a sharp pain shot through his chassis and his engine refused to obey him. Sighing heavily he sunk against his struts, feeling like an utter failure.

"I'm sorry..."

To his surprise, she patted his dashboard soothingly, a sweet smile on her face.

"Don't worry about it Sug, I'll see if I can get us a tow."

He shuddered again at the thought of some strange human poking around under his hood. There was only one being on this planet he trusted to do that. With a heavy sigh, he conceded defeat. It was time to call for help.

"I have a better idea..."

Her frown deepened, suspecting what he had planned.

"You gonna call home?"

"They have a mechanic."

She hid her sorrow well, but he knew what she was thinking as she got up, heading out his side door and leaning against the guard rail to smoke. She always smoked when she was upset.

Checking to make sure his Holo-projector was still functional, he switched it on, not caring who saw as the slender old man with piercing blue eyes appeared out of thin air beside her. Brushing a braid out of her face, she stared at her feet.

"We made a deal. I'm not leaving you."

Wishing not for the first time that he had a more functional form, he reached out, his image crackling as fingertips she wouldn't feel brushed against her cheek.

"We both know that ain't true sug... You go back there, you'll see the war you left behind and all the people who need you an' go right back to it. Yer a soldier. It's in yer... Oil."

He couldn't help it. He smirked. "Energon."

"Whateveh. You gonna call yer friends, I gotta change. I ain't dressed proper fo' company."

As she dug through the her clothes, he smirked, switching on his long distance com for the first time since landing six years ago.

"Attention fellow Autobots, just in case you're sleepin on the job, this is Autobot designation Steel Shadow, Ident 1122-68230D-882714-1182D-..."

BAM!

The semi-truck that slammed into his rear had come up so fast he hadn't even sensed it veering off course. Panic filled his spark as white hot agony ripped through him and the force of impact knocked him violently on his side. As the massive Autobot rolled down the hill, finally coming to rest on his side, everything went black.