"Look, all I know is that this chick used to be Orochi-fucking-maru's damn apprentice, okay? So don't go 'Hidan you didn't pay fucking attention!' on me! How was I suppose to concentrate when Konan's boobs were practically begging for me to just grab-"

"Okay Hidan, we get it!" Deidara shouted as the rest of the Akatsuki sighed, relieved. Hidan would just not shut the fuck up.

Well, you might be wondering what the Akatsuki [other than Pein and Konan of course] might be doing on a wonderful, sunny day. The author apparently had an ingenious story up in her mind about Akatsuki capturing one of Konoha's Snake Lady. Okay, fine. Konoha's only Snake Lady. Why? As a matter of fact, I myself do not know. The mission was top secret, so as to speak.

And you may be asking, why the whole of the Akatsuki? Why not just send Deidara? Or-or Sasori? Or something like that.

Again, I have no fucking idea.

But, lets just continue, no?

As I was saying, the Akatsuki were walking freely in the open air towards Konoha's Forest Of Death, possibly a place Anko was currently in.

They had discovered from a little birdie that today was her day off. So she was probably training or doing God knows what in an alley.

Someone's stomach had just grumbled and everyone stopped. They all turned to look at Tobi, who in reply, just gave a small squeak.

"T-Tobi was h-hungry this morning b-but Deidara-sempai said to Tobi not to touch his deliciously delicious chocolate-flavored cookies that he kept in this cute little pink heart-shaped jar with the words 'Cute' written in big dark pink bolds! T-Tobi swears, Tobi didn't touch it!"

There was silence at first, then laughter roared through the whole damn forest. Even Kakuzu and Itachi as well as Sasori gave a small chuckle or smile.

"W-what? My sister gave me that!" Deidara retorted, his face now red.

"Right, and I'll die soon!" Hidan laughed, on the floor with his hands on his stomach. Kisame also rolled on the floor, tears in his eyes.

It gave a good 2 minutes for the Akatsuki to recover before making their way to Konoha. Along the way, they quickly disguised themselves as a family here on vacation. When they reached the gates of Konoha, the guards on parol stopped them.

"Stop. Papers, please."

They had killed a family and took everything. Wallets, food [mostly gone by Zetsu], anything at all. They just had to clean off the blood of the victims and tried to disguise themselves. It took them 10 seconds. But Tobi and Hidan almost took an hour.

Before they knew it, they were inside.

Deidara was the fat lady, the mom. While Kakuzu was the dad, the hunky, but old, dad. The rest were all the children. It'd be a funny picture if you ask me.

Deidara was obviously pissed at being mom. Which meant he had to be nice and act lady-like, apart from brushing his hair, which was the only lady-like thing he knew how to do, since the woman apparently cut her hair short. Not enough to brush properly. Deidara was pissed indeed.

Kakuzu was somehow okay with being the father. The lead of the whole family. Sure, he had to protect his family, but he had 5 fucking hearts. Now what man wouldn't be pleased to control a whole group of S-Ranked Missing Nins? An insane one. Plus, Kakuzu would be in charge of the money. Deidara might take some, going out to buy groceries and such, but it wasn't much. Konoha was peaceful now, so the village was going at a slow rate and groceries were fucking cheap. Kakuzu was obviously happy.

Itachi was made the eldest child. He was at least, 21 years old. Almost the same age as Itachi himself. Wait, I'm confusing myself. Whatever.

Sasori was made the second eldest. What, with his good looks and charm, he could not possibly be the youngest, am I right? Sasori was 20, so as to speak. But his height told otherwise. He looked like a 15 year old with that cute red hair of his.

Zetsu. Ah, that had to be a problem. Zetsu was a problem. His skin was weird. It was half black, half white. So poor, unfortunate Zetsu had to use a clone to have a twin. One Zetsu's skin was literally black, while Clone Zetsu's skin was white. He was obviously moping. Zetsu was 19. That was odd, as both Zetsus looked old enough to be 23.

Hidan was pissed at being the middle-aged child. He wanted to be the father. But Kakuzu beat him to it. He also had to change his hair color from silver to red. He loved that color, but somehow also hated it. It definitely did not fucking match his face. Now Hidan looked weird, he would say. But he still had that arrogant, sexy smirk. So he was okay. He was 17, by the way.

Kisame had to change his skin color, obviously. Kakuzu and Deidara lied to the guards that he and Tobi were adopted. They found the 2 boys lost in the forest, covered in dirt and mud whatsoever. Kisame looked sexy. Much more than Hidan when he had changed his skin color. His gills completely gone. He was 18.

Tobi was 15. And he was fucking adorable. His mask had been removed and he changed his face to resemble a certain Uchiha. He had jet black hair and he would not just stop smiling.

"Alright Konoha, the Akatsukis have arrived!" Deidara smiled triumphantly at Hidan's words. The rest looked at Hidan like he was crazy, to which he only replied with a grin.

"Are you just doing this to get on my nerves or are you trying to get us all killed?" Kakuzu asked nonchantly.

"Depends, is it working?" Hidan still had his shit-eating grin on.

"It definitely is."

"Ho ho!" Hidan raised his hand. "I have succeeded then!"

Now not only were the Akatsuki looking at him, a few villagers were too. He brushed them off.

"Okay, so we're going to the forest now?" Kisame questioned.

"No, we're going to my aunt Mika's wedding." Deidara blatantly said.

"We are?" Tobi looked excited.

"No! You wish we were! Of course we're going now!" Deidara crossed his arms.

There was silence.

"Uhh.. guys? Which way is the forest?"

Everyone groaned at Deidara's words. He smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

"Its to your left, Deidara." Itachi's voice was heard.

"Alright-ty then! Off we go!" He beamed, leading the lazy-asses.

They all saw Anko there, lazily eating her Dango and throwing the skewers at the tree as if they were Kunais. As soon as she sensed them, she got off.

"Hello." She smiled. It had been a while since anyone had visited the Forest Of Death. And if they were from another village, they might just be willing to be friends with her before they found out about her past. Anko was pretty sure all the villages have at least heard/been terrorised of/by Orochimaru. She refrained from touching her mark from the new faces she had just seen.

"I haven't seen you guys around here before. Are you from another village?" She asked, smiling some more.

"Actually, yes. We're in a bit of a jiffy here." Kakuzu tried to imitate a Australian accent. Hopefully she won't find out their real identities.

He could sense the rest trying to hide their laughter.

"Really, now?" She asked, hand on her hip.

"Yup."

"Well," she turned around. Perfect. He looked towards Hidan. Hidan nodded. "Whats the problem?" Before she could turn back again, Hidan had struck her with his three-bladed scythe.

Eventually she had passed out due to blood loss.