Disclaimer: not mine, don't own, blah, blah, blah…

Author's Note: This is a sequel to 'Redeemed'. It might help to read that first. Starting this was harder than I thought. Seriously. I had so many ideas but didn't know how to begin. So here is something to at least get the ball rolling. Not sure I'm happy with it, but… anyway. Read/review/thanks in advance.

Chapter One

Hiram drank the last dregs of his coffee, wishing he had time for one more cup if for no other reason than he wanted to stare at his wife a little longer. He couldn't decide which was more mesmerizing; the way she left her hair down in the morning, her long blonde hair cascading in the new morning sunlight, or the silent way she moved gracefully from stove to table, too sleepy to make conversation but giving him soft touches as she served him. Lately he was sure it was the cute way her robe refused to cover her stomach now that she was clearly showing.

"Why are you looking at me that way?" Eva asked with playful annoyance.

"You're so beautiful. I can't help it."

"Incorrigible," she muttered, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, tugging at the robe to cover her body. When he passed on another cup of coffee, she sat down at the table with him.

"Well, you know," he said in mock defense. "I never said you had to get up with me. If bachelorhood taught me anything it was how to fry my own egg in the morning. I'd much rather you get plenty of rest."

"If being a spinster teacher taught me anything, it's how to get up with the sun. So you better get used to seeing my face," she retorted, then add with a sigh. "Besides, I have all day long to get rest."

There it was again, a sadness that couldn't be repressed. He was afraid to ask her why she was so disheartened. What did he know? Shouldn't a husband know these things without asking? He was mostly afraid that she would tell him that she had doubts and that after all the upheaval had settled she realized that everything was a huge mistake.

"I know you're not happy, Eva," he said, unable to look at her face. "If I did something wrong, if I said something… please tell me. Just let me try to fix it, whatever it is." He felt her hand on his arm, tender but firm. She waited for him to look at her.

"You have done everything very right, Hiram."

"I still want to fix it."

"Just love me and it'll be fixed. I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I was needed when I was teaching and I miss it. I just need to get used to all this time I have, figure out what I'm supposed to be doing with myself to feel important again." It wasn't a lie, she did miss teaching, but there was more to it than that. She couldn't tell him how empty and disconnected she was feeling to everything happening to her.

"Being my wife is important. Motherhood is important. It's completely normal to be nervous. I've seen it many times. I know you'll be a wonderful mother." Hiram stood up, picked up his medical bag and leaned down to give her a kiss good bye. She walked him to the door and helped him with his coat and hat, pulling the collar up. She handed him his hat and waited for another kiss.

"When you think of me today, remember that I'm missing you more than you're missing me," he said.

"Not possible. Hurry home to me." She watched him step out in into the chilly December air, hurry down the sidewalk and disappear from sight.

She quickly shut the door and returned to the warmth of the kitchen, cleaned up breakfast and headed upstairs to get dressed. As she reached the top stair, she noticed the sunbeams pouring out of the unfinished nursery onto the hall floor. She made her way to the doorway and stared at the emptiness of it. How very appropriate, she thought.

As she stepped into the room, she liked the way the sun warmed the air and gave it a cheery feel. As far as nurseries go, it would be the perfect room for it. She tried to think of one child she taught in Walnut Grove that had his own nursery. Nellie and Willie Oleson perhaps, but they were quite often the exception to any rule. Yes, her child would have everything it could possibly need to thrive. Except a loving mother. She left the room and shut the door behind her. The nursery would be finished in due time. Until then, she didn't want to look at it anymore.

As she got dressed, she stared at her changing shape.

"It's not like you won't be loved at all, you know," Eva spoke aloud. "Your father is positive you are the most handsome baby that will ever be born. He's delivered quite a few. He'll be a qualified judge." She covered up and closed her eyes. It didn't matter. No matter what she did or said, she couldn't make herself want this baby.

Even though the ordeal was solidly in the far away past, she still had moments of terror that she couldn't control. If a heavy wind made the house moan or if a stranger bumped into her in a crowded shop she would start to panic. And even though Benjamin was dead, she still struggled with nightmares. This baby was a reminder of everything she wanted to forget and it was growing by the day. It wasn't fair to it or to Hiram, but the more she tried to pretend to be happy, the sadder she became.

There were chores to be done and letters to be written. She would cook and she would eat, and in between she would rest. Despite the cold, it was a beautiful day for a long walk. Christmas was coming and she still hadn't settled on a gift for her husband. There was plenty to keep her mind occupied. And when all of it was finished, he would be home again. That thought alone gave her the resolve she needed to move her day along.

When she thought about how much she loved him, she could barely breathe. It was nothing short of a miracle how quickly her affection turned to deep love. She couldn't remember the precise moment, but it was sudden… she didn't just care about him, but needed him with every ounce of her being. It was a miracle.

As she passed by the nursery door again, she prayed for another miracle. Perhaps God would spare one more for the sake of a child that never did anything wrong and the man she loved who longed for a family of his own, a family that was whole and happy.