Fourteen was supposed to be an age filled with first dates and acne. It was not supposed to be age where you became the girlfriend of the dead kid.

Maya Matlin wanted to close her eyes and remember the way she felt wrapped in Cam's muscular arms, feeling his heart pressed against her chest. She wanted another chance to run her hands underneath his shirt and feel more muscles, trace each finger against the waistband of his boxers. Maya just wanted Cam back.

It had been one week since she had gotten the earth shattering news Cam had committed suicide in the greenhouse. He had slept over a few nights previous and called it the best night ever. She replayed the video he left for her again and again, the only way she would see him breathing ever again. Inside of her bag was Hoot, she often held him and wished she had the chance to have seen Cam before he died. Katie told her they had found Hoot with Cam, but she had been given no details. It was supposed to be where Cam was back at school after his suspension and life made sense.

Suicide was not something Maya had ever expected of Cam. Due to her mixed emotions, she was angry at him while also devastated. She wracked her brains for all the ways she could have, should have saved him. Too little, too late. Why didn't Cam fight harder? Why didn't he ask for help?

Why would he just give up on life like that?

"Maya, are you okay?" A voice startled Maya of out of her reverie and forced her back to the present moment. Katie was staring at her with worried eyes, her black bangs sticking out from just waking up. Her older sister shivered and wrapped her arms around herself to get out of the chill.

Maya was lying on the couch in the family room, wrapped in the blanket which smelled of Cam. Sweat...grass... such a hard scent to describe, but those are the two Maya was able to pick up when she held the blanket up to her nose.

Maya blinked for a moment and looked at Katie. She seemed worried and scared, not sure what to expect of Maya anymore. No one knew who Maya was. She wanted to go back in time and save Cam. She just wanted him right here so she could scream at him, yell, anything.

She just wanted to feel something besides the void in her chest.

"I am fine," Maya absently replied and ran a hand through her greasy hair. It had been a few days since she showered, but it did not bother her. She found it hard to see why it mattered what she did anymore. Life was a bunch of jumbled confusion. Maya wished she could just bury herself in her a safe place until everything went back to normal.

Normal does not exist when Cam is dead.

Katie shuffled over in her bunny slippers and perched next to her sister. She noticed the paused video of Cam on Maya's phone but said nothing. Instead, she put on a forced smile and said, "I thought it would be fun if we had a girls day today. We could get all dressed up and have fun together. Just you and me, My."

She laughed at her sister and said, "I don't really feel like having an anything day today. I would like it if you just left me alone for right now, Katie. Please. Being alone is better at this point."

Katie frowned and picked up her sister's phone. "Being alone is why Cam is gone, Maya. I am not going to lose you! I will be damned if anything happens to my sister. I love you, My. That is why I can't leave you alone."

Maya lunged for the phone and snatched it from Katie's hand. "Don't touch my stuff! If you deleted that, I would have never forgiven you. This is the only way I can see Cam. It is all I have left!" She screamed and placed the phone on the table behind her. She tried to take a few deep breaths to calm herself and fight the tears threatening to pool at the corners of her eyes.

Maya told herself she would not cry and was not able to break her most sincere promise to herself. No, no, no. Crying was not allowed.