Title: But You're My Dork
Author: Shelby
Summary: "I just came to see if you were okay. Are you?" "Yes, why does everyone keep asking me that?" "Well you did push Serena into a fountain back in France." "And she pushed me into a cake last year. We're girls. It's what we do." Contains S3 & S4 Spoilers
A/N: I was watching Clueless and realized Blair/Dan could so be a Josh/Cher-like pairing. This isn't mega romantic, more so friendly. So even non-romantic Dan/Blair fans might enjoy.
BTW: So inspired by the amazing Dan/Blair fan videos on YouTube too. Some of the best I've seen. And aside from everything else Penn is pretty darn adorable. Have you seen him on the Gag Reels? I LMAO.
The reason there is mostly dialogue is I think it gives a light one-shot like this a better humor value and flow.
XOXOXOXOXO
"Did Serena send you here to checkup on me, Humphrey?"
"Believe it or not, I actually came here myself."
"Right, because with a baby on the way you're mind is nowhere, but Blair Waldorf."
"Okay, so she mentioned something, but it was still my idea to pay you a visit."
"I guess I've realized you do have a good heart, even if I find all that flannel horrendous."
"Oh come on, Robert Pattinson does it, even recently a certain Nate Archibald."
"Who never really had great fashion sense to begin with. Have you seen the boy's underwear? His mother had his name put in them. Every outfit throughout his high school career was pretty much preselected."
"Nate has engraved underwear, exactly what I needed to know."
"Well these are the facts of life."
"Wasn't there a character named Blair on that show?"
"What?"
"The Facts of Life. It was a show—you know what, never mind. I just came to see if you were okay. Are you?"
"Yes, why does everyone keep asking me that?"
"Well you did push Serena into a fountain back in France…"
"And she pushed me into a cake last year. We're girls. It's what we do."
"Yeah, but with Chuck bringing his new girlfriend back to the states."
"You know I find it funny how everyone assumes this is what I'm upset about yet has no problem bringing it up time and time again. I mean do I not hear enough about it from Gossip Girl? Or on page three for that matter?"
"Guess I got my answer."
"Yeah, well I'm doing my best not to give a rat's ass. Trust me."
"I'm guessing this means insults and scheming?"
"I wouldn't waist another plot on that Basshole if my life depended on it. Besides, Chuck thinks it's time for both of us to grow up."
"Yet, he's doing it with another woman."
"Wow, was that a sarcastic jab, Humphrey? I'm impressed."
"Well, it's not hard to do when I hate the guy's guts."
"And I really don't want to talk about why."
"That I understand. I'd be pretty pissed too, but let's just not go there."
"Good to know we agree on something."
"Well if it makes you feel any better, she's not nearly as pretty as you."
"What?"
"Eva. Girls always want to look better than their boyfriends new girlfriend, at least back in Brooklyn, so I though it would make you feel better if I said—"
"Thanks, but if it was said just to lift my spirits—"
"It was, but it's also true."
"Did you just say I was attractive?"
"Come on, you know you're gorgeous."
"Are we having a nineties, teen movie moment?"
"Let's not go that far."
"Good. Because I'm not all that into baby daddy's."
"Me neither, but I guess I don't have the choice."
"Please tell me you're making Whoregina get a paternity test the moment her spawn claws through the womb."
"My dad wants me to. So does Serena."
"And everyone else who knows that wicked witch. Do it or I will set fire to Cedric."
"I guess with a threat like that I have no choice."
"If it is your baby though. What are you going to do?"
"Fail it probably. I don't know how to be a parent."
"Relax, out of all of us you'd probably make the best parent. At least yours actually cared while you were growing up."
"My dad at least, yeah."
"Well you can't get much worse than Chuck selling his for a hotel, Serena letting hers make a sex-tape, Nate offering his pot, or me probably making mine love everyone else, but me."
"Come on, that isn't true."
"Really, cause the more I think about it. It seems that way. I do all the work with the guys when they're messed up and someone else reaps the benefits. I thought it would be different with Chuck, but same pattern as always."
"You might not want to hear about this, but when I heard about him and her I thought of you, back at the coffee shop in Brooklyn, admitting to me you loved him. I was so astonished anyone could love Chuck Bass back then. I still am."
"Well it was my mistake."
"You don't really mean that."
"No, but I wish I did. For a while I hoped the same about Nate too, but we ended nice. It was final, clean, and respectable. I guess Archibald really does do it the classy way."
"Yeah, he's a good guy."
"So are you."
"What? Did Blair Waldorf just—?"
"Look, I don't think you're that bad of a person."
"Thank you?"
"No, that was what you said to me. It was the nicest thing someone had in a while and when I really needed it. That's what makes you a good guy. You don't particularly seek pleasure of kicking someone when they're down."
"I don't think you do either."
"Many would disagree with you."
"I'm serious, Blair. I think sometimes you take stuff too far, but it's only because you think at the time it's necessary. That under it all it's because you're hurting."
"If I respond to that it would be a sign of weakness."
"I know. That's why I'm not asking you to."
"Thanks, Dan."
"No problem. Oh and if it's of any significance. You could have made it at NYU."
"Let's not lie."
"I'm not. I think this year you could have. You've grownup. And to be honest, maybe it's not such a coincidence that you've done this without Chuck."
"Don't say that. There was a time when he helped me open up so much."
"And you more than paid him back. If he can't do that same for you now, then move on. You deserve better just by being a human being."
"Th—thanks. I'll keep that in mind."
"No problem. It's just how I roll."
"You're such a dork, Humphrey."
"Whatever, Princess," Dan laughed and went out the door.
Blair waited until she was sure he was gone and turned around.
"But you're my dork," she smiled.
XOXOXOXOXO
Please don't freak on me. Sorry if I have a bit of appreciation for the most decent guy on Gossip Girl. Plus, I feel bad for him when G showed up preggers. So praying it isn't his kid.
Mean anonymous reviews will be deleted.