A short prompt that came to my mind after seeing the sneak peak of T.A.H.I.T.I.
I'm going for an angsty Fitz...
Thanks to my Beta StarryDreamer01 who helped me edit this.
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN AGENTS OF SHIELD.
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There are times when I worry that I've already lost myself. That is, that my self is so inseparable from being with you that if we were to separate, I would no longer be. I save this thought for when I feel the darkest discontent. I never meant to depend so much on someone else.
-The Lover's Dictionary, David Levithan-
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"Simmons?"
He didn't get an answer back. His mind registered that the comms were down but his heart, for a fleeting moment, lurches before he's fully aware of it.
Fitz knew that he shouldn't be thinking of Jemma now. Not when they were going into a foreign facility to get something that could help Skye. Anything that could make her recover.
But he can't help it.
She wasn't by his side and that was an anomaly: his mind and body weren't used to solitude anymore. There was always her body and her mind to synchronize with. Her thoughts to understand, elaborate and develop. Together working as one.
His mind started to wander. Thoughts, some even irrational, started to swirl in his mind.
What if she was in danger?
They were going against everything and everyone now: SHIELD, Centipede and many more. He felt a tingle of panic rising up at the thought of her being captured or hurt but then relaxed when he remembered that May was with her.
There was no way that the Cavalry would allow anyone to hurt Simmons.
The feeling of calm fades into something close to dread at the thought that Jemma could be trying to do something with May to help them or to get more information for Skye.
She had become more reckless.
He saw her jump in front of a grenade...
Fearless.
He saw her jump off a plane to save the Team...
She was learning to work on her own while he was still struggling with that. She was learning to do things on her own, make decisions on her own. Without him.
He realised that he depended on her too much...
He followed her when she suggested to join the Team even though he was happy working at Sci-Ops. It wasn't because he didn't want to be left behind.
It was her.
He couldn't stay away from her. He couldn't leave her.
He cared too much. His feelings were too strong to allow him to let her go...
But, he understood now, if he didn't let her go a bit, he wouldn't be able to keep up with her.
There would come a moment when he would be standing behind as she walked on and away from him.
He wouldn't let that happen.
He had told her to embrace the change. It was time for him to do the same. On regular basis.
He had to change and adjust to this new life.
He shouldn't be doing this only when he felt the doubts creeping in his mind. Not when his heart felt shattered and raw after seeing her almost die.
Her jump from the plane had fueled his need to show his worth and had made him accept the mission in Ossetia. Her jump and Ward's taunting words under the Berserker staff's rage.
Jemma shielding them from a grenade had made him accept Skye's plan to follow Centipede. Jemma crumbling to the ground and Skye unconscious, bloody and dying had him join this four man team to some unknown facility.
He had hesitated when Jemma struggled with the Cybertech man and then fell to the ground. His heart and breath echoed in his ears as he thought that she was dead and Skye had the courage to rush over and check her pulse. He breathed easily only when she said that Jemma was fine.
He had hesitated when he heard the gunshots from Quinn's villa. He felt panic and a wave of fear that made him start when he heard glass breaking and shots. It was the arrival of the Team that made him move and go inside.
He had hesitated. He was such a coward...
But he wouldn't hesitate anymore.
He would be strong. Someone that the Team could rely on more.
He would be strong for her.
Be worthy.
When he jumped down to join the others and inform them of the communication's blackout, he didn't show any fear.
He ignored the spirals of dread in his stomach at Agent Garrett's words of walking into a 'certain horrible death'.
When John Garrett teased him about not having sense of humour, he walked forward to disable the electronic doors and let them into the lab.
If the rest of them were not scared, he wouldn't be either.
He would not hesitate this time.
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