Dear Students,
As you may have heard we have recently acquired a new uniform at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry. We believed our old one was outdated and needed something new. Our new uniform consists of purple pinstriped trousers decorated with orange and green chicken which make clucking noises when you walk. A yellow and pink cape covered in duck feathers and a maroon T-shirt with spaghetti hanging from the armpits. The boys will have to wear fluorescent pink high heels and the girls must wear orange football boots. Girl's hair must be all shaved off and boys must be grown long and worn in plaits. Everyone will wear plant pots on their heads with a plant in, this way we will be able to distinguish between the year groups as the people with the tallest flowers will be the ones who have been at the school longest. If your flower dies you will be decapitated.
The new uniform can be purchased from Madam Malkin's starting next week.
Yours Sincerely
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.