A GSR Reunion Oneshot... Just in case.
My first CSI fic, I tried to keep it in character but think I may have lost it toward the end...
Disclaimer: If it was mine it wouldn't have taken so long...
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She had been wrapped up in a book when she heard the knock on the door. She looked up startled, she wasn't expecting any visitors, the only person she knew in this town was her mother and she wasn't likely to be knocking on her door unannounced. She rose from her position and went to investigate, but she wasn't prepared for the person before her.
"Gil." She couldn't manage anything more, he was the last person she expected to see.
"Can I come in?" He looked broken, his eyes were downcast when he addressed her and she wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort him, but it wasn't her place anymore so instead she did nothing.
"Of course, I'm sorry, please." She held the door wider to permit him entrance. For a few moments neither of them spoke. He took in the interior of her apartment, it was exactly as he would have expected. Dark walls like the haunt of a troubled teen, everything neat and tidy and in it's place, and a pile of forensics journals on the coffee table. She may have left the job, but she was still a scientist. As he took in his surroundings she just watched him, looking for a sign of why he was there.
"You left without saying goodbye." He finally broke the silence. He didn't sound angry, there was no accusation in his voice, just sadness.
"Our last conversation seemed pretty final." Was all she offered by way of explanation.
"I was wrong." He paused. "I never wanted you to leave Sara."
She walked toward him tentatively, she had been longing to be near him since she left Vegas. He reached out to touch her arm and it was all the encouragement she needed, she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face into his neck. He didn't waste any time in reciprocating, his arms encircled her waist and he pulled her into his chest.
"I've missed this. Missed you."
At his words she pulled back, nothing had changed between them and she couldn't let herself get lost in him. She turned her back on him and walked toward the kitchen. "Can I get you something to drink?"
He bit back his disappointment and answered her question, "Do you have tea?"
"Sure. You know I don't even drink the stuff, I just bought it out of habit." In typical fashion she found herself talking just to fill the silence.
He followed her into the kitchen, now that he was here he didn't want to let her out of his sight. "Sara."
"I'm sorry I don't have anything else to offer you, if I'd known you were coming I would have gone shopping." She knew she was rambling but she couldn't seem to get herself under control. What was he doing here? Why now? When she had got back from Las Vegas she had struggled to come to terms with the end of their relationship. She had been in love with him as long as she had known him, her leaving did nothing to change that. She had come back here certain that she was never going to see him again, and now here he was stood in her kitchen and she didn't know what to say to him.
"Tea's fine. Sara." He needed to say something but he didn't know what. Why was this so hard?
"Have you managed to fill the positions in the lab? You must have or you wouldn't be here. How long are you staying?" Here she finally stopped talking to allow him to speak.
"I left the lab Sara. I'm here for good, if you'll have me?" There was no denying the fear in his voice, if she rejected him now he had nothing left. He needed her to say yes.
"Gil I…" She paused to consider her next words, "You pushed me away, you practically begged me to leave."
"I know, but I was wrong." It was a simple admission, his second such admission in a matter of minutes and she took a moment to digest his statement. He continued to glance around the apartment until his eyes rested on a picture. It was Sara laughing openly at the person holding the camera, open water behind her. "You took the trip." It was a statement, he had known she had taken it, even then he had wished he had just gone with her.
"I wanted to take it with you." The kettle boiled and she poured the water into the pot, her back to him. "It was a good trip, you would have loved it out there." Her back stiffened as she fought the wave of tears, finally under control she turned back to face him.
" I was hurting Sara, our time together was the happiest I've ever known and then you left." She went to interrupt him and he spoke over her. "I get it. I understood then and I understand now but all the reasons that I wouldn't allow myself to love you for so long were realised in the moment I read your letter." He paused to look at her. "Knowing that you were out there, that our time would come was the only thing that kept me going. But I never wanted to be that guy. When you came back I realised how much I still need you, and then I realised you were going to leave again." Here he choked back a tear of his own. "I thought the worst thing I could ever face was waiting indefinitely, but it wasn't, the worst thing was knowing that there was nothing to wait for. I've spent my entire adult life building a career that without you means nothing, if I have to choose between it and you then it may have taken me a while, but I choose you."
"I never wanted you to have to choose Gil." She looked at him with sadness in her eyes. He loved his job, she couldn't believe he had walked away from it for her.
"I know that. I'm not built for a long distance relationship, I thought we could make it work but I couldn't. You can't go back there I get that, but I don't want to be there without you anymore. When it comes down to it there wasn't much of a choice to make."
"Gil Vegas is your home, you're going to miss it." She wanted nothing more than to take him into her arms, but she couldn't allow herself to believe that he was there for good.
"I will miss it, but it's not my home Sara, you are. I don't want to spend the rest of my life missing you, when I could be here with you." His expression was earnest, she still hadn't given any indication that she was in this with him.
"It took a lot of strength for me to walk away Gil. I walked away for you, and then I came to terms with it for myself. Sometimes I feel like you get a kick out of messing with my head." She paused for breath and he moved to speak, "I know it's not deliberate. When I told you I was happy I meant it, for the first time in a long time I wasn't fighting for acknowledgement. I love you, I always have, but I don't know if being with you is good for me." Once again she turned her back on him, this time to pour the tea for her guest.
"We were happy weren't we, at least for a little while?" The uncertainty in his voice finally broke her.
For the first time since walking away from Vegas for good she allowed herself to cry. He watched helplessly as her shoulders shook with the effort of release. Forgetting the tea she was making she turned again to face him, "Being with you was the happiest I've ever been. I can't keep putting myself out there for you Gil, I can't keep losing you."
He took a step forward and encircled her in his arms, she seemed to shrink within his grasp. He pressed a tender kiss to her temple. "We have to stop doing this to each other. Sara I'm not going anywhere, I'm here with you, for good if that's what you want." He let out a silent prayer. "I want us to go back, to the way we were before all of this, I want us to get married like we said we would and build a future. Together."
Her tears subsided and she lifted her head to look him in the eyes, the first time she had made eye contact since his arrival. "I want that too, I've missed you so much, but I don't think I can ever go back there." He knew what she meant.
"Then we'll stay here, I meant what I said earlier, my home is where you are. I don't want to be without you anymore." He stopped and for a few seconds they just gazed upon each other.
Finally they broke their stares and she leaned in to kiss him, "Gil, let's get married." It was all she needed to say, a smile erupted on his face for what felt like the first time in months. He leaned in to kiss her again, this time deeper. They were together and that was all that mattered, everything else would sort itself out.