Title: Deck the Halls
Author: Third Charm
Fandom: Babylon 5
Pairings: Marcus/Neroon, Sheridan/Delenn, Garibaldi/Lise, Ivanova/OC
Story Type: Seasonal Comedy/Drama Snippet
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and all subsequent major characters, plots, and ideas are the property of Straczynski, Babylonian Inc. and Warner Brothers. The following story was written only for the purposes of entertainment. No income had been made.
Warnings: Very AU, not beta read, slash and het
Spoilers: none
Summary: This is a bit of a sequel to "Thanksgiving Morning" and prequel to "Old Crushes and True Loves", but can be read on its own. The tradition of the "Annual Sheridan Christmas Party" starts out with a literal bang. Hey, not all celebrations go off without a hitch, nor does the course of even true Sheridan love run smooth.
*Author's Note: Both John and Delenn and Marcus and Neroon are "newly married couples" in this story. Also, the Minbari words and phrases were found at the "JumpNow" website in John Hightower's Minbari dictionary, though not all are direct translations
Deck the Halls
Neroon looked askance at the creamy, frothy cup of… something in his hand. A tentative sniff told him that he was safe from alcohol poisoning at least. The assortment of weak Human spices on the other hand…A chuckle from beside him pulled his contemplation away from just how to politely ditch the concoction that had been forced into his hand when he and Marcus had arrived at the Sheridans' home.
"It's only Eggnog, Neroon, and the non alcoholic variety at that. Take a sip. You might actually like it," his chuckling mala (spouse) told him.
With an inward sigh, Neroon did as Marcus requested. "Ah the stupid things a Warrior will do for love!" he thought to himself as he lifted the cup to his lips. Neroon took a small, experimental sip of the Human drink and slowly rolled it across his tongue.
Hmm… well it was not the bland pap he had been expecting. To a Minbari palette the spices were subtle, but still there, plentiful and very well balanced indeed. The milk and eggs had added their own flavors as well as a thick richness. Not bad, not bad at all.
Neroon smiled and inclined his head towards his mate. "A very fortifying drink…"
A crash coming from the direction of the Sheridans' personal flyer hanger, a loud bang following it with an angry female scream chasing quickly after and then profuse profanity of the Minbari variety interrupted the Warrior. A much panicked Sheridan then ran from the room, obviously going to check on his wife. He was followed by a couple of Rangers and Steven. Neroon was about to follow as well, but was stopped by Garibaldi.
"Not a good idea. They don't need a crowd in there, just in case something is wrong," the former Security Chief said before he winced at another loud bang that proceeded yet another torrent of angry Minbari profanity.
Marcus had paled at the noise. "Uh oh; I hope John's insurance is paid up! Both flyer and medical, that is," he said.
Neroon looked puzzled at the statement. "The flyer, I understand. Obviously Delenn has lived up to her reputation from her earliest days as an acolyte concerning her uncanny ability to crash any conveyance. But the medical? Though angry, she sounds unhurt."
Garibaldi snorted at that. "Hell, man, Marcus ain't talking about Delenn, he's talking about John! Sounds like the poor bastard is going to need it! Delenn sounds as if she wants his guts for garters!"
Marcus nodded in agreement. "Exactly! From the sound of it, I think that Delenn's… err… found Martha and Betty!"
Neroon's hairless brows flew towards his nonexistent hair line in disbelief. "Martha and Betty"? Just what was Star Killer up to? Hmm... Or should he say, "who" instead or "what"?
Geribaldi snorted at the look on the Minbari's face before saying, "Get your mind out of the gutter, you old goat! It ain't what you're thinking it is!"
Marcus quickly backed the old Chief up with, "Neroon! Get serious! Of course it's not what you're thinking!" before smirking and adding quite evilly, "It's actually much worse, come to think of it!" before chuckling.
Neroon was even more puzzled by this statement. Why would his mala laugh at the brewing fight? And what in Valen's Name could be worse than adultery? He was about to ask for an explanation when he was interrupted by a fleeing human Doctor that almost ran him over in his haste.
Steven, who looked to be running for his life, had taken that moment to reenter the room and beeline it straight to and, well, hide behind Susan and Allen. He was quickly followed by the now battling Sheridans, who were followed by the extremely chagrined Rangers who, knowing when to practice the better part of valor, quickly melted into the woodwork. At the stormy look on the face of both John and Delenn, the assorted B5 old crowd knew they were in for quite the fireworks show. Therefore, they all found cover, or were pulled to said cover by their more experienced spouses/lover/partners etc, hunkered down, and prepared to enjoy the admittedly dangerous entertainment. The host couple, on other the other hand, completely ignored their audience and were going at it full tilt.
Sheridan let out the next volley with, "They are friends! Old friends! They've been under my command since the damned War! They've been with me through the darkest of times; never shirking their duty, never willing to give less than their all! What was I supposed to do? Abandon them on B5?"
"Friends!" Delenn practically screeched in her anger. "Those are not friends! Friends are alive! And they-"
John cut her off with, "And they are! Martha and Betty are fully sentient! Fully self aware! Ergo, they qualify!"
"As if that makes it better! If anything, it makes it worse! How could you humans implement a program like that?" The dark look on John's face should have warned her that she had already gone too far, but like so many times in her life before, her temper had her mouth working overtime while her supposedly peace-loving, Religious Caste diplomat's brain fought to catch up. "I thought only the Shadows were capable of that level of barbarism!" Delenn riposted in disgust before her synapses could fire off a "cease and desist" order.
John's face went to ice cold granite at his wife's insult to his species, especially since they both knew what had caused the program to be developed and just who started that whole disaster to boot! "Well, my dear, humans do tend to become desperate and to develop unbelievably destructive ordinance when faced the whole sale genocide of their species," he drawled out condescendingly. "But, you do tend to forget that, don't you, Delenn?"
Delenn paled and gasped at John's tone and words, finally realizing that she'd truly overstepped the line. "John…" she tried to apologize but was cut off by her now coldly furious husband.
"You and the rest of this God damned planet just bury the fact of what you did, what you are responsible for, and love to pretend that everything was Jankowski's fault, even though your damned consulate ship refused to follow any of the intergalactic consular protocols and still doesn't for that matter, or hey, to blame the damned human that actually beat some of you in a space battle because he obviously cheated! Because how else could a dumb barbarian actually beat your best and brightest? Yeah, he killed a few thousand of yours, but what were the few MILLION of his that you butchered? Obviously, THEY WERE WORTH NOTHING!"
"John…" a now stricken Delenn tried again only to be ignored and steamed-rolled by Sheridan.
"But when your, oh so intelligent, and "elder" butts are in a sling it's always been the "stupid, barbaric humans" who've, for God only knows what reason, charged in and saved your high and mighty enlightened asses! First it was Jeff and the First Shadow War. Then it was me and Martha's and Betty's older sisters," he sneered. "Or have you forgotten that little tidbit already, my dear, Religiously enlightened wife? Have you forgotten just who took out Zha'Hah'Dum? Have you forgotten that the new EarthForce Fleet was one of the key reasons we were able to through the Vorlons and Shadows out of our collective lives? Or how about the fact that Marcus is directly responsible for you being alive, not once but twice? And that goes for you too, Neroon!"
Before the shocked Warrior-Priest could come up with anything to saying to try and mitigate this latest disaster, Delenn chimed in.
"John, I am sorry, please…" Delenn tried again only to be ignored yet again.
"And you know what else, you and every other Minbari out there might think that this planet is the center of all Light and enlightenment in this galaxy, but to most humans it still represents the Heart of Darkness! And frankly, as a human that spent his entire professional career at the top of the Minbaris' "Most Wanted; Dead or Alive" list, I sure as HELL am NOT going to be living on this planet without being armed with the only ordinance that will get my point across!" he roared before storming out.
Delenn finally collapsed into a chair and began to sob uncontrollably before her now very shocked guests. It took a bit before a shock-frozen Lennier and Neroon both could get themselves to move towards her. When they finally calmed her down enough, she tried to speak again, only to interrupt herself with watery hick ups.
Finally, after having drunk a glass of water brought by Lise, she looked up to Neroon and asked, "How does a Religious sala (wife) apologize to her Zha'Denn (Warrior) mala* for insulting the female personality-imbued, sentient, weapons of galactic destruction he's let… um… "live" in his personal flyer workroom?"
Neroon's jaw dropped in dumbstruck shock, first due to the simple fact that he never expected Delenn to ask for his advice in anything, let alone marriage advice. Then there was the fact that she had obviously missed the real cause to at least half of the argument that he had just witnessed; that being her own runaway mouth, and last but certainly NOT least was because he'd just put together "who" and "what" Martha and Betty actually were!
The End.
*mala, here in the Adronato (Religious caste language) context, is being used as "husband".