ECHOES

DEDICATED TO KATY
for lending me Legal Drug, despite being convinced I would hate it!

Previously entitled Broken Layers.

I wanted to write a Legal Drug fic long before now but an original idea was long in coming but, now, at long last, it is finally here! Be prepared for much angst, enjoy, and please review!

Disclaimer: Legal Drug is the legal property of CLAMP. Sadly I am not one of them and therefore do not own the characters, which is such a shame because they are all so pretty… Lyrics are from Pigs On The Wing from the album Animals by Pink Floyd.

CHAPTER 1 - MUTE REMINDER

If you didn't care what happened to me
And I didn't care for you
We would zigzag our way through the boredom and pain
Occasionally glancing up through the rain
Wondering which of the buggers to blame
And watching for pigs on the wing.

Rikuo stared inexpressively at the rain drenched figure standing in his doorway. Neither of them said a word, faces blank, carefully holding back any expression that might betray so much as a flicker of what was going on inside. Shock. That had been Rikuo's first feeling upon opening the door to find Kazahaya standing there, battered and filthy. Then exhilaration at seeing him again when he had long given up hope, and then anger because of all the pain and despair his disappearance had evoked in him. This inner battle did not show on his face but Anger won and he glared at the boy standing in the rain, standing silently.; No apology, no greeting, just a hollow, empty gaze. His presence seemed to say nothing except "I'm here. Reject me, take me in, I don't care either way. I don't care about anything anymore."

Rikuo stepped back from the door to allow the soaked boy into the small apartment above the Green Drugstore. Kazahaya sat down numbly, removed his anorak and peeled the dirty t-shirt from his skin. Rikuo threw him a towel and glanced over, suppressing the urge to hit something when he saw the state of him. Bruises and deep grazes were clotted with filth and his clothes were torn in several places. Idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot, the word circled in Rikuo's mind as he put the water on for tea and began soaking rice; it was obvious that Kazahaya was half starved. Handing him a steaming cup of tea Rikuo sat opposite Kazahaya, silent, intimidating, furious. Kazahaya reached for the cup with his left hand, the other in a soiled plaster cast and completely useless. Rikuo almost flinched when he saw it. The still silence stretched on but neither yet had anything to say.

Rikuo gave him the rice and watched as the boy ate and then finished the tea. Kazahaya's eyes didn't seem to focus on anything. He had looked Rikuo straight in the eyes when he had opened the door but now, he just sat, spaced out, clumsily sipping tea, either ignoring or unable to feel the burning as it scalded his tongue. Eventually Rikuo decided that enough was enough. He didn't like this soulless Kazahaya. He took the empty cup from his hands and said flatly, "Shower. Now. Then go to bed, you look exhausted."

Kazahaya went, his feet following the familiar route, eyes unseeing. Rikuo ran a hand through his dark hair. This was too weird. Why wasn't he spazzing? Kazahaya hated being told what to do. And what had happened to space him out so much? Rikuo began to clear up and thought back to the day his roommate had vanished. Memories he had suppressed came flooding back, each bringing an acute stab of guilt.

One month. Kazahaya had vanished a month ago. They were doing a job for Kakei and that was when Rikuo had broken Kazahaya's hand. It was also when he had realised for the first time just how much his partner hated him.

XXX

They had been sent to retrieve a trinket of little value. It was dawn and Kazahaya was blurry eyed and sleepy as he stumbled off the train, breath coming out in sharp clouds against the pale winter sky. His feet seemed reluctant to obey his mind and refused to stop when commanded so that he ploughed straight into the gigantic back of his partner when he paused outside the house. Rikuo rolled his eyes in intolerance and Kazahaya started to yell.

"Well if you weren't so hugely mutated then I wouldn't have stumbled into you when you suddenly stopped!" He was too tired to think of anything better, so that would have to do. Rikuo smirked.

"Sure, because that's not just some lame excuse to touch me."

"What?! No! I-! How do you manage to make EVERYTHING perverted?!"

Another smirk and Rikuo clamped a hand over his noisy partner's mouth hissing, "Shut up. Do you want someone to catch us?"

Kazahaya glared and Rikuo felt it necessary to comment, "We won't get paid if we don't do this right, so shut up." This seemed to calm the smaller teen a little and, relieved, Rikuo released him and walked into the tumble-down building.

"Jerk," was the whisper behind him and he sniggered to himself. Annoying Kazahaya was too much fun. Sometimes Rikuo thought that it should be made illegal as it was surely bad for his health to enjoy tormenting him so much. Yeah, so maybe he was a little sadistic but Kazahaya didn't really seem to mind. A bit masochistic even. Rikuo glanced behind him and almost laughed at the scowl he received. Yup, masochist.

They wandered through the rooms, dusty, dark, smelling faintly of mothballs and rotting wood. Rotting wood... The floors, the floors were wooden. Rikuo halted instantly.

"Tread carefully. The floors are weak."

Kazahaya's eyes went wide and he took to skipping over parts he thought looked particularly likely to collapse, eventually following Rikuo's path, treading in the footprints left in the dust, scowling at the way his own prints were so much smaller. He hurried to catch up, but was too afraid to run and too afraid to step outside of his partner's tracks so that he was never less than two steps behind.

After a hour of searching they found it. A large wooden doll. It was the same shape and colours as a Russian toy, the kind that opened to reveal yet another smaller doll inside that, and inside that was yet another doll even smaller yet, and so on. Kakei had said that the trinket they were after was inside, but this doll was as big as a small child, how many layers would they have to go through before they found it? Kazahaya moved forwards to seize it, hand outstretched, but found Rikuo suddenly pulling him back.

"Wait," he said, indicating the way the light seemed to reflect away from the air surrounding the wooden object. Kazahaya advanced cautiously and poked a finger through the light. The air felt strangely heavy around his finger, it was like wading through water. He paused and when nothing happened he grabbed the doll with a triumphant, "hah!"

Rikuo stood behind him, watching, as he sat down and began to slowly open the dolls one by one…

XXX

Rikuo heard the sounds of the shower cease and waited until Kazahaya had his back to him before turning around. Now clean and wearing only a large white towel, Rikuo could see the more of the damage that Kazahaya's body had suffered. Swollen lumps, bruises, grazes, split skin… how many times had he been attacked? He watched his roommate push the curtain aside and heard the sound of his wardrobe opening and the scuffle of clean clothes being pulled on. A sharp intake of breath revealed that the action had caused him pain. He closed his eyes. Right, it was time to talk. Kazahaya's sleep could wait.

"Kazaha-" he brushed aside the curtain and stopped. Kazahaya was lying on the bed, staring vacantly at the ceiling. Rikuo stared at him for a while but his presence went unacknowledged. Rikuo found the situation becoming just a little creepy. He waved a hand in front of Kazahaya's face; no reaction.

"Kazahaya, look at me, you baka."

The eyes slid sideways to observe him blankly. Rikuo stared back and then wrenching his gaze away, stumbled out of the room and down the stairs. It was time to tell Kakei that Kazahaya had returned and that something was very wrong.

XXX

Rikuo paused for breath before pushing open the door to the Green Drugstore or at least, he tried to. It took a few seconds before he realised that he'd forgotten his key. Damn. Grinding his teeth in frustration Rikuo turned back to the stairs and began the long climb to the top. A sudden sound made him look up, startled, and his blood turned cold before fear made him flush hot all over. There stood Kazahaya at the top of the stairs, swaying unsteadily. His eyes were glazed and his skin pale, gleaming with sweat.

"Rikuo?" he reached out a hand to the empty air.

"What the hell are you doing, you idiot?"

Kazahaya's unseeing eyes searched for the sound of his roommate's voice and he took a step forwards.

"NO!" Rikuo sprinted up the stairs moving at a speed he hadn't known he could reach.

"What the-?"

Kazahaya was falling slowly, as though the very air around him was thick and unwilling to cooperate with gravity. Rikuo easily reached him before he hit the floor and picking the smaller teen up stared down at the sickly face tucked against his shoulder. He felt himself trembling.

"Rikuo?" Kazahaya's voice was a tiny whisper but it echoed. It vibrated and threw itself back as it sounded across time and space. He sounded like a vision or someone from a dream.

"It hurts."

Rikuo couldn't reply.

"Why... why did you… break…?" his voice trailed away and Rikuo stared in horror at the feverish teen in his arms. That voice, it didn't sound real... but he recognised it.

Rikuo, why did you break me?

I didn't mean to.

But you still broke me.

I...

It hurts. I'm fading, I'm fading! I don't want to go! No! Don't, don't let-!

Kazahaya!

And he would wake with a jolt, sweat streaming from every pore. Rikuo had dreamed that nightmare over and over again after Kazahaya had disappeared. The dream Kazahaya floated before him, frightened, cradling his smashed hand, eyes wide, pupils dilated with fear. "Why?" he would ask and Rikuo would stutter, unable to utter the apology he knew he needed to say. But the words would stick in his throat and he could only yell as Kazahaya faded away, screaming, into a pile of broken, bloodied bones. Kazahaya had never spoken those words before he left, but Rikuo had read them in his eyes and then they had twisted themselves into his nightmares.

I'm sorry.

But it was always too late.

Shakily Rikuo began to descend the stairs again. This was too much, he needed Kakei's help. He glanced down at Kazahaya, afraid to admit to himself that he was afraid. The way he moved, the way he talked, those soulless eyes… Kazahaya was hurt beyond his understanding.

At long last he reached the door at the bottom and smashed it open. Kakei and Saiga hastened to where he stood, their expressions horribly out of place.

"I saw him return," Kakei said with a smile, "at long last, this morning, I saw him. We decided to give you some time to talk first." It was then that he noticed the state his employee was in. The smile faded.

"What-?"

Rikuo laid him gently on a seat and stepped back to allow Kakei to look at him.

"Ah," he said after a while.

"Ah? What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think, Rikuo, that you know what is wrong with Kudo-kun."

It hurts.

"It's my fault."

"Yes."

Rikuo gazed through dark eyes at his partner and understood with a sickening lurch that Kazahaya's mind was no longer in the world

"What do I have to do?"

Poor Rikuo and Kazahaya. I feel awfully mean putting them through all this but still, the ANGST much be written! Reviews make me write as though the very whips of my masters were behind me! (In a non-kinky way.)