I don't own Dan or Phil
Hey Pastries, so as we are all aware, at Vidcon, Glozell twerked on Dan, carried him around, and she also licked his face. On Tuesday in his liveshow, Dan stated that he didn't give his consent...and thats wrong. He felt uncomfortable in that position, and honestly thats not ok. Friend or not, fellow Youtuber or not you should respect someone's consent. So, this oneshot is inspired by an ask sent to my good friend Karen also known as Eternallyphan on Tumblr.
Dan was laying on his bed, his brown eyes staring at the wall as he laid tucked under the covers tightly. He knows he's being stupid, it was only a joke says a tiny little voice in the back of his mind. Everyone was laughing and having fun, you're just being a spoilsport...as per usual said the tiny voice. The thing was, the Panel had been fun yes, it was supposed to be about comedy that was what they had all signed up for. It was supposed to be about comedy on Youtube and how it affected the community, as well as the way it affected them. True Dan wasn't a comedian...he wasn't funny, not like Smosh or Pewdiepie...Shane, Jenna, or...anyone really. Then again, his channel was more about making people laugh at him than with him. Everything about the panel just made him feel terrible...the fact that they played his first video for all to see, (ok they showed everyone else's too) but still...even if it was the video that started everything, it was also the video that was his biggest shame.
Everything about it was cringeworthy, from the angle, to the editing, to his awkwardness, his voice, his appearance in general everything was just so...so...cringeworthy. He hated when his friends teased him about it, playing it and laughing at his reaction. They weren't doing it to be mean, but they knew how uncomfortable it made him...and sometimes he wanted to tell them to stop, wanted to tell them that it made him feel uncomfortable...but that would be disturbing their fun. Which wouldn't be fair, besides...what was he supposed to do then. Everyone was having fun, and true he almost left but...he figured he could take it. Some of his fans were out there, and he didn't want to let them down. So, he went back and he sat there. It wasn't nice to spoil people's fun after all.
Speaking of fans...he didn't know why or maybe the guy thought it was funny but, encouraging people to scream when he said Dan's name. Honestly, that made him uncomfortable too...he was the "youngster" of the group. He wasn't an experienced comedian like the other people on the panel...but he had to admit his fanbase was pretty huge. That was just it though...it wasn't just his fanbase, they were Phil's fans too. He and Phil worked together to gain all those subscribers, the ones who cheered and were happy to see him. So, the fact that he was being reduced to having people cheer for him because he was a hearthrob...was more than a little humiliating. Ever since he started...there were those who commented on his looks. He didn't believe it, but it wasn't like he didn't notice...when people called him the attractive one, when people said he was the hottest of the Fantastic Foursome, when Jack said in his video that he was the hot one and Phil was just his friend or the small comments in Shane's video...sure the last two were jokes. But...he felt ucomfortable.
He didn't want to hear how Shane Dawson wanted to "fuck him in the mouth", or see the comments about how people would bang him or how they'd let him do anything to them, or how they'd love to do anything with him...to be frank, it made him feel ill. He just played it off though...even if it made him uncomfortable, Shane and Jack didn't mean anything by it...and really, he had made comments like that too when he was younger. Besides, people were having fun, and he knew that...deep down...quite a few of his subscribers only did so because of his looks. He just wished they understood...he was more than his looks, he had feelings...he felt emotions, he had opinions and thoughts...he had a personality, he was more than his curls and accent...but they were having fun, It wasn't nice to spoil anyone's fun after all.
Then, well...he knew Glozell had a very straitforward personality, she was abrasive and could be a bit extreme. But...he wasn't prepared for the twerking, or the carrying, or the hand on his crotch, or the licking...all of that made him uncomfortable. He wasn't a touchy feely person, he didn't like hugging people for too long and he believed in giving people their distance. Sure, the idea of a personal bubble was ok as long as one didn't take it to the extreme. But...he hadn't said it was ok. He didn't like having someone, even if he knew that person shaking their butt in his face...he hadn't liked someone picking him up and carrying him around...he hadn't liked someone placing their hand on his crotch...he hadn't liked someone licking his cheek. Even if he knew that person.
But everyone was having fun, everyone was laughing and so he laughed too...because what was he supposed to do? Say no, and spoil everyones fun? No, better he play along and push his feelings to the side. Everyone was having a great time, and really Glozell hadn't meant anything by it, she was his friend and..well...ok he had turned to walk away when she tried to pick him up at first. There was also the manner of her touching his crotch but...well...again she hadn't meant anything by it. Besides, who cared really? It was all one big joke...he was just one big joke. He cringed inwardly, but hadn't said anything to her...besides, he had enough people who didn't like him and made fun of him behind his back...he didn't want to lose one of his few freinds because he was uncomfortable. Besides, they were having fun. It wasn't nice to spoil people's fun after all.
Tumblr and Twitter had blown up of course, people tweeting and tumbling what had happened...Dan wanted to say it hadn't been fun, that despite what they thought, he hadn't had a good time. But...well...he was at a Youtuber party, and he remembered what happened when he uploaded a tweet that was seen as controversial. Everyone had DMed him asking if it was about them, Youtubers blaming each other, fans blaming Youtubers...it was a mess. He didn't want another shitstorm to occur, especially since said Youtubers were all here. If he tweeted anything but positivity, all eyes would be on him and sure Phil would be on his side, and...maybe PJ, Chris, Cat and Louise...everyone else...they'd probably just see him as a party pooper. Someone who took things too seriously, and really Dan not everything is about you...we're over here being happy, why do you have to be a drag all the time.
Besides, after everything that happened...what happened to you, wasn't that bad...it wasn't as bad as what other people went through at the hands of other Youtubers. She was only joking, they had been hurt worse...suck it up. So, he pushed his uncomfortable feelings away and just smiled and laughed, cracking jokes like he usually did. Besides, Vidcon was supposed to be a happy place. A place where Youtubers came together, to see each other and collab or just hang out...everyone was having fun. It wasn't nice to spoil people's fun after all.
Finally, now here he was...back in the hotel room, alone in the bed with his thoughts. Honestly...he felt so...sick, humiliated, violated...but then the voice came back.
"Really Dan? She's your friend and your being a twat, you're making a big deal out of nothing it was a harmless joke...besides, all you're supposed to do is just sit there and look pretty, keep your opinions to yourself, and smile...your feelings don't matter, your opinions don't matter, you don't matter. Now practice your smile...people might want to collab tomorrow, because we all know how that pretty face will get them views." Said the tiny voice, Dan sighed, and bit his lip. Maybe he was just exaggerating, after all...ever since he was little people had told him to shut up. To just be normal...to not speak unless spoken to, to not spoil people's fun regardless of how he felt. He looked up, as the door opened and Phil got onto the bed. His arm wrapping around Dan.
"Are you ok Bear?" Asked Phil, as he tried to get under the covers with Dan, but wasn't able to. Thanks to how knotted the covers were, so he just laid there, his arm draped over Dan and his fingers in his brown hair that was beginning to curl. He noticed something was wrong with Dan immediately after the panel. Dan wasn't normally a cheerful person most of the time...sure he had moments and yeah he wasn't a deppressing person either. Still, he noticed how Dan had seemed off...he didn't know how to explain it, but it was in the way he walked, in the way he talked and in the way he moved and stood. Normally Dan was calm and easy going, but he had been slightly rigid...but he was still smiling and laughing. It wasn't a true genuine laugh either which only worried him more.
"'m fine, just the stupid jet lag." Said Dan with a small chuckle, as he wanted to keep his voice even.
"Are you sure?" Asked Phil, Dan nodded in response. He wanted to tell Phil...wanted to tell him everything, wanted to tell him his feelings and everything that happened...wanted to hug Phil and tell him how humiliated he felt and how uncomfortable he'd been...wanted to tell Phil that he was tired, tired of having people only want to be around him because of his "pretty face", that he hated the popularity, that he didn't consent to what had happened and his head was pounding and he wanted to vent. He couldn't though...they had worked so hard, especially Phil. Phil needed to concentrate on his panel, on checking up with Martyn over at the Dan and Phil Shop Booth, on the meet up and the fans...and on planning videos and collabs. Phil also deserved a good time, to go with Cat and spend time with her or their other friends because well they hadn't seen them. Phil deserved to have fun.
After all, t wasn't nice to spoil people's fun.