The Under 5 Minute Phantom of the Opera
By: Obsessed
SCENE: Auctioneer alone on stage. Sitting at a small table with gavel, if possible. In front of Curtains, if you have the resources.
AUCTIONEER: Lot 66 then, a Chandelier in pieces. Some of you may recall the strange affair of the Phantom of the Opera. Perhaps we can frighten away the ghost of so many years ago, with a little illumination. Gentlemen!
(Either someone plays beginning of OVERTURE or people say DUN! DUN DUN DUN DUN DUNNNN! And smash their hands down like they are playing the organ. Pull up curtains if you have them)
CARLOTTA: Trophy from our saviors from our saviors! From the ensl-
(SOMEONE drops sheet on CARLOTTA)
MEG: He's here, the Phantom of the Opera!
RAYER: There is no understudy for La Carlotta!
MME. GIRY: Let Christine sing for you monsieur. She has been well taught.
CHRISTINE: Think of me, think of me fondly!
RAOUL:(Standing off to the side)
Long ago, it seems so long ago. She may not remember me, but I remember her.
(RAOUL exits. MEG and CHRISTINE sit in middle of stage.)
CHRISTINE: Meg, when my father died he told me he would send an Angel of music to watch over me.
(MEG exits. MME. GIRY enters with rose.)
MME.GIRY: You did very well my dear. He is pleased with you.
(MME. GIRY hands CHRISTINE the rose. She exits, RAOUL enters)
RAOUL: You sang like an Angel tonight. And now, we go to supper.
(ERIK stands off stage)
ERIK: Insolent boy, this slave of fashion, basking in your glory! Ignorant fool, this brave young suitor, sharing in my triumph!
CHRISTINE: Angel I hear you, speak, I listen. Stay by my side, guide me!
ERIK: I am your Angel of music! Come to me Angel of music!
(CHRISTINE heads off stage, ERIK walks toward her. She takes his hand and as she sings they walk around stage.)
CHRISTINE: In sleep he sang to me, in dreams he came. That voice which calls to me, and speaks my name. And do I dream again? For now I find the Phantom of the Opera is here, inside my mind!
(THEY arrive in lair, and ERIK lays CHRISTINE on red sheet on ground.)
ERIK: Help me make the music of the niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!
(ERIK sits down in chair front stage. That's towards the back.CHRISTINE wakes up and looks around.)
CHRISTINE: I remember there was mist, Swirling mist upon a vast glassy lake. Who is the shape in the shadows? Whose is the face, in the mask?
(CHRISTINE pulls off ERIK'S mask, revealing another mask, made to look like the way his face looks in the movie. ERIK pushes CHRISTINE to the ground)
ERIK: Damn you! You little prying Pandora! You little demon! Is this what you wanted to see? Damn you! Curse you!
(CHRISTINE hands ERIK his mask, ERIK puts it on)
ERIK: Come, we must return. Those two fools who run my theater will be missing you.
(CHRISTINE and ERIK exit. Enter FIRMIN)
FIRMIN: Bad news on soprano's scene. First Carlotta, now Christine. Still, at least the seats get sold. Gossip's worth it's weight in gold!
(Enter ANDRE and RAOUL stage left, CARLOTTA stage right.)
CARLOTTA: Where is he? Your precious patron, where is he? I have your letter, a letter which I rather resent!
ANDRE: And did you send it?
RAOUL: Of course not!
CARLOTTA: You dare to tell me that this is not the letter you sent?
RAOUL: And what is it that I'm meant to have sent? Your days at the opera populare are numbered. Christine Daee will be singing on your behalf tonight. Be prepared for great misfortune should you attempt to take her place.
MME. GIRY: Miss Daee has returned.
CARLOTTA: Will she sing, will she sing?
MME. GIRY: Here, I have a note!
FIRMIN: Let me see it, please. Miss Daee has been returned to you, and I am anxious her career should progress….
(Fades into ERIK'S voice.)
ERIK: In the new production of Il Muto you will therefore cast Carlotta as the pageboy. And put miss Daee in the role of Countess. I will watch the performance in my normal seat in box 5, which will be kept empty for me. If my orders are not obeyed, a disaster beyond your imagination will occur. I remain, gentlemen, your obedient servant, O.G.
CARLOTTA: Outrage! This whole affair is an outrage! (Screeching in Spanish)
MME.GIRY: The Angel sees, the Angel knows!
ALL: What new surprises lie in store?
ANDRE: Your public needs you.
FIRMIN: We need you too.
BOTH: Prima Donna, first lady on the stage! Your devotees are on their knees to implore you! Sing Prima Donna, once more!
(ALL exit, enter CARLOTTA and CHRISTINE. ERIK stands offstage.)
CARLOTTA: Serifino, away with this pretense! You cannot speak, but kiss me in my husbands absence!
ERIK: Did I not instruct that box 5 was to be kept empty?
MEG: Its him, the Phantom of the opera!
CHRISTINE: Its him.
CARLOTTA: Your part is silent, little toad!
ERIK: A toad, Madame? Perhaps it is you who are the toad.
CARLOTTA: Poor fool he makes me laugh! Ah ah ah ah ah! Ah ah ah a-Croak!
(CARLOTTA runs off stage crying)
ANDRE: Ladies and Gentlemen, the performance will continue in 10 minutes time when Miss Daee will play the part of the Countess!
FIRMIN: In the meantime, we give you the ballet from act 3.
(MANAGERS exit, improvise dancing people if doing 2 person. If not, have girls dance on stage while having ERIK and JOSEF somewhere else. You figure it out, your stage is different than mine. Have ERIK kill JOSEF, but be careful! You are not allowed to sue me! If you can, have Audience members go into uproar while you get CAST out of the way. When things have calmed down, have CHRISTINE and RAOUL run in a circle like they are running up the stairs)
CHRISTINE: We can't go back there! His eyes will find us there, those eyes that burn!
RAOUL: There is no Phantom of the Opera!
(BOTH stop and face each other)
BOTH: Promise me that all you say is true! Love me, that's all I ask of you!
( They kiss the double cheek way, then exit. ERIK enters)
ERIK: You will curse the day you did not do all that the Phantom asks of you!
(CURTAIN. If you can. Then ERIK exits, and curtain immediately rises)
ALL: Masquerade! Painted faces on parade, Masquerade, hide your face so the world will never find you!
(Enter ERIK, holding Don Juan script)
ERIK: Did you miss me, good Monsieurs? I have written you an opera! Here I bring the finished score- Don Juan Triumphant!
(ERIK throws down the script, and someone off-stage throws red and orange pieces of clothing over him so it looks like flames around him. While this is happening he runs off stage. ALL but RAOUL and MME.GIRY exit)
RAOUL: Madame Giry, please, tell me what you know.
MME.GIRY: Very well. When I was a young girl training at the Opera, I visited a traveling carnival. He was there…. Displayed as a freak. He killed the man who kept him, I helped him flee to live in the cellars of the Opera. He is a genius, Monsieur, an artist, a composer, and an architect. A genius, Monsieur!
STUPID FOP: (sorry, couldn't help it) But clearly, madame Giry, genius has turned to madness.
(BOTH exit, curtain falls, CHRISTINE enters in front of it ,stage left)
CHRISTINE: Wishing you where somehow here again, try to forgive, teach me to live! Give me the strength to try! Help me to say goodbye!
(ERIK enters stage right)
ERIK: Wandering child, so lost, so lonely,
CHRISTINE: Angel of music, I denied you!
ERIK: Angel of music, you denied me!
(RAOUL enters through curtain)
RAOUL:Christine, whatever you believe, this man, this thing, is not your father!
CHRISTINE: Gasp!
(ERIK and RAOUL swordfight, you can make it up, lazy people! Make sure RAOUL wins, as much as it kills me. CHRISTINE and RAOUL exit)
ERIK: Now, let it be war upon you both! (exit)
(RAOUL, FIRMIN, and ANDRE enter. If 2 people performing, have RAOUL on, just pretend he is insane and singing to himself. Shouldn't be too hard)
RAOUL: We, have all been blind, and yet the answer is staring us in the face.
(Apparently RAOUL uses the royal 'we' also)
For if, miss Daee sings, he is certain to attend. We are certain the police are there. The curtain falls. His reign will end!
(If, you want, you can lower the curtain when RAOUL says 'the curtain falls' but it is your choice, and you will have to raise it again for Don Juan. Oh yeah, RAOUL exits, and CHRISTINE and ERIK enter)
ERIK: Past the point of no return, no going back now!
CHRISTINE: The bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn!
BOTH: We've crossed the point if no return!
ERIK: Anywhere you go, let me go to! Christine, that's all I ask of-
(CHRISTINE, the stupid bitch, has, of course, pulled off the mask. So, ERIK grabs her arm, crashes a chandelier- I will tie a lame paper cut out chandelier to a piece of string, and throw it over a beam. Then when he unties it, it will fall to the ground. Then everybody will scream and make a horrible mess while ERIK pulls CHRISTINE off-stage, singing)
ERIK: Down once more to the dungeon of my black despair, down we plunge to the prison of my mind! Down that path into darkness deep as hell! Why, you ask, was I bound and chained, in this cold and dismal place? Not for any mortal sin, but the wickedness of my abhorrent face! This face, which earned a mother's fear and loathing! A mask, my first, unfeeling scrap of clothing!
CHRISTINE: This haunted face holds no horror for me now! It's in the soul where the true distortions lie.
(I should mention that ERIK and CHRISTINE should be on one side of the stage, preferably with a gate dividing them from MME.GIRY and RAOUL)
MME.GIRY: Keep your hand at the level of your eyes!
(This is something I did because it annoys me in the movie, so I thought I'd put it in here just in case. You don't have to use it.)
RAOUL: Ow, my arm wound just opened up again!
ERIK: Wait, I think my dear, we have a gust!
RAOUL: Free her! Do what you like, only free her! Show some compassion!
ERIK: The world showed no compassion to me!
RAOUL: Christine, Christine, let me see her!
ERIK: Be my guest, sir. Monsieur, I bid you welcome. Did you think that I would harm her? Why should I make her pay for the sins which are yours!
(Same deal with RAOUL as with JOSEF. No killing the good people with big scary rope, even if it is an accident!)
Start a new life with me, buy his freedom with your love! Refuse me and you send your lover to his death! This is the choice! This is the point of no return!
CHRISTINE: The tears I might have shed for your dark face, grow cold, and turn to tears of hate! Angel of music, you betrayed me! I gave you my life blindly!
ERIK: You try my patience. Make your choice.
CHRISTINE: Pitiful creature of darkness! What kind of life have you known? God give me courage to show you, you are not alone!
(and now the heartwarming kiss.)
CREEPY BACKGROUND PEOPLE WHO WE ALL HATE AND DISPISE: Track down this murderer, he must be found! Track down this murderer, he must be found!
(ERIK unties RAOUL)
ERIK: Take the boat, swear to me, never to tell. The secrets you know, of the Angel in hell! Go now, go now, and leave me!
(wisely, CHRISTINE and RAOUL go now. Yes, we are skipping the ring. It is too symbolic for 5 minutes to make any sense out of it. When gone, ERIK kills the evil mirrors.)
ERIK: Its over now, the music of the night!
(Curtain)
the end