Grim Potter
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
…...
"-And so it came to be that Dumbeldore; Leader of all that was light in the wizarding world. Did place the Boy-Who-Lived on the doormat of his relatives...and then just left."
GAH! Shouted Grim as he materialized not too far away.
"Sheesh! Am I the only one who isn't gaga for tales revolving around a "chosen one?"
Putting aside it's been done to death, reanimated, defecated on, patchworked, killed again, and then repeat..."
"Well, what really is the genre at it's heart?" Grim puts his best mockingly stupid voice on(which was ripped from a nearby dolt).
"Oh, let's put all our responsibilities and troubles on a child so he dose all the work; while we Adults lounge away like the lazy excuses for functioning anuses we are!"
Grim shakes his head in disgust. "Well, you know what? Forget that! Were going to be doing things a bit differently! Starting with this kids abysmal relatives! Grim cackled as he worked his "magic".
The Dursley's were surprised when a couple minutes later they were awoken and forcibly dragged from their beds by the police for child endangerment.
Their pleas that they didn't even know the baby that was left out in the cold were ignored.
Eventually a convenient mistrial left them free to go...but not before having to endure several hours of violent beatings and gang-rape from their inmates.
And the media spectacle caused their house to be burnt down by an angry mob.
They had to move to another town, change their names! Sadly, a clerical error made their names very inappropriate. Attempts to amend this seemed to somehow make the names worse! And so the newly dubbed "Crapbags" were forced to make do...
…...
Grim sighed as he used his magic to make sure Harry still ended up with his relatives.
"Sorry kid, but there are laws even I must follow." Grim cackled. "But don't you worry! The next 10 years are going to be a decided improvement from cannon...well for me at least!"
He then dose a dramatic pause. "For you see..."
YOUR FAIRY TALES IS MUCH TOO CLEAN!
SO DULL AND DRY, A LIFELESS DREAM!
I'LL BREW EM' BLEAK!
I'LL CRAFT EM' DARK!
TO MAKE EM' GRIM AS MY OWN HEART!
MY GUTS FILL UP WITH "PRETTY TALES"!
THEIR PRISSY CUTENESS NEVER FAILS, TO MAKE ME PUKE!
TO LOSE MY WITS!
TO ROT MY TEETH!
AND GIVE ME FITS!
UP THE RANCID, STALE AND FOUL!
DESPISE THE HAPPY ENDING!
GROSS AND NASTY MAKE ME HOWL!
THOUGH THEY MAYBE OFFENDING!
I'M HERE TO TELL TRUE TALES OF BLIGHT!
OF FEAR, AND WOE. BRING BACK THE NIGHT!
I HATE DUMB LUCK! I ADORE UPCHUCK!
MY HUMBLE GOAL IS TO RUN AMUCK!
Grim Bowed to the unseen audience.
MAY ALL OUR STORIES END SO WELL...UNTIL NEXT TIME...
…...
TO BE CONTINUED?
This is an example of my "Grim Mcgee" Challenge, go to my profile to look up this or other challenges
Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!
AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.
But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?
Love me, flame me, review me