A/N: This is my story for the Future Fic Challenge on Chit Chat on Author's Corner. I'd like to thank lizzabet for helping me out with the ending. While I was writing this -especially the ending- I was listening to "Stand Still Look Pretty" by The Wreckers. Even though I've gone over this a thousand times, all mistakes are my own. So I'm completely flabbergasted that this fic has been nominated for the 2012 Profiler's CM Awards in the catagory of Best Emily/Garcia. Thank you so much if you nominated this story! And thanks in advance if you're going to vote for this fic!

My pairing is Emily Prentiss & Penelope Garcia, the year is 2022.

She had destroyed another family again. Sure, he was the leader of the second biggest drug cartel on the eastern seaboard, but he was still a father, a husband. Two beautiful little girls would now grow up without their father, all because of her, Emily Prentiss. Of course they knew her as Coralei Cheney, but what did it matter? They both shared a body, and either way Emily had to live with the consequences. She had spent the last seven months undercover as Coralei Cheney, working her way right up to the top of his organization then disappearing without a trace not long after he was arrested. That's what Emily liked about working undercover; she got to be someone else for an undefined amount of time, she didn't have to deal with the issues she had with her own life, and she just kept moving onto her next cover without looking back. At least she wasn't supposed to look back, this last one though, it was going to haunt her.

Emily was on her way back to her apartment after being sent home by her boss. Emily hated her apartment; she found it lonely and empty. Although it was mostly her fault for it being empty. She never really got around to getting her stuff out of storage after her 'death'. After she left the BAU ten years ago and turned down the job in London, she wanted to start fresh. She transferred to a new team and she also bought a new apartment. All she had were the bare essentials; a couch, a bed, a kitchen table. Of course she had some little things like books and CDs, but she didn't even have a TV.

The state of her personal life never bothered her until she was coming off of a case. That was when she finally had time to herself. During the day she could ignore it and focus on the paperwork, but she had to face it at night. Although sometimes she just couldn't, so she would end up staying all night at the office. She could only imagine what her coworkers thought of her.

Emily felt her stomach grumble and looked at the clock on her dash; eight-forty P.M. Her favourite Chinese takeout place was still open so she decided to go there before returning home. Emily pulled into the deserted parking lot and went inside. She quickly returned to her car with the food and made her way home.

Upon returning to her apartment, Emily found everything to be the way she left it. One of the downsides to working undercover again was that she was always a little overly paranoid. She was constantly looking over her shoulder, checking her rear view mirror or doing things like that. Emily sat down at her kitchen table and began to eat; she didn't even bother to turn on the radio tonight night.

The unnatural quiet of her apartment was interrupted by a pounding on her door. Completely caught off guard, Emily nearly choked on the piece of egg role she was eating. She slowly got up, grabbed her gun off the counter and made her way to the door. Emily crept forward, her gun held at her side. She wasn't expecting anyone and nobody from her team would randomly show up at her apartment unannounced, so Emily had her guard up.

The person on the other side of the door knocked again, and Emily looked through the peephole. Emily was definitely not prepared for what she saw on the other side of her door.

Penelope Garcia stood there shaking water off a fluorescent green umbrella. She had on a bright pink raincoat with green polka dots and matching rubber boots. From the expression on her face and the simple fact that she was at Emily's apartment told her that something was wrong. Emily put her gun on the side table next to the door and attempted to prepare herself for whatever was about to happen.

Emily unlocked the many locks on the door and opened it tentatively.

"Hey Peaches," Garcia said with a little too much enthusiasm. "Can I come in?"

"Hi. Uh yeah, come on in," Emily replied and opened the door wider, letting her in.

"So how are things?" Garcia asked as they walked back to the kitchen. Garcia didn't do very well at hiding the nervousness from her voice.

"Good," Emily said and sat down at the table. Garcia sat down across from her and looked around the room.

"This is a nice place," she said.

"Yeah I guess," Emily replied.

The awkwardness was suffocating. Emily hadn't seen or really spoken to her old team members in what she assumed to be over a year.

You were working most of this year, Emily reminded herself. You couldn't help it . . .

But no matter what she told herself she couldn't help but feel guilty.

"Oh Em! You're all wet," Garcia said out of the blue.

"What?" Emily said. She was confused for a moment, and then she looked down at her clothes. Garcia was right; her hair was hanging in a mangy wet mess around her shoulders and her purple blouse was almost soaked through because she hadn't been wearing a jacket earlier. "Oh. I guess I never noticed that it was raining out."

They fell back into silence, and Emily didn't even bother drying herself off. She then noticed that Garcia was deep in thought.

"Three years," Garcia finally said. "It's been three years since any of us have seen you or even talked to you." The fake enthusiasm was gone and it was replaced by a tone dripping with heartache.

Emily was shocked. She didn't think it had actually been that long.

"And even before that we barely heard from you!" she continued. "God Emily! Just because you don't work with us anymore doesn't mean you're no longer part of our family."

Emily didn't know what to say, so she remained silent and refused to meet Garcia's eyes. She suddenly found her Chinese food container to be very interesting. Emily wanted to apologize, she really did, but she didn't know how. A simple 'I'm sorry' was just that, too simple. But Emily couldn't think of anything else to say, so that's what she went with.

"I'm sorry," Emily said softly. "I just . . ." she trailed off and finally looked up at Garcia. "I'm so sorry."

"Awe Buttercup, it's okay!" Garcia said, got up, went around the small table and engulfed Emily in a bone crushingly tight hug.

"Pen," Emily croaked out. "Can't breathe."

"Oh!" Garcia exclaimed and released Emily. Garcia went back to her seat and that nervous look returned to her face.

"Garcia," Emily said hesitantly. "Why did you come here?"

"I haven't seen you in three years! Am I not allowed to want to see my friend?" Garcia replied with a nervous chuckle.

Emily knew something was off; now Garcia was the one who wouldn't look Emily in the eyes.

"Garcia, I know you're stalling, but stalling what I'm not sure. You came here for a reason, so what is it?" Emily asked slowly.

"There's no other reason . . ." Garcia replied with that fake enthusiasm again and Emily didn't believe a word she said.

Emily gave Garcia a look. "I may no longer work for the BAU but I'm still a profiler. And you really suck at lying."

"I do not!" Garcia exclaimed. She suddenly got up and left the room.

Emily was stunned for a moment, and then she got up to find her friend. Emily found Garcia searching for the light switch in the living room.

"Why is it so dark in here?" Garcia mumbled.

Emily then realized that the only light in her apartment that was on was the one in the kitchen. Emily flipped the switch beside her and she winced at the sudden brightness.

Garcia sat down heavily on the couch and motioned for Emily to join her. Emily reluctantly made her way to her couch.

Once again they sat in silence; Emily was waiting for Garcia to say something.

"You need to come back to the BAU!" she blurted after a moment.

Emily sighed heavily and shifted in her seat. "PG, we've talked about this before."

"I know but it's different now!" the tech genius pleaded.

"Really? How so from the last time we had this conversation?" Emily was getting frustrated.

"Things are so different . . ." Garcia trailed off.

"Right," Emily said sarcastically. "So why me? Why not go to Hotch?"

"Well if you had called at some point in the last few years, you'd know that he moved to Maine, and he's happy being retired," Garcia snapped, surprising Emily.

"Wait, so you're saying I'm not happy?" Now Emily was getting defensive. "Who the hell are you to say whether I'm happy or not?" Emily snapped back.

"I thought I'm your friend, but I'm not so sure about that anymore!" Garcia said in a raised voice.

That comment cut Emily deep, very deep. She got up and started pacing in front of the window as an attempt to keep her feelings at bay. Emily was hurt and very angry, and she hated feeling like that.

"Neither am I," Emily replied icily. "Penelope, I think you've said your piece. Now get out."

"What?" Garcia asked. She was clearly confused and also looked a little hurt.

Good, Emily thought.

"Penelope, did you ever stop and think that maybe I don't want to be part of your family anymore?" Emily couldn't stop the words from pouring out of her mouth. She wanted someone else to be miserable for once, so she kept going. "I left, and none of you even tried to stop me. Ever since Doyle you all treated me differently and I hated it. So I left and maybe I've been happy for the last ten years. Did you ever think of that?"

"You . . . but . . ." Garcia was speechless and Emily was happy about that. Or at least she was until she saw the look of complete devastation Garcia's face, then she just felt guilty all over again. She stopped pacing and turned to look out the window.

Emily could feel that her walls were starting to cave in and she needed to get Garcia out of her house.

"Get out," Emily repeated while still looking out the window.

"Em, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that," Garcia said in a shaky voice. "And I know you don't mean what you said either. You're just mad and you're taking it out on me. I get that." She made no move to leave though.

"Get out," Emily said more forcefully.

"No. We need you back and there's something else I need to tell you because obviously you don't know. I'm not leaving Emily."

Emily couldn't listen to Garcia any longer. She moved to the other end of the room and grabbed her gun off the side table. Emily unlocked the door and flung it open. She stood next to the open door with her gun in hand at her side. "Yes, you are."

Garcia sat there with a shocked expression on her face. She slowly got up and stood in front of Emily. The look on her face broke Emily's heart even more and she felt as though she had kicked a puppy or done something equally as horrible. But she didn't break, she didn't back down.

Garcia started to say something but Emily cut her off.

"Just go."

Garcia walked out into the hallway without another peep. Emily slammed the door behind her and set her gun back down on the side table.

"Em, please! Just hear me out okay?" Garcia said from the other side of the door. Clearly she wasn't going to give up as easily as Emily had hoped. "I really don't want to have to tell you like this! Let me in."

Emily didn't want to hear what Garcia had to say. She just wanted to be left alone in her sad, half empty apartment. She knew that Garcia probably wouldn't be leaving anytime soon, so Emily started retreating from the door. Garcia's next words stopped her in her tracks though.

"He's dead."

The outside world was quiet, while Emily's mind buzzed with possibilities.

Who's dead? She wanted to ask, but she was too scared to do so. She knew it wasn't Hotch because they had already talked about him. It wasn't Rossi because she knew he was also retired and living somewhere in Italy. So that left Reid or Morgan.

"Emily, I know you're on the other side of that door. So just please open it so we can talk," Garcia begged.

Emily numbly turned around and opened the door. She let Garcia move past her into the living room and she shut the door again. Garcia sat back down in the same spot on the couch and Emily followed her lead. Emily still felt numb as Garcia took her hands and forced her to look Garcia in the eyes.

"Who-" Emily's voice broke off so she cleared her throat and tried again. "Who died?" she whispered.

The tears were already forming in Garcia's blue eyes and Emily could see that she still had a hard time saying his name out loud.

"Spencer," she said as a single tear slid down her cheek.

Emily refused to let any emotion show on her face. She needed all the information before she broke down completely.

"When?" she asked. Her voice was stronger than she thought it would be, which surprised her.

"Four months ago," Garcia replied and her tears were now flowing like rivers down her cheeks.

Emily swallowed the bile that was rising in her throat. "How?" she asked a little more feebly.

It took Garcia a minute to answer because she was crying too hard to get a word out. After she settled down a bit she said, "He got shot by an UNSUB. He, JJ and Phillips were at the UNSUB's house while Morgan and Tesink went to his work. And so they were in the house and . . . he . . ." Garcia couldn't continue as uncontrollable sobs wracked her body.

Emily couldn't take it anymore either; she jumped off the couch and bolted to the bathroom. She threw up the little food she had in her stomach, and then slid down to the floor. Everything finally came crashing down around her as silence sobs took hold of her. Logically she knew that there was always a chance of getting shot, it came with the job. And on any other day she might not have reacted so strongly, but today she just couldn't take it. So she sat on her bathroom floor crying her eyes out, while Garcia probably did the same in the living room.

Memories of the boy genius flowed through her mind; she and Morgan teasing Reid endlessly over absolutely nothing, the random facts that he would say during a case and how he would never use a computer. Just small things that had little point at the time, but they now meant everything to Emily. She didn't know how long she'd been sitting there when she heard a knock on the bathroom door. Emily had almost forgotten that Garcia was there.

"Buttercup? Are you okay?" Garcia asked softly from the other side of the door.

Emily quickly composed herself and got up off the floor. She opened the door and was met by a puffy-eyed Garcia. She had removed her rain coat, revealing the turquoise dress she had on underneath.

"Can I hug you?" Garcia asked timidly. "Because I could really use a hug right now." A fresh batch of tears started forming in her eyes.

Emily barely nodded before Garcia wrapped her arms around her. The invasion of Emily's personal bubble certainly felt odd to her and at first she was a bit tense, but then she relaxed and hugged Garcia back. After a few minutes of standing like that, they returned to the living room.

"God, everything is so messed up now," Garcia said after they had sat down.

"What do you mean?" Emily asked quietly.

"You, Rossi and Hotch are gone. Reid's . . ." Garcia couldn't bring herself to say it again so she skipped onto the next person. "Morgan's suspended."

"What?" Emily interrupted. "What did he do?"

"There was a shooting incident, then he stopped taking orders from Tesink and then he just stopped showing up for work," Garcia disclosed.

"That's so unlike him . . ." Emily mumbled.

"Yeah and JJ's not doing too well either," replied Garcia. "Since she was with him . . . at the time, she's blaming herself." The tears were back again. "She doesn't talk about anything but work anymore, she never comes out with us after cases and she's just not herself."

"Penelope, I can't tell you how sorry I am for all of you. You had to go through this once already with me and now again with Reid. But Reid's not coming back like I did. I'm sorry; I don't mean to sound harsh but, what do you expect me to do?" Emily asked softly.

Garcia was putting so much pressure on Emily. Emily showing up again wouldn't magically make things better; it could possibly make things worse.

"I was hoping . . ." Garcia trailed off and looked down at her hands. "I don't really know what I was hoping," she said in a quiet voice.

"Pen, everyone is grieving, and we all grieve differently," Emily told her gently. "Do you remember how Morgan was acting after the whole Doyle thing?"

Garcia nodded.

"I bet he beat himself up for a while, right?"

Garcia nodded again.

"Was he acting sort of like JJ's acting now?"

"Yeah," Garcia whispered.

"Okay, he got better as time went on right?"

"Yeah," Garcia repeated sounding a little more hopeful.

"But remember, we can't compare two completely different people. This is JJ's way of dealing with grief, just like Morgan has his way and you have your way," Emily finished.

"But Morgan is acting different than he did before when you . . . left the first time," Garcia pointed out.

"The circumstances are different, maybe that's it," Emily replied.

"I guess so," Garcia said and wiped her eyes. "So will you do it?"

"Do what?" Emily asked skeptically.

"Come back," Garcia said with a small smile on her face.

Emily deflated on the inside. She didn't want to break Garcia's heart any more than it already was, but she had to.

"I can't," she told Garcia.

"Why not?" whimpered Garcia.

"If I were to come back at a time like this, it could throw everyone else through another loop. It would throw everyone even more off balance than they already are. Morgan and JJ are the only ones who know me anyway, so they would be happy I'm back but then they would feel bad for being happy since Reid is gone. Then they would take their anger out on me. And as for the people on the team I don't know, to them I would just be Reid's replacement and they would hate me for that," Emily answered and shook her head.

"They wouldn't hate you," Garcia tried to reason.

"They wouldn't do it intentionally but they would," Emily said. "Penelope, if I come back it won't make anything better. You need to understand that."

"I do," Garcia sighed. "But don't you want to come back?"

"No," Emily whispered and shook her head. Emily wanted something else, something she'd been searching for for the last eleven years, and she had yet to find it. She wasn't even sure what it was, she just knew she was still looking.

"Really?" Garcia asked. She had that disappointed look on her face again.

"Really," Emily confirmed.

"Okay . . ." Garcia gave in. "So how are things with your new team? Well I guess they aren't really new but-"

"Good," Emily lied, cutting Garcia off. "How are you doing?"

"You just changed the topic," Garcia pointed out. "Are you lying to me?"

"No, no I'm not," Emily tried to reassure her.

"Emily," Garcia warned.

Emily sighed. "PG everything is fine."

"Just fine?" she questioned. "Em, where are your teammates tonight? It's a Friday after all, so they must be out somewhere doing something since you don't have a case."

"I didn't really feel like going out tonight," Emily said and it wasn't a lie. Although her team probably was out somewhere, Emily didn't get invited. They hardly ever invited her. Emily never became close to her current team like she had with the BAU team.

"Oh okay," Garcia relented. "I guess I should be going then, it's gotten pretty late, unless you want me to stay . . ."

"No, you don't have to stay," Emily replied.

"All right," Garcia replied and got up. Emily followed Garcia back to the door and they said their goodbyes.

"Bye Penelope," Emily said and she was engulfed in yet another hug.

"See you later Buttercup," Garcia replied. "And I mean it. We're going to start doing Girls Night again; I'll call you about the date."

"Yeah okay," Emily said with a small smile. Emily got serious again. "And thank you for coming and telling what's going on with everyone. You helped me make sense of some things while you were here too, so thank you."

"No problem. I'm glad I came too," Garcia said with a smile.

Penelope walked out the door, leaving Emily alone to wallow in self-pity.

The next morning, Emily dragged herself out of bed around nine o'clock. After Garcia left she had consumed so much alcohol she couldn't even remember how she made it to her bed. But last night Emily had also come to a conclusion, and that was before she drank all that she did. So she got up that morning, showered and got dressed. She even put make-up on her face; something she rarely did anymore because it just took too much effort and Emily didn't really care all that much. Emily came out into her living room to find the mess from last night. She cleaned everything up and made sure her entire apartment was spotless. She didn't want anybody else to have to clean up her mess. Emily also called around and found which cemetery Reid was buried at. Emily was about to leave for the cemetery when she decided to go back into the kitchen for a minute. She grabbed her sunglasses then went to her car.

It was a beautiful summer day out; there were no clouds in the sky, the birds were singing and kids were playing outside. As Emily drove through the city she saw things in a new light; she noticed the little things that she never had time to notice before. She drove a little slower than normal, trying to enjoy the ride.

Emily arrived at the cemetery and made her way through the headstones until she found his.

It was made of a light brown marble and it was covered in fresh flowers, which she assumed was Garcia's going. Emily looked around; she could see a burial going on in the distance and there were a few other people visiting graves like her. Emily laid the flowers down that she had picked up on her way there.

"I'm sorry Spencer," she whispered.

Emily stood back up again and she suddenly felt calmer than she had before. She started walking down a path through the cemetery that was lined with beautiful flowering crab trees. Everything appeared sharper to her; the colours were brighter, the pinks were pinker and the sky seemed more mystifying.

Emily slowed and turned around in a circle. She spotted a nice shaded bench under a huge oak tree and decided that that was the place.

Emily sat down and checked her make-up, making sure everything was perfect. She took one last look around before pulling her gun out of her belt. The last thing Emily saw was the bright and vibrant flowering crab trees before she closed her eyes, slowly brought the gun up to the side of her head and pulled the trigger.

Penelope was walking down the hall to Emily's apartment for the second time in fifteen hours. Emily had called her earlier that morning wondering where Spencer was buried, and something about Emily's voice seemed off to Penelope. Emily barely finished a sentence while they were talking and she was quick to hang up after she had the information she needed. So Penelope decided to go back over and check on her.

Garcia turned the corner and found a woman who looked to be in her early forties, with light brown hair standing at Emily's door.

"Prentiss open the damn door!" the woman yelled.

"She might not be in there," Penelope said, startling the woman. "Hi, Penelope Garcia," she said with a wave.

"Cheryl McCord," she replied. "So if she's not in there, then where else would she be on a Saturday morning?"

"The cemetery maybe," Penelope said with a wince. "I'll try her cell."

"I tried calling her earlier but she didn't pick up," McCord told her. "That's why I came over here."

Penelope nodded and dialed the number anyway. As Penelope held her phone up to her ear, both women turned to the closed door as they heard the shrill ringing coming from inside the apartment.

"She wouldn't leave her phone at home if she's gone out," Penelope said worriedly. "Let me try knocking, she might answer for me."

McCord nodded and stepped away from the door to let Penelope knock.

"Buttercup? Are you in there?"

No response. Penelope didn't even hear movement coming from the inside.

"Em? You're really starting to freak me out, so if you're in there can you open the door?" Penelope tried again.

But still no response.

Penelope turned to the woman behind her. "Do you work with her?" she asked.

"Yeah," McCord replied.

"How has she seemed lately?"

"Honestly? I don't know . . . I don't know her all that well considering I've worked with her for the last ten years," McCord confessed.

Penelope nodded and turned back to the door. She tentatively reached for the handle and turned the knob. The door swung open and both women stood at the entrance staring inside.

"No. No, no, no, no, no!" Penelope cried and went inside. "Emily?" she called frantically as she ran through the house. "Emily Prentiss!"

Penelope came back into the living room to find McCord standing awkwardly by the couch.

"What is it?" McCord asked.

Penelope spun around, taking in the room. Everything was spotless; there was nothing out of place. Garcia distinctly remembered there being papers scattered across the floor last night.

"She never leaves her door unlocked, not even when she's home," Penelope mumbled. "And everything is so clean . . ."

"Wait," McCord said, finally taking in her surroundings. "Do you think she would have-?"

Penelope didn't hear the rest of McCord's sentence because she ran back into the kitchen. Even the garbage was taken out.

Then she saw it. There was a picture on the table, it was taken at JJ's wedding; everyone was laughing and having a good time. There was a note sitting under the frame and even before Penelope read it the tears were falling from her eyes.

I love you all so much.

Forgive me.

Emily