Prologue
Later, Luddy would be thanking him for this! Gilbert thought, as he attempted to open the door. Mysteriously his arms were like jello, and his hands didn't seem to want to grasp anything. Perhaps had he drunk too much?
Letting out a giggle at the thought that the awesome him could ever drink too much, he stumbled up against the door.
Oh yeah, Luddy was going to love him a lot for this!
Six Months Ago
Gilbert never thought he would be so easily wooed by food, but apparently he was wrong.
It had been a double blind date, set up as a challenge by his friend Francis. At first Gilbert had wanted to refuse, he wasn't that hard up that he had to go on blind dates! But his friends knowing grin and softly spoken, "Well… I guess not everyone has my skill." Had made Gilbert firmly accept the situation.
Two cute Italian sisters, that was what he was told, and knowing his friend he knew that the description couldn't be that far off. (Then again, Francis had some weird ass fetish for pronounced facial hair, so he half expected these to be heavily moustachioed cute Italian sisters.)
Since the entire event had to be a double blind date, Gilbert had decided to drag along his virgin brother. Perhaps he might get some Italian tail – weren't the Italians supposed to be super easy?
He was such a kind brother, doing charity work on the side.
Hopefully the pope wouldn't beat around the bush when his plan worked out, and saint him while he was still alive.
Francis had set it up, so that they were to have the date at his apartment, with the nice scenic view of the river. The sisters had insisted that they make the dinner – not that Gilbert minded. A blind date and the women were already cooking? Seemed like their parents had trained them well.
His brother had at first refused to go, but with some well placed beer bribes, and a promise to clean the house for a week, he managed to get him out.
They had nearly been late, his brother uncharacteristically fussing about his appearance, clearly showing that this was his first official date.
It amused Gilbert to no end, that Ludwig would spend hours on making sure he looked neat and presentable, only to look exactly the same as he had started.
When they had reached the apartment, allowed in by a simpering Francis, Gilbert's nostrils were assaulted by what he assumed would be the smell of heaven.
Sitting shyly on the couch were the twin's, Gilbert's eyes widening in surprise that they were in fact cute. With no moustaches. Thank god.
Francis did the introductions, the person he was paired up with looking down shyly, her name, Felicia, like a bell upon his lips.
Entranced by her warm smile, and shy glance, Gilbert nearly forgot the other two – in fact, after the date he only found out the name of the other sister because his brother kept mentioning this Lovina person. When he had the out burst of 'who the fuck is Lovina?' Ludwig had stared at him in shock, before informing him coldly that it happened to have been the other sister. But whatever, that wasn't important.
What was important was when the food was dished out.
If someone had asked him to describe what the gods ate on a daily basis, he would point them into the direction of the Vargas sisters. The wine they had chosen seemed to make everything that much better, and by the end of the night, he proposed marriage.
Which shocked everyone.
What was even more shocking was the reply of 'Ve, alright!'
A full on acceptance?
To say it had been a whirlwind romance would be understating it.
The week following the marriage proposal, they went out on various dates, sometimes with Ludwig and a grumpy Lovina, sometimes alone.
By the end of the week, Felicia had moved into Gilbert's room – Lovina grumpily following behind, refusing to allow her sister any privacy, and making valiant attempts to protect her sisters honour.
To just call her an effective cock block would be an insult.
If you ever needed to look up the definition of cock block, Gilbert was sure that there would be one word – Lovina.
She slept between them in the bed.
She was there when they attempted tom foolery in the shower.
Stolen kisses in the garden?
She was there pulling them apart, her growling voice filling the air with her insults.
There had been a memorable incident, where Gilbert had been pleasuring himself in the shower, where she had suddenly pulled the curtain aside, her brown eyes searching frantically for her sister, before awkwardly resting upon his prominent erection.
A moment of silence, before screaming, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING POTATO BASTARD? PASTA PONIES! MY VIRGINAL EYES DID NOT NEED TO SEE THAT!"
Gilbert had heard of being 'scared straight', up until that moment he hadn't believed in 'scared impotent'.
It was terribly embarrassing to admit it, but she had quite literally scared him impotent.
Whenever he tried to sneak off on his own, to release sexual tension in his body, all his mind could fill up with was her screaming face, her look of derision as she tripped him – or worst of all – when she held up that fake moustache and made fun of him for 'having one'. When in all reality, it just looked like she had grown the moustache!
His dick would twitch in some interest at the thought of her moustache, which made his mind mentally scream and he was unable to release any of that tension in his body. He absolutely refused to believe that he was anything at all like Francis in having a 'facial hair fetish'.
The only moment of peace he found, was around dinner time.
Sitting in the kitchen, watching Felicia and his brother prepare the dinner was relaxing.
Lovina sometimes helped out, but usually she was too busy yelling into her phone at her grandpa to do so. (Why she couldn't do this at any other time of the day had always been a mystery to Gilbert. When he had brought up his idea that she did this on purpose, Felicia's eyes had filled with tears, as she adamantly replied that her sister would never try to wriggle out of work in that manner! Which had promptly shut the situation up. It had also had the effect of making Gilbert feel like a tool, which was something he absolutely hated feeling.)
The wedding planning had been hectic, and Gilbert felt that even though Felicia lived with him, he had seen her more in the week leading up to her moving in.
To be honest, the person he seemed to see the most was Lovina, her presence irritating him to no end.
Things came to a head, when he and Felicia had both agreed on the perfect table settings, only to have Lovina burst in, and say that 'it was ugly, and there was no fucking way she was going to such an ugly wedding'. It ended up with Felicia in tears, and Gilbert deciding that enough was enough! He didn't care if she was a girl, she had been goading him too long, and had upset his awesome bride to be.
So he had done what any sane man would do, and punched her in the face.
It had turned into a full out wrestling match, involving kicking, screaming and a lot of hair pulling.
They had crashed into things, the fight only stopping when Ludwig managed to tear them apart, and the realization that Felicia had been looking on in horror, crying her heart out, the words of 'why can't everyone just get along!' streaming out of her delicate mouth.
It was only then, as he noticed his brother giving him a disapproving look that he he began to understand that his brother had fallen in love with Felicia.
It was shocking because his brother never 'fell in love' with anyone – and now to see him hiding his obvious feelings was painful.
There was only a week before the wedding, and Gilbert knew that to call it off now would cause too much upset. Maybe he was mistaken – but after careful observation, he still wasn't sure. It was only the day of the wedding, when his brother softly looked over to Felicia, a wistful air about him, that Gilbert realized that his brother was truly madly in love with her.
So really, he had some really good reasons on why he deserved a sainthood.
The discovery at first had been painful, but he realized with some shock, that the only thing he could think of, as to why he was in love with Felicia was her cooking. When he attempting to come up with other reasons- her smile, or perhaps the derpy way she folded laundry – they just fell to the wayside as unimportant. To be honest, his memories kept getting filled with Lovina's angry face intruding on every memory he had of Felicia.
There was also the very visible fact, that Gilbert loved his brother to an awkward degree.
And so he had come up with the most brilliant of plans, the quickest to implement, to sabotage the wedding and save both his brother and Felicia from any disgrace.
Felicia had shown a small distaste to when people got ragingly drunk – something to do with her grandpa who raised her. According to her, when people were drunk they did things they would always regret, and there happened to be some sort of hint, that when her grandfather reached a certain level of drunkenness he got violent.
In fact, she had politely informed him if he were ever to get that drunk she wouldn't marry him.
Opening the door, he stumbled into the wedding hall, the guests looking at him in shock and disapproval at his obvious state.
"Have nnnof ffer th 'wsome me ishere!" he slurred, as he stumbled over to the podium.
The organist, confused, began to play, the doors opening as his beautiful bride walked down the aisle, clutched tightly onto the arm of her creepy grandfather.
It took a moment for things to click, but as she drew near, Gilbert knew that she knew that he was rottenly drunk.
In fact, her grandfather gave him a shocked look, eyes clouding with a pure rage that made Gilbert want to piss his pants. Shit – he hadn't thought about family collateral, he was seriously going to get beat up!
"Ve, Gilbert are you drunk?"
Gilbert attempted to focus on the five Felicia's before he grinned and simply said, "Yup! Sure ashhelll be mpsossible ta mrry ya sobrrrrr!"
He giggled after his line, amused at the angry expression crossing her face.
Tears pricked at Felicia's angry brown eyes, as she turned to her grandfather.
"I'm not going to marry him while drunk." Came her firm reply, before adding, turning once more to Gilbert, "I'm not going to marry you ever! Why would you do this Gilbert? On our day!"
Gilbert shrugged, "Cuz."
The answer seemed to enrage Felicia, as she looked over to where Ludwig was edging in from on the side, the expression of anger clear on his face.
"Gilbert!" he hissed, grabbing his drunken brothers arm, "What are you doing?"
Giving a silly smile, Gilbert giggled some more.
"I am so sorry," Ludwig began to apologize profusely to Felicia, "Usually Gilbert isn't this much of an ass, I don't know what got into him."
At this point, Gilbert clung awkwardly onto Ludwig, "Ludddddyyyy why you such a tight assh?"
"No, you don't need to apologize for him Ludwig," Felicia said firmly, as she firmly lay her hand atop of his, "He's shown how he feels about me…"
"I'll call off the – "
"No." Felicia cut him off, before turning to the gathered audience and smiling demurely, "You all came for a wedding am I right?"
There was a murmured agreement.
"Then we wouldn't want to disappoint!" Felicia, turned to Ludwig, as she simply asked, "Ludwig, will you marry me?"
Gilbert got dropped in surprise, Ludwigs face bright red, "Wha-"
"Don't you want to?" she tilted her head cutely, and all Ludwig could do was nod in confusion. "Then let the wedding continue!"
Gilbert smirked, as he drunkenly crawled to the nearest pew, pulling himself up onto it. In all honesty, he wasn't that drunk. He had really played it up.
It had all worked out so beautifully, he wasn't sure if he should believe it.
And judging from the looks of the grandfather, he knew he had dodged a bullet there.
Listening to the droning voices as they took their vows, Gilbert's attention was taken away when there was a punch on his arm.
"Qhseewr?" he murmured, turning to Lovina, who also happened to be the bridesmaid.
She had done her duty, so had come to sit down beside him, her eyes flashing intelligently, as she hissed, "Did you do that all on purpose you potato bastard?"
Gilbert smirked, and shrugged, "Who knows? I'm a myshtery even unto myshelf."
It was quite shocking, when he found himself pulled forward into an aggressive kiss, the sort of kiss that made even a sober man's legs wobble.
"I now pronounce you man and wife," came the drone, and as the newlyweds kissed, Gilbert felt himself getting dragged up.
"Don't you think it's done yet!" Lovina said loudly, as she approached the surprised minister, "We need to get married as well!"
That certainly snapped Gilbert out of his act, and he attempted to pull out of her firm grasp, "What?"
"That's wonderful!" came the comment from the grandfather, with an underlying hint of death threat, which paused Gilbert in his struggling, "A double wedding!"
Giving a resigned nod to the confused Minister, Gilbert found himself getting married, replying as soberly as he could, realizing that he probably was a little more drunk than he would care to admit – especially since he was following through with it all.
When the words were pronounced, he was pulled down into another firm leg wobbling kiss, which was surprisingly met by the happy clapping of the audience. Apparently, as far as they were concerned, this wedding was one for the books.
And later, at the banquet, when they were eating, and everyone was congratulating them, he thought perhaps it could be worse.
And then much later, when he found his body entwined with Lovina's he realized the day had gone perfectly.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
AN: This was a fill for a kinkmeme.
This was the original request for those interested.
"So, while reading a text book last semester I came across this:
In rural India in 2007, the groom arrived drunk at his wedding, so the bride married his younger brother instead. (Globe and Mail, 3 May 2007, L1, found in How Societies Work by Joanne Naiman)
So! Prussia and N. Italy are supposed to get married, but Prussia shows up drunk at the wedding. Pissed off, N. Italy marries Germany instead.
Bonus: Prussia did it on purpose, because he knew Germany liked .
Bonus2: Human names are used.
Bonus3: Genderbent Italy!
Bonus4: Prussia marries Romano instead. XD;
Any time period is fine, and it doesn't matter if they're human or nation. Tons of cookies and internets will be given out for fill! "