Disclaimer: I don't own Zoids Zero, or Zoids Chaotic Century for that matter.

Author's Notes: ^_^   ^-^   ^O^   O_O

How to write a Zoids fic

Book One: Zoids Zero

Chapter One: Plot

      Plot?! Are you kidding?! Everyone knows that a good Zoids story doesn't need a plot. It detracts from your fic. You don't want to confuse your readers with a complex plot, or even a simple plot for that matter. People lose interest in a story when it has a plot. All a story needs to be great is a bunch of HUGE explosions and battles where Zoids rip apart each other savagely. It doesn't matter if your story is about the Liger Zero tearing the limbs off the Berserk Fury while the Fury savagely shreds up the Liger, or if it's about Naomi pumping lead into Leena's Gunsniper while Leena blows off chunks of Naomi's Zoid with a barrage of missiles, and be sure to end your story with one, both, or all the Zoids blowing up in a huge fiery explosion with bits and pieces of the Zoids flying everywhere.

      The only good stories are only about Zoids tearing each other apart with their claws and fangs and smashing each other to bits, leaving the pilots screaming and bleeding on the ground. Oh yes, that brings in the subject of blood and gore. Stories are only good if they had LOTS of blood and gore in them. What fun is there in reading a story where nobody gets hurt? We live in an age where something is only good if it has lots of blood and guts and screaming and pain, so your story will only be good if it is really bloody. Here's an example:

      "Leena shrieked in fury when she realized that Bit had eaten her food again. Like a savage beast she tracked him down, following his guilty stench. When she had finally found him, Leena bared her glistening teeth and snarling like a wild animal, she lunged in for the kill. Bit screaming in surprise, pain, and terror as Leena's sharp teeth sunk deep into his flesh. Leena growled in fury as she yanked her head back and forth, tearing into Bit's soft flesh. Blood spurted out of Bit's shredded arteries and veins, and pieces of skin and flesh flew everywhere as Leena savaged Bit. He pulled out of her strong grip and made a mad dash for the kitchen, but Leena caught him and slammed him painfully into the microwave. The microwave was smashed in by Bit's back and it exploded in a ball of flames, burning Bit's shirt and back. The flames from the explosion licked the oven and coffee-machine, causing them to explode in a huge ball of fire, filling the entire room with scorching heat. Bit and Leena screamed as their entire bodies were scorched black by the flames."

      You see, that's what a good story would be like.  Lots of blood and gore and explosions. Plot doesn't matter!

Chapter Two: Conflict

      Every good story needs conflict, and that includes Zoids stories. To add conflict to your story, you first need a bad-guy. The Backdraft Group is perfect for the occasion! They're full of evil, nasty, two-dimensional people like Pierce, Stoller, Polta, and Vega! Next, you have to have your chosen bad-guy come up with an evil plan. For instance, it could be to take over the world, kill people, or destroy the Blitz Team! It doesn't matter! But remember, the important thing to remember is for your bad-guy's plan to include lots of HUGE explosions to keep the reader interested.

      Next, you need to have a hero stop the bad-guy and save the world. The hero is usually someone from the Blitz Team, and more than often Bit himself. You can just forget about all the other characters; Bit's the perfect hero! Everyone loves him! He's flawless! He's invincible! His Liger Zero is all-powerful! Who could be better than Bit!?

      Now that you've got your hero, which must be Bit of course, and your bad-guy, the next step is to have Bit find out about the bad-guy's plan and stop him, which must include lots of fighting and blood and explosions and perhaps a Zoid battle to the death. Make sure that right before the climax, or the biggest explosion, of your story that you press the enter key a lot and skip down 20 lines to make your story more suspenseful for the reader, and you can also press the enter key a lot to make your story longer! Isn't that

cool!?

Bit of course wins and stops the evil bad-guy's plan and saves the world and everyone lives happily ever after, unless you decide to kill him off and give your story a depressing ending. People love depressing endings! It shows that you have talent and skill. The more people you kill off, in fiery explosions of course, the better! Here's an example:

      "Exhausted from battle, Bit panted as he angrily eyed the Berserk Fury. He had no idea why Vega would want to destroy all Zoids, but he was determined to find out and stop him.

      'Why are you doing this, Vega!?' Bit yelled desperately.

      'I am doing this because it's my duty,' Vega answered calmly.

      'What are you talking about?!" Bit demanded bravely.

      Vega smirked evilly as he sat inside the Berserk Fury's cockpit. 'I have some of Raven's DNA. Therefore it is my duty to carry out his wishes and succeed where he failed. I must destroy all Zoids!'

      Bit frowned after Vega finished. He couldn't let that kid accomplish his goal. He HAD to stop him.

      Bit geared the Liger Zero in for one last charge…" 

      One more thing. Internal conflict, or character development in other words, doesn't matter. Nobody cares about that stuff. The only thing that's important is that your story includes explosions, blood, and action. It doesn't matter if any of the characters are not acting like themselves! Nobody will notice that. All you need to remember about conflict is that it must be black and white; good versus evil; Bit versus the bad-guy.

Chapter Three: Romance

      There is only one thing that you must remember when dealing with romance, and that is it MUST be a Bit and Leena romance! That's the ONLY POSSIBLE CHOICE! Bit must only be paired with Leena and Leena must only be paired with Bit! Nobody likes anything else! If you try to write a romance besides BitxLeena then you WILL be flamed and harassed! If you see anyone stupidly write anything besides BitxLeena, then it is your duty to flame them mercilessly.

      Now, there are a few ways to go about writing a romance, but they all must include large fiery explosions. One way is to have Bit/Leena leave they Blitz Team for a reason, or no reason if you want, and then have Leena/Bit chase after Bit/Leena and get them to come back by revealing how much one loves the other, and then give it a happy ending by having them both fall deeply in love with each other.

      Another way is to have Bit/Leena kidnapped by a bad-guy and then have Leena/Bit come rescue the other. Of course you must include a huge Zoid battle full of explosions and blood, but in the end Bit/Leena wins and rescues the one they love and then they live happily ever after.

      One more way is to have Bit/Leena injured in a Zoid battle with an opposing team that includes lots of explosions, or something and Bit/Leena only survives because Leena/Bit reveals that they love Bit/Leena deeply and then Bit/Leena miraculously gets better and they live happily ever after. Here's an example of this:

      "Leeena sobbed as Bit held her cloes to him. Bti wuz happi that he had resqed her from the evill Dr. Layhon. 'I luv u Leena,' Bit sed and he kisssd her a lot. Then Lena sed, 'I luv u 2 Bit Clowd.' Then they kisd sum more and they lived happilily eva afta ^o^."

      You may, of course, try new ideas for a BitxLeena romance, but you might confuse the reader if you are too original. Just remember that you are only allowed to write Bit and Leena romances, and nothing else.

Chapter Four: Harry Champ

      Harry Champ is evil. That is the only thing you must remember. He is evil and bad. Nobody likes him. He is not allowed to be the star of any fics, only Bit is. It's best not to even mention Harry at all in stories, but you can use him in BitxLeena fics as the bad-guy, and have Bit defeat or kill him in the end and rescue Leena. People seem to like to have Harry beaten or killed by Bit, so you might want to do that to make your fic more popular. People also seem to like it when Harry is hurt and beaten and bleeding because he is attacked by Bit or Leena or whoever, so make sure to bash Harry a lot if you decide to include him in your fic. Here's an example of what to do:

      "Leena (mad at Harry): I hate you Harry! I'm going to kill u!

      Bit: I hate u 2 Harry!

      Harry (dumb): Why do u guys hate me?

      Leena: Because we do!

      Leena takes a lot of knives and throws them at Harry. Harry screams as the knives slice into him. He bleeds all over the place.

      Bit (mad at Harry): Look what u did Harry! You ruined the carpet! I'm going to kill u 2!

      Bit takes a gun out of his pocket and shoots Harry. Harry dies dead on the floor. Every1 is happy!"

      If you decide you want to write a humor fic, then you definitely want to think about including Harry. Nothing is funnier than reading about Harry getting hurt, killed, bashed, burned in explosions, or hit by charged particle beams. The more you bash and maim Harry; the more people will like your story. It's that simple! People really seem to like stories that list ways you can kill Harry Champ! Nothing's better than those! It's really hilarious to come up with creative ways to kill Harry Champ! You can also write about Leena or Bit or someone-else-on-the-Blitz-Team hiring somebody to torture and/or kill Harry! Be sure to describe in disgusting detail how Harry is tortured and killed. After all, everyone loves to see the evil Harry Champ bashed senseless!

Chapter Five: Made-up characters and Zoids

      If you decide to make up a character for your story, there are a few things you should remember.

Your character must be perfectly beautiful or handsome. They are not allowed to have any physical faults. They must be PERFECT in every way. Everyone who meets him or her falls instantly in love with them, and he or she has Bit/Brad/Jamie/Leon/Vega/Jack or Leena/Naomi/Kelly/Chris drooling all over them instantly. Your character must be the most incredible Zoid pilot ever! He or she must be capable of beating even Vega and Bit with ease! Everything must focus around your character. Your character must be unbelievably intelligent, beautiful/handsome, and perfect. They must be better than anyone else in the show. And finally, your character must have the most powerful Zoid that ever existed, and often that Zoid must be an Ultimate X.

Here's an example:

"one day doc walked into the hovercargo and said, 'hey everone we have a new team mate to help us!' 'who is it,' asked bit cloud. 'her name is ima mary sue!' said jamie and he smiled. Then ima walked in. she was sooo beautiful and she had long, blond wavy hair that fell onto her shoulders perfectly. she also had perfect blue eyes that perfectly were beautiful and she had clothes that hugged all her curves perfectly. 'wow!' said bit cloud. he instantly fell in luv with her. 'I love you ima,' said bit. 'no I luv her,' said brad. 'I luv her,' said jamie. 'no way! I love her,' said jack sisco who was also there. 'I luv her the most,' said leon toros. 'no I do,' said vega. ima just smiled and said, 'i'm not ready to pick who I luv yet sorry.' 'that's ok,' said every1. ima smiled perfectly and she was soooo beautiful and everyone luved her but she only luved bit!"

      If you make up a Zoid for your fic, be sure to make it so powerful that it makes the Berserk Fury or the Death Stinger seem weak, make sure that it is so fast the it makes a Lightning Saix or Liger Zero Jager seem slow, and also make sure it can fly faster than a Storm Sworder. Be sure to make your Zoid an Ultimate X, or if not, just make your character who pilots it so skilled that they could beat Vega with one hand tied behind their back.

      Overall, the best way to deal with your original characters and Zoids is to make them perfect. That way you'll keep your readers entertained with how great and perfect they are. Remember, the more perfect you make your characters and Zoids are; the bigger the explosions will be; and the more you readers will like your fic.

Chapter Six: Conclusions

      If you follow these guidelines, then your stories will be great! All you need is explosions, blood, destruction, romance between Bit and Leena, maybe a few original perfect characters and Zoids, and of course, lots of Harry-bashing!!! Everyone will LOVE your stories if you include all these things! Don't worry if you can't spell evrything rite, nobdy wll cair! Juts as long aas u poot lotz of exploasions in ur stori theen every1 will luv it! AND YOU CAN SOLVE THAT PROBLEM WITH CAPITALIZING THE FIRST LETTERS OF NAMES, LOCATIONS, AND OTHER THINGS IF YOU JUST TYPE IN ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME! A good way to attract people to your story is to write with a HUGE font size! Or you can write in a really small font size to make the reader squint at your story and pay more attention to each line so they don't get confused. And don't bother with punctuation in your story if you include all of the things mentioned above because your story will be so good that nobody will care if you have run-on sentences or write in script form they won't mind because you are such a good author and you really don't have to start new paragraphs all the time you can just leave your wonderful story in a huge block on the middle of the page people will still read it because you write the best stories in the world especially if you bash Harry a lot and you don't have to worry about leaving the bold or italics on because they are used to draw attention to stuff so if you leave them on all the time then you can draw attention to your entire story and I bet you can't breathe right now You also don't have to worry about using chat room language since ur fic is so good that every1 will read it no matter wut ^-^.

      The most important thing for you to remember is to believe in yourself. You can write a great story if you believe you can.