Initially, Castiel felt puzzled when it first began to dawn on him. Not so much as a quick processed idea but perhaps much like a subconscious feeling embedded deep inside a secluded area of his brain. Whatever it was but for some unknown reason his heart would beat frantically on upon seeing his co worker glide into the room in his usual manner. He understood that this sort of subject matter could not be brought up with anyone else but himself, so he kept his small talk with a fellow worker to small things such as the weather or how their wives were doing. As he listened to him talk about how his shower wouldn't work properly in the mornings he tried not to glance at the curious man, who was now no longer in eye corner view, but found himself looking around the room for him anyway.
"So I think I'm going to...are you okay?"
Castiel turned his head back to face him with wide confused eyes because he wasn't suspecting anyone to catch an act he didn't even intend on doing. In a breathless sort of way he nodded and said, "Yeah...Yeah I'm just hungry because I skipped breakfast this morning."
"Well our lunch break starts about now, so..."
"Oh...good timing on my account I presume." Castiel said in a monotone voice. Andrew blinked a few times and was reminded that Castiel was a bit odd and that was the reason why they never talked during high school.
Castiel nibbled at his sandwich long after Andrew left for home. It wasn't that he was a slow eater, it was just that he'd rather work late tonight then go home to his nosy, pushy wife. He shut his eyes and focused on that small flavor he's had for almost every lunch now. Castiel was almost meditating the way he was trying to relax. When he opened his eyes he was expecting the room to be quiet, empty, even desolate; and that's exactly what he got. Of course the reality of the situation was even more so than what his brain supposed it to be.
The rest of the night spent at his work consisted of trudging past coffee makers and computers to his car in a zombie like manner. When Castiel arrived home he carelessly threw off his jacket and stripped into his boxers. He fell in the velvet sheets of his bed and sighed into the flat pillow. The scent of perfume brought his mind into happier times of the past where he could smell his wife's all the time, almost like his own special gift, but he knew that she was wearing it for someone else now. He felt the bed move when she shifted slightly under the sheets and bed spread. He fixed his eyes onto her face and drank in the image. When she looked this peaceful by his side, so warm and tender-faced, was when it really hit him. He tried to suppress the tear that threatened to fall down his cheek. He looked up as if forcing it to go back down with gravity but found himself looking through the large window across the room instead. He wondered about what other people in the world were doing at the very moment including men similar to his grievable situation.
Castiel caught himself staring at the stranger again, this time in an obvious manner. He cursed and felt his emotions go from curious to scared and worried. He began doing equations in his head that were not possible to solve in order to meditate. He needed to relax. For his wife, for his job, for his mental stability. Instead of breaking his thought processes and succeed into a mediative state, he began focusing on his blue lit work on a lonely smudged screen and thought back to a memory that held no utmost importance to his life.
There, Castiel had sat beside a pond at the tender age of seven and fed the ducks bread. A sentimental feeling slowly drifted into his being and a strange curiosity lingered in the corner of his brain. He wondered what had triggered a memory of this sort, considering he hadn't thought about it for quite a while. He recalled reading about how smell was the sense most linked to memory, but he could't smell anything but old books and coffee. His mind continued to travel in a strange direction as he remembered being called inside for dinner then homework. He couldn't place why exactly there was a sort of negative feeling that lingered like mist. Almost as fast as he questioned he recalled his best friend, Sarah, sitting beside him also feeding the ducks little tidbits of bread. As he walked inside he had turned around to find her body outlined by the sunset smiling a silent farewell. And that's when he placed the significance and what triggered the memory.
Longing