She always felt different around him, or maybe she just felt normal- she guessed she'd never know now. Ghouls could never afford a sense of normality in their lives. They were always guarded never able to truly let anyone in, never experiencing security. Observing. Constantly looking over their shoulders.
They were the ultimate hunter, hunted.
When she first saw him on the street pleading with her, begging, she knew he never had any of those problems. He was one of the lucky ones, the blessed. He never had to feel those emotions; the fear, constantly anticipating the enemy's moves, he'd never known the bitter sting of losing a family member to them- to the doves- and waiting for them to come back, watching helplessly as loved ones were picked off one by one all whilst he observed unable to save anyone.
But she had...
That had pissed her off.
Despite his pathetic appearance and half assed attempt at being a ghoul, Yoshimura accepted him to Anteiku little did she know she soon would too... He was a clumsy wreck, stumbling, bumping into her and was a terrible coffee maker she (of course) believed this to be horrific and insulted him any chance she got which, thanks to his incompetence, was very often. When he was gone these were the things she'd come to miss, all his little quirks; the little crease that appeared when he got confused or was trying hard at something, the way he always smiled from ear to ear, the small lines that appeared around his eyes and mouth when he did so, the way he'd say 'Touka-chan!' when they worked together- she swore she could hear and feel the happiness emanating from his every word each time he spoke. He portrayed such emotion with his each and every word. She didn't know when she began to notice all of these little things. She knew he cared for her after he unexpectedly came out with some badly put together show of affection, "If you died, Touka-chan, I would probably be sad.", he said with a blush and slight nervous stutter. She felt shock. Pure shock, there was no way to describe it other than that. She knew there were others that cared for her like Yoshimura, Yomo and Hinami- and Yoriko as well- but she did was shout insults at him, heck she nearly left him in the street to fend for himself! She just passed off her feelings and left them on the backburner. She made herself think that, at most, their feelings for each other didn't go beyond tolerable. However, she knew deep down her feelings went much further- she just didn't know how much yet. All of this was, of course, before it all happened...
After being tortured at the hands of that bastard Yamori he was never the same, his aura, his energy, his being, his smiles (when they were rarely shown) even his voice. She noticed all of these changes- no matter how miniscule- alongside the more drastic ones. It was like he was an entirely different person, like a new persona had been taken on as well as a new appearance. In place of his old raven hair- which she came to recognised as one of the many things she loved about him- was an unruly snow-white mop. In contrast, his nails were black as a result of forced regeneration over and over, again and again. His eyes- once glowing orbs brimming with vast emotion often narrowed by the huge grins he gave were now grey. Though his, they seemed almost void of all emotion- now always narrowed in suspicion and speculation. His voice used to be happy with hints of nervousness, most likely due to his lack of social skill and shy attitude. Now he was the voice of indifference, quite literally, he had little to say and when he did it was rather bleak, monotone and dull. During their time apart she began to contemplate her true feelings. She wasn't completely sure she liked the outcome... Whether or not her feelings were reciprocated was currently irrelevant. Whenever he was near a fierce, burning blush formed on her cheeks and she became a ball of nerves, thankful for his recent silence. This gratitude, however, was short-lived when he looked at her with a blank face, all except for the small rise at the corner of his otherwise frowning mouth. "Hey, Touka-chan."
"Oh- em hi Kane- Kaneki..." She stuttered, pissed off with her weak attempt at response.
A look of concern washed over his pale eye-patched face "Is everything okay, you look-"
"I look what? Idiot Kaneki!" She blurted slightly louder and more ferocious than first intended. He'd only just came back to them and she was scaring him off already. As she felt that all too familiar burning form, she nervously scanned the room for any method of escape or quick, believable excuse. Nothing! She found nothing! Though futile she tried anyway. "I have things to do, idiot Kaneki!" She shouted darting away, rag in hand. Kaneki watched, dumbfounded, as she hurried away almost tripping over a misplaced box and picking herself up and continuing her little mad dash. 'Stupid Touka, what the hell were you thinking!? He's gonna hate me, or think I'm completely and utterly insane- if he doesn't already, that is!' She scolded herself mentally noting to move the damn box later.
She pointedly avoided him for the rest of her shift in the hopes of preventing another awkward encounter. Out the corner of her eye she saw him glancing over occasionally looking slightly concerned in contrast to the small, almost un-noticeable smile that played on his lips. Looking at the clock she tried to busy herself, thinking that time might've passed quicker that way. It didn't.
After several minutes Touka was fidgeting aimlessly. The cloud of silence was occasionally broken by her bored and exasperated sighs. Unfortunately for her today business was running slow- as was the time- and her and Kaneki were the only people currently in the front. 'Damn you universe, you tryna' tell me somethin' or what you subtle bastard!' She cursed, mentally obviously, like she'd want him thinking any worse of her.
"Touka-chan, are you sure you're okay?" He asked, sounding like his old nervous counterpart.
"Yeah, I just have...Well a lot on my mind, I guess." She uttered a quiet response, mainly to herself. She spoke so quietly- unlike her usual tone or snarky responses- that an average human would have most likely missed it.
"I don't mean to pry... But well, sometimes talking can help. You never know I might be able to help."
She cursed mentally, but was secretly happy to know he still cared (especially after all that's happened- to both her and him). Knowing the majority of her problems related to him and her feelings for him, she struggled with how to respond- if she should at all.
"Ahhh! I don't know! All this feelings crap is just stupid, I JUST DON'T GET IT!" She cried helplessly, leaving him dumbstruck for the second time that day- in the only way she could.
"For what it matters, I'm not all that good at expressing myself either. When it comes to li- lik... PEOPLE! I mean..." He mentally facepalmed, knowing that she clearly picked up on whatever the Hell was going on with him. He began thinking of any excuse for his strange, nervous outburst, knowing she was bound to question it.
"I, well have a friend that... Well, she li-lik-likes someone and she doesn't know how to tell them without sounding like an absolute bastard." She answered worriedly, knowing that- although incompetent at times- Kaneki could be smart and would probably guess who she was talking about.
"Ooh! Is it Yoriko, I think Hide kinda likes her." He watched carefully as she took in his words.
"Em... Yea- yeah! She isn't all that good with feelings and stuff..." She thought about his recent comment 'Jeez, he really can be a ditz, not that I want him to find out about everything.' Touka thought she heard him talk and turned to him briefly (blushing of course) as her bubble of thought was shattered. "What?" She questioned
"Touka-chan, I said are you sure because, to me, Yoriko seems like quite an outgoing and expressive person?"
"Ah, em... She is but she just doesn't know how to tell them properly." Touka responded, as calmly as she could, feeling trapped by his words. She noticed a small blush appear over his pale cheeks, making him look adorable and shy.
"Um... That's a shame, I thought you were talking about someone else..." He teased, the affect lessened some by his nervous exterior.
'WAIT? What was that?! Does he like someone. What if it's me- I don't know if that would make the situation better or just more awkward.' She thought, eyes widening- unable to keep a startled look off her face. "Ah, um... Well... What if I were?" She asked questioningly, trying not to give too much away.
"Then I would have to ask, I suppose." His voice sounded louder and Touka looked to where she knew he was sat only to find the space empty. She scanned the area, only to find him stood close to her. Closer than she could handle at that particular time.
"KANEKI! DON'T CREEP UP ON ME LIKE THAT, I'LL HAVE A HEART ATTACK!" She yelled, arousing the suspicion of the few leaving customers that she had forgotten were there.
"Sorry Touka-chan! I just have something important to tell you!" He apologetically responded, both their blushes intensifying at his latest words.
"Just come out with it..." She said stumbling back slightly only to be caught by Kaneki, forcing them to gaze into eachother's eyes. "...Idiot Kaneki..."
Looking down into her eyes, he noticed the flecks of gold and blue cast alongside the vibrant violet he loved. "Well, I know someone with the same problem..."
As she realized the true content and meaning of his words, she thought about making some witty retort or telling him he was a perv and needed to let her go, but was ultimately unable. Touka, instead, found herself lost in grey clouds filled- rarely, she might add- with emotion.
Lost in the moment she barely comprehended his next words, "I think I love you, Touka-chan." He said, smiling, as a great weight was raised from his shoulders. Who knew someone who loved literature so much could be so heavily burdened by words such as those.
A immense feeling of happiness and utter waves of joy washed over her as, she too, was freed from a great cause of worry and distress. "I love yo-, WAIT, YOU THINK YOU LOVE ME?! AM I THAT QUESTIONABLE TO YOU?" She rose not breaking her now infuriated stare. Seemingly ignoring her last word and far from joyous expression, his smile grew wider as he spoke yet again.
"Really, Touka-chan?" He replied with all the wonder and ecstasy of a young child. His recent words left her with no feeling of anger of frustration, no infuriated words or death stares. Just pure love. Love she- somehow- knew would never fade or run out.
She found her thoughts broken and her words ushered as she was swept into his caring arms and unforgettable kiss.
He quite literally swept her off her feet.
Reluctantly breaking their kiss, she spoke softly in his ear. "I love you, Kaneki Ken.
Almost instantly, he spoke back with more emotion than she thought possible, " I love you too, Touka, and I always will..."
He may have been an idiot, but he was her idiot Kaneki and always would be.
She thought...