I haven't written anything in slightly over a couple of years. I haven't really had anything to say.
I do have a few chapter of The Rocky Hogwarts Picture Show stashed away in a few different notebooks, but other than that, I haven't written a word.
So I was listening to a song today and the name of the song stuck with me and this thing slipped out of my mind, easy as pie.
So here you go. My first fic in three-odd years and my first Inuyasha fic ever. Good lord and saints preserve us.
Cheers
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, and despite having watched most all of the episodes, I still don't know who does. I took the song title from Death Cab For Cutie. That's pretty much it.
The Sound of Settling:
Kagome was not the girl of Inuyasha's dreams. He knew this. He also knew that if she found out, it would break her heart. Still, he persisted in trying to love her.
He would rather pretend to love her than risk breaking her heart
Inuyasha was a coward. He knew this. He knew that playing pretend with Kagome was nothing like actually being with Kikyou, but he kept at it because he figured it wasn't such a bad deal. Kagome, sweet, sunny Kagome was not Kikyou, but she was the next best thing.
Inuyasha had loved Kikyou, and she had died as a result. It had hurt. Then she had come back, but not. That had hurt even more. So he settled for her copy. A bright, shining girl who looked like his dead love.
Kagome was not Kikyou. Inuyasha knew this. Inuyasha knew this better than anyone. Inuyasha knew how Kikyou spoke and smelled and smiled and shone. Kikyou had always spoken softly. She smelled like Jasmine and sweet herbs. She smiled gently and shone like a pearl. But Kagome was a Diamond. She was fire and sharpness and color. Kagome, whose laughter exploded from her like breaking dishes, rarely spoke softly. Kagome shouted and smelled like sunlight and fierce rain. Kagome's redeeming qualities were that her hair was the exact same shade of blue-black as Kikyou's, and her lips were the exact same shade of petal-soft pink. And really, that's all the excuse Inuyasha needed.
So Inuyasha pretended to love Kagome. Because Kikyou was gone away and he could never get her back. Because though he did not love her he did care for Kagome and didn't want to hurt her. And because it meant he got to run his hands through her ink-black hair and kiss softly-parted pink lips.
So Inuyasha let out a sigh and curled his arms around Kagome.
Things could always be worse.
Inuyasha did not love her. Kagome knew this. Kagome also knew that if she owned up to this fact, it would hurt very much. She was aware of her denial, but denied it all the same.
She didn't want to risk breaking her own heart.
Kagome was weak. She knew this. And still she sat and waited for the scraps from his table. She would rather be his 'Good enough' than nothing at all. So she pretended ignorance and let Inuyasha play at loving her, because it was the next best thing to having him actually love her.
Inuyasha would run his fingers through her hair when he kissed her. Kagome pretended not to notice how tightly he shut his eyes. Kagome needed to be close to Inuyasha. And even though he would pretend she was someone else, Inuyasha held her closely when he kissed her. And really, this was all the excuse that Kagome needed.
Inuyasha would hold her close, and Kagome would pretend not to see the faraway look in his eyes. Kagome knew he was thinking of her predecessor, but she let him get away with it. She was willing to overlook being the other woman if it meant getting the leftovers. So Kagome pretended she didn't know that Inuyasha didn't love her because having part of him was better than having none of him. Because she was scared of being unwanted and tired of being lonely.
She heard him sigh as he put his arms around her, but she ignored it.
Things could always be worse.