A/N: Here I am with a new fic! This one's a bit different from anything I've done before in that it's not a single story but rather a collection of tiny drabbles and word-doodles. Seeing as how this fic was written for SpyFest Revival's April Prompt of 'April Fools' courtesy of dalekchung (and is therefore dedicated to her and wolfern, for their lovely prompts) each piece contains/is centered around the word 'fool.' Enjoy!
fool: n.
1. a spy who finds himself in ridiculously dangerous situations and nearly dies multiple times, all through no fault of his own (according to him, anyway).
2. the best friend of said spy, who uses his capacity for amusement to brighten the world of the bravest person he knows.
3. the deputy head of the agency that uses aforementioned spy.
4. the head of the agency whose deputy head regrets using the spy.
5. an SAS grunt who doesn't realise how much he cares for his youngest unit-member until he finds out how scarred the spy is.
6. Spies in general (especially those who return to their unit injured).
7. those who believe in and spread rumors about a teenage spy that can't possible exist (right?).
8. agents and partners who get themselves shot to prevent their teenage agent/partner from being shot.
9. any and all criminal 'masterminds' and/or torture experts who somehow get it into their heads that capturing and killing the world's only teenage spy (who, incidentally, may have defeated them multiple times) will look good on their resume.
10. students who miss so much school that they have no chance of finding a decent job (unless said students happen to be ninja-esque teenage spies who rank 1,000,000 on the bad-ass scale).
11. ninja-esque badass teenage spies (because he's so unique he deserves to be mentioned again).
As he lies curled in the corner of his cell, he waits for someone to pop up in front of him and call 'April Fools!' but no one does and he can't say he's surprised to find that the hell he'd hoped he was dreaming is the reality of his life.
Tom's always known how to play the fool – the April fool – and Alex is so, so grateful for Tom's antics (it distracts him from the deaths that haunt him).
He's a damned fool for ever believing in mercy and kindness and all that bullshit that they fed him at school – the world is cruel and dark and unforgiving and he is far too familiar with its realities.
Staring down the barrel of the gun pointed at him, he muses idly that he should be thinking some sort of heroic thought or last plea for clemency – instead, all he can think about is what an idiot, what a fool he was for believing his agency when they told him about his mission – just surveillance, my ass.
In a rare moment of peace, Alex reflects on his life: he recalls the years spent being (unknowingly) trained by Ian, the years wasted believing his uncle when he was told that the man had 'fallen down' each time he came home bearing unnatural bruises…now Alex is the one coming home with bruises and cuts and gunshot wounds and he can't believe how gullible, how foolish he had been.
She's a fool. Tulip Jones has never felt like an idiot in her entire life, but this one teenage boy, this man (after all he's seen and done, can she really call him a boy anymore?) has managed to make her feel smaller than an ant with one withering glance (she doesn't tell him that his uncle had this ability as well).
You're a fool, Alex Rider, and you will lose…everything. He shudders and makes his excuses to Tom – he can't watch Harry Potter, not now when every on-screen fight drags him back to his latest mission and the reason for the bandages that cover so much of his skin.
Wolf cuffs himself over the head when the brat returns to soggy Wales. He is this close to marching into the sergeant's hut and demanding to have the 'agent' removed when he finds out exactly how old the kid is and that he's been sniped…repeatedly. He punches the wall and calls the world and himself all kinds of names (fool, idiot, cruel bastard) for making his youngest unit member's life any harder than it already is.
Cub and Fox disappear (although the entire camp knows why they've gone) and Wolf scowls at everything he sees, until they return, Alex sporting a fresh set of scars (Wolf pulls him in for a rough hug and tells him repeatedly how foolish he is for getting caught – again).
There are moments when he's head-over-heels in love with the life he leads – when he realizes that he's gained a family in the unit of soldiers that promises to watch his back, when he chases an adversary across the rooftops of San Marino, when he kicks Ben's ass soundly in combat training at their favorite SAS camp – and then there are moments, like now (when he's lying bloody in the corner of a dirty cell with no apparent way out) when he curses himself for being foolish enough to wonder how his uncle died (curiosity killed the cat – or the spy, rather).
There's a new agent, the rumors say, impossibly young and yet ancient in his eyes – quite possible the best the agency has ever seen. The desk agent scoffs, signing his name with a flourish at the bottom of the file he'd been reading, knowing the rumors were false and those who spread them fools (after all, 100% success rates didn't actually exist…right?).
Alan Blunt is a shortsighted, suicidal, foolish psychomaniac, or so a certain Tulip Jones thinks as she notices the way her favorite (and youngest!) agent is glaring at her superior (she wouldn't be at all surprised to discover that her rather grey boss was murdered in his bed by a silent assassin who left not a trace of who he was behind).
Benjamin Daniels opens his eyes dizzily as a callused hand finds his in his hospital bed and he smiles as his senior agent partner whispers, "If you ever do anything like that again, I'll have you blacklisted, you stupid, foolish, incredible man." Ben nods half-heartedly, but secretly he knows his agreement is a lie: he'd jump in front of a bullet – again – to make sure that Alex isn't the one in the hospital bed.
Alex discovered at the tender age of fourteen that he can't read war novels – somehow, the satire of Catch-22 isn't so funny when you've been in a warzone yourself (the words '…and Snowden lay dying in the back…' have a different meaning when you've been in the poor radio-gunner's place with your partner holding your insides together and screaming desperately at you "Don't you dare leave me, you god-damned fool, don't you die…").
Five-year-old Alex is unbelievably pleased with himself when he manages to reach the peanut butter Ian keeps on the top shelf in their pantry. Fifteen-year-old Alex is just proud of himself for escaping – again – from the clutches of a dastardly mastermind (not that the fool could have kept him captive for long, anyway).
The sergeant at Brecon Beacons is shocked at the change in the young man he sees across the parade ground – Cub is laughing with his unit, seemingly carefree, but his eyes are guarded chips of ice and the sergeant pities the fool who ignores the danger the MI6 agent emits.
School holds no interest for him anymore – thanks to his (very illegal) job, he's got enough chemistry, physics, and maths credits to surpass any college students and traveled enough that his knowledge of geography is nearly flawless. His politics skills are impeccable as well (how could they not be?), so when the headmaster calls him a fool for 'ruining any chance of finding a decent job with his absences' he simply replies coolly that he already has a job (although he's not sure whether it would be classified as decent - perhaps he should ask?), thanks very much, and that he is in no danger of losing it (where exactly would the government find another teenage spy that's been trained since birth?).
He knows he'll be ready when the end he's evaded for so long comes (he's been insanely lucky to have escaped death for so long). He's loved and lost, laughed and cried, fought and nearly died at the hands of every fool that ever wanted to take over the world…he's lived in a way he never expected, found a place in an underworld he never wanted to be part of as both an assassin and a spy, and made a new family for himself when he thought all was lost. He's done incredible things, killed more times than he can count, and made a name for himself in the most dangerous way possible…it's safe to say that the world will never forget Alex Rider.
I'm sure you're all heartily tired of the word 'fool' by now, but put up with it one last time...Oblige a young and foolish writer with a review?
hugs,
-nrynmrth