A/N: The Idiots here have decided that the first amendment doesn't count on That meant that my previous entry (NC-17 rated) would've been removed. I'm not going down like that! I even saved all of the reviews from my first attempt. Take that, bitch!
The Letter
by Master J
I could've been happy. We could've been happy. We could've been together. But that intruding fucker Potter had to ruin it all! He had to steal you from me. And now you're getting married. Literally, as I'm writing these words, your wedding to James Potter is going on.
And you actually had the gall to send me an invitation. At first I thought it was a joke, but then I realized what you were trying to do. You were planning a trap for me. Even as I sit here, you probably have Ministry officially guarding the doors of wherever you're getting married. Probably some huge church. You loved being in those things. You said that you felt that with your mere presence you were mocking God. You always had a smile on your face as you said that.
Did you actually think that I would fall for your trap? It was a good try, I'll give you that much. You tried to exploit my only weakness: You. It was pretty clever. But it wasn't clever enough. And it never will be. You could never trick me, Lily, and you never will. Of course, I'm almost certain that your new friends at the Ministry made you do it.
As you can probably tell from my rambling, I am very drunk. The thought of you marrying that ass Potter hurts, and the alcohol makes the pain go away. I'm sitting in some random muggle pub. I don't even know the name of it. Hold on, I'll find out. It's called Steve's Pub. These muggles are so unoriginal. It's always Steve's Pub or Bill's Pub or Rick's Pub. No fucking brains whatsoever. So, I'm in Steve's Pub. I want you to make a note of that. Inform your new friends at the Ministry so they can watch it in case I ever come back.
And I'm in Steve's Pub because this is the last place anybody expects me to be. It's where I can get away from the pig-fuckers. Both your pals at the Ministry and my supposed Death Eater brethren. God, I hate them Lily. I hate them all. You're the only person in the world that I don't hate. And you had to leave!
I'm writing this with a pen, by the way. I've found that the muggles become rather curious if you write with a quill. Have you ever written with a pen? Wait, what am I saying? Of course you have. For eleven years, you didn't know quills existed. I've grown rather fond of pens. I think I'll kill somebody with one soon. Stab them right in the damn neck. Then I'll write you a nice letter in their blood. Won't that be fun?
Listen, about Potter. Is it true that he pisses his house colors? My friends used to joke about that back in school. Of course, there was a similar joke about my house colors and me. Us schoolboys aren't very original are we? I only asked because I thought you would know, what with what you like during sex. Or does Potter not do that? Those Gryffindor boys always seemed very prude to me. I'm genuinely curious now. You'll have to tell me next time we chat.
Oh, I'm sorry to cut this short, but there's this hot little blonde that's been eyeing me for the past ten minutes. If you ask me, she looks like the type that enjoys being whipped.
And don't worry; I'm bringing my pen along. Just in case.
Drunkenly yours,
Severus
Lily Evans (wait, no, now, unfortunately,it was Potter) smiled as she folded up Severus' latest letter. As she put it with the others, she felt a thrill of excitement knowing that she would soon get a letter written in blood.
The End