Kate Beckett didn't know that she could cause that kind of damage. She knew she could point her gun at someone but today she had murdered a human being with a scalpel and her own pure force. True that human being was deranged and trying to kill her while taking her face but still she, Katherine Houghton Beckett, had the power to destroy a human life. She kept seeing the body lying on the floor as she heard the door open behind her. No matter how many times she opened her eyes and saw Rick lying next to her, every time she shut them again the images appeared again.
Kate didn't sleep much at all the first few nights she was home and Rick knew it. He could feel her toss and turn next to him. Rick wasn't sleeping deeply at all, even though she was home. Rick knew that Kate was hurting deep down and trying to come to terms with the fact that she took someone's life. And that was something that she was going to have to learn to live with the guilt that she had from her ordeal. But on top of that Rick knew that even though this was caused by Tyson, it was also his fault by forcing Tyson to want to hurt him via Kate. If Tyson hadn't wanted to make Rick suffer Kate wouldn't have been dealing with this guilt. And that caused Rick to not sleep much those first nights either, even though he felt Kate in his arms and knew she was safe at home.
Rick's 1000 hours of community service to the 12th precinct was going to be served in all the coffee runs. Neither husband or wife were sleeping at night; Rick used the hours to try and figure a way to write out his guilt and make it a better situation on paper than in real life while Kate pretended to try and sleep next to him as he typed. Rick thought about going in his office in hopes of Kate being able to sleep but knew that neither of them wanted to be away from each other and he worried that Kate was going to have nightmares about the act that saved her life. They hadn't talked about it any of the things that happened. Kate was off from work for three days because they wanted to give her some time to recoup. Gates had taken a statement that would be enough to get Kate off from the murder charge but Rick knew that Kate needed to talk through everything that she went through if not for him, then for her. But Rick also knew not to push Kate.
"She wanted my face." The words on their own would have been shocking enough on their own. Rick was in the middle of making dinner for them and had asked her what she had felt about wines to go along with the food. 'She wanted my face' was not the answer he had been expecting.
"I'm sorry?" Rick was hoping to let her talk about what she wanted; he didn't want to push her in any direction. He also hoped that if she was able to come to terms with what had happened he would be able to overcome the guilt he felt that she was forced to be in this situation. Yes that would make him feel better, he thinks to himself.
"Kelly Neiman wanted to sculpt her face to look like mine. That was going to be her cover. But I knew that I couldn't let her hurt you by doing that."
"Wait hurt me by doing that?"
"Before I broke free she was planning to kill me after you were trapped by Tyson I assumed. I do want to hear that full story later on, beside the point I was lying attached to that table and I knew that if she had all the different x-rays and diagrams and whatever else she needed, she wouldn't need me anymore and it would fulfil their plan to hurt you as well, but for you to be forced to see my face on Neiman's body I knew that would hurt you more so I wasn't going to let her finish that. That's why I used all my strength to make sure that you would never have to deal with that even if I never made it out of there. I was praying and wishing and willing myself to make sure that Neiman would never get out of there, because even if I didn't make it you would at least have the piece of not having to deal with Neiman, with or without my face." Kate tried to not make eye contact with Rick because she wasn't sure if she wanted to see his reaction to the truths that had come from her mouth, but at the same time she wanted the reassurance that came from seeing those piercing blue eyes. But once meeting his eyes she sees so many different reactions. Confusion, hurt, love, pain, and relief.
"She wanted your face…" Rick said it out loud to try and wrap his head around it. Rick repeated it in his head as he turned off the stove, they didn't need the loft going up in flames, before walking over and pulling Kate into his arms.
"She wanted my face, which is such a weird thing to say aloud but that's what she told me. I guess deep down I always knew that she liked it because she felt the need to say it every time she saw me but I didn't think anything of it until I was sitting on that table and she was scanning my face for x-rays and such. And then every moment that she had said it came to mind. But you know how I stayed calm?" Rick nodded. "I thought about how you would do anything to find me and how I just had to stay alive until then. And I'm so glad I was right because I don't know how I would have felt if Tyson had got you. Neiman told me that Tyson had you and she was waiting on a call from him. Which speaking of, I bet you're dying to tell me all about it."
"Are you sure?" Rick asks making sure that Kate was alright before telling the story he only wanted to share with her. Kate nods with the soft smile that was for him. "Ok well since you asked…"