I wish I was able to love you the right way.

She was beautiful, breathtaking beautiful, or at least she was for Lexa.

Clarke was one of those people that made you feel at home, Clarke was home for everyone who knew her and it didn't take long before Lexa felt at home too.

And she watched her, constantly, paying so much attention to all the details, almost trying to read her soul, to find out all of her deepest secrets, almost trying to drown in her blue ocean like eyes, but then Clarke's head would turn over to Lexa and she would drop her gaze because there were too many questions unanswered, and they were too heavy on the brunette girl's shoulders and they both knew it.

Lexa's eyes were full of promises, full of love for the blond girl but at the same time they were soaked in hurt and sadness, but Clarke loved them, she loved them unconditionally, in such a pure and simple way Lexa felt guilty. Because she didn't know how to love someone without breaking them - and she was damn sure she would have not, even in a million years be the one to break Clarke - she didn't know how it felt to be whole, she didn't know how to be with someone.

"I wish I was able to love you the right way" she whispered at the sleeping girl beside her, her fingers gently stroking the blonde's jaw, "I want to love you the way you deserve", Lexa watched her sleep and smiled because Clarke was so beautiful it made her happy.

Suddenly, just like every other night, after having held the sleeping girl in her arms for hours, Lexa let her go, because that was the way things should have been, and, just like it always happened, Clarke woke up, a slightly sigh leaving her perfect lips and she cried, because this routine was torture, her heart aching a little bit more every day, and then Lexa would leave a soft kiss on her forehead and Clarke would count down the seconds. Because that was all she had, three seconds in which Lexa's lips were on her, three seconds in which everything was they way she wanted it to be, three seconds that most of the times weren't enough to allay the pain but that some nights, when her heart ached so bad she would have rather died, she realised they were enough. Enough to give her the strength to handle one more day, enough to give her the strength to realise that even if all they would have ever be didn't go as far as a forehead kiss in the middle of the night, some stolen glances and sweet words whispered in the ears, she would have been fine with that, as long as Lexa would have been by her side, forever.

You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Whenever she laughed Clarke would throw her head back and close her eyes, and it was the sweetest thing in the world for Lexa, because it made her look like a baby, and Lexa's mind began racing, thinking about a little Clarke running free in the forest she liked so much, big blue eyes and long perfect blond hair. And a smile found its way between the brunette's lips because the joy that Clarke gave her without even knowing was unimaginable for every human being.

"You know what?" The blonde asked her after laughing at a joke Lexa just made.

"What Clarke?" The older girl always took the time to say Clarke's name because she liked the way it rolled off her lips, like she was made for saying it. If she could say only one word for the rest of her life she would definitely choose her name.

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me." She said, and she was smiling in the way that Lexa liked so much, she was smiling with her eyes and the brunette sighed because she couldn't do it, no matter how much she wished she could, no matter how much she felt for Clarke she couldn't. Because this beautiful girl sitting in front of her deserved so much more than what she could give her, she deserved so much better than a soul made of glued-back-together pieces, she deserved someone better than Lexa, she deserved someone who's edge weren't broken and burned, someone who wasn't a mess.

"Don't," Clarke said and her smile faded because she knew all too well what the brunette was thinking "don't think. Just feel, let it be." and then she smiled again "Let us be."

Lexa smiled, but her smile was sad and her eyes didn't sparkle like Clarke's "I can't."

"I know, but that won't stop me from letting you know how much you mean to me." The blond got up from her seat and watched Lexa in the eyes, blue meeting green, and she was sure she saw the brunette held her breath for a moment before giving her a side smile, and for Clarke, it felt like a kiss.

"I should go." she whispered "I'll see you again soon, I'll text you, answer me. Don't put yourself into troubles. Be safe. Say hi from me to Anya and Lincoln. Have fun. Don't worry too much." I love you she thought but those three words didn't make their way to Clarke's lips because she knew Lexa wasn't even remotely ready to hear them and she sure wasn't ready to believe them.

The brunette nodded taking in the long list of orders her friend just told her, she wanted to say I'll miss you but it came out "Maybe you'll meet a nice guy" and she hated herself because she didn't want Clarke to meet anyone, she wanted Clarke all to herself, she wanted Clarke to be hers, why was she still so afraid to love and to loved? It's been so long since.. since..

"Maybe I will." Answered the blonde and smiled but this time it didn't reach her eyes and she waved goodbye, heading out of the cafe never once turning back, and Lexa was glad because the tears in her eyes were ready to come out full force.

A.N.

So it's my first Clexa story and my first story in general, I know it's kind of a small chapter but it's just to see if.. you know.. if you like it. So give tell what you think and I don't know, just tell me if you like it xxx Cam

p.s. English is not my first language so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes. Feel free to point them out to me, I'll edit the story ;)