One year ago tomorrow. That is when my life changed forever. See, I always knew that loving Brendan Brady came with a price. I just didn't know that his life would be the price. Then there's me. Left to live all alone without him. I miss him so much it hurts. Nothing will ever be the same.

You see, I know he was classed as a bully and a thug. I know things he did a lot worse that that too. However, it still didn't stop me loving the man that I will forever class as my soulmate. I even went all the way to Dublin to get him back. I left Doug. A man I married just to get Brendan out of my head. It didn't work though. Brendan ran through my blood. He was always a part of me even when we weren't together.

The worst part of this tragedy is that the Police never did find Brendan's body. Walker made sure of that. Walker...he's still out there somewhere too. Sometimes I wish he had killed us both. Then we would have been together forever.

I feel robotic in my life now. No real pleasure or pain. Every day I get up and act normal. Bren left me the Club so I check up on the staff there from time to time. I've just started dating someone called David. He's a nice guy. Quite Alpha like. But nothing like him. There will never be anyone like him.

Doug snaps his fingers in front of my face.

"I think you need a couple of days off work as it's the anniversary of Brendan's passing tomorrow and your working yourself into the ground lately".

"Maybe I will take a day or two off..." I state whilst looking outside at people coming and going in their nice, boring everyday lives. God when did I get so bitter.

I notice Cheryl walking past the Deli a few minutes later, speaking quietly on the phone.

"Be back in five now Doug. I need to speak to Cheryl about tomorrow" I state as I walk out the front door.

I walk quickly to catch up to Cheryl but slow my pace as she is speaking in a low tone on her phone. I catch the middle of what looks like a heated conversation.

"Look, what do you want me to say to him? Oh, sorry Ste I can't do anything with you tomorrow! Something's come up and I need to go to visit family in Dublin? Don't shout at me ok? I'm doing my best here. I miss you so much and so does... Tell him to drop dead! I ain't falling for it this time. Do you know how much grief the pair of you have caused? Fine, see you tomorrow. Yeah, he's fine. He's dating and running the Club and the Deli. Don't start getting stroppy with me because he's dating. What did you expect him to do? Be a monk for the rest of his life. He misses...hang on a sec".

Cheryl turns around as if she sensed me. She snaps her phone shut and looks at me intently.

"Hi hun. How long you been behind me for eh?"

"Who were you talking to on the phone Cheryl?" I look at her suspiciously.

"Something has come up and I need to go to Dublin for a few days".

"What something?" I ask.

"Something to do with my family" she replies. Cheryl is looking everywhere but at me and its making me nervous.

"Look Ste, I've got loads to do before I take off tomorrow. Do you fancy a quick drink at the flat and a natter before I start getting ready?"

"Ok Cheryl, but just one drink". We take off towards the flat arm in arm, always the supportive friends.

Three drinks later and Cheryl is clearly tipsy. "I'm popping to the loo Ste". She skips off to the toilet, laughing her head off. I think I've had to much an' all because I swear I can hear a Knight Rider ring tone playing softly. It's then I realize it's coming from Cheryl's bag. I pick up her mobile and flip it open. The number is withheld so I press answer but don't speak just incase it is a business call for Cheryl.

"I want to know who Stephen is dating and I want to know NOW!" a thick Irish accent states over the phone. The voice continues "Chez, answer me".

My head is spinning. Am I awake, sleeping, hullucinating?

"Who is this?" I speak into the phone after about two minutes of debating in my head.

Whoever it is takes a deep breath and listens for me to speak again, but I don't. See, I know who it is. That voice is what I have been missing for nearly a year. That voice is my other half. That voice is the voice I hear every night in my dreams. The phone goes dead and I collapse onto the sofa.

"Ste wake up". Cheryl is nudging me awake on her settee. "You fell asleep love. I've got to get going to the airport. I've decided to leave tonight for Dublin instead".

Did I dream what happened earlier on? I'm still tipsy and my head is a mess.

"Cheryl, I'm coming with you to Dublin" I look at her through glazed eyes.

"I don't think that's possible Ste. I'm going on private family business."

"Where is he Cheryl?"

"Ste, what are you talking about sweetie?"

"Where is He?. I feel him you know. Every day. I guess he can feel me too. I have every day for the last year. So I will ask you again? Where is he?"

Tears start to stream down my face and as I look up at Cheryl I notice that she has started to cry too.

"I don't know what your talking about baby".

"Take me to him. He has a lot of explaining to do"