Author's Note: This is the result of reading too many "Trip gets hurt" fics that read like through the valley of the cliches. Arim - mom of this baby
Starfleet Manual for Medical Emergencies
Special Edition
Seeing as every member of Starfleet received basic medical training, there is no need to repeat simple first aid procedures such as how to treat a cut or burn, or what to do with a crewmember who suffered concussion (in case you want to repeat standard procedures, see Edition I). This manual was created solely for one purpose. How to treat the one member of the crew of Enterprise who has been known to exhibit most unusual responses to the most common injuries. A medical marvel, really.
Commander Charles 'Trip' Tucker III.
Before we begin, there are some very important pieces of information. You should be prepared for the fact that the commander's vocabulary lacks words and phrases such as "rest", "don't move" and "this needs to be treated". However, "I need to go back to engineering", "that's nothing", and, most importantly, "I'm fine", is the response to anything from a mosquito bite to a severed limb.
Also, in the past he was often spotted rocking in the corner and mumbling "This is all my fault" (there are records of a variation "What have I done?"). If that is the case, it is imperative for the future treatment and the mental stability of the patient that you do NOT tell him it - that whatever it is - is not his fault. You would only worsen the situation considerably and the patient would fall into a deeper shock, resulting in faster rocking, and sweating with subsequent fainting/unconsciousness with possible resulting dehydration.
Please note that Sickbay must be alerted in any case, this manual contains only elementary knowledge of how to deal with the commander until qualified help arrives.
Pay heed to this and you might be successful.
Let's start with something simple. Like cuts and burns.
A cut. What can be so dangerous about a cut, you ask? Well, lots of things. Medical marvel, remember? Now, habitually, one of the main veins or arteries will be cut, resulting in life threatening bleeding, but there are records of profuse blood loss even after a paper cut. So no matter how big the wound is, try to stop the bleeding by putting it under pressure - do not worry if it doesn't stop at all, it is usual - and consider immediate sewing. Check for presence of other (bigger/smaller) cuts on both arms and legs.
Don't listen to any reassurances and the "I'm fine" routine (from now on also referred to as the IFR), the commander was in the past perfectly able to function with the blood loss of about ¾ of his blood volume. If necessary, drag him to Sickbay, a transfusion might be needed! If you fear that is the case, better start calling for donors immediately - the supplies of his blood type will no doubt be depleted shortly. But don't worry, the line of volunteers will be seemingly endless.
The signs of shock are not always present, and can be difficult to recognize - he might be pale and his skin might be cold and clammy, but he STILL will be able to make small talk (a.k.a. the "what took you so long" conversation). In this case proceed as with anyone else.
The second danger you must be aware of is infection. No, he doesn't need to be of the ship on some rainforest like planet to catch exotic bacteria. Space ships ARE dangerous! You'll notice sings of fever in a matter of minutes. Unlike any other human, the commander will be A) very pale except for two red blotches under his eyes, and B) will be sweating while the fever is still rising. As a precautionary measure give him a hypospray of antibiotics - it's included in the first aid kit. Better safe than sorry. Even though most likely it would not be effective (VERY exotic bacteria), it never hurts to try.
Last but not least, you need to distinguish "cut" from "cutt-ing". In other words, destructive behavior - mutilation of self, which could occur after a (recent) psychological trauma on Commander Tucker's part. Do not forget, the first cut is the deepest.
A burn. Important notice: it has been confirmed from multiple sources, including the good doctor, that Commander Tucker WOULD seek help when he burns himself on plasma conduits and such. Why this phenomenon occurs, has not yet been discovered. Suffice it to say, you don't need to concern yourself with this kind of injury.
Onto more difficult matters. Like fractures and internal injuries.
You might think it's pretty straightforward. Well, think again. Do not, repeat, do NOT let yourself be fooled by movement, however fluid it is. Commander Tucker is known for hiding injuries of all kinds successfully - this ability of his is quite remarkable and admired by all. Now, identifying fractures is very simple - 99 of the time it's an open one, and at the odd case it's closed, it won't be a clean fracture - you may expect the limb to be bend at very unusual angles. Also, the broken bone would more often than not be one of the bigger ones - most likely femur or humerus. Just try to keep him still, as the swelling and pain worsen, he may even admit something IS wrong. However, don't count on it, and better have the sedatives handy - also included in the first aid kit.
Internal injuries can be tricky, as well. Again, you must anticipate the commander will try to get up and start the IFR. This will probably get very tiring after a while, but be patient - just like with fractures, in 9 cases out of 10, he admits something is wrong moments before loosing consciousness. If not, proceed as described in last paragraph ( sedatives).
And ultimately - what to do if you find the commander unconscious somewhere (anywhere) on the ship.
Consider three possibilities.
A) He fainted from lack of food and/or sleep.
B) He hit his head somewhere and is unconscious because of a concussion.
C) Something totally different.
Usually, you'll find, option A is the winner. Nevertheless, scan the immediate area for any signs that option B could be at fault - any open lockers, anything low enough that the commander could hit his head on it. If you think it's a concussion, just wait for help - most likely he won't regain consciousness before someone arrives. If he does, proceed as with any other crewmember - keep him conscious, keep him talking. Won't be a problem. Be prepared for the IFR!
Otherwise, think in As. Rouse him, and rapidly in succession ask him questions about his sleeping and eating habits in the last week. This will confuse him and he'll answer truthfully. This method has been proved very productive in the past.
Option C is almost never the case, so don't burden yourself with it.
"A" calls for immediate measures. In fact, this situation occurred so often in the past, it has its own code names. Yes, plural, but most commonly used is the "Tucker alert". Contact Sickbay at once, and while you're at it, you might also try the captain - he and the doctor are the only two on the ship who can order Commander Tucker to eat and sleep, under the threat of relieving him of duty.
There is also a record of one occasion when the use of the "choo-choo train game" was necessary. The rules to this game are not of vital nature, as the only way the commander would engage in such activity is under orders - as seen the last time - and therefore falls under the captain's assignments. However, in dire circumstances, should the captain and the doctor both be incapacitated, the "choo-choo train game" can be performed by any crewmember - the commander is, after all, the third in command of the ship and must be alert when the ship is in danger. It's assumed that everyone is familiar with it.
But be very careful, the commander must NOT hear. If he set his mind on an errand he has recently developed an obsession for, he'll make a run for it, after performing the IFR.
Listed injuries are the most commonly associated with the commander. However, anytime you see him, you should be on lookout for symptoms:
- lack of colour in the facial area
- cold sweat
- flushed cheeks
- quickly rising temperature
- gasping
- crying
These are signs of any of the aforementioned medical conditions, but can also be a warning sign of ANYTHING else! Sickbay must be alerted at once! Should you ever spot any other symptoms beside the 6, please list them here for future reference.
N.B.: If there is on the ship another man or woman from the Tucker clan, please don't harbor any false hopes that only Commander Tucker has this unique quality, be aware that it may be necessary to apply these rules to ANY of them. Remember, genetics really is a bitch.
Good luck.