NOTHING'S THE SAME ANYMORE: PART 6
One boy. They had only managed to save one boy. Jack was grateful for that much, in their line of work that was a miracle in itself. However the look in Ianto's tear filled eyes told the older man that the younger one was not grateful in the least. If anything there was an underlying despair drawn across Ianto's brow in a deep furrow of sadness for the boy's losses. It was obvious that Ianto thought the boy would have been better off not surviving at all, the loss of his family would mark him for life and Jack was wholly aware of how much Ianto understood that. The boy was a victim of the unexplainable, the incomprehensible and no one would be able to tell him the truth in time to come; the lies would fester away over the years and ruin the child's life, like it wasn't ruined already. Jack alway preferred to believe that there was a chance, some hope for him. That he would rise beyond his own doubts and fears and grow up a better man for it. That was a long shot of course, but hope was a wonderful thing and Jack knew that Ianto would be keeping a discrete eye on the boy from now on. That was Ianto's way of dealing with such things, trying to make up for the failings of Torchwood, for all the lives they didn't save. Ianto took each and every one of them to heart. This was not a healthy thing, Jack knew, but this was Ianto and if he stopped then he would be Ianto no more and Jack loved him just the way he was.
It had been a weird case and Ianto had been drawn into it's spectral nature like a doomed moth to a flame. The young Welshman had foundered in the face of the impossible and Jack was quietly grateful that Ianto had recognised his own weaknesses and stepped back to let others do the work. The night travellers had left their mark on him though. Once the ghosts were the gone and child settled into a foster family that Ianto had personally thoroughly vetted, things appeared to settle down again. Or so Jack thought.
Gwen babbled on about her honeymoon to anyone who'd listen. It was strange at first, that kind of normal conversation in the confines of the Hub. Tosh listened politely, obviously quietly yearning for that 'wonderful life' for herself and her unrequited love. Owen just offered his usual acerbic barbs and Ianto smiled and nodded in all the right places and shut her up with a cup of delicious coffee once he'd had enough. Jack found himself hanging on every word, savouring the ordinariness of such moments and relishing her fresh smiles and cheery optimism. Marriage suited her and Jack actually found himself jealous that she was talking about Rhys and not him. A fact that did not go unnoticed by Ianto.
The night travellers had been an unpleasant wake up call for Jack, another reminder of just how old he really was. Past memories were dredged up like rotting corpses from the bottom of a murky lake. He wanted to talk about it to Ianto but he sensed a widening a gap opening out between them and rather belatedly Jack realised he had to do something about it. Ianto's moods could be difficult to predict at best, but one thing Jack was certain of Ianto would be talking if he wasn't hurting. There was a deep estrangement but as normal Ianto efficiently kept everything ticking over at Torchwood, becoming an invisible presence around the Hub. No one seemed to notice until one day Tosh crept into Jack's office and pointedly closed the door behind her.
Tosh never liked to ask. Personal matters were not her domain, but Ianto was her closest friend. He was an expert at shutting himself off from the people that loved him. He seemed to have some notion that he was the only person entitled to feel pain. It was selfish beyond belief and it made her mad and upset her that he had this obsession with suffering alone. He had been slipping away from them for a few weeks now, falling back onto old habits she had hoped he had forgotten by now. Toshiko sat in the chair in front of Jack's untidy desk and clasped her beautifully manicured hands over her lap.
"Have you and Ianto had a fight?" Perhaps not the best question to ask, but it was straight to the point. It had to be about Jack, he was the only thing Ianto ever talked about, on the rare occassions that he did speak of anything personal.
Jack abandoned looking blankly at his emails with a sigh and gave her an appraising smile. "No we haven't. I don't know what's wrong with him, he hasn't spoken to me about it."
"Have you asked?"
Jack had to admit that he hadn't. "No, I was hoping he'd feel able to talk to me by now."
Tosh nodded. "He looks lost."
Jack was inclined to agree. "I think I've upset him Tosh because I am a silly, jealous, sentimental old fool. The trouble is he won't tell me that I've hurt his feelings, he just keeps it inside. Damn Jones stubbornness, it must be a Welsh thing"
"Gwen?"
Jack arched his eyebrows. Had he been 'that' obvious? He sighed again.
"Yes and no. It's not about Gwen. It's about the life she has, the one Ianto and I could never have together. He's as good as promised himself to me Tosh and what do I do? Remind him that we will never be just a normal couple. I guess it just got to me, Gwen going on about things the way she does. It just made me happy listening to her made me want more than I am ever going to have."
Tosh was shaking her head. "And you didn't explain this to Ianto? Oh Jack, no wonder. That can't be all of it though, Ianto is not exactly the jealous lover type."
Jack shrugged.
"Jack, he's capable of such powerful love."
"I know." He smiled as he spoke because he could see Ianto approaching the office through the window, a moment later the Welshman tapped on the door before entering.
"Jack, the PMs on the phone, line 2, she's insisting."
Tosh got to her feet. "Thanks Jack." She edged through the door past Ianto. Jack lifted the receiver from it's cradle.
"Thanks Ianto, any chance of?"
Ianto nodded backing out of the room and heading off toward the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee. He knew Jack would need to take this call in private. The Prime Minister was on the war path once again and Ianto was sure to get an earful about it later. He collected Gwen's and Tosh's mugs as he went on his way. He still hadn't grown used to not making a brew for Owen. Truth was he hadn't grown used to Owen's 'change' at all. The medic looked, sounded and even smelt different and Ianto still felt guilty because it gave him the creeps. Thankfully Owen didn't seem to notice his discomfiture. The two of them still exchanged their sarcastic comments, insults and taunts and Ianto was glad of it, at least that hadn't changed. He was still Owen after all. Gwen was just irritating the crap out of him and Tosh kept throwing him sympathetic smiles whenever he looked in her direction. Anyone would think his pet dog had died, not that he had a dog, a dinosaur yes, but never a dog.
Jack's yelling down the phone wrenched him out of his musings. Ianto was well used to Jack arguing with politicians, he seemed to enjoy it, mostly. Ianto just thought they should have phone sex at the start of each of their conference calls to get rid of the tension. Ianto wasn't sure which one he actually sympathised with. The PM was a simpering and manipulative cow and Jack was an arrogant and manipulative pig, so between them, 'perfect match' as Tosh would say. It was funny she had never said that about Gwen and Rhys.
Ianto quickly handed out coffees to the girls and then took one up to Jack, who gestured through the window for him to enter the office. He was still bellowing down the phone when Ianto entered. The receiver was rather abruptly slammed down followed by a long and colourful line of expletives. Jack was furious but he refrained from snatching the blue and white striped mug from Ianto's grasp. Jack inhaled the coffee aroma deeply and it instantly calmed him. He took a sip and savoured the taste for a moment before speaking.
"Perfect, as always."
Ianto nodded backing out of the room.
"Ianto, sit." It was a definite order. The coffee spell obviously broken.
Ianto complied all be it a little reluctantly. Jack closed the door and perched himself on the edge of his desk.
"I gather that conversation did not go well." Ianto commented dryly.
"Not really. The Prime Minister wants to have a Torchwood Liason officer based in London to act as a gofer between us and 'Number 10'."
"That would make sense. UNIT have an entire team dedicated to that purpose. It would certainly make life a bit easier for them and for us." Ianto responded as neutrally as he could.
Jack gave him an unhappy look. "You agree?"
Ianto shrugged. "No, I merely stated that it may help us, it works both ways Jack and would save us having to hack into governmental computers to find out what the hell's going on. After the nonsense we had with Saxon....in this reality....it would be prudent, you never know who you can trust these days."
Jack finished his coffee. "That's what the PM said, sure you're not in cohoots with her?"
Ianto blanched at the suggestion. "If you're going to insult me Jack."
They exchanged uneasy smiles.
"Ianto, she's asked for you, specifically." Jack told him.
"To do what?" Then Ianto cottoned on. "Oh, I see." His heart dropped down to his gut. "You're going to send me to London then."
Jack carefully put the mug down. "No. It's a choice Ianto."
"Do you want me to go?"
Jack cautiously grasped his hand. "There is no one I would trust more for the job, but I definitely don't want you to go."
Ianto looked down at the hand that was now wrapped in Jack's grip. "But?"
Their eyes met and Jack's stomach tightened with worry when he saw the tumultuous sadness in Ianto's stormy orbs.
"It's a good job, Yan. It'll be safe, regular hours no more ruined suits. A chance to have a more normal life."
Ianto pulled his hand away. "Sounds perfect. When do I start?"
Jack was completely taken aback. "Yan?"
Ianto stood up, inhaling deeply. "No, you're right Jack. It's ideal, safe and boring exactly what I need, moving away from the only people that matter to me, stuck in some shitty office whilst the people I care about are out there risking their lives. That's fine Jack, really just what I want." Anger was rolling off him in tidal waves and Jack physically had to step back from him. Ianto planted his hands on his hips. "We'd better start looking for my replacement then."
At this Jack got angry. "Stop right now! What the Hell is the matter with you?" His posture now matching Ianto's.
"You!"
"What have I done Yan?"
Ianto glowered. "Don't fucking call me that. It's Ianto.... Yan. Toe! Call me Yan again and you'll be on decaf for a month!"
Jack gaped at the young man lost for a reply.
Ianto however was on a roll. "I'm not mad with you Jack. I'm upset. Upset that you keep hankering for a life that we can't have, pissed off that you never talk to me about it and fed up with the fact that I do not make you happy. Torchwood annoys me because it is so unforgiving, but I chose to stay. I chose to be with you. I love you so much Jack. You know that. Sometimes I just wish the universe and the Rift would go on hold for a few days so we could have some time to be normal people. I don't fucking want to go to London. I hate London, it stinks and if you even consider the possibility of sending me there I'll shoot myself and haunt you for eternity!" Ianto's face was bright red from the yelling.
Jack couldn't help but smile, it was just adorable to see Ianto with such a pink face, it looked like his post coital face.
"You'd hang around me for eternity?" He was grinning cheekily now. Ianto couldn't believe his eyes, Jack was actually leering at him.
"Eternity, yes absolutely, every minute of it." He returned a cautious up turn of the lips. "Every cup of coffee will taste like Nescafe instant and your sex life will be in tatters. Mind you shagging a ghost, is that necrophilia?"
Jack's eyebrows climbed into his hairline, did Ianto just say that? "Spectralphilia?"
"Spookaphilia?"
They both chuckled, the tension falling away from them.
"I don't want you to leave Ianto, but I do need someone in London."
Ianto conceded the point. "Can we agree a compromise?"
Jack nodded eagerly. "Please."
Ianto resumed his seat. "I'll do the liason job, from Cardiff. I can go to London maybe once a month for a couple of days, to keep them happy, do a bit of snooping, visit Martha and Tom. We can't afford for me to leave unless I am replaced here...."
Jack wandered round the back of Ianto's chair and rested his hands comfortingly on his shoulders. "I am not replacing you under any circumstances. I'll tell the PM that's what we'll do. You ok with taking this on?"
Ianto nodded relaxing back as Jack began kneading at the sore muscles in his neck. "Yep. I know most of the people we have to deal with anyway." He paused closing his eyes. "Does that mean I get a payrise?"
"What kind of payrise did you have in mind?" Was murmmered in his ear.
"I'll think of something. Jack?"
"Yes?" The fingers continued to work their magic.
"We are OK aren't we?"
Jack slid his hands down Ianto's chest, embracing him from behind. "Yeah, we're good."