Shelby had always known she was different to the other kids. While they all avoided school she looked forwards to going to escaping home. While they would complain they hadn't done their homework because of football practice Shelby would copy say the same thing, her dog ate it, she lost it never admitting she hadn't done it because she spent all night hiding in her closest hoping her step father didn't find her. He always did smiling as he lifted her out placing her on the bed lifting p her nightie
"I found you kitten" he would say as he leant forwards to kiss her. Shelby would look away never giving him the satisfaction of seeing her cry.
She couldn't remember when it started she was so young, but she wold always remember what happened, she still never liked taking baths. It had been a game it was meant to be fun but she hadn't liked it and he didn't stop. It only got worse from there. She played along she had to Jess was only 3 years younger, if she wasn't his special little girl Jess would be and Shelby knew she could never let that happen.
She coped she let him do what he wanted even played along to some of his sicker fantasies always prayer her mother would stop it or her real daddy would come to save her but nobody ever did. Over time her walls grew thick keeping everyone out. She resented them all of them for their perfect lives she even resented Jess who grew up not knowing the horrors of the night.
Hitting 14 years old Shelby's walls started to crumble. Coping became all she could do. It got too much pretty quickly, she did the only thing she could think of and ran away. She thought the big city would be safer that there would be somewhere to go someone to care. Pretty quickly she learnt there wasn't. There was no help, no charity, no sanctuary just the abused and the abusers all looking out for number 1. She spent 2 weeks begging and sleeping on the sand before she cracked taking up one of the offers from a passing man.
After she felt numb, dirtier than ever before she had taken the money clenched in her hand and sat on the beach watching the ocean. Suddenly she was dragged out of her thoughts by someone sitting next to her.
"Hey I'm Patty your new at this aren't you?" she asked picking up a shell and chucking it into the water it landed with a 'plop'
"That obvious" Shelby remarked
"Yeah kinda. You got some cash?" Patty questioned
"Why?" Shelby asked she had only been on the streets for 2 weeks but knew now money on the streets made you a target.
"Cus if you do I need a roommate your pretty enough to be able to pay your own way and it's a lot better than the beach, safer to"
"How much?" Shelby questioned
"$100 a week," Patty lit up a cigarette
"I only have $50,"
"You got all night honey here take a puff of this it will get you all relaxed" Patty offered, Shelby took it taking a long drag. Instantly she felt more relaxed
"Good now here come your next client" Patty encouraged. "Just go under the pier nobody will bother you there"
Shelby took another long drag as she weighed up the approaching man, finally deciding to go with it, it was still better than home.
As the nights turned into weeks Shelby's walls got deeper and thicker, she moved in with Patty and started using anything she could get her hands to help with the memories and help her do what she needed to do to survive. Hearing time and time again men tell her she was beautiful and if only she taller, thinner, smaller nose she would be perfect inflicted its pain but as long as they paid her Shelby was happy. That's what she told herself anyway.
Patty was a life line, Patty made her laugh understood her pain or why she didn't talk about home. Then one day Patty turned a bad trick, got beat up really bad inside started taking more drugs than was safe. Shelby tried to talk her out of it she begged her to stop. It was no surprise when one day she returned to the flat to find her friend OD dead on their couch. It wasn't the first dead body Shelby had ever seen but this was her best friend the only person in the world who understood her.
It was then she knew to survive she needed help. Home was out of the question the only hope she had left was her dad, her real dad.
Getting on a bus was easy she had her own stash of money and Patty's. She knew her real dad lived in Seattle and she knew his name George Maverick.
In the big city Shelby did what she had always done blended in, as she searched for him finally finding him in a high powered office job. She waited for weeks gathering her nerve to go and see him. Taking a large cocktail of drugs for confidence she made her decision today was the day.
It was raining when she did getting the elevator to the 16th floor. Nobody was in the desks empty, she made her way around searching for her dad's office. Shelby knocked the door surprised when he answered inviting her in.
"It's about time you got here don't think you're getting the full rate but wow so sexy, you remind me of my ex." Her dad walked around the desk eyeing her up. Shelby said nothing did nothing stood numbly as he began touching her.
"No" she whispered
"It's ok, just relax" he replied. He was meant to be different. She did nothing said nothing as they did it on the desk, only afterwards as he handed her the money did she whispered with tears running down her face.
"Why dad?"
"Dad"
"It's me Shelby, why did ya like it, sleeping with your own kid daddy." Shelby provoked wanting to hurt him as much as he had hurt her.
"God Shel I thought you were with your mother and are you using drugs?"
"My mother" Shelby spat.
"Get your clothes on I'm driving you home" her dad insisted. Shelby rolled her eyes.
"I'll just run away again" Shelby threatened.
"Why? You have a perfectly good home, a new dad why are you bothering me" her dad yelled,
"Bothering, that's what you call it when you have sex with an under aged minor who just happens to be your daughter" Shelby bit back at him
"You can't tell anyone" He begged.
"I won't I'm good at secrets just don't make me go home" Shelby offered.
"You need help, I can't help you here, give me a week to find something, go back to your mum and in one week I will come for you I promise."
He led her firmly to his car locking the door when she was inside driving her home. Shelby sat there putting on her mask 1 week she could survive that.
Arriving home Shelby was pushed inside by her father. Her mum hugged her then yelled at her for 5 straight minutes. Jess hugged her too, Shelby hugged back Jess was the only thing she had missed. Walt hugged her too but he had held her tightly rubbed against her breasts whispered he would see her tonight.
After that Shelby ran to her room Jess behind her, in the kitchen they could hear the adults argue. In her room Shelby was shocked to see it no longer her room instead it was a sewing room.
"Where'd you go?" 12 year old Jess asked, Shelby looked at her she owed her sister the truth
"Hell and now I'm back"
They heard a door slam and then her mum storm in
"Oh on your not staying in your room" she grabbed Shelby by the hair pulling her into the basement, before slapping her hard hitting her on her eye "this is where you'll be staying until your dad gets back"
Shelby didn't fight it was better than the house she had with Patty at least there was no broken glass on the floor, and there was a floor.
That night he came he raped her, he left her with food, water and more bad memories.
The next day it was Jess who came in, she sat with her they caught up. Shelby subtly discovered Walt had never touched her she was still clean. That night Walt came again with food and water. He began talking calling her kitten touching her.
After as he was leaving Shelby spoke
"What would it take?" she asked not expecting him to hear
"What kitten?" he asked walking back down the stairs
"What would it take for you never to touch Jess like you touch me?" Shelby asked as he sat next to her stroking her hair
"A promise"
"I'll promise anything" Shelby offered jumping at the chance to save her sister
"You never say a word about our little secret ever and I will never touch your sister the moment you open your mouth she is mine"
"I promise" Shelby offered easily she never wanted to talk about anything to do with her past talking meant remembering and that meant pain.
"Good kitten" he kissed her head "I'll see you tomorrow"
Walt kept his promise this time he opened the door
"Kitten come up here" Reluctantly Shelby walked up the steps
"We are taking you into town to buy some stuff for your new school." Her mother said, Shelby grunted, hiding her glee, maybe she could score in town.
As a family they went shopping, buying outdoor clothes, warm weather gear, plenty of tracksuits and walking boots. Using the toilet as a chance to escape Shelby used all the extra money she had one her to score big. Who knew when she was going to get another chance?
The rest of the week passed with Shelby locked up on the floor of the basement, she did however get all her school stuff down there with her and a light so it wasn't all bad. She spent the time concealing the drugs in everything. The lining of her underpants, toothpaste tube, pockets lining of her case. She didn't know if they would search her bag but she wasn't taking any chances. Of course she didn't hide all of it she needed a fix after all.
Finally it was the deadline, Shelby waited all day finally when it lunchtime she was dragged upstairs, made to shower and put on her normal clothes and then she got given a plate of food. She guessed someone was on their way for them to suddenly care and to pretend she hadn't been locked in the basement for the past week.
A knock at the door signalled her fate. Jess answered it.
"Mr and Mrs Merrick I'm Roger from Horizon I'm here for Shelby." He greeted stepping into the room Shelby carried on eating, she had food there was no way she was going to pass that up. She hadn't had a lot to eat that week.
"Shelby say hi" her mother said
"Hi" Shelby replied
"Don't eat with your mouth full" her mother scolded
"Screw you" Shelby shot back still with her mouthful it was a bit late for her to become a good caring mother now.
"That's it you need to leave" her mother insisted. Shelby threw down her plate. Walking over to Jess she hugged her tightly.
"You're the only thing I am going to miss" she confessed, Jess hugged her tightly tears escaping.
Shelby grabbed her bag she had packed for herself early
"Shall we go" She asked walking passed Roger.
"Are you coming with her to see the school?" Roger asked.
"No I have to work and Walt needs to look after Jess"
"Can we just leave now" Shelby begged
"Ok are you going to come peacefully or do I need to restrain you?" Roger aske
"Kinky," Shelby retorted. Arriving at the car she placed her bag on the back seat and climbed into the front. "Can we go now this place is leaving a bad taste in my mouth?"
They drove for 3 hours; Roger was surprised she was trying nothing that most kids did to escape. No rest room stops, no sudden phone calls, no begging him.
They pulled up outside Horizon Shelby jumped out the car as it pulled up taking in her new surroundings.
2 people were waiting outside the office.
"Hello you must be Shelby" the ginger women said
"Must I?" Shelby questioned, the woman ignored her sarcasm
"I'm Hannah I'll be your counsellor"
"How nice for you" Shelby retorted
"That's enough of the attitude" the man said standing up for Hannah. "My name is Peter and this is Frank" he introduced an older man who limped forwards.
"Woopeedoo"
"Alright that's enough of that, thank you Roger, Hannah and I will process you then we will get a student to show you around"
"I cannot wait" Shelby told them making sure the sarcasm was evident nevertheless she did get her bag and wait to follow them. Despite the attitude she gave them she had no intension of going home.
She was led to a small room her bag was lifted onto the table.
"We always search the bags we need to find anything you can use to get high or hurt yourself." Peter explained.
"That is trust for you" Shelby remarked "Go search away" she leant against the wall wondering how much of her stash they would find glad she had the foresight to hide it. Firstly they removed everything from her bag. The found her first stash easily hidden in the corner at the bottom of the bag.
"Have you got anymore?" Peter asked
"Would you believe me if I said no" Shelby asked, they both looked at her "I thought not, my trainers there is some under the lip"
Peter grabbed her trainer
"Other shoe" Shelby offered. Peter found the stash. "Wow you found it can I got yet?"
"Wait we still have to search the rest of your stuff" Shelby groaned. They discovered the stuff in the hem of her jeans and in the toothpaste and her hairbrush. The drugs in her knickers got in though, as did the drugs stashed in the lining of one of her hard back books. Shelby was just glad that she had taken the pants of the packet her mum had brought stuffed the drugs in the lining and repacked them. Her thongs all got removed as did her silk slips.
"Right now you need a medical with our nurse Hannah will also go with you"
"I'd rather not" Shelby refused
"You don't get a choice" Peter said firmly.
"Fine" Shelby shouted, "What do you expect to find? Bruises I got plenty of them just look at my face, drug abuse sure you found them, E, crack, meths what else do you expect to find, whatever is going I don't care but I am not doing it"
"Yes you are" Peter insisted half carrying half dragging Shelby to the nurse's office. He had taken a risk accepting her, normally a kid had to be just a little more messed up than her father suggested. Now seeing her in person with her defences he knew she was in the right place. Her file might be surprisingly light for a troubled kid, no arrest record, nothing wrong with school when she had attended but she had plenty of baggage. Another thing that bothered him was her parents. He had had rang up sounding frantic he was willing to pay the expensive tuition but hadn't even bothered to see the place. Today when she had arrived alone even more alarm bells had sounded. Most parents wanted to hold onto their child until the last moments. Why were Shelby's different? Her black eye was hard to miss too and her bruised wrists they looked fresh was it from the streets or home? Peter wondered if they would ever find out.
Arriving Shelby shook Peter off her.
"Fine you want to see what I have to hide" She began removing her jumper
"Shelby stop" Peter told her firmly, Shelby stopped standing in just a t-shirt and jeans.
"Fine do what you want everyone else does." She sat on the bed looking defeated. Hannah took the lead
"We are doing this for your own good" she insisted
"Sure can we get this over with I have to pee"
"Great here is a cup" Peter interjected handing her a cup. The glare Shelby sent was deathly Peter ignored her
"Do you wanna watch?" Shelby asked
"Want to know but Lara our nurse has to" Peter said apologetically. He expected a battle or a fight most kids did but Shelby was different she hadn't peed in private for over a year even at home had used a bucket in the basement then got to clean it herself. People seeing her naked wasn't awkward sometimes she even resented clothes they got in the way.
"Fine" She stormed into the bathroom took the cup dropped her pants and started weeing. Finishing she handed the cup to Lara. Peter had used the interruption to complain.
"What's next?" Shelby asked
"I need to exam you" Lara said.
"Fine"
"Put on this gown" Lara asked. Shelby did so dressing skilfully so nobody saw anything she didn't even notice the privacy screen. That told both Hannah and Lara a lot the information they had on Shelby said runaway but it was clear something more was going on.
After the medical Shelby got her bag and was introduced to her guide for the week.
"This is Betty she will show you around camp" Hannah said
"Betty that's a Grandma name," Shelby laughed
"Shelby isn't that a turtle"
"Touché" Shelby said impressed. "So where's the smoking area?"
"No smoking here"
"Fine I need a coffee"
"No coffee either" Betty broke the bad news "No drugs of any kind what so ever nothing gets in"
"There's always a way" Shelby said confidently thinking of the drugs she had on her.
"Not here there isn't come on I'll show you our room. You're in the cliff hangers group girls there is me, Kat and Tessa but I'm graduating in 2 months as is Tessa, boys there is Mike, Ezra and Simon, Mike and Simon should be graduating too. We've been here 3 years we think we are ready now"
"So what are you in here for?" Shelby asked
"Drugs what about you?"
"Running away" Shelby replied knowing inside she would never run away from this place somehow it just seemed safe.
"Here is our bunk room. This I guess is your bed this is the bathroom for the first week your on restriction it means if you're not in class or the kitchen you should be here"
"Are they sure it's not a jail" Shelby commented
"It's meant to help you adjust"
"Right, cell block 8 sure"
"Come on get unpacked" Betty ordered. Shelby did carefully folding everything away she hadn't had new stuff ever now she had she was going to look after it.
"Have you finished its time to eat we got clean up after?"
"Sure" Shelby swung her legs off the bed. Arriving she copied Betty in grabbing a tray and some food. She was given a plate of food and allowed to sit at a table. Already this place was better than home and the streets. Her group was fun, she laughed she joked she felt free.
Afterwards Shelby said nothing as she joined in the group doing the kitchens. She guessed everything you got had a price if cleaning pots was the price to food it was a good price better than the streets.
Finishing up the whole group walked into another cabin, there were chairs in a half circle laid out.
"Welcome to group" Betty said taking a chair. Everyone followed. Hannah came in with Peter
"Today we are going to do I hate" Hannah said
"I hate water" Kat told them
"I hate parents" Erza said
"I hate walking" Mike added
"I hate Peters challenges" Tessa glared at Peter only half joking
"I hate the food here" Betty joked
"I hate kittens" Shelby told them before realising what she had said.
"Ok good, now we go around again and say why" Hannah encouraged
"I hate water because it reminds me of when she died. How it always looks so peaceful"
"I hate parents who think they can have a kid when they aren't ready."
"I hate walking it makes my feet hurt"
"I hate Peter's challenges because sleeping without a tent was cold"
"I hate the food here as I am craving a burger so badly"
Shelby froze she couldn't tell them why she hated kittens it wasn't the animal it was the name. Couldn't tell them how it made her feel dirty they would never understand. They would hate her think she was a liar punish he or send her away. Panic overcame her so she did what she always did retreated into herself and used sarcasm
"I hate kittens because I'm a bitch" she joked.
"Ok good, lights out in 10" Peter ordered knowing something more was going on with Shelby but it was going to take time a lot of time. He also hoped she didn't run like she had before and made a note to increase patrols around the cabin.
Shelby showered in the cabin going straight from group. She felt dirty but knew she could never be clean. How could she?
The lights went off. Shelby lay on the bed memories came to her. Had mattresses always been this soft. Duvets always this suffocating. It was too much. She needed to get out of there. Waiting a little longer she snuck out she wasn't going to run but she did need space to sort her out. How messed up was she when she couldn't even sleep in a bed without getting nightmares or feeling suffocated.
The moon hit the water making the docks beautiful. She walked that way not feeling the cold of night or the light breeze. This is what she was use to she decided sitting on the rough hard wood of the dock barely clothed in just a pj short set. This is what she deserved.
Using the time alone she began thinking group scared her. She had been so close to revealing something she couldn't. Jess depended on her to keep quiet. Stupid group. Her hands shook as she opened the packet she needed to ration them carefully as she took out the coke. One little line wouldn't hurt.
She instantly felt the tension disappear as she considered the day. Everyone so far seemed cool it seemed safe. The only thing she didn't like was group. How could she have said kittens how did she let that slip by? Thankfully nobody had picked up on it.
Footsteps clunked on the dock coming her way. Shelby tensed unwillingly flashing back to those nights where she would lie in her bed waiting for the sound of footsteps on the stairs. Someone sat next to her. She could smell aftershave. She felt sick she couldn't breathe.
"Shelby relax" Peter said watching as the young girl tensed and began to panic. Wherever her head was it wasn't in a good place. He backed off slightly.
"I am relaxed" Shelby snapped coming back down from the memory
"Are you high?" Peter asked worried observing her carefully
"Nope only one line of coke just buzzing" Shelby admitted knowing she was way too honest.
"Where did you get it?" Peter questioned he had searched her belongings himself. Shelby shrugged
"Have you got more?"
"Oh yeah" Shelby admitted smiling. "Not that I will ever tell you"
"You will tell me or I will have you hiking for weeks until I have personally gone through everything you own" Peter threatened. Shelby weighed him up deciding he was serious she confessed.
"In my book under the cover and my underpants in the lining."
"Creative"
"I try" Shelby smirked
"Right we need to get you to the nurse's office."
"Why I'm nowhere near OD"
"We need to get you checked out anyway." Peter insisted.
"Don't trust me" Shelby guessed eyeing him carefully. "I know how drugged I am it was one line of coke"
"Ok how long were you on the streets for?" Peter questioned
"Long enough" Shelby told him darkly. She felt so dirty so used. She knew he could never understand. Peter sensed she had shut down and he was going to get nothing more from her
"OK lets go" Gently he grabbed her arm remembering the medical report Multiple bruises, malnourishment, drug use and she had been sexually active a lot. Peter wondered what she had been running from what was so bad at home that the streets were better. He could come up with a few ideas.
At the nurses office Shelby was checked out the nurse confirming what they both knew.
"I'll have to ring your parents" Peter informed her Shelby laughed, he looked at her puzzled
"Don't expect them to care" Shelby warned him. Nevertheless Peter rang both her mum and her dad. Her dad told him to sort it, her mother asked why he was ringing and told him that why she was there and to sort it neither set inquired if she was ok. It told Peter a lot.
"Punishment" Peter said, Shelby glared at him wondering what it was going to be. Locked up in the basement, no food, a beating?
"Kitchen duty for 1 week"
"That's it?" Shelby cursed herself as soon as she said it.
"I can make it longer if you want" Peter offered.
"That's ok" Shelby said quickly still surprised her punishment wasn't going to be worse.
"Right now you'll be staying here with Hannah supervising you tonight tomorrow morning she will escort you to kitchens after you will be allowed back in your dorm I can assure you all the drugs will be gone" Peter told her firmly as Hannah walked in the room having obviously been woken up.
"Can I sleep now" Shelby asked they both nodded retreating to the corner to have a quiet conversation.
Hannah bedded down in the bed next door to Shelby soon drifting off. Shelby lay in the bed tired hiding took so much effort.
She started to sleep but the nightmares took over. Soon she was being woken by Hannah it took her a while to realise she had been screaming
"Sorry" she apologised her walls down.
"You want to talk about it" Hannah offered sitting on the bed next to Shelby
"Nope" Shelby said her walls firmly up. She rolled away from Hannah. Hannah sighed knowing Shelby had shut own.
The next morning Shelby was in the kitchens early serving and washing up with the Ridge runners. There was one runner in particular she had her eye on. Cute brown haired and confident he flirted with her too. After kitchen Shelby had no chance to eat before she had to go to lessons. It wasn't the first time she had skipped a meal.
English was first. Shelby was surprised that it wasn't as hard as she thought it would be. Next science followed by maths again pretty easy Shelby was glad either the lessons were easy or she wasn't as behind as she thought.
After lessons she was back on kitchen duty scrubbing pots and pans deciding maybe a beating would be easier. It was certainly quicker. She left again not eating food was still an issue she hadn't earned it and couldn't pay for it. Hannah was watching carefully
"Shelby you haven't eaten" she pointed out. Shelby rolled her eyes before shooting a glare turning back grabbing a plate and wolfing it down practically in one mouthful.
"Happy now"
"Ecstatic" Hannah replied, Shelby stalked off, after lunch was geography then group.
"Today is I want" Hannah offered
"I want to go home" Tessa said
"I want forgiveness" Kat told them her eyes sad
"I want Kat to be happy" Simon said taking her hand and squeezing it. He had done most of his healing even coming to peace with his dad.
"I want to get high" Ezra told them,
"I want to get into Harvard" Mike said
"I want Mike to get into Harvard" Betty added they all turned to Shelby
"I want to get out of here before this touchy feely crap kills me" Shelby moaned her mask in place. It had slipped too much since she had got here. Really she wanted to say I want to dance that was her happy time before
"Shelby" Hannah scolded, Shelby rolled her eyes but said nothing else. Hannah knew from her body language she would get nothing more from her tonight.
"Kitchens now" she ordered. Shelby groaned and theatrically left with only the attitude a teenager could bring.
After kitchens Shelby ran to the dorm. It was interesting that disruptive behaviour got you out of group.
Bedding down for the night Shelby still found the bed strange. It would take time. Betty came in
"Well you were in a good mood tonight"
"Sure was" Shelby agreed.
"When you ran away where did you go?" Tessa asked having followed Betty in
"Disneyland"
"Really when I ran away I was on the streets I lasted 2 weeks before I went home" Tessa confessed
"Just 2 weeks" Shelby scoffed.
"I was cold, hungry and out of money so I went back home, it wasn't that horrible not compared to outside" Tessa admitted, "How long were you on the streets for?"
"Long enough" Shelby bit back "Not all of us could go home" she walked away needing the space. Betty and Tessa exchanged a look, they wouldn't push for now but they would mention it to Peter.
A week later and Shelby was off kitchen duty and allowed to freely wonder the camp. This also meant she had more time to go to group.
That weekend was there first hike. Firstly she was given a journal to write in with some questions they had to stick in and answer on their hike. Shelby read the questions deciding they were stupid
When I'm older I want to be….
What I like best about myself….
How have you made someone else's day better…
Shelby could write the answers then and there. Happy, nothing and protected Jess but knew they'd be reading it. There is no way they'd see her real answers.
They started there hike, Peter and Hannah were the leaders. Peter took the front but gave the map to Mike. Hannah led the back. Shelby stayed firmly in the middle making sure nobody was around her anyone who came near got a death glare.
The only one who even tried was Ezra. Shelby just ignored him he soon got the message.
They stopped for a break after an hour walking.
Shelby threw her pack on the floor making off into the bushes
"Shelby where are you going?" Hannah questioned
"To pee I'm allowed to do that aren't I?" she shot back, they let her go into the trees.
Shelby didn't go too far she didn't want to get lost but she really needed to pee. Finding a rock she crouched behind it not aware of the drop. Finishing she took a step back pulled up her joggers and turned slipping a falling down the hill.
At the bottom she groaned assessing her injuries. Head hurt but wasn't bleeding a lot, her wrist hurt a lot, but otherwise it was just scratches. Getting up her legs felt unsteady but supported her weight, Shelby began walking to the stream they had just passed, she needed to get cleaned up. It wasn't the worse she had ever been hurt. Some johns just liked it rough, so did her step farther. She was use to sorting herself out. Not once did it cross her mind to go tell someone she was hurt. At home she would get a slap round the face for lying, on the streets injury meant weakness and weakness meant death.
Her right wrist was swelling. She dipped it in the water. It hurt a lot. Next she cleaned the blood off her head it was more than she had thought it was. Stopping the bleeding wasn't easy but she managed it pulling her hood up to hide any evidence of a cut. Her wrist however was a different matter. She could just make a fist with her fingers but turning or twisting it was excruciatingly painful. Giving up on fixing it more for now she began walking back to camp. Hannah met her half way
"You took a long time" she commented, having come looking for her in case she had run off. Although she had left her pack behind making it less likely.
"I'm sorry nobody mentioned the toilet stops had a curfew" Shelby bit back, Hannah backed off, letting the young girl stomp back to camp,
Arriving back at camp everyone was ready to go with the bags on. Shelby using her good arm lifted the weight threading her bad arm though it and swinging it around. They began walking again. This time Shelby stuck to the back of the group. In truth she felt dizzy and the pain in her arm made her feel sick.
Still she said nothing keeping the pain firmly at bay. They walked and walked until they hit a cliff face.
"Camp is just up there" Peter pointed to the top.
"No way in hell am I climbing" Shelby shouted,
"It's the only way up" Peter offered
"Then I won't camp there I'll find somewhere else" Shelby decided it wasn't that far back to the school. They'd only been walking for 6 hours sure it would be getting dark but that had never scared her before.
"Why won't you climb it, is it the climbing we will teach you" Kat offered
"It's safe even Ezra can climb it." Simon joked. Ezra rolled his eyes it wasn't his fault he was so clumsy.
"You can't make me so I'm not going to do it" Shelby said her words quiet and firm.
"Shelby why don't you tell us why you don't want to" Peter offered. Shelby groaned talking it's all they ever wanted to do
"No" she turned away from the group. "You climb it I'll go back to school" she began walking. Peter caught up to her.
"Not on your own you don't, if one doesn't climb nobody climbs" Peter told her
"Great make me the bad guy" Shelby sulked. "They are going to hate me"
"They won't they are just worried about you" Peter reassured.
"Well they shouldn't" Shelby offered, they deserved to worry about someone who deserved it.
"You're important Shelby" Peter told her, Shelby said nothing ignoring him. She wasn't opening up.
"Sure" She sarcastically agreed. Turning back to the group she set herself some way apart deliberately.
"Ok since we aren't climbing we'll have to walk and pick up our pace the next camp is a little further away." Peter offered. He led setting a fast pace. The group followed muttering bad things about Shelby under their breath. Shelby walked at the back with Hannah again. Hannah kept trying to talk to her but Shelby had a sarcastic answer to anything she said. Hannah knew she was hurting so didn't lose her cool but there were times when she was getting close. Somehow she knew every string to push and did so very effectively. Arriving at the open grass that would be camp they divided into groups to set up the tents, collect and start a fire, and gather water. Shelby was on firewood duty with Ezra. While he gathered a huge pile Shelby picked up a few twigs.
Getting back they set the fire up. Shelby used her lighter to get it going ignoring Ezra's protest you were meant to do it another way. She didn't care nobody was watching and she wanted to be warm. Her arm was really sore taking a minute she lifted her sleeve. It was black nearly blue. Shelby swore, definitely not just a sprain. She knew she should tell someone about it but just couldn't. It would be the weakness they had been looking for.
She pulled her sleeve down hiding any evidence of her break. Peter came over.
"You ok?"
"I'm fine" she snapped.
"Ok cool off start working on your journal" he ordered. Shelby sat away from the group with her book open. She couldn't use her right hand to write so struggled with her left. She considered the questions
When I'm older I want to be….
What I like best about myself….
How have you made someone else's day better…
She began writing not the answers that were honest but the answers that they expected from the rich kids not the truly broken and dirty
When I'm older I want to be out of here
What I like best about myself is everything.
How have you made someone else's day better I stopped everyone climbing the dumb cliff.
With her left hand it was barely legible she groaned. Her arm was really aching and she felt dizzy. She felt her head to find it was bleeding again. She knew both Peter and Hannah had the first aid kit. All she would have to do is ask. But that would be weakness so she watched and waited. The time was perfect when Hannah asked Peter to help with a tent. Both their packs were left alone the others all busy. Quick as anything she grabbed Hannah's pack opened it and swiped the first aid kit.
In the woods she searched it, taking the painkillers, they weren't strong but would take the edge off. Next was the bandages one flat one went on her head, she pressed it down using tape to stick to her hair. It would hurt a lot when she removed it but as long as it stopped bleeding. Next was her arm. She used 2 sticks to splint her arm in then used a bandage to secure it. Makeshift at best it eased some of the pain. Heading back to camp she kept the painkillers. She would need them. Dropping the first aid kit back in Hannah's bag she went and sat by the fire. The group let her. They all remembered the transition it was never easy.
It was Kat who approached her
"It's never easy leaving everything and coming here" Kat offered
"That was the easy thing" Shelby shot back. "So why are you here you seem adjusted?"
"Thank you, I killed my sister" Kat offered closing her eyes to stop her tears
"And I thought I was a bitch" Shelby replied wondering how anyone could kill their own sister.
"It was an accident, I didn't mean to we were swimming, she was following then she wasn't" Kat began crying. Shelby shuffled closer
"So how was it your fault did you push her under?" Shelby asked struggling to understand
"No"
"Did you hold her under?"
"Never," Kat protested,
"Then how?" Shelby questioned
"I was racing her I went in front, I heard her calling I thought she was joking playing around" Kat's eyes were haunted
"But she wasn't"
"No when I went back she was gone"
"That sucks" Shelby offered.
"My parents blamed me, hated me, I hated myself started acting out. Peter and Hannah saved me, they will save you to if you let them"
"Let me guess your sister was their favourite?" Shelby guessed, Kat opened her mouth to ask how
"They sent you away." Shelby explained then decided to be a bitch then she would leave her alone. "You killed their daughter why wouldn't they hate you."
"I didn't" Kat began crying
"Then why do you hate yourself so much?" Shelby walked away wanting some peace.
This time it was Peter who came over to her
"That was mean?" he commented
"I just want to be left alone" Shelby told him angrily. "Why can't you understand that?"
"Because I know you don't, you would have run if you did. You want to feel safe and so far this is the only place where you ever had" Peter guessed. Shelby looked at him shocked. She turned away from him running, Peter let her go. She needed space.
"Peter was one of the kids hurt?" Hannah asked
"No why?"
"The first aid kit was out. Some of the stuff has gone, 2 bandages and the painkillers."
"Who would take it?" Peter wondered out loud
"Erza the drugs" Hannah thought remembering previous occasions.
"But the bandages?" Peter questioned "And he is just there he would have gone somewhere quiet."
"Shelby" they both said together.
"Betty where is Shelby?" Peter yelled
"She went that way" Betty pointed. Peter and Hannah ran in the direction she pointed. Shelby was sat just a little bit away. Peter took the lead.
"Shelby,"
"Peter can't a girl have some peace around here"
"Some drugs went missing from the first aid kit" Peter told her sitting next to her. Shelby reached into her pocket taking them out dropping them onto the floor. Peter pocketed them glad only 2 had gone.
"Why?"
"I needed to get high" Shelby told him
"Your safe here Shelby"
"I'm never safe" Shelby muttered sadly
"Yes you are" Peter offered, hoping she believed him. Shelby looked him in the eye. The amount of pain he saw there shocked him slightly.
Shelby took in his concerned expression, he did seem to care, he didn't seem to have an agenda. Make she should take a chance. As if reading her thoughts Peter spoke
"Please trust me"
Shelby took a deep breath in.
"I hurt….." she whispered. Peter figured it was emotional pain
"Is that why you stole the pills?"
"I didn't want you to get mad"
"Why would I?"
Shelby uncurled her arm. Peter took it gently but Shelby still hissed with pain.
"When did you get hurt?" he asked angrily, how had he missed this?
"I knew you'd be angry" Shelby replied
"Yes I'm angry at myself your hurt and I didn't notice" Peter yelled "Are you hurt anywhere else?"
"Just my head, I knew you'd be mad" Shelby said looking at the grass with tears in her eyes. She had angered the only man who had been nice to her.
"I'm not mad at you but how did I not notice this. Why didn't you tell me?" Peter enquired, Shelby shrugged. Peter took he arm secretly admiring the splint job removing the bandage. Underneath was significant bruising. Her whole arm was scratched and a blue/black colour.
"This is why you didn't want to do the climb?" Peter guessed starting to redo the splint
"I don't like heights" Shelby admitted,
"Why?" Peter asked
Shelby didn't replied. Honestly she didn't know why she didn't want to do the climb. Peter finished the splint.
"Let's see your head" he ordered. Shelby dropped her hood.
"Shelby," Peter sighed. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked again. Shelby looked down avoiding eye contact. "Shelby"
"I didn't want you to think I am weak" Shelby admitted
"Why would I think you were weak?" Peter asked amazed.
"Weakness gets you killed" Shelby muttered the motto of the street.
"Not here" Peter promised "Your safe now Shelby"
"I'm trying to believe it" Shelby said sincerely "It's just so hard, so hopeless"
"There is always room for hope" Peter told her. Squeezing her hand "There is always room for hope"
And for the first time in a long time Shelby believed somebody, trusted somebody. Maybe this was a safe place.