Carmen Sandiego Gangsta Rap
To the tune of "Star Wars Gangsta Rap"
By Becky Oberg
Intro (Maelstrom and Bilge)
Maelstrom: It's not the Wilhelm Gustloff.
Bilge: No, it's not.
Maelstrom: It's not the Californian or the Carpathia.
Bilge: No it's not.
Maelstrom: It's the Titanic.
Bilge: You are correct, boss.
Maelstrom: You can't stop Dr. Gunner Maelstrom.
To all you Acme agents out there:
I blow everything up!
Verse 1 (Zack, Ivy, Inspector, the Chief)
Ivy: What is the problem, Inspector?
Inspector: It's a defector!
Zack: Carmen's fled this sector!
Chief: But if she could come back to Acme…
Inspector: Yes! We'd avert tragedy! You can't stop Acme!
Zack and Ivy: But where on earth is she?
Chorus (Zack, Ivy, Chief, Carmen)
Zack: Sphinx!
Ivy: Mona Lisa!
Chief: Leaning Tower of Pisa!
Zack: London Zoo!
Ivy: Timbuktu!
Zack, Ivy, Chief: Can you help us find a clue?
Zack, Ivy, Chief: Can you help us find a clue?
Carmen: You haven't got a clue 'til I give you one.
You haven't got a clue 'til I give you one!
Bridge (Moe and Lars)
Moe: "It's a fresco!"
Lars: "This is a museum!"
Moe: "No, no! The painting is a fresco which means it's directly painted on the wall! I told you it was on the wall!"
Lars: "Yeah, but who knew it was on the wall?"
Verse 2 (Zack, Ivy, Suhara, Chief)
Zack: Suhara, I know I'm impatient.
But I don't need Zen
To be an Acme agent!
Carmen's clue has already been cracked.
But your training is just holding me back.
Suhara: Zack, take the shot, the shot.
Let the arrow fall.
Let the arrow fall.
Zack, take the shot, the shot.
Let the arrow fall.
Let the arrow fall.
Chief: Acme Detective Agency
Five are the senses you need
For putting crooks on the run. Three
Rounds to fight against greed
To be sure justice has won, see?
Carmen: Zack and Ivy, why'd you arrest me?
No one is safe while Maelstrom is free.
Chief: She's right! Now what do we do?
Carmen: You need me and I need you.
Zack, Ivy, Chief, and Carmen: An Acme agent's gotta do what an agent's gotta do.
So Maelstrom, we're coming for you.
Chief (spoken): Let's go find him! (makes trumpet sound effect) Let's fire up the C-5.
We're gonna catch a deranged captain. And a mad scientist. And a creep named Lee Jordan.
Verse 3 (Maelstrom, Carmen, Zack, Ivy)
Maelstrom: I'll destroy you when you think with anger!
You must know that I'm a whole new danger!
Carmen: Maelstrom! You're a madman!
Maelstrom: It's imperative that you understand
Thieve steal for profit, always remember that
Carmen: I steal for challenge, you psychopath!
Chorus (Carmen, Chief, a familiar-looking newspaper reporter)
Carmen and Chief: Caught him again… caught him again.
Caught him again… caught him again.
Caught him again… caught him again.
Caught him again… caught him again.
Reporter: Acme locks him up now, locks him up.
Acme locks him up now, locks him up.
Acme locks him up now, locks him up.
Acme locks him up now, locks him up.