Happiness is a lie.

The sooner we realize it, the sooner we realize that life is meaningless. All you have to do is look out your window and you'll see it. The mail man making his daily rounds, putting up a brave front even while his wife is dying of cancer, or the perfect family across the street, with the abusive father and the alcoholic mother. We spend years painting a perfect mask so that no one can see the ball of thorny wires inside our hearts, and though we are crumbling down inside, life goes on.

We are taught since childhood that we are special. There is no one more special than us. Each one of us is unique, each carrying a string that ties this whole universe together. If you were to die, the world would cease to exist as we know it. The world would fall apart, and people along with it. They would anguish over the loss of someone so special, so precious.

But that is just the human ego talking isn't it?

That is all a lie. We believe in such a thing because it's such a beautiful lie. That you have some sort of meaning in the world, some sort of place that only you, and you alone could fill. But the ugly truth is that none of us are that special. When you die, you'd be easily replaced without a second thought by the next baby that is born into the world. Why are you so special? When you die, ten, no a hundred more would have been born in your place. And while you're rotting six feet under devoured by the maggots, the world will have come a full circle and it will be as if you hadn't even existed at all. As life goes on, buildings will be destroyed, new ones brought up in their place, and you will be forgotten and the cycle of life will go on.

The ugly truth is, there is no hope. There is no happiness. You are alone.

These are the thoughts that ran through Rin Kagamine's mind.

Breathe in. She leaned against the cold brick wall, in the alley way right between the dumpster where no one could see her and took in a long drag. Breathe out. She watched the smoke blow out in swirls of gray. She dropped the used butt to the ground and stomped it out. Running a hand through her disheveled dull blonde strands, she slumped to the ground, still leaning against the brick and watched the orange embers of the cigarette burn its final breath.

I don't want to live anymore.

What was the point? She had no one left. Everyone had turned their back and left her. It was like they had forgotten about her, like she had never even existed. Rin Kagamine stood up, dusted the dirt off of her ripped jeans and walked. All around her she heard the laughter, people talking to one another, their lives continuing on as always. And there she was, just some ghost lingering in the background, walking right through them unnoticed.

Rin felt the tears threatening at the corners of her eyes but she would not let them fall. She had built on a strong exterior for years now and she would not let it shatter now. Walking through the streets she noticed a familiar face. Blonde hair, the same as hers, she could never forget him, even in her dreams. He looked up from the girls he was talking to and for a moment their eyes met. She willed him to say something, anything. Even if he just gave her a nod of recognition, it'd be enough for her. But Len looked away hastily and pretended to not have seen her. It was just as well, she felt left behind by all of them, and the more she ran to catch up, the further away she got. None of them talked to her anymore. Miku, Kaito, Meiko, Luka…they all went their own separate ways after middle school and all of them eventually forgot about her. She never belonged anyway.

Rin gave a grim smile. Of course they'd forget her, it's not like she was particularly memorable, or that she was anything special to leave a mark on anyone. She was just some wretched little thing flitting in and out, trying to fit in a space that obviously was not meant for her.

Balling her fists inside of her pockets she felt the cold metallic touch of her keys. Slowly she turned them inside the keyhole and heard the click of the door. It sounded empty as the click echoed through the long dark hall way. No one was home. Typical. She dragged herself through the hall, each of her legs feeling heavy as lead, weighing her down. She felt she was drowning in quick sand.

She stopped abruptly at a door just across of hers. Len. She gazed sadly at the wooden door and turned her back to enter her own room. As she reached under a drawer she pulled out a large book and a familiar bottle full of amber liquid. Rin didn't know why people drank this stuff. Truth be told, she hated it. She hated the way it burned her throat whenever she chugged it down and the bitter after taste that wouldn't leave her tongue, but still she tried her best to grit her teeth and swallow it because it took her mind off things. At least when she was focusing on the burn of the alcohol and how her sight began to blur, she didn't have to think about him. To her, it was a temporary escape.

She opened the large blue book in her lap. It was a photo album of days long past. As she flicked through each of the pages, a mirthless smile formed upon her lips. These were the last moments when she was happy, it was the last time she had felt the warmth of daylight. Now she had become this cheap broken shell of herself, perpetually in the dark. When the darkness had first started creeping in, it was when she first realized she loved Len. She was scared that it would one day swallow her whole and she'd never see the light again, but now nothing mattered to her, because even he had left. Her own flesh and blood.

She understood why. It was because everything she touched, she ended up destroying. Even her own brother, the last person she ever really needed to stay, had left. Because no one wanted to be around someone so insidious right? Right. Maybe it was better that way. Maybe she was doing the world a favor had she just offed herself. One less monster in the world. One less, pitiful, disgusting, freak.

Len flipped his golden blonde hair out of his eyes. He was handsome now, no longer the shota he once was. Surrounded by the girls, he couldn't help but to laugh along with them. He was happy. Truly happy. Wasn't he?

He noticed a figure from the corner of his eye. Looking lost and forlorn was Rin, his twin sister. Her presence alone made him uncomfortable and he didn't know quite why. He blamed it on the social status, but he knew that wasn't it. They used to be close once but somewhere in middle school, something had changed within her and she began to distance herself. But he too had found a new crowd, and he found himself growing further and further away from her.

His eyes met with hers and for a moment he was taken aback. Her gaze was of an intensity unknown to him, and she looked at him so accusingly, so desperately. It gave him a chill down to his bones. He hastily looked away and pretended not to see her and then she finally skulked away. He breathed a sigh of relief but stared at her small figure retreating in the distance. He still felt a high sense of uneasiness in his gut and he knew something was wrong, real wrong. His mind kept telling him he should run after her, force her to tell him everything.

But how could he still do that? They hadn't talked, not in years. Not really. No, everything was fine, he convinced himself. She was okay, she was going to be okay. Years later, Len Kagamine would come to regret this moment in his life the most.

She felt the tight pain constrict as she clutched her chest. She couldn't breathe. Tears pooled in her eyes as she ran to the bathroom. She gasped and choked for air as she pounded her small fist against her chest trying to open up some airway. She thought she'd suffocate the more she kept reliving the pain. She took out a cigarette and lit up. Pretty sure it wouldn't help her breathing, but at least it'd calm down her racing heart.

'I'm not worthy of him anyhow'

She thought to herself. She was flawed and dirty. Her love would only taint him and break him. Her touch alone would rot away his life. He was popular and handsome and she was just the girl in the shadows, scars marring her arms. Her love would poison him, forbidden and dark as it was. If she were to be with him, she was almost sure the darkness would latch onto him and extinguish all the light in those beautiful clear eyes of his.

The entire bathroom was filled with fumes of her cigarette and she couldn't see straight. She wasn't sure if that was the effect of the cigarette smoke, or the tears in her eyes. It didn't matter anyway, she had stopped seeing long ago. Physically, she wasn't blind, but her eyes no longer saw anything or anyone at all. They were all just figures to her, moving around monotonously in her gray-tinged world. And in her world, every sound of laughter sounded so cold and demeaning. As if they were laughing at her. The 'light' had been cast out long ago, and now it seemed as though it was constantly raining in a world where she was alone.

Alone. Even the word itself sounded lonely. Alone. She was all alone now. There would be no one else. The darkness would never stop, she would never escape from it. The tears finally began to fall and soon inclined into full-fledged sobs racking from her chest. Rin Kagamine had finally shattered her mask, the one she held tightly to and tried so hard to keep on. The tears just wouldn't stop. She crawled over to the cabinet on her knees, trembling uncontrollably, the sobs coming up like big breaths of air.

'Save me, someone save me', Rin cried out hoarsely.

She reached for the razor blade under the sink, hand still shaking she clutched at the only hope to take her away from all the pain. The blade dug into her skin with a sharp wincing pain, and she saw the first signs of dark red streaming from her ams. Faster and faster still she sliced and hacked away. The old wounds reopened and fresh blood trickled down. They were like small rivers, conjoining and dividing in their own separate streams.

She covered her face with her hands and sobbed, clawed at herself. She touched the white bow upon her head and pulled it out of her hair. She had once worn this with such pride, because he had given it to her. It became a symbol of who she was, who she wanted to be for him. Now she felt herself ripping at it with her bare hands, until it was nothing more than white pieces of fabric on the floor, dotted red with traces of her blood.

Why was she so stupid? Her despair turned to anger. Why had she ever thought he would love her back? Love? What a joke. What a cruel pathetic joke. He would never love her, it was disgusting for her to even have had the tiniest sliver of hope that he would. He probably would laugh at her pitiful display, how desperate she got whenever he was in the equation.

She lay there on the cold floor, consumed by all her anguish, all her sheer heart break. No matter how much she cut herself, she couldn't cut herself free from the pain inside her heart. Blood mixed with tears, she screamed.

"Just let me be free!"

It wasn't funny anymore. This cruel joke that God was playing on her, it just wasn't funny anymore. She cut and cut and continued to cut until she felt more and more of her blood pouring out of her. It felt good. It was like her blood was tainted and the more she let it spill out from her body, the more she could be freed from her own darkness. She lay there as she let the blood pool around, the smell of it metallic and gritty wafting to her nose. It smelled of despair and shame.

Above her the dull bathroom light fixture flickered in and out. It was at this point she thought again of Len. She missed him so desperately. It was irreversible but she wanted at this moment to just go back to how it was before.

"All I ever wanted, was for you to shine some of your sunlight on me"

It was the final thought she had before the light finally went out of her eyes and she closed them one last time.

A/N: I AM IN NO WAY CONDONING SUICIDE. This was written purely for artistic purposes. Suicide is never the answer, and if you feel depressed and are considering it, please try to get some help. Despite this story, I strongly believe that it gets better so if there's anyone out there reading this that is contemplating suicide. Don't do it.

In any case, am contemplating whether to just leave this as a one-shot or continue it in a short series. I guess that will all depend on the feed back I get.