Title: Face To Face

POV: Multiple characters

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Mimi/Roger

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.

Summary: It's been over a year since Roger left for Santa Fe, and things were suddenly starting to look up for the bohemians. But when an unexpected visit approaches the loft on Christmas Eve, old memories are blown back into the picture, and some lives may be destroyed.

- - -

(Mimi POV)

It had been over a year since Roger had moved to Santa Fe, threw all his valuable belongings (which wasn't much) in a duffel bag and disappeared down the dusty road in an old beat up car he traded in for his fender.

A year had gone by and it felt as if he had disappeared from all existence. Not many people besides his close friends even remembered Roger, the ex-strung out junkie with dreams of becoming a rock star.

At first, to us, it was almost as if we were waiting for the world to stop spinning as soon as the sight of Roger's broken down car disappeared down the street, heading out of the East Village location and towards the Holland Tunnel. How could things just move on without him?

But they did, slowly but surely things had started to move on. The homeless continued their riots, Mark continued his film, and I continued living, without his protective embrace around me at night, without my best friend and lover. My realistic life went on, slowly and painfully, but it did none the less.

I never imagined so many things could happen in a year. I moved in with Mark for awhile, to help him pay for the loft now that Roger was gone. Sure, it was rough on me, but inside, I think it killed him. He hid his feelings quiet well, but I caught the sadness in his eyes one night, and it was more then enough to make my already broken heart break some more.

Maureen and Joanne ended up moving to Jersey, leaving us here, alone. No-one is really sure what happened to Collins. That Christmas after Angel's death, he just seemed so distant, like he was lost in another world half the time. It was evident he was getting sicker and sicker, but I think he was to the point where he didn't care anymore. He wanted to be with Angel, just as much as I wanted to be with Roger.

He left around midnight and I remember that last look he gave me before he left. He squeezed my hand; kissed my forehead gently, and told me things would get better. Then he winked, exchanged yet another Merry Christmas, and was gone into the cold misty night.

Police were at our door at five in the morning after they found Collins face down cold in an alley. We're pretty sure he ended his struggle himself, but I don't want to think about him that way.

The next thing I knew, Benny was living with us at the loft, after being in a nasty divorce for several months from the early winter to spring. I didn't see him too much though; I kept to myself as much as possible in my room or at work. I was getting sick though much more often, and when Mark wasn't around, Benny was the one who took care of me, making sure I got my meds and that I was eating properly.

As much as I had hated Benny in the past year, I found myself not pushing him away when he went to hold me or when he wandered in my room late at night with a silly smirk saying he had a night mare. I was dying from my broken heart, and anyone could tell. I needed someone to love me, and well, he was the only one who was half way decent to me besides Mark who had gotten the role of my protective 'older' brother.

After I got involved again with Benny, things seemed to get so much better. Sure, in the back of my mind I pictured him as Roger, and as horrible as that sounds, I would close my eyes at night and imagine that it wasn't Benny holding me, but Roger.

That's what got me through everyday for a year. He knew I didn't love him, and sometimes, I'd be dreadfully guilty for not being able to love him the way he wanted me too. But he had accepted that fact and made every effort possible to make us seem like a real couple. His genuine heart amazed me and slowly things were getting better, slowly I was learning how to love again.

I had given up sitting by the window every night for five months, eyes attentively set on the street below me. Every time a similar car passed my chest would tighten and yet another part of me would die. Benny helped me revive that part of me. Benny had put that spark back in me, that there was still hope yet to live, to love.

He helped me revive my self-esteem which had slowly corrupted when Roger had left me. He made me realize that I didn't deserve to put up with the heart break anymore that I didn't deserve to make myself suffer for Roger's actions. He was the one to blame for leaving and I couldn't help but hold bitterness towards him for killing me; Because, that's in fact what he had done whether it was intentional or not.

So I went clean, ending my days of being high all the time in attempt to escape the pain. I painted a smile on my face that was just starting to have truth in it, and I slowly moved out of Roger's old bedroom and into Benny's.

He was never coming back for me and I realized how stupid I was for waiting for him for so long, crying so many nights alone. I had took a firm hold on my life and I wasn't about to let go and waste it any longer.

Roger was dead to me; dead to Mark; and dead to his once called 'home'.

--

(Roger POV)

Santa Fe sounded like such a good idea at the time, to leave and get away from it all for a few months. I never had the intention of never going back. Things just got side tracked, and well, I guess a part of me wasn't ready to face all them. I knew how disappointed they were in me, and I wasn't ready to go tell them I was sorry.

I told him I'd call, but I never got around to it. This was suppose to be some adventure for me; some way how to clear my mind and do some soul searching. I wasn't supposed to be gone for over a year and to tell you the truth; I'm not quite sure where the entire year went. It feels like I just got here and now, now that I'm finally going home I've realized that I had made the biggest mistake of my life leaving my friends, my family, my Mimi.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and now I know for a fact, that is true. Every night got worse and worse to the point where I wasn't sure if I could stay away much longer. That heavy feeling in my chest wouldn't give and the tears in my eyes wouldn't disappear. I was starting to see her everywhere, those gorgeous brown eyes in the crowd.

It was spring when I realized that I was slowly getting sicker. I'd wake up in a cold sweat hacking out a lung, in the small shack I had rented for the year. If I was going to die, I didn't want to leave without seeing them all one more time.

That's when I had this idea, to save every penny for an engagement ring and a plane ticket back home; since my car hadn't made it. I spent the rest of the year saving up and finally, when Christmas Eve came around, I flew back home.

I knew I was going to be doing a lot of apologizing, but if everything would go as planned, we'd spend the rest of our lives together.

I knew, I'd never leave her again.

My heart wouldn't allow it.

As I walked up the steps back to the old loft, my stomach did flip flops and my heart began to ache. Though pure excitement was filled in my heart, I couldn't help but be nervous about coming face to face with them all once again. After how I treated them… I prayed every night that they'd forgive me for my mistake; the biggest mistake of my life.

Taking a deep breath, I came face to face with the loft door. The Do Not Trespass sign was the first thing I noticed missing but replaced with a small Christmas wreath with pine needles, glitter, and several vibrant glass balls. My fingers traced over the discolored formation of a rectangle before I took one more rather shallow breath before knocking firmly and taking a step backwards. It was now or never.

--

(Third Person)

"Dinner's ready!" Joanne called from the kitchen where she had a glass of champagne in her hand that she was juggling in between cooking. Different spices and homemade scents filled the loft's aroma, mingling well with the rather crappy Charlie Brown tree that Maureen had insisted on picking out, crying that it 'wouldn't have a home for Christmas!'

Well the once crappy Charlie Brown tree was looking quite festive with the 200 twinkling white lights, garland, and several shiny ball ornaments that Mark had dug out of the closet. They put up the ones that weren't smashed into pieces.

Mark stepped down the hallway, camera in hand as he took shots of the Christmas tree, the decorated living room, the delicious food in the kitchen, and not to forget the gorgeous table setting Joanne had picked out.

"Come on guys!" Joanne shrieked one more time, voice firm and stern on the edge of screaming with frustration in attempt to tear her girlfriend, Mimi, and Benny away from the television where they were watching the ending to 'It's a Wonderful Life.'

"We're going to miss the ending!" Maureen pouted, a tissue stuck to her eye as she slowly stood up, hands straightening out her holiday ensemble that was way too bright to the eye for the liking. Benny shut off the television as Maureen and Mimi both made a little protest of their own, before the three joined Mark, who was already to dig in, and Joanne at the table.

The group chattered for several moments, gushing over the dinner Joanne had spent most of the day slaving over, with Mark's attempt to help make mashed potatoes. That had only ended up in a complete mess with both of them covered from head to toe.

Mark used the end of his fork to chime the wine glass and get everyone's attention. Once the others had settled down he lifted his glass, offering a bright grin to his friends and spoke, "To a Merry Christmas – and many more to come."

Maureen had immediately raised hers in the air, "To Collins." It was the first year without him at the Christmas feast they had spent months preparing for. Sure, they didn't eat much all year, so this was a treat for the bohemians.

"To love." Joanne added next, glass raised high next to Maureen and Mark's, eyes sparkling as she looked at her family.

"To friends and family." Benny spoke next, voice firm but yet held such softness in them. His eyes skimmed from Mark's, to Maureen's, and then back down to Mimi who sat at his side.

"To health." Mimi finally added with a smile which was pretty much the biggest sign of happiness she had shown all year. The five clanged their glass together before they dug into the Christmas feast filled with turkey, mashed potatoes, and casseroles.

They had been half way through dinner when the knock came from the door. All looked from one another. "I'm not getting it." Maureen responded who was the closest to the door that was only several feet away.

"Me either." Mark retorted with a mouth full of turkey before filling his fork with some mashed potatoes.

"Ugh. I will." Mimi volunteered when everyone fell silent for a few moments. Pushing herself up from her seat, she wandered across the room to the front door, not even looking through the peep hole before undoing the dead bolt and swinging the door open.

Roger was the last person she expected to come face to face with.