Title: In The Arms Of An Angel
Ship: Mimi/Roger
Rating: PG 13
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.
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She felt like she was running down an alley. Lost and confused, trying to find her way home. Though she was literally on Benny's fire escape, her heart was abandoned, left alone in the middle of nowhere.
"How could you leave me?"
The night's chilled and damp air sent shivers down her bones as she sat on the fire escape, knees clutched to her chest, a large fuzzy blanket wrapped tightly around her thin frame. Rain drops fell from the heavens on her, makeup smeared down her cheeks, hair matted along her shoulders.
"You told me..you promised you'd be here..."
Her whispers trailed off into the darkened night. She hated it now, now the days seemed to be getting shorter and shorter - the darkness taking over earlier now. Days were bad for her, but nights were worse. They were cold and silent ; silent besides the blood curdling screaming in her ears.
"If you're here...where are you?" "Huh?" "Where the fuck are you?"
Though she had no more tears to cry, her voice was filled with pain and agony. Her life had transformed itself into a tormenting hell. Mark had lost himself in oblivion, sick all the time, and taking so many medications for depression, you'd need your fingers and toes to count them. He had ended up locking himself in the bathroom more then a couple times and Collins called the cops to get him out.
That was five months ago right after Roger died. She ended up moving in with Collins when he wasn't able to take care of himself anymore. She watched him die exactly how Angel had, exactly how Roger had, and exactly how she would. One morning when she went to wake him, open his blinds, and get him up and out of the house -- he didn't wake up.
Tom Collin's funeral was the last time she ever saw Mark Cohen. She had spotted him in the back, lingering in the doorway, just watching before he disappeared out of the funeral home. She then saw him again at the cemetery for the burial which wasn't much more then a few words spoken from his friends, parents, and a bunch of bouquets sitting around the wooden casket. He only lingered around for a few minutes before walking away. Like a fool she had followed him until they both found themselves in front of Roger's own grave stone.
It was a really nice gravestone, a gray marble with an imprint of a guitar on the top. His name was printed in an elegant script, his birth date and death date and then the four words he had learned from her, "No Day But Today". Right beside it was an empty space where she'd be soon enough.
Benny had paid for both Roger's and Collin's funeral and stones...
Mark didn't speak to her though, just sat in the damp grass staring at the stone, as she did every remaining day of her life. He had a small roll of film in hand and after a few moments he stood, handed me the film, and kissed her forehead. Not one word was spoken as they exchanged looks and Mark wandered away into the distance leaving Mimi with film in one hand, tears scaring her cheeks, and a broken heart. She ended up staying at Roger's grave until Benny found her later that evening and basically pryed her away.
That was the last time she saw Mark Cohen.
Benny watched her everynight as she sat on the fire escape in his complex building. Every night he watched her cry to the stars pleading death's cold grasp. He watched her every day become thinner and thinner as she would eat less and less. He watched her spend her entire day at the cemetary besides Roger's grave no longer able to cry.
She had reluctantly moved in with him after Collin's death in a complex down the street. He was the one who took care of her, made sure she got up and did something with herself, made sure she had a warm meal to eat three times a day.
He loved her and yet no matter how hard he tried to make things better, he knew he wasn't Roger and he never was going to be. He was the only one she had left. He hated himself for caring so much though, he could have moved on with his life, fell in love, started a family, but instead he dedicated himself to helping her. And yet she'd look at him but never really see him there. Mimi was too far gone to be saved.
It was hard to believe Mimi was the same person she was three years ago. She use to be a gorgeous loving spunky dancer who was always flaunting around. Now, it was almost painful to look at her without flinching. Her once bronze and healthy skin was turned to an anguished pale gray, hair was limp and dry, and her eyes were dark and lifeless. She had died five months ago with Roger and that was the truth.
"You're going to catch a cold inside." Benny pleaded to her from the doorway leading to the outside platform.
She didn't speak nor make any acknowledge that she wasn't alone. "Why'd you leave..?" She whispered to herself shaking violently. Inside he hoped she wasn't just shivering from the cold, but prayed she was sick. He no longer wanted to see her on. You have to come inside now." He spoke again before stepping out into the light rainfall and walking over to her kneeling beside her, tipping her head towards him but placing his hand under her chin.
She looked at him with question lips parted to speak but nothing came out. "Where is he? He told me he'd always be with me but he's not..Benny?" Tears fell down her cheeks freely. She was getting worse..
Benny slowly picked her up by her waist, not giving her time to protest before craddling her tiny figure in his arms with no struggle and moving inside to the warm living room that was completely white. White furniture, white walls, everything so perfectly in place.
"Did you eat earlier? I left you a plate before I went to work...it's midnight..you were suppose to eat..." He answered his own question placing her down on the bed in her room. He knew clearly well that the once warm plate had not been touched.
"Why aren't you answering my fucking questions?" She looked almost hurt as she whispered this question, a coughing fit engulfing her. Benny sighed heavily before sitting on the edge and grabbing the glass of ice water from her night stand.
"You didn't take your AZT." He murmured handing the glass to her.
She took the glass after a moment of staring into the water and took a small sip. She didn't reply.
Benny moved his attention back to her nightstand where there was a full bottle of pills he had purchased for her at the beginning of the week. "You haven't all week have you?"
No response. Ignoring the fact she was damp from the rain, she crawled under the blankets shivering, breathing labored.
He sighed heavily before rubbing his eyes and looking down at her sadly, "Do you want to change?"
No response.
"Keep warm, okay? I don't want you freezing on me." He joked timidly before leaning down and kissing her goodnight with a peck on her forehead. But she was already cold. "Love you Mimi.." He whispered gazing down to her. He wasn't sure how much longer she would subconciously hold on. He said a silent prayer for her sake she wouldn't wake up in the morning.
Mimi stared out her window, watching the rain drops sail down the plexi glass. Benny stood up and moved to the doorway switching the light off, looking at her one last time before shutting it off and walking out, closing the door behind him.
When she closed her eyes she could hear the Musetta's Waltz playing softly - Roger's voice singing in her ear.
Your eyes..
"You're not alone anymore." The voice echoed in to her right eat as she stared out the window. She felt too drained to move, to weak to believe what she heard. She was almost positive she was halloucinating.
"Mimi." She felt a warm hand slip over her frozen fingers and felt the scratchy stubble of Roger's beard brush along her cheek.
"Don't leave me." Her voice cracked as she spoke, tears running freely down her cheeks, room spinning, head feeling light.
"Don't go.."
Usually he'd disappear, the warmth of his body next to her would evaporate and he'd leave her hand grasping on to the sheets. When he didn't leave she slowly tipped her head towards him, blinking through her tears, lip curled in pain, "Please don't leave me here." She pleaded as she gripped his hand tighter until her hand when completely numb.
"Shh.." He soothed running his warm hand along her icy wet cheek. "I won't leave you anymore."
Mimi stared at him, before closing her eyes feeling everything starting to fade. She couldn't breath any longer and the tears that she had been crying just stopped. Fear rose in her bones but she welcomed it with open arms. Time seemed to stop for a moment before she re-opened her eyes slowly finding herself cradled in Roger's arms.
She no longer felt any pain, no longer felt any despair. When she opened her eyes to find herself in a long tunnel, for once in a long time she felt completely free from her morbid reality. Feeling both Angel and Collins presence beside her and Roger, she was no longer scared of what had happened. She knew clearly well where she was and for the first time in five months she smiled.
She had found her family and she was carried protectingly home, in the arms of her angel, Roger.