Disclaimer: I don't own the picture, the title of the song, or the characters. They belong to Marvel, Taylor Swift, then Marvel again, respectively.
For the First Time I Had Something to Lose
Within the first four minutes of talking to Hawkeye, Natalia knows she has found someone who is on her side. That's never happened before. Everyone she has ever met has only cared about their own wishes, if she stood between them and their prize she wasn't worth their trouble. For the first time, Natalia has someone who just wants to be on her side.
Two months later, Natasha finds herself with a partner. Clint Barton was given the assignment to work with Natasha within days of her being brought to SHIELD, but the word "partner" doesn't really mean anything to Natasha until she is standing in a deserted warehouse, surrounded by ten men pointing guns at her, and Clint actually comes to help her. That's never happened before. Every person Natasha had ever met left her alone when she called for help. For the first time, Natasha has someone who hears and responds to her screams.
A year later, Natasha learns that she has friend. It's nothing big, after all, they go and get lunch together all the time. But suddenly something that should have never mattered meant the world. A man that should have just been a tool to allow Natasha to live longer becomes a person worth talking to and caring about. That's never happened before. No one had ever wanted to be friends with Natasha Romanoff, no matter what name she went by. For the first time, someone actually cares enough to smile at Natasha.
During a mission six months later, Natasha discovers that she has a dance partner. The Russian isn't quite sure what to think about this. She has danced with more people than she can count and she's not quite sure how many people have called themselves her partner, but she's never had a dance partner. Not really. People have danced with her, but Clint is the first person who enjoys dancing with Natasha because he finds joy in making her smile and dancing makes Natasha smile, so Clint learns to love to dance. For the first time, Natasha has someone who will sacrifice to make her smile.
Sitting in a destroyed café in Manhattan eating shwarma, Natasha is shocked to find that she has someone who will always come back to her. Clint is sitting there, right next to her, and that scares Natasha more than anything because of what it says. He has been brainwashed, manipulated, taken to completely different continents, but he still found his way back to Natasha. This has never happened before. No one has ever cared enough about Natasha to fight their way back to her. For the first time, Natasha has someone who will work to be next to her.
Only a few days later, Natasha looks at Clint and realizes that he might love her. That simple idea, that someone might care for her enough to love her, it changes everything and leave Natasha breathless. Who could love such an evil woman? Who would dare trust her to love anything? Why would Clint take that risk? This has never happened before, someone loving Natasha. It scares her and that night she almost wishes she could make any feelings Clint might have away. But she doesn't, in the end because for the first time, someone trusts Natasha enough to give her part of his heart.
That same night, Natasha wonders if she might love Clint back. Because this has never happened before and Natasha is certain she has felt every emotion but love, so this new feeling stirring in her chest, it had to be love. For the first time, Natasha has someone she would fight for.
Sitting next to Clint in a restaurant that is too fancy for both of them, Natasha comes to the conclusion that for the first time she can let herself go enough to smile and love.
Next to a fountain in Paris, Natasha gains a fiancé. This has happened many times before, but never like this. Never has she held her breath as a man got down on one knee. Never has her heart beat so fast looking into someone's eyes. Never has Natasha's voice shaken when she said "yes". Never has she been happier. None of this, absolutely none of it, has ever happened before. For the first time, Natasha cares about the ring on the fourth finger on her right hand,
For the rest of her life, Natasha lives in the knowledge that she has a man who will always be on her side. Sure, some days it terrifies her and she can't breath because she has never done anything but hurt people. And most of the time when she wakes up next to Clint her first reaction is to grab her gun because, honestly, what is someone doing in her bed? But overall, Natasha is glad that she can say that happiness happened to her. Because for the first time she has something to lose. And something to love.
Author's Note: For any who may be wondering, the title of this story is from Taylor Swift's "Holy Ground". I don't really have anything else to say, so...
Smile today,
-When In Doubt, Smile