It was a great and sunny day in Washington D

Title: The Trouble With Kidnappers (1/?)

Author: Kira [tenshidejiko@yahoo.com]

Rating: PG

Category: General Wackiness & self-insertion

Author's Notes: This just came to me last night and I had to write it. It's for the harem, and I hope you don't mind that I used your names.

Summery: Josh is kidnapped and its up to the fan club agents to rescue him.

It was a great and sunny day in Washington D.C. when Joshua Lyman decided that today would be a fine day to walk to work. He'd done it once before when protestors were blocking the roads, but he was an Outdoorsman, damn it!

Large black shades on his face, Josh swaggered down the streets of D.C. like he owned them. People gave him second glances as he walked by, and he smiled quickly or waved before continuing on. One person commented on his backpack. How could they? He'd had this thing since law school, it was lucky. Plus, for a bunch of people who wanted things to be convenient for them, carrying expensive and heavy briefcases was a little hypocritical, wasn't it?

Continuing on his way, Josh decided to take a detour through an alley, since it saved him ten minuets. With his usual level of confidence, Josh made it halfway though before he heard a voice behind him.

"Hey, what's up, skipper?"

Skipper? What the hell?

"Skipper?"

"Why don't you take a ride with us," a man said, coming into his view. He was hitting a led pipe against his palm.

"Um, I have to get to work," Josh tried.

"No, not today," another man commented.

"Oh really?"

"No, not really," a third man said from behind him.

"Nite!" a girl cheerfully quipped as the third man placed chloroform over his mouth, sending him instantly to dreamland.

**

Kira Starr, fanfic writer and website designer, sat outside next to her pool with her laptop ready, typing away. She was so close to finishing a fanfic, another Josh angst-y story. She couldn't forget her roots as an ELF (Evil Lucas Fan), and had to do all in her power to torture the characters of her obsession. Of course, you always have to have happy endings, and she was currently working out the smiles in the end.

That was, of course, until Sam Seaborn came running into her back yard and jumped over the table.

"Kira!" he cried. Finishing her bout of laughing, she spoke.

"You remind me of that deaf-mute guy in The Stand when he finds out about the bomb," she commented. "But he made this weird sound."

"I did, you just weren't listening. For some reason, I feel like I've done that before," Sam replied, taking a seat in one of the plush lawn chairs.

"Yeah, funny, isn't it?" Kira smiled. "You can talk, though."

"I know."

"But only out of the right side of your mouth," she continued.

"Hey, its my toothpaste, it has this numbing action, and you know, your teeth are your best friends, take-"

"Care of them and they'll take care of you. Yes, Sam, we all know that," Kira finished for him. Sam raised his eyebrows, wondering how she knew word for word what he said to CJ after the root canal. "Anyway, what's wrong?"

"Oh!" Sam exclaimed, standing up again. "Josh has been kidnapped!"

"Seriously?" Kira asked, looking over the rim of her glasses. Sam nodded eagerly. Kira closed her laptop and set it on the table before pulling out her cell phone, covered with an American Flag. "Amber, it's Kira. Yeah, I know, wasn't he cute in that picture?" Pause. "No, this isn't a social call, we have a 1017 in progress." Pause. "No, that's a 1013, Mulder-napping. This is a 1017, a Josh-napping." Pause. "Well, mosey on over here! Sam's here!" Pause again. "Yes, I know, I'll be careful. Hey, have you ever seen The Stand?" Pause. "Right, I knew that, of course not. Well, get here."

Hanging up the phone, Kira once again turned to Sam.

"Now, tell me everything you know."

**

Amber, fanfic writer, shut off her Early Edition tape and set it back with the thousand other tapes in her collection of recorded shows. It took her eyes to adjust a moment to normal life from the bad reception in her EE tape as result of no cable. Once again able to see, Amber picked up her purse and rushed out of the house, yelling to her family she'd be back in an hour.

It took about ten minuets to make a left out of her driveway, making her wish she had a plane or something. No matter, for right after she turned, she saw the oddest thing – a Toby for Presedent sign. Hmmm…being the obsessed West Wing fan she was, Amber immediately connected it to the West Wing, meaning Toby Zeigler. Odd, he wasn't running for president, was he?

A second glance proved futile, as the sign and its holder were gone.

**

Toni McIntyre, fanfic writer and Joanie universe creator, got offline and headed off to write the sequel to her story 'A Mentor for Joanie' when her phone rang. When she picked up the phone, there was no one there. It was then that she realized it was the OTHER phone, and dived over the couch to answer it before her thunder twin, Owen. He gave her an odd look and turned back to the TV.

"Hello, Agent Toni here," she greeted.

"Agent Toni, it's Ron Butterfield. There's a situation down here in Washington. We're going to need you to get here as soon as possible," Ron said.

"Situation? What happened? He didn't get drunk again, did he?"

"No, ma'am, Mr. Lyman is missing."

"Missing!?" Toni exclaimed, causing her mother, who just entered the room, to shush her. Retreating to her bedroom, Toni could resume her conversation without the skeptical ears of non-believers interrupting.

"Yes, ma'am. Mr. Seaborn has already gone to retrieve Agent Kira." 

"I'll be right there," Toni answered, and grabbed her bag before rushing out of the house.

**

Josh woke up tied to a chair and a blindfold over his eyes. Thinking for a moment, Josh wondered how his kidnappers were going to know he was awake. Keeping himself perfectly still, Josh stretched out his hearing to see if anyone was in the room with him.

"Make that outlined with black," someone said.

"Black? The letters are brown. That'll look like, well, it'll look bad."

"I want it outlined it black!" the person commanded.

"Fine, fine."

"Good. And make sure you spell President right this time."

"I did last time."

"No you didn't, and Analyne had to run away to avoid embarrassment."

"Analyne probably wanted some doughnuts."

"Yeah, well, she was spotted by Amber anyway."

Amber? Josh knew Amber! Yea! He was saved.

"She won't know anything until its too late."

**

Amber arrived at Kira's house just in time to see Sam and Kira walking from the backyard to Sam's car out front. Pulling up behind Kira's white car, Amber parked her black sidekick and hopped out to join them.

"Hey there," she greeted the pair. Kira smiled and hopped over to her.

"Hey! We've gotta get going. Ron already called Toni, she's going to meet us at HQ," she filled Amber in.

"Great, good, okie dokie," Amber smiled.

"C'mon, I just got a new sound system," Sam quipped.

"Awesome! Can we listen to my new Maaya Sakamoto CD? Please, please, please?" Kira jumped up and down.

"Is it in English?" Sam asked.

"No."

"A half-hour, that's all."

"Yea!" Kira pulled the CD out of her magic bag and hopped in the front seat. Amber took her place behind her, and Sam turned on the car and pulled out of the drive way.

"You know, Chicago is 16 hours from D.C., Sam," Amber took the role as the voice of reason.

"Oh." Sam turned to Kira at the stop sign. "Hey, write us a fast car ride." Kira nodded and pulled out her favorite notebook, her Secret Agent Sam™ one covered with pictures of Josh and wrote a few lines. Instantly they were in D.C., right in Sam's parking space at the White House.

"Hey, I love your notebook," Amber commented before Kira put it back in the Magic Bag.

"Thanks."

"Later," Sam waved, walking into work. Amber and Kira waited a moment until the cost was clear, then walked into the West Wing. Spotting Donna at her desk, the pair smiled and waved, then snuck into Josh's office. Donna followed, closing the door behind her and pulling the fourth hook on the coat rack. A large door opened up in the form of one of the bookcases swinging open, revealing a spiral staircase.

The group descended and walked into HQ. The large room filled with computers and pictures lining the walls was the center of the fan club world. Kira found herself a rolly chair and scooted around the room to a computer. Amber did the same while Donna shut the entrance and turned on the re-router; a phone to transfer all Josh's calls down here. After pulling up some information, Amber turned to face Kira.

"Where's Toni?"

"Here I am," Toni greeted, walking down the stairs.

"Hey there!" Amber stood. Kira turned to face the others in the room.

"We have a serious problem," she said gravely. "And we're going to have to call the other agents."

**

Title: The Trouble With Kidnappers (2/?)

Author: Kira [tenshidejiko@yahoo.com]

See part one for notes and disclaimers

It was the scariest book Josh had ever heard of, and, because of his assistant, had heard the contents of. The Republicans: A History was the kind of book that publishers should turn away from their doors right away, who cares if 43% of Americans claim to be one type of Republican or another. It just should not have been written. Though, Josh thought, some of those 43% say they're independent Republican, so they can be swayed from the dark side. Hmmm…

"Are you enjoying this reading, Mr. Lyman?" his torturer, a 20-something woman named Rochelle, inquired of him, placing the book down on her lap.

"Umm, no, why?" Josh said, but it came out like this instead: "umm, mh, uh?"

"You were smiling," she answered. Damn! Josh thought, she caught me not paying attention. He must have smiled unconsciously while thinking of a plan to convert independent Republicans.

"Oh."

"Shall I continue, or are you ready to tell us what we want?" Wait, they wanted something? All he had to do was tell them what they wanted and he could leave? Why didn't they say that in the first place!? 

"Ohkh!"

"Really?" Rochelle asked. Josh nodded. Only too happily, the captor tore the tape from over Josh's mouth, causing him to yelp.

"Ow!"

"Sorry, but it was necessary."

"Not really, but okay."

"We want to know – " The rest of Rochelle's sentence was cut off as the wall exploded, the result of a large wrecking ball crashing through it. Cursing, the woman left Josh to fend for himself as the building fell down around them.

"I paid my rent, what the hell is going on?" she muttered, marching up to the men standing just outside the now large hole that used to be a wall. "What the hell is going on!?"

"Are you aware that this is a corner?" one man asked of her. She nodded. "Hey!" he shouted to the operator. "This is a corner. Take it down!"

"Umm, excuse me, but this is my abandoned warehouse." Rochelle announced, pointing to the now half-dilapidated building.

"Not anymore!" the man exclaimed, letting out a bit of evil laughter. "This property has been bought by Walgreen's!"

"What, are you taking over the world or something?" Rochelle asked. The minuet those words left her mouth, a bag was put over her head and she was dragged away.

Meanwhile, inside the warehouse, Josh sat, still tied to a chair, wondering what they wanted to know. Surly he'd get out of this place unscathed, right? The author wouldn't allow him to get harmed. Seeing a copy of the fic on the floor, Josh craned his head to the right to see the name of the author.

Kira? Oh damn. She was the Josh POV angst author, wasn't she?

His day was not going good.

Of course, that was the last thing he thought before a piece of ceiling fell on him, knocking him unconscious.

**

"You know what?" Kira asked out of the blue while the group was sitting down for lunch.