It had been 3 months since I had the meeting with Carol, Jack, Sarah and James and as yet I had done nothing. For 9 months now Parker has been living with me, we've had our ups and downs but he is a great kid and it's been hard for him to lose both his parents within a space of a couple of days. Booth had left Parker on my doorstep with a note, one which I read everyday – it tells me that he will be back but isn't sure when and that I'm to take care of Parker until he comes back. What ever he is doing I know that it is nothing to do with Military or FBI, that's the good thing about my contacts, they can go pretty high. Now it turns out that both Parker's grandparents feel that Booth isn't coming back and want me to adopt Parker, I told them that as long as Booth is still alive I wouldn't. I keep playing it in my mind, was my decision right? I'm not sure, today threw me a curve ball. Today, Parker asked if he could call me Mom, seeing as that is what I am I told him to ask his Grandparents as I felt wrong to decide without them and of course they said it was fine, when he spoke to Carol and Jack I heard him say "It's not that I don't miss my real Mom but Tempe looks after me now and I will never forget my real Mom, Tempe takes me to her grave every Sunday after church." Yes, I go to church. I don't even believe in God or Jesus but it helps Parker and that's good enough for me.
"Hey sweetie, how are you?" Angela stands in the doorway, her right shoulder against the frame. She walks into my office "Did Parker have some more nightmares?" I nod, my body aches I haven't slept for 4 days and it takes all my energy to get ready for work. "I don't know what to do Ange, I can't sleep, everytime I close my eyes I can hear him scream, even when he is sound asleep. What can I do?" I feel my cheeks dampen before I can register I'm crying, I feel Ange's arms engulf me, as they have done many times in the last 9 months, the last time though was when Parker told me he hated me. I controlled my sobs "Thanks Ange, I needed that" I wasn't lying, just the feeling that I wasn't on my own was enough. "Anytime sweetie, I came to tell you they delivered another body. The same as the others" It doesn't help that at this time I'm working on possibly the hardest case ever without Booth. I take a deep breath "OK I'll be there in a minute" Ange turns and leaves me to gather myself, all the while I'm telling myself it's not Booth on my table.
"Dr Brennan" Damn, it's Sweets "You missed our appointment, for maybe the sixth time. Now I'm no strange to being stood up but six times, that's just rude and unprofessional!" I can hear he is angry and can I blame him? Probably not. "Look, I'm just really busy right now Sweets, I can't have this conversation with you everytime." I look at him, not really sure what my face is saying to betray me but there is obvously something "If you kept your appointments we would have this conversation, as you call it. I'm worried you are not coping" something inside me snaps I could hear it boil up from someplace I don't know "COPING? With what am I not coping? I have a boy at home who lost both his parents, I stay awake every night because when I close my eyes I can hear him scream. I haven't slept for 4 days, 4 days Sweets that's like this many hours" I spread my arms as wide as the could go as my brain seemed to disolve "I HATE my job, I hate the fact that I could walk in here any day and have Booth staring back at me from that table, Hell that could be him now. I HATE the fact I'm gonna be the one to tell Parker that his Dad is dead." I spat the words from my mouth, I can't stop myself "So, right now I'm coping the only way I know how to, I go home and tell that little boy that his Dad will be home soon and I tuck him n and kiss him goodnight because what else can I do?" Sweets looks at me with a touch of fear, maybe that I'm about to explode and judging by everyone else looking at us, they think so too. "I have to perform this exam, so unless there is anything else I can do for you?" Cam nods at him and Sweets makes his exit "Right, lets get on with it shall we?" I ask calmly as everyone begins to busy themselves again.
I feel a light shake "Sweetie, wake up" I open my eyes barely "Ange, how long have I been out?" she shrugs "a couple of hours maybe. I wanted to leave you as long as possible, I sent Jack to get Parker. I hope that's OK? I think you should go home when Parker gets here, don't you?" I nod, in truth I don't have the strength to argue my case for staying. I sit for a few minutes and then push myself up from my chair just as I stand my little boy runs and flings his arms around me "Mom, I had the best day ever. I won a race in gym and got an A on my homework" I smiled and took the paper he was waving at me "Well done Parker, that's brilliant. How about we go celebrate?" he cocked his head and gave me a look I had not seen before "it's only 3:15, we never leave the lab before 4 at the earliest." He looked troubled "Has something happened? Is it my Dad?" I shook my head "I think we both need to go and enjoy ourselves, so what do you reckon? McDonalds and the cinema?" he grinned and hugged me again "that sounds great Mom."
About an hour later, after being stuck in traffic we sat in Mcdonalds, Parker had a burger that was as big as him. It was times like this that he reminded me so much of his Dad, he got into as much mess when he eats and of course he was blessed wth that famous Booth charm smile which he flashes at me between bites. I hear him mutter something that pulls me out of my thoughts "Sorry Parker I was miles away. What did you say?" he flashed me another smile "I said 'when are you going to adopt me?'" I knew my face was showing my complete shock, I had no idea he even knew about that "Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything" he hung his head and took a half hearted bite of his burger "I.. I.." come on Tempe form words, actual words. Deep breath, followed by another "I didn't know that you knew about that Parker, who told you?" lifting his head slightly "I over heard you and Ange talking, Tempe don't think my Dad is ever coming back" he had wanted to say those words for a while, he had no tears. "He has been gone 9 months Tempe without a word and he isn't ever coming back. I think we should just accept it." Those however were not his words "Who have you been talking to? You want me to adopt you?" he shifted slightly "The boys at school say I should just face facts that my Dad left because he didn't want to take care of me. Yes, I do want you to adopt me. I want to have a family again Tempe and well you are the closest thing I have" I smiled and hugged him, quickly pulling away when people started looking at me "Not cool?" I asked, he looked at me "definitely not cool, but who cares about being cool" he hugged me back.
I laid awake all night, Parker was keeping me awake again. This time there were no nightmares just his words 'He isn't ever coming back. I think we should just accept it' I should have told him that he was, like I always do but something stopped me, it was like I couldn't promise him anymore because I can't be sure anymore. When Parker first come to stay it was only for 'a couple of days' and then of course days turn to weeks and weeks have slowly turned to months, the thing that I hate is Parker is now living with the same uncertainty that I had growing up not knowing if your parents were ever coming back. Maybe I should take him to see Sweets, maybe I should talk to him? This is just great, my alarm signals the morning and it's Sunday so that means graveyard then church, both of which pain me more than ever especially when Parker now also speaks to my Mom's grave too.
I hurry to the bathroom and get ready so that I'm fully awake when Parker is up, the first time we did this Sunday morning routine we had both woke like cave men growling and grunting and spent what could only be describe as the day from hell with each other, that was the day I realised that looking after Parker wasn't going to be a walk in the park.