Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Seed, or the characters. Nor do I won Brandy's song 'Have you ever'.
Author's Note:
Wow, this has to be one of the most saddest things I have ever written, and I have wrote some very depressing things before. I almost cried while writing this.
On another note, remember what happens to a person's mentality when they get drunk, they can't think straight.
New note as of 04/13/05:
I've decided to change the title. I think that Moonlight Tears Is a better name for this then Heartbroken. It just fits better. I also want to thank Silver Mirror, Xeno Minako, and Furuba-ai-PoT for their reviews.
xXx
Moonlight Tears
"Dearka, come on," Yzak yelled. "We're going to be late," he said in an irritated voice. It was Athrun and Kira's engagement party. It's not like he actually wanted to go, it was the fact that, if he was going to go, he didn't want to be late. It just so happens that a certain blond room mate of his was making them late to a party he didn't even want to go to in the first place. This, of course, made the platinum blond even more irritated.
"I'm coming," was the response he got. Yzak drummed his fingers on the kitchen counter, waiting for Dearka to get out of the room.
'What the hell is he doing in there?' Yzak asked him self. Dearka Had been in his room for a little over a half-hour. 'Dearka never takes that long to get dressed,' Yzak thought. Just as he was about to yell again, Dearka came out of the room. The site before him took Yzak's breath away. Dearka's hair was sleeked back against his head, and ... was that eye liner under his eyes? He wore a white T-shirt with a navy blue dress shirt over it with the sleeves a little passed his wrist. He was wearing black dress pants over nice, and expensive looking, dress shoes.
"Like?" Dearka said with a smirk.
"I think that you look ridiculous." Yzak said and turned to the door. "We're already late as it is." He didn't notice the disappointment and pain etched into Dearka's beautiful face.
'Don't you know, I did this for you,' Dearka thought as he followed the other man to the car. 'If only you knew...'
xXx
"Well, it's about time you two showed up," Athrun said with a smile as the two entered the house. He didn't care that they were late, he just knew that saying that would piss Yzak off. Which it did.
"Better late then never," Kira said to stop a fight. Even after all these years, Athrun and Yzak fought like children.
"Keh," Yzak said and walked away to a table and sat down. Dearka following his every movement.
"What's with him?" Athrun asked.
"Couldn't say," Dearka said and looked away from Yzak. Kira looked at the blond intently. Something was wrong with him. Kira looked at Athrun, who took the hint and walked off, in the direction of Yzak.
"Dearka, are you all right?" Kira asked.
"I'm fine," Dearka replied. Kira just nodded, a sign that he knew the blond was lying.
"Fallow me," he said and led Dearka and him to the balcony. When they was out or ear shot of any one, Kira spoke.
"Did you tell him?" he asked the man next to him.
"No," was Dearka's answer.
"You've known and lived with the man nearly half your life, and yet you still refuse to tell him?" Kira said bitterly. Perhaps it was a little too bitter, but Kira didn't care any more, it was unhealthy to keep emotions locked away for so long. "Just tell him you love him."
"I can't," Dearka said in a whisper, not looking at the man before him. "He doesn't love me, he cares for me, but doesn't love me. I'd rather it be that way, then ruin ten years of friendship."
"Dearka," Kira said and continued only after his friend looked at him. "You are a coward," Kira finished and walked away. It was short and simple. And It was the only thing that could describe the blond, except, of course, the words 'lonely', 'bitter', and 'broken'. Dearka just turned to look over the third story balcony.
'How easy it would be to just jump...?' Dearka thought to himself.
xXx
Three hours later, Dearka was still thinking the same question; with quite a few drinks in him. That was the way Yzak found him.
"Dearka, come on. It's time to go home," Yzak said quietly, even though he was annoyed. It was beautiful and quiet on the balcony, with the stars shining and the full moon kissing the sky. It was a site that demanded silence.
"Isn't it beautiful?" Dearka said, not looking at the man behind him. The man who the was object of his obsession. When Yzak didn't answer him, he continued. "Isn't it beautiful how the moon seems to be kissing the sky, almost as if it's kissing it goodnight and wrapping a blanket of stars around the world."
"Dearka, how may drinks did you have" Yzak asked the man, who had a bottle of something in his hand.
"A lot," was Dearka's answer.
"It's time to go home," Yzak said.
"'Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry? Have you ever needed something so bad you can't sleep at night? Have you tried to find the words, but they don't come out right?'" Dearka started singing.
"What?" Yzak asked.
"It's a song I heard. It seems to fit perfectly," Dearka said bitterly and threw the empty bottle over the balcony. He smiled in satisfaction as it crashed and shattered all over the pavement three stories down.
"Dearka, stop it! You're talking in riddles," Yzak said. Truth be told, Dearka was scaring him. "It's time to go home," he finished more quietly. Dearka laughed, it was a bitter, empty laugh.
"Yzak, don't you see?" he said and finally turned to look at him. Yzak took a few steps back. Dearka's smirk, along with the moon light reflecting on his face, was terrifying.
"See what?" Yzak had no idea what the other man was talking about. "You're drunk Dearka. Let's go home and you can rest, then we can talk tomorrow," Yzak tried to reason with him.
"You don't, do you," Dearka sighed. He looked at the moon then back at Yzak. "You wanna' know what's funny?" Dearka said. "Love and hate are on different sides of the spectrum, yet, they're so much a like. You can love someone with so much passion, and yet at the same time, hate them with just as much passion. It was something I never really understood until recently. I used to think that if you loved someone, you could never hate them. But how wrong I was.
"Dearka, what the hall are you talking about?" Yzak nearly yelled.
"I love you Yzak," he said, "and I hate you." Dearka whispered and sat on the ledge of the balcony. Yzak was dumb stricken, all this time Dearka loved him. He knew the man in front of him cared for him, but did the feelings really run that deep? Was Dearka really that drunk? Did he, Yzak, love Dearka back, if that's what the blond truly meant?
The answer was simple.
"You have nothing to say?" Dearka interrupted Yzak's thoughts.
"I'm sorry," Yzak looked away from Dearka. The blond wasn't in the right state of mind for an answer.
"I've waited ten years to say that, and all you have to say is , 'I'm sorry'," Dearka said bitterly. Yzak still didn't look at him. Dearka laughed again. "It's all right, I knew you didn't love me." He looked over the balcony again at the broken glass.
"Listen Dearka-" Yzak was interrupted by the blond.
"It's all right, you don't have to explain," Dearka said sadly and stood on the balcony railing. "It's going to end soon."
"Wait, Dearka," Yzak said and started running over to the other man. Was he really going to jump? No, Dearka would never do anything that cowardly, would he? Yzak wasn't too sure as Dearka started walking on the railing.
"I'm going to make it end," Dearka said. Yzak didn't know if he was talking to himself or talking to him. "No more pain, no more suffering, it will all be over."
"Stop Dearka. Get down, you might fall," Yzak said as he still ran the short distant to the edge. Dearka stopped walking on the ledge and looked at Yzak with so much pain and despair, with so much hate and love, that it made the platinum blond stop in his tracks.
"But that's the point," Dearka said bluntly.
Time had agonizingly slowed.
Yzak sprinted and Dearka fell backwards and meeting nothing but air. Yzak reached him, but to only graze the other man's shirt.
Yzak watched in horror as Dearka descended to the black pavement below with Yzak's tears fallowing. The moonlight making his tears glow a surreal white.
Time picked up again as Dearka's body hit the ground.
Killing him instantly.
Yzak couldn't tare his gaze away from the corps of the man he loved. His arm was still outstretched and tears drew freely from his eyes.
Dearka was dead.
The man he tried to hide his love from for the passed ten years was dead. The only person to ever get close to his heart was dead. The only person he wanted in the world was dead.
Dearka was dead.
Yzak screamed.
It was a scream that could shatter the world.
It was a scream that could tare the soul of a person.
It was a scream that could break the hearts of all who heard it.