This oneshot was heavily inspired by a post I saw on Pinterest talking about people "misdiagnosing" the symptoms of being a vampire, and I remember thinking "that's a very Simon thing to do," so this was born.

Sorry if anyone seems OOC; I haven't written these characters for a while.

Disclaimer: I don't own TMI.

Clary was certain there were at least seven patrons of the café giving her odd looks - all of which dominated the entire spectrum, from pitiful to sneering to alarmed - as she burst out laughing at a joke nobody had told her.

Of course, if she was to voice this out loud, Jace would undoubtably take offence at being referred to as "nobody".

"So, is Rat-Face not joining us today?" The Shadowhunter in question asked. She missed the edge to his voice as he said it - Simon, in all his protective nature, would probably diagnose it as jealousy.

Clary narrowed her eyes at the words though, still perfectly able to pick up on an insult towards her friend. "Don't call him Rat-Face - it's rude," she chastised. Jace shrugged, and smirked. She'd found that was a particularly infuriating thing about him - he was completely unapologetic about nearly everything he did. "And no, he won't be." She frowned. "He hasn't left the house in a while, actually."

"Why?" Jace didn't sound particularly interested, but now Clary was thinking about it seriously, she was.

"Good question." Pulling out her phone, she typed out a hasty text to Simon asking him that exact question. "So how are Alec and Isabelle?" she asked conversationally in the meantime. Jace hastened to break the silence.

"They're good. Izzy broke her wrist the other day fighting a mantid demon, but it's been healing nicely since then. She's getting increasingly pissed off that she's not allowed to leave the Institute."

Clary laughed. "I can imagine that." She'd had fewer interactions with Isabelle Lightwood than with her adopted brother - neither her nor Alec approved of Jace's decision to invest in a relationship with a mundane, even one who apparently had "the Sight" - but from what she had seen of her, the raven-haired girl wasn't one who'd take well to being cooped up for long.

Jace opened his mouth to say more, but shut it when her phone buzzed with Simon's response. She checked the screen to see her friend's message read: Thanks for waking me up. And I haven't left the house because the last time I went outside I got sunburned to a crisp.

She suppressed a smile, and typed back, You poor child. The message sent, then the other part of his text registered in her mind and she sent a follow up one: And you weren't already awake? Her phone read the time as two in the afternoon.

Sarcasm is the last refuge for the imaginatively bankrupt, Fray, said his reply. I was up all night gaming.

Ah. I'm sure your mother would be thrilled.

Ha ha. Shouldn't you be going back to your date, rather than texting me? If her friend had been there in person, she would sure he would have stressed the word "date". He liked Jace about as much as Alec liked her.

She didn't deign to respond, instead turning her phone off and turning back to Jace. "He claims to have endured horrific sunburn when he last went outside, and he was up all night last night, so apparently I woke him up," she told him, her tone equal parts dry and flippant.

"Well sunburn isn't something to be trifled with," Jace joked. "Even iratzes can't heal it, so we Shadowhunters have to be very wary of it."

She laughed. "I suppose. . . Though I've never heard it used as an excuse to never go outside before." Her mouth twisted. "It's just a shame, y'know? I haven't seen him since the start of the holidays, it would've been nice to meet up. The last I saw of him was that time he and his were performing in a weirdly nice venue. I remember he was ecstatic they'd been able to perform there." She racked her mind for the name of the small café, but it eluded her. "I can't remember what it was called. It was up by the Hotel Dumont, I remember, though."

Jace had gone oddly still. "The Hotel Dumont?" he asked, an odd undertone to his voice she hadn't heard. She nodded, and he folded his hands on the table. "Well, I hate to break it to you, Clary, but I think your dear Rat-Face might have been Turned."

Silence reigned for a second, second only to confusion. ". . .What?"

Jace made an impatient noise. "I mean, he's a vampire. Probably Turned that very night, after the performance."

She opened her mouth, but all words had fled, replaced with an abject denial and - most inexplicably - dread. "What?" Jace didn't bother to answer this time. "How? We were just walking back innocently as a group. . ." She trailed off, eyes going wide. "Simon decided to branch off and do some exploring. Eric joined him. I had to get home, so-"

"That's probably when it happened, then," Jace finished for her, smoothly leaning back in his chair. One might think he was treating this matter lightly, but his face was of the utmost severity. "This Eric is probably a fledgling vampire now as well."

Clary was still trying to wrap her mind around the whole idea of her best friend becoming a supernatural (dead) nocturnal being that drank blood to survive. "This is. . . unexpected." A breath, then, "Why wouldn't he have told me?"

"Maybe he doesn't know himself," Jace supplied helpfully. "It's possible that his mind blocked out everything of the traumatic experience as a coping mechanism - he might not remember any of the rebirth, or even who Turned him. I doubt it's because he doesn't trust you."

"My best friend could be a vampire without knowing it," she mused. Now she was getting really weird looks from the other customers. "Huh."