A/N: I tried to figure out what was going on in captain Byakuya Kuchiki's mind during these two scenes… Why he has to torture his beloved Renji so much :(( I figured he has no other option.
(Chapter 99: After Ichigo defeated Renji, Byakuya told Hinamori and Kira not to call the 4th devision but to throw his injured lieutenant into jail, since he had had no reason to lose fighting alone.)
(Chapter 144: Byakuya defeats Renji and leaves him dying.)
Chapter 99: Dead Black War Cloud
I felt like breaking my own pale and calm face for saying such a thing about Renji. That Renji who had put himself in grave danger countless times among the years working under me. That Renji with amazing combat skills and a cocky attitude. That Renji I had slowly developed certain feelings for.
But what could I have done for him with the noble blood in my veins? I am a captain, and a captain cannot just collapse on the floor and cry for help for the one he loves, scream for someone to come and prevent the light from fading from behind the eyes of a soldier who has failed his mission.
A captain cannot cry. But he can walk away.
Chapter 144: Rosa Rubicundior, Lilio Candidior
"Congratulations. Your fang actually reached me", I said coolly and walked away, once more. I walked away from a man I had killed. Renji. I had killed my Renji.
Not even a slightest frown got through my ice-cold expression, although inside I was bawling like a mere infant. My body was aching to turn back to my subordinate, to hold him like he was my own child dying in agony. My whole being cried and pleaded for me to run back and squeeze his body against mine so hard they could actually merge.
But a captain has got responsibilities. He has to leave his subordinate's broken, blood-soaked body behind and continue on with his duties.
All I can do is to wish my scarf will warm him up in his last, shivering, desperately lonesome minutes and that one day I will forget how his smile was the only thing that really mattered to me.
A captain cannot shed one tear.