Wistfulness and Madness

Summary: Hakuei wonders why the Kou Empire turned out this way, and muses about her relationship with the oracle.
Warning: Language and Adult Themes.
Got inspired to write this after reading the War Woman by TouchofFever, the idea just popped into my head.

Disclaimer: I don't own Magi

Sometimes when Hakuei dreams, there are times when she remembers the past, back when her father and brothers were still alive. It is then that a small part of her wishes never to wake because what greets her when she wakes up is made up of the same things as nightmares. Her mother is now empress, no, that is wrong. Her mother as Al Sarmen's witch, has become a tyrant in the throne of Kou, her cousins have become belligerents, and her own brother has become difficult to reach, to put things mildly.

But if that wasn't bad enough, Kou currently had a hostile relationship with other countries and nations. Though what took the proverbial cake was that among all this, she could do absolutely nothing. She had a position as a general in the military and was an imperial princess, sure, but that hardly ever gave her any real power within the royal court of Kou. At best, all she could do was to offer counsel to her family, but they usually paid her words or warnings no heed.

On some days when they actually attempt to hear her out, it just tries her temper. But on most days, she just wants to scream and shake her cousins and brother, until they open their eyes to the real state of Kou. She refrains though, simply because if all else, she should stay calm and sane for the sake of the empire. Since it obvious that no one else will, but as the days go by, she wonders if that is still true, especially during the nights; because it is then that she allows madness incarnate into her chambers.

It is when the moon has already risen high in the sky that he comes, and just like any other time, no matter how deeply asleep she was previously she would wake once the balcony doors open and he walks into her chambers. Wordlessly, he goes over to her bed and lies down next to her. She, for her part, says and does absolutely nothing, already completely used to their routine. He says nothing, but he hums lightly as he takes in her face with small beads of sweat and slightly ragged breathing.

"You're pretty lucky that I decided to come here tonight, eh, Hakuei?" It is her first words to him for that night and will most probably be the last one she'll be hearing for a while as he bites the exposed skin of her neck and begins to suck lightly. A small moan escapes her lips then, and her hands proceed to bury themselves in his raven colored hair, bringing him even closer to her. Soon, his hands are roaming all over her and under her sleeping robes, and she allows that.

Just like she allows herself to forget, even if it is just momentarily all of her troubles, of how her mother made another ridiculous imperial order, of how she hasn't been able to talk or even see Hakuryuu for the last couple of days, and how her cousins have ignored her words again and are planning on conquering another country as if there weren't more pressing concerns in their own country. Her breathing hitches when his hands are in the right, or is it the wrong places?

She's isn't completely sure anymore, to be honest. While what they were doing is something a proper princess should never dream of, she really couldn't say that she was like the stereotypical princesses. But she did reject his advances, and even resisted him at first. Instead of being discouraged though, he became amused at how she continued to struggle against what he knew was a battle she couldn't win. It then became a new game to him, one that he made her play for a month before ending it one night.

It was the first night that he entered her chambers in the middle of the night. That time, she had absolutely enough of him and was planning on blasting him out with the power of her Djinn Equip, regardless of the fact that he was the one who raised her dungeon. But then he did the last thing she expected, and managed to catch her off guard. Even before she could raise her fan, he simply waved his wand and her metal vessel flew to the other side of the room, leaving her defenseless.

But that wasn't what surprised her. It had been when he held her by the waist and pulled her closer to him and did the one thing she never thought he'd resort to- he used words to try and convince her. Looking back, just the thought of the powerful and reckless oracle of Kou doing something so very mundane, so very human-like, is almost enough to make her laugh even now. She wouldn't really laugh out loud, for the simple reason that he had managed to make her give in with those very words.

His words weren't threats against the safety of her person or her family members like she had expected when he began to talk. Instead they were whispers of dark promises, uttered like sweet nothings one would say to their lover. He promised her freedom from the risk of being married off as a political tool; because the oracle's word was as good as law. He told her that this didn't have to lead to anything, and that she didn't need to change or give up her position as a general because of this.

Both were already tempting on their own, but the straw that broke the camel's back was when he promised that he'd be a distraction for her and help her relieve all her pent up feelings. She stopped struggling against his hold then and let him lead her into the bed where he took her first, second, third, and she lost count after that. There, she found a way to vent out all the anger and frustration she had kept on bottling up and after all was said and done, she ended up remembering a conversation she had with Hakuryuu once before.

It was about a wound on her face, and at the time, he had gotten so upset, saying that for someone to injure an unmarried woman's face was an unforgivable crime. She also remembers him getting a little angry at her for not really caring about the small mar that was now etched on her face. She had wondered that same night, what he would have said to her then if he had seen how she was pressed against to the oracle's chest, her head resting on the crook of his neck and their limbs tangled together.

But just the thought of her brother finding out, is enough to make her stomach churn uneasily. If anything, he is the only one in the world that should never find out of what she does behind closed doors with Judal. She wasn't doing this out of spite or hatred; rather it was because she didn't want to disappoint him with reality, like in the same way that she had been disappointed. Though that is not to say that she wants anyone to find out about whatever she has with Judal.

Yet things don't go the way she plans, and she knows a few people have put two and two together. Seishun, her loyal second in command accidentally walked in on them one morning, and found them asleep, naked in bed together. Though he did swear to keep what he saw a secret, and while she prefers that no one find out, she'd still preferred him to a loud mouth servant any day. The only other people she knew who knew, were her cousins. Well, at least Kouen and Koumei, did.

She could tell from the way they stared at her, when they thought she wasn't looking. It wasn't a look of disgust that they kept giving her, but more like they were looking at her with a puzzled expression. But after growing up with them, she could easily decipher that the puzzlement had come from their wondering on how they could use this new development to their advantage. She guesses that she should get angry at them; but she isn't, and is just exasperated and a little annoyed instead.

She is brought out of her thoughts when his roaming mouth reaches her womanhood, and her breath hitches. Soon her cries escalate as his skillful tongue pleasures her, but just when she is so very close, he stops and pulls back. This frustrates her almost as much as the events at court, but says nothing and watches as he drinks in her form underneath him. The way she is sprawled all over the mattress with her robes completely open, the way her hair has fanned all around the pillow, and the red that marks her skin.

He smiles then, one that shows how pleased he is, something different from the feral grins she sees on his face when talking about war. A part of her aches at the mere sight, because it reminds her of when he was younger, he had been different then. Just like everyone else in her family, but somewhere along the way they all changed into people she could no longer recognize. She would laugh bitterly, at any other time, of how she only sees the Judal she knows and recognizes, in a moment of pure carnal desire.

His hand then reaches in between her legs. "So wet, Hakuei… I've had the other princesses from Kou, but they never got as wet and…" He trailed off as he brought his hand to his mouth and tasted her through his fingers. "They weren't as sweet either." He finishes as he removes his pants and wastes no time in thrusting into her. Judal is a rough lover, and she knew that, just like she knew that almost every other female cousin of hers, save for Kougyoku, had some affair with the oracle.

She remembers how the second Imperial princess, Koumi, had joked that it was a rite of passage for almost all princesses of Kou. But Hakuei knows; that Kougyoku was too much like a friend for Judal for him to go after her. He is thrusting into her, hard and fast now and it doesn't take long, not when he already got her so worked up earlier on, for her to come undone. He takes a bit longer, but once he does he lies down on top of her and just rest there for a few moments, before he sits back up and the whole cycle repeats again.

He takes her several more times that night before he finally nestles down next to her, looking very much like a sated kitten as she strokes his unbound hair. They say nothing for a while and are content on letting comfortable silence fill the room. But after some time, he breaks it a question she has been expecting. "So, what was it this time?" He asks, and she has heard the question enough times on nights, just like tonight, when he visited and she was having a nightmare, to know what he meant.

"It was just the same as usual, I dreamt that Kou would fall, and all of us would as well." She answers as she stops with her stroking and adds. "Though like you said, I guess I am pretty lucky that you woke me up before I saw the last part of the nightmare." The last part being how fire would consume her entirely, the nightmare recurred enough times for her to know exactly what was to come next. He says nothing at first then sighs. "Just get some sleep; I'll cast a spell on you so you won't dream of anything."

She nods her head, and lays her head on his chest. As she closes her eyes and tries to get some sleep, she could hear him murmuring into her hair about how he and Kouen were going to conquer a new piece of territory tomorrow, and how they'll probably gone for a week at most. She just nods her head then too tired, to even feel annoyed. Instead choosing to cash in on the dreamless sleep he promises and lets the sound of his steady heartbeat lead her to actual rest.

When she wakes, she is alone in her bed. But aside from the mess in her sheets, there is no actual indication that what happened last night was real. Not when the marks and bruises on her skin have been healed and not when she can stand and walk just fine thanks to a magic spell. If anything, Judal did have a thoughtful side to him. Well, he was thoughtful enough to get rid of the evidence on her lest everyone finding out because of the marks that couldn't be covered up by make up or her robes.

Not that he really minded even if people did find out, but she had been insistent that no one find out because word gets around quickly in the palace and could even reach her brother, and who knew what he would do or try to do once he finds out? No, scratch that, she did know what he'd most probably do, which was why it was best for him to never find out.

She then gets up from bed, with the intention of taking a bath. When she is in the heated water though, she can't help but wonder what her relationship with Judal was. They weren't lovers; that was for sure, the motivations for whatever they had wasn't as simple as mutual romantic love. They were more like friends with benefits; though it wasn't completely true because did friends usually give their other friends headaches by declaring war on other countries? In all honesty, he wasn't her ally, but he wasn't her enemy either.

It wasn't like he purposefully stirred up trouble because he wanted to make her suffer or out of anger at her. But she also had to admit that he did help her with her nightmares, and they did mutually benefited from each other, so saying that he was kind of her ally wasn't too far off from the mark. But it is not until she had finished with her bath and is already in a clean set of new clothes that Paimon corrects her on her previous thoughts, unintentionally.

The djinn sounded both proud and smug when she broke the news, and Hakuei had almost dropped her metal vessel in shock. She had known that Paimon was a fertile djinn, but she never expected that as her master she would also become fertile enough for a life, that Judal himself had once called a very hard, if not almost impossible, to create, would start to grow within her. Yet as she touches her stomach, she can only wonder what she'll say to Judal the next time they see each other.

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