[AN: i have no idea what i'm doing (: ]
It was one of those nights. Spring was melting into summer, the nights were getting warmer, and the air carried that certain scent that made Ryou think of mysteries and adventures in distant lands. One of those nights where raw possibility seemed to crackle in the air like the distant lightning, and rain fell warmly and halfheartedly, there to make fireworks out of boring old streetlights and fragrance the air, not to dampen spirits nor deter revellers. It was after midnight, the witching hour, and Ryou already knew he wouldn't even think of sleeping tonight.
Most nights he liked being at home, where it was quiet and comfortable and where he could make his own food the way he liked it. But not nights like these - nights like these were for being out. For exploring, and prowling, and watching. And what Ryou was prowling for tonight was stories. He sat in the little cafe with his coffee and his blank notepad and watched all the little stories play out around him. He filled in the details he couldn't see with his own imagination. He wrote nothing down - only things that could be incorporated into his characters or campaigns got written down, but he watched. It was an old habit leftover from his lonelier days, to watch people interacting and drink in the details of their lives together - casual quips between the waitresses, the flirtations of new couples, the secret glances between siblings… Ryou had a hunger for human contact that could never quite be sated, even though he always felt separate from it … an observer, but never a participant. That line of thinking still hadn't really faded, even though he had friends now. He wasn't sure he'd ever really feel connected to people - the same way scar tissue never fully healed, Ryou wondered if he'd been alone so long that he would always feel alone.
So on nights like these, he went out and watched.
If lightning hadn't flashed across the sky at exactly the right moment, he might probably have never looked out the window, and he would have missed the sight of a familiar figure entirely.
But lightning did flash, and Ryou did glance out the window, and he did see Jounouchi stalk past, head bowed and hands shoved into his pockets.
Ryou leaped to his feet, a happy bubble of delight blooming in his belly. It was one of those nights, and Possibility had placed a friend in his path. At this moment life was good and sweet, and even though Jounouchi wasn't Ryou's closest friend, he was good company, and had a way of livening things up with an effortlessness Ryou both adored and envied. Interesting things happened when Jou was around.
Like a child hearing the call of Faerie, Ryou grabbed his blank notebook and ran out into the night.
It was one of those nights. Jounouchi's head throbbed and the grazes on his hands stung. Something got under people's skin on nights like these, and his father was no exception. Neither was he, if he were honest.
Probably coulda gone without the smart remarks. Shoulda kept my head down like usual. Shouldn'ta taken the bait.
I keep forgetting I can't fight back anymore.
But damn, the look on his face…
The grin slid off his face like the rain rolling down his cheeks. He didn't want to feel this way. He didn't want to be happy that he'd insulted his father. He hadn't cared a few years ago, and back then he hadn't been afraid to throw a few punches of his own either, let the old bastard get a taste of what he was dishing out…
But that was before he'd made friends with Yugi and the others. And it was also before he'd noticed how sickly and frail his father was looking … how thin he was, his papery wrinkled skin and the hang-dog look about his face... How his once lean arms, the arms of a proud and hardworking family man, had become bony and wasted. He could still hurt Jounouchi - getting kicked in the gut or shoved into a wall or having someone crack a bottle over your head … when someone hits you, really hits you, it always hurts. But there was less and less power behind those blows these days.
The fact was, Jounouchi wouldn't fight back anymore because after all the years of drowning in drink and heartache, his father had become weak - and Jounouchi stubbornly refused to lay a hand on someone who was weaker than himself. It was stupid, yeah, but Jounouchi didn't know how else he was going to get through the last of his adolescence with his sanity intact if he couldn't hold on to this last shred of himself - this idiotic and stubborn sense of nobility.
I won't let this change me, he had told himself over and over again, clenching his fists protectively over his face so he wouldn't lash them out like he used to. The truth was, Jounouchi was frightened of what it might mean, who he might become, if he turned on his father now. He didn't want that on his conscience and he didn't want to test that slope - not after surviving for so long, not after dragging himself out of Hirutani's gang, and not after all the dramatic speeches he'd made about not fighting an opponent that was weaker than you… not after all the shit he'd put Yugi through in the past - no, he pushed that shameful thought away.
Can't look back. Gotta keep moving forward.
Gotta find somewhere to pass the night.
The rain was gentle and pleasant after the unbearably stuffy apartment, but it was going to be a problem if he couldn't find some kind of shelter. He thought about calling Honda or maybe Yugi, but he rejected the idea immediately. He'd already crashed at their places too many times and his pride couldn't take the humiliation of another midnight call.
His hands clenched in his pockets now. Nights like these, electrical late spring midnights pregnant with change, tickled the back of his neck and made his hands twitch. He felt agitated, like a caged animal. Like something stretched taut and ready to snap. It was a dangerous feeling and Jou didn't know what else to do with it except walk it off and try to avoid his dad for a few days.
"Jounouchi!"
Jou stopped dead. He knew that breathless voice but he didn't want to turn around. He didn't want to hear Ryou's questions and he wanted even less to give the answers. Yugi, Honda, and Anzu had seen the way he lived and had, unfortunately, met the man who'd sired him, but so far he'd managed to avoid the subject of his home life with the others and he'd hoped to keep it that way.
The fuck was Ryou doing out at this hour anyway?
"Jounouchi…? Is that you...? Um..."
There was nothing for it. He just couldn't leave a friend hanging and there was no other way out of this. He turned around and gave one of his best, most carefree patented Jou(™) smiles.
"Bakura! Good to see ya! Man, what are you doing out so late?"
It was worth turning around to see Ryou's face light up. Jou never quite forgot the sad, staggeringly lonely boy he'd met last year and he got a kick out of seeing him happy.
"I was feeling energetic, so I decided to go looking for character ideas!" Ryou blurted. "There's always interesting people to see at night."
Jou laughed good naturedly. "No doubt. Find anything good?"
Ryou shook his head. "Nothing I can really use so far. I was just thinking I could use some company. Join me?"
"Yeah! Crazy running into each other like this, huh?"
"On a night like this? Hardly," Ryou said airily. Jounouchi had no idea what he meant, but Ryou said inexplicable things all the time. It was weird and sometimes awkward, but Jou liked it. Whether it was people or ideas, Jou had to admire the fact that Ryou wasn't scared of things that different. Anyway he could kinda see what Ryou meant. There was something in the air.
"I bet, on a night like this," Ryou continued as they walked, "I bet the Fae are out. Little children shouldn't sleep near the window on nights like these."
"I'm gonna regret asking, but why not?"
Ryou's black eyes lit up with morbid delight. "Well, they take children away. Some Fae even eat them. Or so they say."
Jou felt a chill. "So they're like ... monsters?"
Ryou laughed, softly. "Yes. Yes, they're monsters."
"But I mean," Jou laughed awkwardly, "They're not, like, real or anything. Right?"
"Who knows," Ryou said dismissively, looking at the shop windows. "This place is open, let's get something to drink."
They went up to the counter to order and the bottom dropped out of Jounouchi's guts.
"Shit. I forgot my wallet."
"No problem, I can pay," Ryou said cheerfully, eyes roving the menu board and display shelves. "Ah~! Those cakes look great. I'll get some to take home."
Jounouchi flushed a little and grunted a thank you. The worst part was, he realised, even if he'd remembered his wallet, it wouldn't have made a difference. It was near the end of the month and he had no fucking money left anyway. He ordered plain black coffee and tried to calm the hell down. It was just coffee. Friends bought each other coffee all the time. No big deal. Not expensive. Certainly not for Ryou.
They walked with their drinks beneath Ryou's umbrella and made pleasant talk. Jounouchi forgot his wounded pride for a while - forgot about his father and his shitty apartment and the ever-mounting debt. Forgot to look over his shoulder for members of his old gang. Their feet took them on a meandering path through the streets, but Ryou took him through the deep twisted woods of Faerie, with all the gruesome details of the archaic versions of the common folk tales. Somehow it led them down into the dank dungeons of the latest campaign Ryou was working on. By the time they'd made it to Ryou's apartment building, they'd somehow ended up in Middle Earth, a place Ryou said he'd been meaning to show Jounouchi.
"- you'd be a Rider of Rohan for sure," Ryou was saying, reaching up to flick a lock of Jounouchi's blond hair. "You even look like one. And they're noble, honest and stubborn, just like you."
"Yeah, that sounds like me. Okay, how about you? What would you be?"
"I would be a Wizard," Ryou said, shifting the bag of groceries he'd bought so he could carry it on his hip like a baby. "For a while I thought maybe I'd like to be an elf, living in Lothlorien, but like the idea of being a wizard better."
"What's Lothlorien?"
Ryou started for the concrete stairs leading up the side of the building. "We can watch the movies, you'll see," he said excitedly. "I didn't expect you to read the books yet but I can't believe you still haven't gotten around to watching the movies. I've been begging you to for ages," he added sulkily.
Jounouchi had stopped walking.
"Uh," he started awkwardly, running a hand through his hair. "Maybe not tonight." Jounouchi wasn't sure why he wasn't taking this golden opportunity to spend the night somewhere warm and dry where he'd actually be welcome, but he just … couldn't. Something in him rebelled at the idea. He didn't want to eat Ryou's food, use Ryou's laundry for his wet clothes, sleep on Ryou's couch, get too rowdy and disturb Ryou's neighbours… he didn't want to make trouble. He'd already had the coffee. Spending the night was too much.
"I, uh. I gotta get home. Dad's prob'ly worried by now. I said I wouldn't be long when I left, so…"
The night didn't feel so warm anymore. The four feet of distance between himself and Ryou suddenly felt … vast. It's the first time I've ever lied to his face like that, Jou realised with a sinking feeling. That was the thing about friendships - they were all so pleasant when they started out. Pleasant and perfect. Jou realised something had changed between them in that moment. He'd made his first real fuckup, and he instantly wanted to take it back. It was such a small thing but … he knew things were never going to be the same.
It's the start, something in him said. Say goodbye to everything you ever thought you knew about Bakura Ryou. From now on, it gets real. In that moment it seemed like a veil had been lifted from his eyes and Jou could see the coming years stretched out before them; awkward, messy years, dotted with aches and pains, misplaced intentions and misguided deeds and misunderstood words; mountains of tiny frustrations and failures and so, so many aggravations, and a whole load of guilt. Mistakes. And we can't avoid it now.
Ryou's eyes were hard and glittering for a moment, and in that second Jou had to wonder how the fuck he could possibly know, when Ryou's face softened into one of his weirdly melancholy smiles.
"You're a terrible liar, Jounouchi," he said gently, but plainly. Just standing there, regarding Jou with a thoughtful look, and stating facts. "You're not very practised. It's why we all love you so much. You're upfront, and honest."
Jou felt rooted to the spot while the midnight street moved around them. He could never understand how Ryou could say such embarrassingly personal things so bluntly with no regard for who could hear them, but it was admirable - powerful, in a way.
"So. Let's be upfront and honest about the fact that you're hurt, and you can't go home tonight."
"I guess the others told you," Jou muttered, running a hand through his damp hair in frustration.
"Nobody told me," Ryou snorted. "I figured it out myself. Until just now I wasn't sure if the others knew, but I've known for a long, long time."
Ryou stepped down off the staircase and closed the distance between them, holding the umbrella over the two of them. "I realised what must have happened tonight ages ago. I've kind of been leading you home the whole time. I really hoped you'd fall for it, but you really are stubborn and proud. But now it's all out in the open, which is much better. Come upstairs."
Jou grimaced. "I can't. It's nothing personal. It's just … it's my stuff, y'know? You shouldn't have to deal with it."
"Jounouchi. I didn't buy all this food just for me and it's stupid to let it go to waste. Besides," Ryou stared directly into Jounouchi's eyes, unblinking. "I'm really happy I met you tonight. I actually hate being alone more than anything. Just come inside."
Jounouchi slowly closed his eyes, exhaling. Relenting. When he opened them again he was smiling.
"Alright. Anything for a friend, right?"
Ryou nodded in a satisfied way and all but marched Jounouchi up the stairs to his apartment. He walked behind, like he expected Jou to make a dash for it and wanted to block his path. Or moreover, like a flustered and put-upon mother duck.