By Joeb
disclaimer: this is not intended to be serious at all anywhere ever anywhere ever anywhere ever anywhere how... also SSBM isn't owned by me... Ajax is just a name that means something like "mourner of Earth" or something like that so I like the name so I threw it in there... whatever...
its been a hell of a long time and I'm actually learning the proper way to do flash and crap and me and a friend of mine have plans for webcomics and animations and the like... that's where I've been...
"I aught not be ashamed" Captain Falcon said in an ashamed manner of mannerism and manner.
"Where are your manners!?" Zelda shouted, having caught Captain Falcon in the act.
"I used manner like, three times in that last sentence! What are you talking about where are my manners!?" Captain Falcon screamed.
"Fine! Just answer me this, why did you do it?" Zelda asked.
"It sounded like fun when I read the pamphlet!" Captain Falcon appealed.
"You mean there was a pamphlet for this sort of thing!?" Zelda asked in shock.
"Don't you emphasize words with me you emphasizer!" Captain Falcon yelled.
"Why the hell is everyone making so much noise!?" Ness asked, breaking into the room to see what the trouble was. He was shocked and appalled to see what Captain Falcon had gotten himself into.
"I have no regrets!" Captain Falcon shouted.
"I do" Ness cried, vomiting a little in his mouth. This was followed my lots of vomiting in his mouth, which was filled with vomit at this point, and exploded from all the pressure of that vomit.
"Now look what you did!" Zelda screamed.
"He's the one that did it! I didn't vomit for him!" Captain Falcon cried.
"It's not like its any worse in here than it already was, but you did kill Ness, and you will have to be punished for it." Zelda ponderingly said.
"There you go with your emphasis again!" Captain Falcon screamed.
"Don't you even think about telling me I'm the bad person here! You're the one who made this mess!" Zelda screamed.
"All I've done, I've done for my country!" Captain Falcon stated patriotically.
"All you've done aught to convince your country to revoke your 'Captain' status!" Zelda retorted.
"Why are you being so mean to me?" Captain Falcon pleaded.
"You deserve much worse than what I've said!" Zelda screamed.
"I think I deserve forgiveness," Captain Falcon stated.
"Does anyone even care what you think?" Zelda asked.
And with that, Captain Falcon and Zelda fell in love.
"I'm going out for some groceries honey!" Zelda said, and took the car.
"Don't leave me!" Captain Falcon cried.
Zelda left him.
Just then Fox walked into the room and slipped on the mess Captain Falcon had made out of things.
"Is that a dead Ness?" Fox asked hungrily, not noticing that he had slipped.
"Of course it is, silly!" Captain Falcon said.
Fox ate the dead Ness, filling his bowels with warmth and stickiness.
Captain Falcon vomited.
"You seem to have problems with your HARD DRIVE Captain Falcon…" Fox said suggestively.
Ness gave Fox explosive nausea. It was fatal. Let us have a moment of silence for our departed.
Zelda got back from the store and noticed this silence. She was angered. She divorced Captain Falcon.
"But we never even got married!" Captain Falcon screamed.
"Whatever!" Zelda screamed.
It was then that the TV flickered on.
"I thought that was broken, like everything else in this room," Zelda said.
"I thought your face was broken!" Captain Falcon shouted manically.
The Animaniacs were on.
"I thought this show was cancelled years ago," Zelda said.
"I thought your face was cancelled!" Captain Falcon bellowed.
Just then the TV got a life of its own, and turned itself to the news.
"This just in! Video Games were the cause of 9/11! We know this because Hilary Clinton said so!" a new reporter dood said.
"I like partisan politics!" Captain Falcon said with a cheery voice.
"I like recycling, but that doesn't mean you see me doing it!" Zelda screamed and ran out, her emotions having been damaged for all eternity.
"That's because you're a phony!" Captain Falcon yelled. He then got the urge to yell synonyms. "A fraud! A falsification! A lie! A liar! A nonexistent piece of literature!"
Zelda didn't hear any of this, because she had already left. Captain Falcon was just being silly.
Ajax ran into the room.
"Who are you and why do I care?" Captain Falcon asked, he then laughed for several minutes and proceeded to tell all his friends in real life and on the Internet about how he had said something so hilarious and witty.
"I'm Ajax! I'm a falsification too! I thought we might have a lot in common and was wondering if we could talk about how wonderful 'The Daily Show' is," Ajax said.
"Wow, I've never seen anything that phony!" Captain Falcon shouted.
"Did you just use emphasis? You hypocrite!" Ajax shouted.
"Talking is so freaking dull. Can I actually do something now? This room is making me nauseous" Captain Falcon complained.
A hoard of bandits ran into the room and slapped Captain Falcon one at a time because he was complaining too much.
"Alright, I agree. Let's go on an adventure and quit with the talking!" Ajax said.
Captain Falcon and Ajax then proceeded to continue on their way towards the goal that was the kitchen. Fun adventures always took place there. There was also a rumor that Zelda, in her infamous cooking experiments, had created a sentient being out of ketchup.
"It's time for some fun!" Ajax yelled.
"Less talking, more action!" Captain Falcon unsaid.
While adventures were had in the kitchen, Zelda walked into the room Captain Falcon had made a mess of in order to apologize for her disorderly conduct. She mistook the splatter marks created by Fox's death as Captain Falcon, and began to explain her thoughts to them.
"You see, the problem is my mother. We used to talk a lot, but recently she stopped calling. I was feeling lonely, and took it out on you. I'm so sorry about everything. My mom was a cheerleader, and that's why…" Zelda rambled on and on to those splatter marks.
Meanwhile, Captain Falcon and Ajax had found a pile of gravy, and were pretending it was a communist insurgent. Captain Falcon was in the middle of using water and a toaster to try and get the gravy to talk.
"Tell me what you know about the Himmerson files!" Captain Falcon yelled, beating the gravy over the head with the toaster while sprinkling water on it.
"I know what will make it talk! I'll get the hot sauce!" Ajax yelled. He ran for the fridge, but missed and instead ran headfirst into the oven. The oven was open at the time, and Ajax's head evaporated from the heat.
"Noooo!" Captain Falcon cried. "Oh whatever I'm over it. Just tell me where you were at 7:45pm on the third day of the month of April seventeen years ago, else I'll have to hurt someone"
This whole ordeal had gone unnoticed by Zelda, who was still talking with the splatter marks Fox had left.
"…So then my problem was that the gun wasn't loaded, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't kill myself. So then I went to the store and told them they needed to reload my gun, and they told me they didn't serve annoying people. I was like sad and stuff, so I told them they were ugly. They began to listen after that, but…" Zelda just kept rambling on and on.
By this point, the splatter marks were getting sick of listening to Zelda. Sadly, they were splatter marks, and couldn't do much about it.
Captain Falcon walked into the room Zelda was in, and misinterpreted the scene as meaning that Zelda was cheating on him with Fox. Zelda noticed his surprise, but mistook him for splatter marks from some explosive nausea.
"Wow, it looks like somebody had some explosive nausea!" Zelda said in a voice that was too cheery for even the lamest of commercials.
"Don't make fun of my condition!" Captain Falcon cried, thinking Zelda was talking about the bumps on his face.
"Ew! Talking nausea! That's the worst kind! I better call a maid or somebody to clean this up!" Zelda said and pulled out a cell phone.
"Is that what I think it is?" Captain Falcon asked.
"No it isn't a defibrillator, you idiot!" Zelda shouted.
"Who said I thought it was a defibrillator?" Captain Falcon asked.
"I saw it in your eyes, and I instantly knew" Zelda said.
With this Zelda called the maid's office, and got them to send a maid down with a side order of onion rings.
"Ooh, I like onion rings!" Captain Falcon giggled.
"Maid with side order of onion rings! That'll be seven ninety-five!" a maid said, walking into the room. When she noticed what had gone on in the room, she vomited all over Zelda's new dress.
"Here you go," Zelda said, handing the maid the money, apparently not noticing that her dress had been vomited all over. "Thanks for coming so quickly!"
"Yeah whatever shut up and let me do my job!" the maid yelled, handing Zelda the onion rings.
For the next seven hours Zelda and Captain Falcon got into a fight over the last onion ring while the maid struggled to scrub away a splatter mark. After that seven hour long period the maid had cleaned everything except Zelda's dress.
"Aren't you going to clean my dress?" Zelda asked.
"I vomited on you after having made the deal to clean the house, so it's not my responsibility" the maid said and then left.
"Well, today has been quite an eventful day" Zelda said.
"Do you forgive me?" Captain Falcon asked.
"Hell no! You're a terrible person! I'm going to hunt down everyone who's ever known you, starting with me!" Zelda screamed fanatically.
"Aww…" Captain Falcon sighed, looking down at his feet, which hadn't been washed in seventeen years and could be classified in certain situations as fine art.
Zelda, ignoring Captain Falcon, pulled out a knife, and tore her neck and face apart. With her dying breath, she coughed out. "May this be a warning to you all…"
"No!" Captain Falcon cried. He had lost all his friends in a matter of hours. Nothing could make him feel any worse than he felt right now.
Just then the TV flickered on. "This just in, Family Guy has been cancelled!"
Ok, now nothing could make him feel any worse.
WOOTJNER
I don't know who will review this... all I know is I enjoyed writing it... and it was also an english project that I was really lazy on and so I did this because I'm better at fanfiction than original short stories (in my opinion at least, though I know several freaky people who would violently oppose me on that issue)
Anyway... thanks to anyone who has been wierd enough to like my stories...